The Magic of Christmas

Travis looked around the room, for all their muttered sorry’s he didn’t trust the two elves an inch when it came to sanity, or clarity of thought. He was almost fearful of opening his own mouth, afraid in case the stupidity was catching. He breathed in, held his breath for a few seconds and spoke, slow and deliberate so the Elves could not say later they misheard or didn’t understand him.

‘As we know, the competition we have is null and void due to limitations in the magic. In short, we can’t reward the winners with the prize we advertised. To get around this I have used some magic, so the winners are now expecting a bike. That should stop any ill feeling against us and make the kids happy. I will also give everyone who enters a free copy of the book “The Polar Express” providing they are true believers and send a letter via Santa mail to the North Pole. Any questions so far?’ he finished dreading the response.

‘Only one,’ the Chief Elf said nervously. ‘We ordered an increase of chocolate in anticipation of human children running around the village. We are going to be in excess and I wonder if the Easter Bunny can use it instead of it being left to go stale in the Christmas warehouse?’

‘Oswald, you surprise me.’ Travis said with a smile, a genuine smile born out of relief rather than happiness. ‘That is the first intelligent and rational thing I think I’ve ever heard you say.’

‘Thank you Santa,’ the Chief Elf beamed, until what Travis said sunk in turning the smile to a frown.

‘I can always use chocolate,’ the Easter Bunny stated frankly, he wasn’t going to get embroiled in the rift between Santa and his helpers, he had problems of his own without adding a couple of stupid elves to them.

‘Well,’ Travis said to the group, ‘I have a use for the chocolate, that I hope will not only get more people believing in us, but give us a steady stream of revenue that we can put to good use providing turkeys and shelter at Christmas for the worlds homeless, especially homeless families with children.’

‘Are you sure you’re my husband?’ Rosie said giving him a very quizzical look that Travis ignored.

‘Our problem is getting people to believe in Santa Claus. Chief, apart from Christmas Eve and when I’ve been practising, how often do the reindeer and sleigh go out on a flight?’

‘Erm, never,’ he answered scrunching his face up in thought.

‘Then there is your answer,’ Travis beamed. ‘I’m going to take the reindeer and sleigh out every night, I’ll fly low so people can see me. The more people see me the more they will believe.’

‘What’s that got to do with chocolate?’ the Union Elf grumbled, still worrying about Travis’s threat to get rid of him.

‘I never said it did,’ Travis replied.

‘Yes you did,’ the Elf countered. ‘I distinctly heard you and I have witness’s around this table to confirm it.’

‘True,’ Arnold agreed. ‘I’m sorry Santa, you did say you had a use for the chocolate then went on about the reindeer. I, like Cedric, assumed it had something to do with what you said but would introduce it later.’

‘My apologies,’ Travis said trying to retain a calmness to his voice he didn’t have. ‘If I have misled you, I’m sorry. I do have a plan for the chocolate which I will tell you about later, but please can we return to the reindeer?’

‘Should have said so before you started,’ Cedric murmured under his breath. It was loud enough for Travis to hear, but low enough he didn’t quite catch the words, which given his mood was just as well for the Elf.

‘As I was saying,’ Travis stated giving the officious Elf a long cold stare as he spoke, ‘if I take the reindeer out each night, people will see me and, OK, maybe not believe right away, but if the papers get hold of it, who knows what effect it will have on people’s beliefs.’

‘Not wishing to throw cold water on this Santa,’ the Solicitor said, ‘but, Santa John tried this and we had a nasty problem with air traffic control. They sent up a flight of Fighter planes to investigate UFO reports; an over-enthusiastic pilot took a shot at the Sleigh destroying the landing runners, leaving a trail miles long of broken bits of sleigh. This was back in 1947 near a town called Roswell in New Mexico. Ever since people have been convinced there are aliens on Earth. Books have been written, the American Government has spent Billions of dollars denying a cover-up was made, and to top it all, a multi-billion dollar industry was created without one solitary word about Santa. There is also the fact that flying the reindeer takes a considerable amount of magic, so I ask the question, will you have enough to fly every night and run the village?’

‘OK, Arnold,’ Travis mused, he hadn’t considered the amount of magic needed, air traffic control or the military chasing him across the sky. ‘I’ll re-think it. That brings me on to my next idea. I propose we brew ale for the adults and make lemonade for the kids. We stick a nice Santa label on the bottles and offer free gifts to all true believers in Santa Claus. As soon as the first true believer gets a gift, we won’t be able to brew enough of the stuff.’

‘And the chocolate?’ the Union Elf queried, forestalling Rosie’s nasty retort, ‘or is that later too?’

‘No,’ Travis replied glaring at the Elf, he knew the little ingrate was trying to get under his skin, the sooner he could sack the little monster the better. ‘The chocolate is our ace in the hole. We make chocolate ale and chocolate flavoured lemonade.’

‘Now I know you’ve lost it,’ Rosie said. ’who in their right mind would buy chocolate flavoured beer, as for lemonade, chocolate flavour, ‘strewth Travis, the thought of it makes my tongue shrivel.’

‘That’s the beauty of it Rosie,’ Travis beamed, ’who else sells or makes chocolate beer or lemonade, we’d corner the market.

‘Before you get too excited Santa,’ the Solicitor Elf said nervously, ‘You have the slight problem of not being allowed to have any alcoholic drink in the village, never mind brew and bottle it.’

‘Then we get it made off site, there’s enough small breweries out there would jump at the chance of brewing it for us.’ Travis sat back in his chair, more than satisfied they couldn’t argue their way out of that.

‘Have you researched this?’ Rosie asked. ‘or spoken to anyone to see what they think about chocolate beer? As for chocolate lemonade, my stomach turns thinking about it, Lemons and chocolate!! I’m sorry Trav, but it’s a big no from me, it sounds disgusting.’

‘No not lemons and chocolate mixed,’ Travis laughed, ‘I’m not that stupid.’ He stopped and glared at the union elf, convinced he had said something under his breath. He must have done he thought, the secretary was trying not to laugh while the chief elf had stopped breathing. ‘Beer is brewed with all kinds of flavours, I don’t see chocolate being a problem and No, I haven’t researched it, but the lads I know who drink will try anything once.’

‘Yeah,’ Rosie sneered, ‘I know the lads you know, and half of them would drink turpentine, chocolate flavoured or not! But forget the beer for a minute, let’s go back to the lemonade. You honestly think it will appeal to kids?’

‘Yeah,’ he smiled at her. ‘With the right marketing and available in all the major shops, it will fly off the shelves. We could call it choc-e-ola. What kid doesn’t like chocolate or cola, mix them together and we cant go wrong?’

‘Just don’t ask me to test it,’ Rosie replied wrinkling her nose in disgust.