The Magic of Christmas

The meeting started at 10 am, with Travis, after calmly trying to talk to the elves, eventually gained order at 10.15.

‘I know I’m the new boy here,’ he said standing to his feet, ‘but I’ve been left with the mission to regain some of the Christmas magic that has been lost over the years. You lot have done nothing to rectify this problem. Despite knowing about it for for decades, everything has been left to slide until projections indicate only ten years remain before we say goodbye to Christmas, and as far as I understand, we will also lose the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny. To try and counteract our magic problem I propose we hold a competition, open to all kids under the age of fifteen. We can have three categories; under-fives, five to ten year old’s and eleven to fifteen, but I’ll leave that for legal to finalise. We pick one winner from each age group; I originally wanted to invite them here for a four-day holiday, but no one seems to know if the magic will let me or not.’ He sat down, deafened by the silence that followed his speech.

The union Elf tentatively raised his hand, he knew about the way Travis had chased Oswald and was wary about saying anything that could be interpreted as controversial or inflammatory. Getting the nod from Travis to speak he stood and with a shaky voice, timidly said.

‘My members can’t be expected to work with strangers running about the place. We will require four days off in lieu for the time the strangers spend here. We want time and a half while they are here and a six-hour day with an hour’s paid lunch.’

‘No.’ Travis said uncompromisingly.

‘Then my members won’t work,’ the union Elf replied.

‘In that case,’ Travis said, ‘I leave it up to you to explain to your members why nothing is being done to solve the problem of losing the magic. While you’re at it explain why they won’t have a job or anywhere to live in ten years’ time.’

‘Point of Order!! Point of Order!!’ The union Elf shouted. ‘I’m not used to this,’ he said indignantly. ‘Santa isn’t negotiating, he’s giving orders; everyone knows he has to negotiate.’

‘He has a point Santa,’ the Chief Elf said. ‘He has given you proposals for consideration that you have dismissed out of hand. That could be seen as a slight, or even an insult to the Elven union members. In all fairness, you should have given him counter proposals to consider.’

Travis shook his head in disbelief and confusion. Visions of the morning he had spent trying to arrange this meeting rushed through his head. He shook his head once more waiting for the red mist in front of his eyes to clear. ‘My apologies Mr Union Elf,’ he said eventually, letting out a long, resigned, pent up breath at having to negotiate. ‘I have given your proposals some thought, and find them unacceptable. I can however, offer an eight-hour working day with a half hour unpaid break. Overtime rates will be paid for all time spent in excess of an eight-hour shift, and I will authorise a hot chocolate drink for all your members on completion of their day’s labour.’

‘Thank you, Santa,’ the union Elf said. ‘Apologies accepted as are your proposals. I will have the contracts drawn up and on your desk in the morning.’

‘Thank you,’ Travis said with a forced smile. ‘Has anyone else anything to contribute?’ he asked.

‘What about me,’ asked the Tooth Fairy? ‘You only mentioned a Christmas competition; my magic is failing too.’

‘What do you propose,’ Travis asked; the resignation of an impending long, hard day of talking about everything and nothing, clear in his voice.’

‘I think everyone who enters the competition has to have at least one bad tooth,’ she replied with honest conviction, ‘that way I can reward the winners with a 50p coin for every tooth they lose while they are here,’

‘Hmm,’ Travis muttered taken back by the request. ‘That might not be possible,’ he added sarcastically, ‘the good Tooth Fairy will surely understand the kids who are good and brush their teeth, are being discriminated against.’

‘What good Tooth Fairy?’ the Chief Elf asked. ‘I didn’t know we had a good Tooth Fairy.’

‘Yeah,’ the Union Elf chimed in, ‘they’re not a member of the union either so what they say has no merit at this meeting.’

Travis groaned, Rosie started giggling much to the amusement of the young secretary, whose sniggering was promising to burst into uncontrollable laughter. Cedric and Oswald looked at each other in confusion, while the Easter Bunny looked up from his calculations wondering why the Tooth Fairy was turning a brighter shade of green.

‘Who’s this good Tooth Fairy?’ she blazed, ‘no wonder my magic is going if I have to share it with a good Tooth Fairy, and why isn’t she here; is this Council meeting legal without her?’

‘Enough,’ Travis barked in a near hysterical sob. ‘I was being sarcastic; there isn’t a good Tooth Fairy. Can we just agree on holding a competition; please,’ he almost begged.

‘Does that mean everyone who enters has to have a bad tooth?’ the Tooth Fairy asked hopefully.

‘Only those over the age of twenty-five,’ Travis replied sarcastically.

‘You heard him,’ the Tooth Fairy said pointing at the union Elf. ‘Make sure it’s in that contract you’re drawing up.’

‘Are we all agreed?’ the union Elf asked looking around counting the hands that went up in agreement. ‘Carried,’ he said, ‘as requested it shall be in the contract I will have ready for Santa in the morning.’

‘Thank you,’ Travis said totally perplexed at the inner workings of the Elven Council. ‘Can I take it that the competition is also agreed to, as I suggested, and amended by the Tooth Fairy?’

He looked around the table and smiled for the first time as hands began to be raised in agreement. ‘I think that’s unanimous Chief,’ he said looking at the Elf, ‘would you be so kind as to inform the advertising department to work with the secretary and get the ball rolling?’

‘I can’t,’ the Chief replied, hurriedly adding in a panic as he saw the look of anger cross Travis’s face. ‘Sorry Santa but the advertising agency is a human one; if you release some magic to the secretary to allow her freedom of movement between here and the outside world everything will be done.’

‘You know something Rosie,’ he said to his wife when they were alone later. ‘How this place functions with that lot of clowns running the place defeats me.’

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ she smiled at him, ‘they might be unorthodox but you have to admit the job gets done. Anyway, you’re as bad; I thought the Tooth Fairy was going to have a blue fit when you mentioned the good Tooth Fairy.’

‘How was I to know they’d take what I said literally,’ he replied, ‘but what threw me was Cedric accepting my counter-proposals that leave his members worse off than they are now. They only work seven hours a day with a paid meal break, he accepted eight. I don’t know how many members he has but I can’t see them being happy.’

‘It must have been the chocolate drink,’ she smiled at him, ‘you know they’re all chocoholics. Talking of which, ask that nice little Elf, Sandea is it if she would bring us a hot drink.’

‘You can do that Rosie’. Travis said smiling as he relaxing back in his armchair. ‘Just pull the bell rope, think of Sandea and hot chocolate and I bet she’s here in a couple of minutes with one,’

Less than a minute later a knock came at the door. ‘Come in,’ Travis shouted expecting Sandea with a tray laden with hot chocolate drinks and maybe a chocolate Yule log. Instead, the door opened to let the secretary and Solicitor Elves into the room.

‘We have a problem,’ the Solicitor said.

‘What now,’ groaned Travis, ‘and where is the Chief, I thought he was the bringer of bad news and problems.’

‘He is,’ Arnold said, ‘but you scare him, so he asked me to do it.’

‘So, what’s the problem?’ Travis asked shaking his head in disbelief.

‘We can’t get insurance for the winners of the competition,’ the Solicitor replied; ‘when the insurance companies ask what the prize is, we can’t tell them, and if we can’t tell them, they can’t insure as they don’t know what to insure for.’

‘We don’t need insurance,’ Travis said a little exasperated that the Elves were already running to him with problems before the competition had even been devised. ‘If the parents or anyone else wants to see insurance papers then put it on Village paper. I’ll use Christmas magic to cover any eventuality.’

‘OK,’ Arnold replied. ‘That’s one thing out of the way. The union wants to see you, something about a seven-hour day. The rep said his members are having screaming fits.’

‘How many members has he got?’ he asked the secretary.

‘Including himself; two,’ she replied. ‘Him and his wife; he did have more but they all left after the chocolate strike of 1908.’

‘Two,’ Travis almost choked on his own saliva as Sandea entered carrying a tray with two hot chocolate drinks and a Yule log, neatly sliced on a bone china plate. ‘Why does anyone listen to him?’ he asked aloud of no one in particular.

‘Because his is the largest union in the Village and the constitution says that the largest union shall have a voice on the Elves Council,’ the Solicitor said.

‘This is a silly question I know,’ Travis said, ‘but if his two-member union is the largest, how many members does the smallest have?’

‘One of course,’ the Solicitor replied with a look of disdain at Travis.

‘Erm, how many unions are there in the Village?’ he asked tentatively.

‘At the last count in 1968, there were 80,326 unions, all except one, having one member.’ The secretary said after consulting her laptop computer.

‘Unbelievable,’ Travis said with a shake of his head. ‘So, if anything goes wrong I have to negotiate with eighty-odd thousand different Elf unions?’

‘Of course not,’ the Solicitor said giving Travis a concerned look, ‘you just negotiate with the largest union. 80,000 would take forever.’

At this point, Rosie asked the secretary and the Solicitor to leave, pleading Travis had had a long day and was overwrought. The hot chocolate calmed him a little, not a lot, but enough stop him crying on Rosie’s shoulder. The Elves were driving him mad, nothing was easy with them and they had a strange way of thinking that Travis couldn’t comprehend. Fed up, he grabbed Rosie and went home arriving in his bedroom in time to stop a fight between Sue and Bethany. ‘The day had to get better,’ Travis thought, ‘why oh why couldn’t he use magic to make things run smoothly,’