The Magic of Christmas

‘This is two mornings on the trot, we have had to attend one of these meetings,’ the Chief Elf greeted Travis and Rosie as they entered the room. ‘I hope this is important, I have work to do.’

‘Yes,’ Cedric stated loudly before the Tooth Fairy could speak. She wanted revenge on Travis for yesterday, and Cedric had just destroyed what she thought was going to be a contemptuous speech that would reduce Travis to his knees. ‘My members…’

‘Quiet!’ Travis barked. ‘I’m not going through another morning like yesterday. If anyone here doesn’t have something constructive to say, then I suggest they leave now. Any more of yesterday’s antics out of anyone and I will forcibly eject them from this meeting with the help of my right boot.’ He looked around at the faces, satisfied that the Chief and Union Elves looked back with fear in their eyes while the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny sat with mouths agape. Arnold shuffled papers together not looking at anyone in case his look was misconstrued as taking sides. Only the young secretary looked normal, and if Travis didn’t know better he could have sworn she was trying not to laugh.

‘Santa,’ she said, nervously raising a hand. ‘I have a message from the Hobgoblins; they thank you for the invitation you extended to them, but they regretfully declined as they are presently undertaking a Turkey extravaganza to teach the farmers a lesson. Last year the farmers overcharged people for turkeys, which resulted in a fall of goodwill reducing the magic supply. This year they are making sure there is a glut of turkeys on the market forcing the prices down.’

‘Thank you secretary,’ Travis smiled at her, ‘but talking of absentees, where are the sprites and the fairies?’

‘There appears to be an issue between them over Fairy wings causing epileptic fits.’ The secretary replied. ‘It happens every year Santa, and lasts for about a month, this is the first week of the dispute, the week they don’t talk to each other or go where the other might be.’

‘Ridiculous,’ Travis muttered, ‘how long has it been going on, can’t someone sort it out?’

It’s been going on for over six hundred years,’ Oswald answered. ‘Every time someone does try and help, the sprites and fairy’s gang up and work together to make life miserable for whoever is helping. Then they go back to not talking. We have learned to ignore them.’

‘OK, OK,’ Travis said, already fed up with the meeting. ‘It has come to my attention that only true believers can enter the village and then, only if they have asked to visit in a Christmas wish. This of course, makes our competition invalid, as we can’t give the prize we advertised unless the winner is a believer and has wished to come here in a letter to me.’

‘So, what are you going to do?’ The Chief Elf said finding it hard to suppress his happiness at Travis’s problem.

‘Me?’ Travis grinned. ‘You lot are the ones who tell me I can’t do anything without consulting you first, said consults being an excuse for hissy fits between the union, the Tooth Fairy and the Chief Elf. So, it’s hissy fit time, start screaming and shouting at each other and wake me up when you have a solution.’

‘I’m Sorry, I have to go,’ The Tooth Fairy said standing to her feet and spreading her wings. ‘A large deposit of rotten teeth has been uncovered in Australia. See you soon.’ She disappeared in a flash of rainbow coloured wings beating furiously against the air to give her lift off. ‘Wow’ thought Travis, ‘For all her stupidity, she was beautiful to behold in full flight.’

‘Oh dear, me too,’ the Union Elf chimed in before Travis could respond. ‘I have an urgent call from the three thousand and twenty-first union, toy-makers rep. The hot chocolate contents have been tampered with in the wheels and pulley department.’

‘Well, I’m not staying here if there is a chocolate malfunction,’ the Easter bunny piped up, ‘my quotas are in arrears as it is without problems in the pulley department adding to them,’

‘Erm,’ the Chief Elf squeaked sliding down his chair. ‘There is a shipment of Christmas tinsel missing at Manchester Docks. I should look into it before it creates a backlog in wrapping.’

‘It’s OK Chief,’ the secretary said before Travis could blow his top, ‘the Hobgoblins apologised, they misdirected the shipment because they thought Santa was ignoring them, now they know he isn’t, they promised to get it back to us before the weekend.’

‘Ah, ah,’ the Chief spluttered, ‘I have to go anyway, the runners on the sleigh need to be checked and overhauled.’

‘Sit down the lot of you!’ Travis barked in a very unfriendly manner. ‘Much as I would gladly see you all in hell, you are staying here. Chief, you will listen and implement what is said. You!’ he rounded on the Union Elf, ‘will sit, listen and be quiet. I’m not having you pestering me for chocolate breaks, candy canes or strawberry marshmallows because you think you’ve been slighted, and not advised of what’s going on. While you, Mr Bunny will also sit and listen because what I’m going to say involves chocolate. Now any questions?’ he gazed around the upturned faces, his eyes boring into those of the Chief, Union Elf, and Easter Bunny, daring them to contradict him.

‘What about the Tooth Fairy?’ the Union Elf moaned. ‘She should be here if it involves chocolate, not enough of it and children’s teeth won’t rot.’

‘I think that’s enough Mr Union Elf,’ Rosie said in a quiet friendly voice stopping Travis’s scream. Santa has a lot on his mind and the Tooth Fairy isn’t needed now because these are only preliminary talks.

‘I still don’t see…’ the Union Elf began to say, before Travis thumping the table in temper stopped him.

‘Arnold,’ Travis turned to the Solicitor Elf. ’First thing tomorrow morning I want the terms and conditions of Elf employment and rules concerning the unions on my desk. Please highlight any section that will tell me how to get rid of that useless chocolate tea pot!,’ he pointed to the Union Rep, who went a deep shade of emerald green, ’annoying, futile, irritating, flower pot man. I have proposals that could save this village, yet instead of putting them forward for discussion, I have spent ten minutes in pointless waffle. It has got to stop, if this place functions on matters agreed by the Elven Council, then fine, but can we please have a Council that works together on problems instead of this constant bickering and butterfly stupidity? Did Santa John have to put with this milkshake imbecility?’

‘You are of course right Santa,’ Arnold replied shuffling a few more papers, ‘I think it only right all here should apologise to him and hear what he has to say concerning our home.’

They were muted, but Travis heard a chorus of a muttered ‘sorry’ from his main adversaries, the Chief and Union Elves, both of whom refused to make eye contact with him, instead they examined the table top for signs of woodworm, or dry rot in the hope Santa would forget they ever existed.

‘Good,’ Rosie said letting out a pent-up breath. ‘Thank you Arnold, perhaps Santa you will let the Elves and the Easter Bunny know what you propose to save the magic.’