My Sister's Boyfriend

"I'm sorry. Cecilia burst into tears with me. I hugged myself, putting my head between my knees. Crying all over again, leaving my strong façade behind. I felt my face washed by tears and the sobs shake me. Why did it hurt so much? And I hadn't even seen it yet. The staring. And it hurt, it hurt too much.

To make matters worse, my mother came into the room. And when he saw the two of us crying convulsively like that, he went into hysteria. I ran to my bathroom, locking myself in there. I grabbed my robe and pressed it to my face and ear. Crying and waiting. We didn't have to wait long. I could hear my mother's screams, so Ceci had probably already told her.

The next morning, a beautiful sunny day, already prepared, I sat on the step outside the house waiting for Igor. That he had already told me by text that he would come to see me anyway, so I asked him to come soon, before school. He arrived happily, the red T-shirt fitting his body well and the baggy shorts. He had a big smile on his face and his eyes sparkled. He came close to me, indicating that he would kiss me. I pushed him away in a sharp gesture. -Just. I murmured simply and coldly. Feeling my heart hammer slowly and an anguish take hold of me.

"What's it like?"

"You heard it. It's over, Igor. I told myself over and over again not to feel this way. To control the pain inside of me. Be strong. I had had the night to prepare, I couldn't just start crying now at Igor's expression. "You're kidding, aren't you?" Igor's face was incredulous, he didn't seem to believe what I was saying.

"I'm going to my father's house tomorrow morning. - I said, suddenly. Again, as a stupid beauty, I was going to run away, it was better for me. For everybody.

"I don't understand anything. Igor still looked confused and incredulous. I took two deep breaths before speaking.

"You know what?" I don't have the patience for explanations. So, go inside and talk to Ceci. She's the one who has to explain everything to you.

- Malu, don't do it like that. Tell me what's going on, please.

-Go at once, Igor! He looked at me confused once more and entered the house with quick steps. Unable to bear the weight of my feet, I sat down on the sidewalk. The morning sun hurting my face. I just kept waiting. Too long. People walked by and barely looked at me. Some greeted me, and I couldn't help but ignore them. My legs ached and so did my neck as Igor sat down next to me again.

"So, how was it, Dad?" I murmured mockingly.

"Malu, please..." his voice was a wail, almost a pleading. I closed my eyes tightly, not wanting to see his face. Useless. Even with my eyes closed, Igor's face was still etched on my retina.

"I can't..." I said, choking. "I don't want to and don't deserve to deal with this.

"But I love you.

"And I love you too!" I looked at him, something stuck in my throat. Igor's suffering hurt me, seeing him so beautiful and perfect next to me hurt. And knowing that we were no good for each other tore me apart. I was finished. "Don't you understand?" It's all wrong. We're wrong. It's not going to be our baby, looking like us. It's going to be your baby and Ceci's! That's not wrong, but it's not my right.

"Let's run away, I don't know!" We'll do anything. I love you, Malu. It's not silly, I love you. I don't want to lose you.

"We're immature. We don't weigh responsibilities. And it was never just me and you. I said, wanting to get rid of his words. "It was always me, you and all your girlfriends. Always me and you and all my heartaches. It was never a we. Just separated. I. You. Like so. Never a complete we, you know? Something would always ruin everything.

"And I didn't even want you to have sex!" I... I didn't even know that! I stood up, feeling jealousy and anger overtake me. "I didn't want much and it happened!"

"I thought everything would work out now.

"But it won't. "I felt the tears coming to my eyes and I didn't hold them back. I let them roll freely.

"I'm not going to ask you to face this with me, I know it must be too much for you.

- Yes, Igor. I swear I wanted to... But I can't. I can't. Worse, I don't want that anymore. I don't want you, not under these circumstances. No... You can't.

"I love you... Nothing I've said changes the fact that I love you, Malu. Nothing I did. Than we've done. Yes, there is the we. And it will be in me forever. Always, because I love you. You... You got me out of the shit I was. It made me better. And I love you through it all, I'm capable of anything for you. I love you, I really love you.