Fang

Numbers…sigh. Why humans feel the need to quantify every little part of their lives I do not understand. Jane has been teaching me numbers for the last four days and I am tired of them already. I can see from the fact that not only everything around them but each moment that passes them is numbered how important it is to humans.

Jane seems satisfied with my progress and I would hate to tell her that when she works with numbers they are so clear in her thoughts that I can simply pick the answers to her questions from her mind but I feel very guilty about doing it.

“Time for a break.” She decides. “How about some lunch?”

Grandmother had brought over some containers and I am really not interested in their contents so I simply nod and stroll around the den. My eye catches my mother’s bag standing next to my clothing cupboard. I hadn’t looked through it since the night LongFang had shown it to me. I suddenly have an idea and head over to fetch it.

I can feel Jane watching me as I arrange some of my possessions as I understand them to be now on a little shelf grandfather had put up for me. Already Grandmother had placed a picture of my mother on it for me and I feel that putting my stones and her other things here is the right thing to do.

“What are those?” Jane asks curious as ever though she is trying hard not to show it.

“This?” I ask holding up my mother’s brush pretending not to know what she is actually looking at.

“Duh not the brush.” She scoffs. “The little stones what are they for?”

“They are a gift from a very special wolf.” I shrug digging out some more items from my mother’s bag. I still don’t know what some of them are for but I am learning it is just a matter of time.

She finally gets up and crosses over to me. I inhale deeply unable to help myself. This close her scent is simply irresistible to me.

She frowns at me noticing but I pretend I hadn’t done a thing. This pretence I have to keep up around her in human form is really hard sometimes.

She leans over and picks up Sunbeam’s stone, it is the brightest one, and inspects it closely. “It’s just a stone.” She says her frown deepening.

“No, not just a stone.” I correct her gently taking it back from her and placing it again in the order I have arranged them.

“This is my pack Jane.” I try to explain but she is still frowning so I try again. Speaking out loud is harder. If we had both been in wolf form she would have simply seen what I meant.

“Each of these stones repretrend, repritresist . . .”

“Represent.” She corrects me for the umpteenth time.

“Represents a member of my wolf pack. Just before I left them I learned about hording things and my little sister SunBeam noticed my behaviour. She was very scared that I would forget her so she gathered these stones, each with a specific quality to remind me of a member of our pack. She wanted me to have something of home with me.” I sigh feeling my pack’s absence tugging at my heart.

“See this one.” I point to the one she had picked up. “It’s the same colour as the SunBeam’s fur.” I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face calling up a memory of her but as it fades I am left feeling sad and drained.

“What’s with the names?” Jane asks sounding a little too perky. At least her frown is gone now but I wish she wouldn’t act so concerned all the time. I’m sure being sad is perfectly normal when you miss your family.

“The names?” I ask for clarification shaking off my feelings of gloom for her sake.

“All of the wolfs in your pack seem to have double names why?” She is peeping at me from the corner of her eye and it makes me warm inside. She cares.

“Well in our pack we are named twice. First when we are very young the pack watches and names us according to a quality we possess or a specific talent or after an object we love or an incident we are involved in.

Like for example I am all white in my wolf form so Pale suits me. SunBeam is as the Sun on a perfect day. When she smiles you feel as if you have been Sun kissed.” The phrase ‘sun kissed’ had stuck in my head since watching a movie Jane loved and I had been trying to find a reason to use it. She seems intrigued with my explanation.

“And the second name?” She prompts when I don’t offer her more.

“When we are at least a season old we are named after a member of the pack depending on who the elders think we are most alike. SunBeam are much as her grandmother MoonBeam who sooths those around her as only the moon can soothe an agitated wolf pup.”

“Interesting she concedes.” I can see her counting softly the number of stones on the shelf.

I want Jane to know everything about my family and would love to simply shift and show her every moment I have spent with them. If I did I know she would understand me better and maybe even agree to come back home with me when I leave. Something inside of me keeps me from doing so. It’s not yet time for her to see. She is not yet ready to accept such unconditional love. Not yet but soon I hope.

“Would you like to hear more about my family?” I ask unable to hide the hopefulness that leaks into my voice. She might not be ready to see but I want her to know more about them.

She has dished up our meals and after having what she calls nuked them in the microwave machine Ian got us is sitting expectantly at the table waiting for me. I glance at the plate, it has some kind of cooked meat mixed with soft white stringy things. I think it’s called noodles but I don’t actually care. I notice that Jane has placed two human things next to my plate I do actually find edible. If I add enough cheese and hot sauce I have realized I can make almost any human food edible. Even Jane’s plate is more red and yellow than white and brown. It makes me grin and a warm feeling spreads inside me. We are alike my Jane and I at least in this.

“Sure.” She nods answering my question as I take my seat.

“WindChaser is my milk brother. I think you will like him. Everyone loves him back home. He was born to DenMother and LongFang three years, or at least that is as close as I can figure it, after I joined the pack. DenMother said she waited that long before having another pup because she was worried about me.” I smile remembering.

“Why was she worried?” Jane asks around a mouth full of cheese.

“I wasn’t growing like a normal pup does.” I shrug. “I barely grew at all before WindChaser was born. She thought I would stay a little pup forever.”

Jane snickers making me frown. “I haven’t taught you about human growth yet.” She qualifies. “Humans and Werewolf’s as well have a much longer slower life cycle than wolfs Jessie. Our young are born and considered babies until about after their first year. After that for about three years they are called toddlers then kids then teenagers and then only around twenty one they are considered adults. If I understand the wolf cycle correctly it only takes them a year to go from pup to young adult. So really you were just a pup or human toddler and it was normal for you to stay small so long.”

I smile. Jane thinks I’m normal. My smile doesn’t last long. What will she think when she finds out just how definitely abnormal I truly am?

“What happened after WindChaser was born?” She asks trying to distract me. It’s strange how she can tell when my mood turns gloomy.

“I started to grow with him and DenMother was very relieved about it.” I replay still feeling down.

“And how old is he now?” She asks twise before her question has my attention.

“He is nearing his second winter having been born in winter so in human terms he is almost a year old. Jane how old am I in human terms?”

My question startles her and she jumps up to clear the table. I have noticed that she likes to find something to keep her busy with if she does not want to answer a question right out. I like this about her. Making sure about things rather than just giving any answer.

“Jessie, I think I know but its not the same . . . I mean I know from what you have told me how many years but everything is different with you. How old are you according to the wolf pack?”

I stand and push my chest out a bit. “I am of age to start my own pack.” I inform her with pride.

“See, so to them you are a grown man to Werewolf’s again it will be different. Not a pup exactly but since we live so much longer than both humans and wolfs we don’t even consider someone grown until they are at least 50. Sure Werewolf’s marry and have families before that age but most don’t even think to settle down with a mate until they reach 100+. I think it will be best if we ask Ian.” She is out of breath and flushed.

When she gets into a subject she starts of slow but she always speeds up as thought her mouth has trouble keeping up with her brain. Speech is needless, mind links are faster and without any unnecessary long explanations.

“How old are you Jane?” The question seems rational but her reaction to it most irrational. Maybe it has something to do with her past. I stand motionless watching her sleek wolf form race from out den.