Not A Saint (ENGLISH VERSION)

Thanks to someone's touch, I felt at ease. I really thought I'm going to die. "Are you okay?"

I've been catching my breath when Roa asks. She runs out of the room and after a while, she arrived checking me. Her hand is holding a glass of water. She handed it to me. "Drink first. Fortunately, I thought of checking on you first before I turned off the lights," she said as an assurance,

My hand was still shaking when I accepted the glass of water from her. I was also sweating tremendously when it fell off and crawled on my temple down to the ear.

My dream seems to be realistic. I feel like it is not just a nightmare, a reality that happens, a deja vu. He's really here. He just came.

I poured all the contents of the glass into my mouth with just one drink.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Roa asked me again.

I just nodded. She sat on the side of my bed and then her hand wiped the sweat on my forehead.

I didn't say a word, just remained silent while looking around. I glanced out the window to see if it was open. The rain had stopped, but the windows were still closed reflected in the thin curtains. I kept peeking out the window, forcing it to open as if someone entered without no one seeing it.

"D-Did anyone came here, Ate Roa?" I asked incredulously. I was nervous at the idea that someone had entered and that none of the guards had been alerted. What if he was here? What if he really wants to take advantage of me? He wanted to barge in and take advantage of me. I can't afford the second one. The nightmare of my life is over and I can no longer bear another nightmare with these men.

I should just be nervous because the thing I'm afraid of will attack again. Not because I am skeptical of started to hallucinate. No matter how hard I try to avoid and run out on these things, they will try harder to come after me. I wanted peace but the person I want to forget doesn't let me have it for a while. They are my heartaches at the same time. When will it all end? When will I have peace in life? I just want a normal life.

"No one came in, except me," Roa replied. She even reached and pulled my hands when I didn't immediately look at her because my eyes were just focused on scanning the large window and the closed door. "In case anyone enters, the guards throughout the subdivision will be quickly alerted. I even put an alarm system in case there is a thief."

I felt Roa caress and pat my back to calm me down. It slightly melted the tightness I was feeling and anxiety.

"No one will come near you, Celestine. I'm right here. No one will harm you, believe me, "he said then pulled me to give a light hug. He also left later and then looked me in the eyes. "Do you want to just stay with me here until you go to sleep?"

"Thank you sister," I replied in agreement with what he said.

I don't want to be alone and I don't want the surroundings to be dark. In that darkness, it was as if I were trapped in a cage that I did not know how to open. I couldn't breathe and seemed to be slowly pulling at my strength. That's exactly how I felt at that moment when there is no one in the room. Because even Brent is dead, I can still feel his presence. Not the original Brent, but the new Brent in the presence of my stepfather's nature.

My manager stood up, pulled the blanket, and carried it up to my neck. "Don't worry, I won't leave you until I ascertain you sleep soundly," she finally retorted as if protection for me that I could be completely undisturbed.

I want to tell her that I am about to get married in a few days or weeks but I don't know if she will understand me or if she might side with me. Roa did not have my life overprotected and might just say that the decision was up to me in the end.

A decision I don't know how to decline. I'm an obedient daughter who does what others tell me to do. That's exactly what I am. I have no ability to stand on my own two feet and always depend on what others have to say.

I slowly close my eyes the last thing I saw was the face of the manager watching me sleep. At that moment I would have had peace of mind for even a few hours. Maybe I'm too greedy if I wanted to have it forever. Even just a few days or a few weeks. Because even if I want a lifetime, it seems impossible to happen as long as I still have the shadow traces of the past and the new present that will be destroyed again in the life I am trying to organize. THE NEXT MORNING...

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The sun was already hitting my face, I dilated my eyes with the shine that comes from the sun shining brightly. I didn't notice that it's almost late and the sun already waving. When I looked back at Roa's seat where she was sitting last night, she was no longer there. The whole room was quiet but somehow it was full of luminous light comes from the sunshine peeking inside the room.

I got out of bed then stretched my arms. This is the first time I haven't had to buy sleeping pills. It's also because I've run out of it and I haven't had a supply since Brent died. He's the only one who buys that for me whenever I can't sleep at night because of the nightmares that kept me awake.

I looked up as I opened the door of the room where I was staying. Roa's head flickered as she peered through the closed door and hand grasping onto the doorknob.

"Good morning! It's good that you're awake. Let's have breakfast. I've cooked before but I didn't wake you up first. I want you to get enough sleep. Get ready and follow me to the dining room," she said before leaving and pushing the door shut.

I nod at her before she closed the door.

Fortunately, I was no longer in that hell mansion. At Roa's house, I have privacy and I can breathe well. I will go back to normal when Roa kicks me out. My life will lose rhythm again. My heartbeat will never be normal again. I wouldn't expect her to change her mind but hopefully, he would agree to let me find even just a small studio apartment. Just get far away from the mansion. I felt dejection with all these thoughts.

I'm sure mommy won't need me anymore. Mommy has everything she wanted and longing for. I am not included in those things. I am no one but just a plain Celestine.

Yes, I am beautiful, had a white skin tone ready for glutathione's endorsement, tall, sexy, with rounded hips, and long smooth thighs. Qualities I have but I am not proud of. Because despite those qualities is a misery.

I was like a woman chained inside a cage. Unable to breathe and full of suffering. What is the use of these qualities that every woman wanted and dream to have when in return is torture?-A continues suffering that is killing me slowly. I yawned. I still want to sleep. It was as if I carried a few sacks of rice because I was exhausted and did not have enough sleep. My body is heavy as well as my eyelids. But I can't reject Roa's offer. Maybe I'll ask her later to sleep again just to have my strength back.

I got up, forcing myself to move. Opened the luggage and took a towel to use in washing. I also took out the toothbrush and toothpaste I brought.

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I stumbled out of the room and silently went straight to the bathroom. When I finished brushing my teeth, I took a shower. It was only then that I am completely awake. Thanks to the water and my sleepy spirit has consciousness.

I pulled the chair where I am going to seat. There was fried rice on my plate, a sausage, fried egg whites, no egg yolk, on a saucer were two sliced apples and a glass of orange juice.

I just didn't react to my food even though I loved egg yolk. When I followed staring at her how she ate each time she chews, her food is twice as much as what I have on my plate. I was envious. It contained two more fried egg yolks. I stick my eyes on that poor egg yolks... I wished I have those.

"Are you going out later?" I inquired after a mouthful of food and double-checked that I had swallowed it.

"Why did you ask?" She even gave me a puzzled look before she drank a glass of water.

"Can I borrow your car? I just had plans to go," I stated that I was requesting permission. I'm going to a new place to call home. I'm not going to be able to stay here much longer at Roa's house because she won't let me either. Another thing is that I wish no one, especially mommy, knew where I would be moving. When Roa finds out, she'll undoubtedly tell mommy, and mommy will know where I'll be living.

I can't rely on Roa in these situations since I know she has mommy's trust and not mine. She only treats me as her talent model. Even if I say I've counted on her in the past when I've needed her most. I'm close to her as well, but there are some things I need to keep to myself.

"Where are you going?" she inquired, her brows furrowed, and had a serious tone of her voice. Her eyes were like those of an eagle, fixed on the victim, a snake poised to be snatched and dragged to its burrow to be devoured.

"At daddy's grave," I came up with an excuse. I'll merely pass by the grave of my true father. I'm still stating the truth then. After that, I'll hunt for an apartment. I will start looking online first. Social media may be of assistance to me. "All right, so, how long are you going to be gone?" she inquired once more, implying that I would return after borrowing her car.

I'll probably return, but I'm not sure for how long.