The Magic of Christmas

‘Mam, Dad,’ Bethany wailed. ‘Our Sue said I can’t have anything to eat, and I’m starving hungry.’

‘Don’t be stupid,’ Rosie said to her youngest daughter, ‘Just go and get a bowl of cornflakes or something, and stop being so dramatic.’

‘That’s what I told her to do,’ Sue said huffily, ‘but madam here wants me to cook her bacon and eggs. I told her what she could do with the bacon, and she took off on me.’

‘I didn’t. I didn’t,’ wailed Bethany. ‘Mum, she’s lying, trying to get me in trouble.’

‘I’m not Mam,’ Sue countered, ‘she thinks cos she’s Santa’s daughter everyone has to bow and scrape to her, well I’m not, she’s an ungrateful little cow who…’

‘Enough!!,’ Travis shouted. ‘I’ve just about had it up to my eyeballs today. I’ve enough on my plate without coming home to you two fighting. Any more and I’ll drag you through that doorway and let the Elves have you.’

‘But Dad,’ wailed Bethany again, ‘she said…’

‘And I said enough,’ Travis said quietly his voice filled with such menace that even Bethany took notice of him.’

‘Sorry Dad,’ Bethany said, her wailing replaced by a sniffle of her nose and a crocodile tear that she wiped dramatically away from her eyes with the back of her hand.

‘You two are going to have to behave yourselves,’ Travis said to his daughters. ‘Things are heating up inside the Village and the next few weeks are going to be very busy.’

’Anything we can do Dad? Sue asked.

‘Yeah,’ Travis replied as a flash of insight set light bulbs in his head popping. ‘We’re having a competition to find three kids who are going to win a four-day holiday with us in the Village. You two can help me pick the winners.’

‘Oh yeah Dad,’ Bethany said jumping up and down; the crocodile tears seemingly forgotten. ‘What do we have to do and can I tell me mates on Facebook?’

‘You do nothing yet,’ Travis replied, ‘wait until all the entries are in and then you and Sue can go through them, and the answer is No! to Facebook.’

‘Not fair,’ she sulked.

‘Fair or not young lady,’ Rosie said pushing her out of the bedroom. ‘Go and tidy your room, after that we go shopping, you need a new skirt for school and we might as well get it now before the price goes up again.’

To be fair to the Elves, once they began an undertaking they were quick and efficient implementing ideas and suggestions Travis made to them. It surprised him at first given the illogical and irrational way they acted when first confronted with issues. The competition hit the media a week after the meeting of the Elves Council; it called for children under the age of Fifteen to write to Santa requesting an application form, stating it was open to all, believers and none believers alike, especially those who truly believed in Santa Claus.

The Chief Elf woke Travis asking for an urgent meeting, the panic evident in his shaking voice at having to confront Travis with more bad news; the papers had only just hit the newsagents and less than an hour later, complaints had started rolling in from the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, and Arnold. To compound matters, Cedric, the Union Elf also had a complaint to make. Dreading the meeting, Travis pushed open the door of the Chief’s office to be met by a wall of sound. As usual, it took fifteen minutes to calm everyone down before Travis, nerves shot to hell and his temper rising could ask what was going on.

‘There is no mention of me in the advert or the competition,’ the Tooth Fairy stated indignantly.

‘That’s because it isn’t a Tooth Fairy competition,’ Travis said resigned to a morning’s chaos. ‘It’s a Christmas competition to try and get kids to believe in me, Santa Claus.’

‘What about my teeth, I need children with bad teeth to believe in me or my magic will die. It’s alright for you getting them to believe in Christmas but what about me,’ she wailed.

‘Once we have the winners here,’ Travis said patiently, ‘they will meet you and then be able to tell everyone about you, just like they’ll be able to tell everyone about Christmas and the Easter Bunny.’

‘Well I’m not convinced,’ she stated flatly, staring at Travis. ‘How can I be when your own daughter hasn’t put a tooth under her pillow for years?’

‘She hasn’t lost a tooth for years,’ Travis replied shaking his head. ‘What do you want me to do, go home and knock some teeth loose for you?’ he added sarcastically.

‘It would be a start,’ she replied seriously, ‘but I must take issue with you in not having done so before now.’

‘Fairy,’ Travis said through gritted teeth. ‘If you think for one minute I’m going home to hit my daughter hard enough to loosen her teeth, just so they fall out and you can put 50p under her pillow, you have another think coming.’

‘Well you suggested it!’ she said indignantly, ‘but,’ she hastily added seeing the look on Travis’s face, ‘if you object to that course of action, I suppose I can agree to meet the competition winners to convince them to spread my services to the world.’

‘Next,’ Travis snapped as he gave the Tooth Fairy a cold hard stare.

‘Erm, Me,’ the Easter Bunny raised a tentative hand. ‘When the winners visit the Village,’ he began after receiving a frosty glare off Travis, ‘it will be mid-August and my downtime so I won’t be able to meet them.’

‘And,’ Travis asked a little perplexed as to where the Bunny was heading with his statement.

‘And,’ the Tooth Fairy interjected seriously, ‘if they don’t meet the Easter Bunny they won’t get any of his chocolate and their teeth won’t go bad.’

‘And,’ the Easter Bunny said ignoring the Tooth Fairy much to Travis’s delight. ‘I need your assurance that I will not be overlooked and the winners will be made aware of my services to mankind.’

‘You have it,’ Travis replied with relief. ‘Next,’ he almost barked.

‘My members weren’t consulted about the wording of the competition advert,’ the Union Elf stated. ‘As such, we feel aggrieved at our treatment and demand compensation in the form of hot chocolate allowances and drink breaks. We want an added ten-minute break when the winners are being shown around the Village.’

‘You should take that up with the legal department,’ Travis said. ‘They’re the ones responsible for placing the adverts and making sure the wording is correct and legal. I don’t have any input into it.’

‘Point of order Chief,’ the Union Elf said standing to his feet. ‘There he goes again; he’s not negotiating and his dismissive attitude towards the Elves is quite concerning. He’s a dictator!’

‘I’m sorry Cedric,’ the Chief said to the Union Elf, ‘but this time Santa is in the right. Following the Elves Council meeting, he sought my advice on which way to proceed, and I advised him to leave everything in the hands of legal as is customary. There has been no slight, intended or otherwise, against your members.’

‘To expedite matters,’ Travis said before the red-faced Union Elf could respond to the Chief Elf. ‘If the Union agrees, I will agree to the extra chocolate break, when the winners of the competition are in here with us enjoying their win. I offer this in good faith and without prejudice.’ Travis didn’t have a clue what he was talking about; he had heard the words somewhere before and hoped they sounded intelligent enough for the Union Elf to accept, and agree to, without any more song and dance routines. He wanted this meeting over and done with.

It was clear the Union Elf didn’t know what without prejudice meant either as he stuttered his agreement to Travis’s statement.

‘We are back to our small problem,’ Arnold said after Cedric had sat down. ‘No one is sure if one or more of the winners will be a none believer. Will they, or can they, enter the Village is the question?. I have checked back through our history and as far as I can ascertain, no none believer has ever been allowed into the village. Even those selected as Santa had to be a believer before he was allowed to set foot inside our home.’

‘Then that could pose us a considerable problem,’ Travis said thoughtfully, thankful that this issue was a serious one and not more Elven idiocy. ‘Mr Solicitor, can I ask you look into this matter again and make sure that what you are saying is correct, and if so maybe look to see if it is a rule that can be broken or maybe something that Christmas magic can overcome?’

‘Certainly Santa,’ the Solicitor said, ‘I will do it right away and let you know as soon as possible.’

‘Is there anything else?’ Travis asked dreading the response.

‘Er, one thing,’ the young secretary Elf said with a small half smile on her lips that boded Travis no good will. ‘It’s young Bethany,’ she continued. ‘She seems to have latched on to me as someone to play with when Mrs C brings her through,’ she stopped gathering her thoughts while Travis dreaded what was to come. ‘Well, the thing is, I don’t mind her wanting to play with me, but she keeps trying to bring one of her friends over and gets quite irate when the magic won’t let her. Please Santa, can you have a word with her, she is very emotional at times over this and she is upsetting a few junior secretaries with some outlandish accusations?’

‘I think this is a good case for compensation,’ the Union Elf interjected, standing to his feet to command the room. ‘It is clear some members in the secretarial pool are being subjected to invasions of privacy, harassment, coercion and noise pollution. I demand...’

‘Enough!’ Travis barked. ‘In danger of being accused of not negotiating with you again, I will have a word with young Bethany and put a stop to this. The matter of compensation I will take up with the individuals concerned in the secretarial pool, I will not discuss it here.’

‘Chief, Chief,’ Cedric shouted turning to the Chief Elf. ‘There he goes again, not negotiating, just acting like a dictator laying down the law. If this attitude continues it will be an ill wind blowing through this land that will threaten our cultural heritage and reduce the Elven to slaves of his deranged mind.’

‘I agree,’ the Tooth Fairy chimed in. ‘Bethany’s friend might have rotten teeth and...’

‘That’s it!’ Travis exploded interrupting the Tooth Fairy. ‘Why is it nothing can get done around here without a song and dance from the Union or the Tooth Fairy? We face a very real threat to our existence here, and all I am trying to do is instigate something that might save us, yet every time a slight problem rears its head I have the Union and the Tooth Fairy complicating matters with half imagined conceptions of how I’m trying to resolve things. I have just about had it, so you better get it in your heads now, work with me or stay out of my way. I am not going through another morning like this one. Is that clear?’