Chapter 41 - the Revalation
“I haven’t known about you for very long,” Thoridor began, “I assume it’s since you came of age, as that’s usually when the mating bond clicks. I’d heard about the mating bond clicking before, so I figured I knew what to expect. But it was different from what I had heard others describe. Royal mating bonds are usually much, much stronger than regular ones. But when ours clicked, it wasn’t like that. I only felt like all of a sudden, I was missing something. I felt it within me, a longing — almost like being homesick. But it felt distant, very far away, and unreachable.”
“And then, the dreams began. I saw glimpses of a world unknown to me — trees unlike the ones here, people — humans. And I figured, perhaps, that was it. You were human. And I was happy about it. That meant I would never meet you, and neither would my father, or my people. I decided to keep it a secret — to pretend I had no mate. And although I never saw you, I saw your home, and glimpses of your life. I felt like I began to know you, this human girl in a world far from mine. But you weren’t happy. Your thoughts felt heavy with sorrow, and guilt, and worry. One day it seemed to reach it’s peak, and I could see you for the first time. Clear as day, as you stared down at your own reflection.”
“I realized I was looking through your eyes, and you were reaching out, almost as if you wanted to touch me. You reached out, and some primal part took over. I grabbed onto your hand, pulling you to me. But then I realized what I had done, when I felt you sink into that icy water. It had been a gateway. And there were only a few places I could think of you might emerge. So I had Sol take me to the ice plains, just in time to see the Ku’lan attack you. And so I grabbed you, and took you home.”
“Part of me was relieved — I got to see you, and I instantly knew you were mine. I felt the connection grow stronger and stronger, even when you were with my mother and sister. I realized there were two things that needed to be done immediately, for your safety. I needed to seal you to me — through the blood ritual. You were human — so vulnerable, you wouldn’t last a day. The hypothermia alone might have killed you before anything else got the chance. But you were so scared. I realized telling you about the bond would likely send you running for the hills. And my father was out there. So that was the second thing — I needed to claim you before he got the chance.”
Thoridor sighed and looked at me, but I averted my eyes. The information was dizzying. I could barely keep up — but Thoridor continued.
“I made you drink my blood first. I prepared it when my mother and sister got you cleaned up, and made you drink the whole thing. I only used the bare minimal amount, but you still tasted it. And then I claimed you, but made sure to do more than just leave a mark, I needed to get some of your blood. So I drank. And I told you to scream, so my mother and sister would assume—” Thoridor swallowed.
“I don’t know whether it was your scream, the fire we started, or your human scent, but my father picked up on it. But I had already claimed you so your scent was masked by mine by the time he got here. And I used that to my advantage — by telling him you were—”
“Kinian,” I cut him of, “you told him I was a Kinian healer.”
Thoridor nodded. “I just needed him not to know you were human.”
“Why did you say I was a healer?” I asked.
“Because I saw you with the boy,” Thoridor replied, “I saw you try with all your might to make him better.”
“I was,” I replied, anger now rising up in me like a pot of boiling milk, “I was making him better. I would have healed him if you hadn’t… pulled me to you. I would have found the seed of Solvan. He would have been alive, if it hadn’t been for you!”
“No, Serin,” Thoridor replied calmly, “your plants didn’t work. They have never worked. All the healing properties you mentally assigned to them — none of them were real.”
My jaw dropped in outrage. “You’re wrong,” I hissed, “every single one of them worked. I was able to save so many people—”
“You did,” Thoridor cut me off, “by blood wielding. Rubbing the ointment on your brother’s back? You were helping his blood circulate, and clearing it of its toxins. Same with the villagers — it was your touch rather than your plants, helping them heal. I just hadn’t connected the dots until I sealed you to me — got your blood in my system. My mark on you healed so quickly, and so did your arm after the Ku’lan attack, apparently. My wounds too, since our sealing — they heal in no time.”
“Well, then my blood wielding would have healed him,” I said, a little weaker now. Had I truly been lying to myself about the plants? And had I really been healing Tophyn with touch instead?
“He was always going to die, Serin,” Thoridor pleaded, “he wouldn’t have been able to hold on much longer. You didn’t know how to wield yet, so you would have never been able to do what it would have taken. But with how sick he was, even if you had — it likely wouldn’t have been enough. And then the guilt would have killed you.”
“It still is!” I cried out, “I should have been there! I should have returned that day, and even if he would have died, I would have been able to hold him — sing to him! I would have gotten a chance to say goodbye!”
Thoridor’s face contorted with pain. “You’re right,” he said, “I took that from you. I am so sorry, Serin, nothing will ever make up what I did to you, out of pure selfishness.”
I stared at him between broken sobs. “You’re trying to shift the blame to yourself,” I said, slowly realizing, “you’re trying to get me to stop blaming myself, and blame you instead. To take away my guilt.”
Thoridor stared at me, his face blank. “It won’t work,” I said, wiping my tears. “I will always be wrecked by it. It has broken me — absolutely broken me. And I hope, as my mate, that will always break you too.”
I got up, and grabbed Warrian’s hand, pulling him with me. I halted in the doorway, and looked over my shoulder, meeting Thoridor’s broken gaze.
“I reject the bond,” I said, before pulling Warrian out of the room with me.
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