Mate ...s ?!?!

[Orion’s POV]

When I woke up the next morning I was confused as to where I was at first before everything came rushing back to me. I had slipped into ‘little’ space and had thrown a temper tantrum in front of my Mates. I was so embarrassed I had lost control of my mind. I had never meant for something like that to happen. I knew I was uncontrollable when left unchecked in my ‘little’ state. I looked above me seeing the familiar ceiling tiles of the bedroom I shared with my twins. I guess I had enough sense to stay with them at least.

I hoped I hadn’t made them hate me. I was worried beyond anything now that they were really going to leave me now. They had seen the worst part of me. A side I tried to keep hidden from everyone, even myself. I had tried so hard to keep my ‘little’ side at bay but I knew it was just a part of me because I had been denied that basic part of my own life and it helped me to deal with the worst parts of this world but I had felt so ashamed of myself whenever I couldn’t control it.

I whimpered a little, feeling the heavy weight of depression enveloping me from the thought of them leaving me and immediately two sets of strong arms wrapped themselves around me. I smiled; they hadn’t left me alone. They had slept in the bed with me even though I had thrown a massive tantrum.

Unfortunately, whenever I’m pushed into ‘little’ space I don’t remember much afterwards. It’s like a fog comes over my mind and I slip into a sort of trance like state. I don’t know what happens until I regain my ‘adult’ mind again. I hated not knowing what I was doing while I could really hurt someone. I was not that type of person but Cassie had told me about some of my rather worse tantrums where I had put holes in brick walls.

I slowly turned my head to look at the twin to my left and smiled to see Jace looking at me with a warm smile of his own. “Good morning, little one.” he said as I felt Jax scoot closer and lean in to kiss my neck.

“Morning.” I replied happily, leaning back into Jax.

“How do you feel this morning?” Jax questioned softly against the skin of my neck. It sent sparks through my body and I really needed to get him off of me before we didn’t get out of this bed. I swear they could not keep their hands to their selves and I was no better.

“Guilty.” I whispered, closing my eyes.

“For what love?” they asked insync, giving me an echo effect that tended to get me to smile at them. Right now, however, it just made me feel even more insecure with myself.

“I never meant to slip.” I replied looking up at them quickly before closing my eyes again. I didn’t want to see their reactions or their disappointment. Not really.

“Little one, you have no reason to feel guilty over that. It is a part of you.” Jax said getting me to look at them shocked. I was not expecting that.

Were they accepting all of me??!?!?!!!!!

The only one to ever do that was Cassie and she had gotten hurt going after Cilla and Justin. I hadn’t seen her in a few days now and it was something I was starting to worry about. I had not seen her since Rain had pushed her away. We had really hurt her feelings this time, she had always been there for us and we had turned our back to her and now she won’t even come to see us.

“Y-you d-don’t care?” I asked in shock. Their looks had not changed, they still looked at me with love and devotion in their eyes when they stared down at me. They were really accepting all of me.

“Why in the world would we care about your little side? When you were not throwing things at us and screaming for Cassie, I found you quite adorable, if you want my honest opinion. Well, as long I dodged those furious pillows.” Jace said to me a smile on his face as he reached out to run a finger down my face. I giggled as a blush flushed my face.

“I’m sorry I threw things at you. I hope I didn’t hit you with anything too hard.” I said, more than embarrassed with myself. I can’t believe I threw a tantrum like that.

“Na, the things that actually hit us was the soft stuff.” Jax said a soft chuckle in his voice getting my face to heat up even more. “All the heavy stuff we could easily dodge.” He added, getting my face to heat up even more as I tried to hide behind my hands.

“I am soo sorry.” I said shoving my face in my hands. I felt so embarrassed by my actions. I must have been seriously angry with them for me to throw heavy stuff at them.

They chuckled at me and pulled me closer to them. “Oh, little star the only thing you would truly have to apologize to us for is not believing us.” Jace said getting me to look up at him curiously. “The female that had come here was out of line and not someone we had wanted here to begin with. We only want you.” He added softly, running his nose along my collarbone gently.

I pulled my hands back, tilting my head to the side a little, “What do you mean?” I asked curiously. I believed them when they had told me that the female had meant nothing to them. At least I had thought I had. I would always feel less than adequate compared to anyone else. It was a flaw of mine that was pounded into me at a young age. Something that I would slowly overcome in time. Hopefully.

“That female was someone that had grown up with us. She has been more than smitten with us both from an early age, but neither one of us has ever shown the slightest interest in her. To the two of us she is a very foul creature and we will always see her as such. ” Jax said as I sat up to look at them. I wanted to see their faces as we talked. I felt like I needed to for some reason, like my child self was still trying to understand why they had left me like they had.

They moved to lay their heads on my pillow, so they could see me more clearly. “I still don’t understand why you never told me about her. Or why you just left without ever telling me anything about her.” I said softly, a little sadness in my voice as I reached for them. I wanted to feel their skin on mine and it was an automatic thing, something that was quickly becoming normal for me.

“That was on us, our star. The two of us have always done things between just us. We are so used to just using out twin link that we forgot to inform you before leaving. Things are easier to do that way when no one is trying to argue with our choices. We are both extremely sorry for that.” Jax said nuzzling the center of my hand, sending electricity through my body.

Jace copied him, sending more chills through me, “Yes, we never meant to feel like we were ignoring you little one. We love you far more than anything in this world and we were only trying to keep you safe.” He said against my palm, his breath sending more tingles through my body.

I looked at them, I could understand that. They had only had themselves their entire lives. They depended on each other for everything every day and some habits were hard to break. Their breath and actions were driving me insane and I swear they were doing it on purpose.

“I’m sorry for letting this happen.” I said a soft whimper filling my voice. I was trying to distract myself from their touch and the electricity that flowed into me. I was failing by the way. “I have been told I was nothing all of my life and when you just walked away from me, I felt like you were telling me the same thing. It hurt me more than I had been expecting.” I explained to them truthfully. I wanted them to know how that hurt me. I know they had their own reasons for doing it, reasons that were more than valid. I understood and could see how it was better for them to leave the room to handle the problem. I got that, I truly did understand that and it made me feel very loved. Now.

The problem was that at the time I had felt abandoned by my Mates. I had felt pushed away and forgotten. Just like every other time in my life.

“Sweet little star, it is us who need to apologize for this whole thing. We are the ones that has caused all of this. We knew you had issues with being left behind. We had been told about everything by Cassie and by you yourself, but we had slipped backwards into our old ways, not thinking about you and depending only on just the two of us.” Jace said as he sat up to cup my face in his large hand.

I looked up into his eyes, feeling my tears fall down my face but I was more than shocked when I saw that Jace’s eyes were brimming with his own tears. They were hurt too. I looked over to Jax to see the same thing, tears filling his beautiful eyes. I felt a little selfish when I saw my strong Alpha Mates on the verge of tears. They were supposed to be the ones to be tearless in this, unfeeling Alphas. Not mine though.

No, my Mates were so close to crying over a misunderstanding on my part that it was breaking my heart. I guess I really did fuck this up. However, they were the ones that felt like they were the ones who had messed up and I felt like all three of us had messed up somehow and now we were getting to a better place.

“Please don’t feel bad for my insecurities.” I whispered reaching out to touch them.

“It is not the only reason, little one.” Jax said, his voice breaking in places. He reached out to gently place his hands around my waist. Normally he would tug me into his chest, but he didn’t and it made my insides freeze up. Were they really going to leave me?

I looked up at him curiously. What else could I have done to make them like this. They seemed sort of … different, “P-please d-don’t l-leave m-me …” I begged softly, tears quickly flowing from my eyes. I knew I was going to try and leave them at the thought of them being with another but that was something different. I don’t think I could have even made it to the closet door before breaking down. I needed them more than I needed anything else in this world and I couldn’t be without them.

“Orion, we could never give you up.” Jace said as his grip on my waist in his thick arms got tighter as he pulled me in close to him. “You don’t understand how much it hurts us that you don’t want us close to you.” he said confusing me even more than before.

I pulled back from him to look up at him in pure confusion. “I … I don’t understand.” I said shaking my head a little. I always wanted them close to me. Holding me forever in every single way there could possibly be.

“We love all of you Orion. Even the side you have tried to hide from everyone, even from yourself. To us there could be no one more suited for all of our needs. That includes your ‘little’ side. Jace and I love you more than anything Orion, yet you hold yourself at arm’s length from us. Cassie and hell even our mother were able to get you to not only calm down, but they got to hold you. You wouldn’t let us get even close you. At least not in the beginning.” Jax explained, his sadness lining his voice. His eyes grew sad, a faint blue forming around the center of his eyes. He was seriously depressed about this one thing. The one thing I didn’t have any control over. Times like yesterday were the ones I was afraid of, not the normal ones. The ones I could control were fine because I knew what had happened during those times, it was the ones I couldn’t remember that frightened me.

I was shocked. I didn’t realize I had acted like such a little asshole to them like that. “I-I d-don’t r-really know what happens when I get forced into ‘little’ space. I get little flashes but it’s not enough for me to understand. I am so so sorry.” I said, still crying. I didn’t want them to think I was lying to them and I didn’t want them to think I didn’t want them.

I needed them. I never wanted to go back to that hellhole that had been my life before they came and saved me. I felt Jax come up behind me to wrap his arms around both Jace and myself. “We never meant to force you into ‘little’ space little one. Yesterday was our fault for pushing you that way. We have been begging you to just let go for us the natural way but you refuse.” Jace whispered softly,

Jax nuzzled his way into my neck, “Regardless of what you think we love you. If you will just let go naturally you will see that we will care for you either way. You have to let us help you when you feel at your weakest our little starburst. It is part of our very make-up to try to keep you happy, in any way. When you keep this side of you away from us, it hurts. We feel like you need it to escape things but we want you to let go on your own, not by someone forcing you because you are scared.” he whispered as he breathed on my neck.

I looked up at them both with a curious look on my face. How in the world were they going to help me? “I just want it to go away. I don’t want to be a pup or treated as one.” I said softly, a determined look on my face. Hayle had already said there was no possible way for the problem to disappear and that I was going to be this way for the rest of my life.

They chuckled softly wiping my face and then their own. “Why would we want to change a single thing about you? To us you are perfect just the way you are.” Jace questioned, kissing my forehead, then my lips with love.

I looked at him. They didn’t want to change me. They wanted me just the way I was, flaws and all. They wanted me to just accept my ‘little’ side and let them help me deal with it. The problem was that it was not natural for me. I was an intelligent Wolf and I hated being treated as a child. I hated being treated as trash without a brain when I was usually the top of my classes. I wanted them to accept all of me but I didn’t want them to just stop trying to help me get rid of my problem.

Even if no one else saw it as one.