My Sister's Boyfriend

Pov. Malu.

We remain silent; Igor kept his countenance closed, his eyes closed as if reflecting. I wondered why I wanted to know this so much. Actually, I just wanted to know why it happened, and to get to why you always had to go through the how. I wanted to know if it was when they first met, before Igor knew that Ceci was my sister, it would be less painful if it was like that. Or after he found me, when we went to the Planetarium together, when he slapped me and rubbed it in my face that I still loved him. I wish it had been well before our relapse, because if it had been after... The memories would be worse, I would feel worse. It would be one more thing to keep, one more job. I was supposed to repudiate my question, withdraw it, but it was still drumming on my head. I didn't know what I wanted, I just didn't want to feel so... ignorant of this matter. Igor looked at me indicating the beer.

"Your sister can be stronger for a drink than I am. I don't really like drinking, but after certain encounters with your sister-in-law, angry, hurt, confused, lost, screwed... Something akin to you being sunk in your own garbage, you exasperate yourself. He muttered, quieter than usual. The finger making turns on the table. I felt my stomach compress and churn. - You drink too much and your girlfriend accompanies you, she is cheerful, encourages you, makes jokes... You're dizzy, you get carried away by her almost annoying insistences and also by the high alcohol content in your blood, you don't think about condoms. It's all screwed up, what does it cost one thing or the other? After all, that's the law of life, isn't it? Reproduction is good, it is good, it guarantees the perpetuity of the species... At this point your dark humor is sharp, but you don't feel pathetic. You don't feel anything, you think about something, but you soon forget. Your brain is slow... It's all instinctive.

I swallowed, watching Igor think, his forehead creased. I regretted the question at that moment, and as I watched him reminisce, I felt irritated and tense, my muscles frozen up. I was stuck with memories and my image. It was cruel, but the words came so fast that one image soon replaced the other. Igor continued:

"You don't even think about what you're actually doing, you don't even want to think, reality sucks so why face it?" As long as you can camouflage it, that's fine. And you know... If she started the whole thing, she should probably take precautions, you think almost forgetting what you thought, women are so much more careful... But he forgets that she's also drunk and worse-minded, almost immaturely speaking, and non-sober. Then the next day you wake up with a motherfucking headache, with your girlfriend by your side, the one you definitely don't love, knowing you messed up... But he doesn't remember. It's as if the night didn't exist... There's nothing to regret, that night never existed for your memory. Wanting to believe anyway that it didn't happen. But when the news about a child arrives, along with some flashbacks... A bomb! The kind that drags everything in its path. You regret everything in 5 seconds and before you know it, you've lost everything that matters to you.

He stopped, looking at me, waiting for my reaction. I felt kind of nauseous and didn't say anything. He expected an answer from me; something. You could tell in the way he looked at me. But I could only stutter, not knowing what to say. I felt nothing, no anger, no sadness, no despair... Nothing. I was kind of disoriented and saw my self-control start to crumble:

-I... You...

"Two irresponsible ones, I know. Two idiots and donkeys! A joint mistake, me and Ceci. - he laughed humorlessly. - Cecilia and I always end up hurting people around us.

"Me, in this case. I murmured coldly, starting to feel the anger rise again. Anger at myself for caring.

"It won't be repeated.

"Of course not, I won't let you. I pressed my arms to my stomach, turning my face to the street.

"I shouldn't have told... I'm an idiot.

I asked. I feel better knowing.

"She looks hurt.