Love Aint Always Pretty

Furyo (00)

Translation: Accidental

Origin: Japanese

40

I got myself busy and studied my lessons during the rest days of the week. I tried to avoid seeing him, I would eat dinner earlier than Tracy. I would do it on purpose or I would go out alone just to avoid seeing Nick. I keep on reminding myself that it's for the best. I know it's for the best. It might actually help me just a little bit to get over this feeling I have for him and I wish it would at least help.

Now based on the way things that happened last Wednesday, I doubt that he actually cares much for me. He didn't even try to call or text me after that night. He completely treated me like shit.

If I did something wrong that he didn't like, I expected that he would eventually explain it to me what it was or at least tell me what the hell upset him so much that night, but no he didn't bother telling me about i and I really hate it. The last thing I got from him was the slamming of his bedroom door after he fucked me, how he pushed me out and how he made me feel like he just had the need to drop me off the dorm cos he needed to.

Now I can see why he hasn't been with a girl for eight long years cos Nick is obviously clueless when it comes to how a guy should treat a girl. He's completely clueless when it comes to women. I thought he was a decent guy, turned out he's actually not at all. His actions sometimes contradicts his entire character. There are times where I would think that he's just playing a role where he's hiding his real identity beneath it. It's as if he's hiding away the pieces of the guy that he used to be eight years ago over the guy that he's trying to be now.

Good thing my drinking session with Tracy was moved, cos now that it's Friday, I really think I need to get wasted for the weekend. I know for sure I'm not a drinker but I really want to get drunk. I want to drown myself with alcohol. I want to forget what happened last Wednesday even just for one night. I want to forget how he treated me.

It was already 10:15PM in my watch.

"I love that skirt, Savannah." Tracy compliments.

"Thanks Trace."

"Try this lipstick. I swear it will look good on you." Tracy hands to me a dark red lipstick which she's also wearing.

"I doubt that." I say.

"Come on, we're going clubbing so put some lipstick on to brighten your dull face."

I grabbed it from her hand and stared at myself in front of the mirror. I started putting it then pressed my lips together. Tracy smiles at me, "See? You look ready."

I chuckled.

"Who's going with us?" I asked.

I was hoping that Nick wont be there cos if he will then I will completely be a goner. If I'm too drunk, I might say things not allowed to be said to him. Even though a part of me wants him to be there, so he could see how miserable I am after what he did but then that would embarrass myself.

"Clyde." she says.

I gazed at him, "Just Clyde?" I asked, as if I was uninterested on who's coming. She nods. "Yeah, he said he doesn't want us to be in harm that's why he's going."

I smiled.

"Don't worry, he's just there to make sure we can go home safe." She answered. "Isn't Nick throwing a party tonight?" I asked, trying to sound uninterested again.

"There's always a party at the frat house every weekend but tonight is our night together and my boyfriend is the sweetest for choosing us over his friends. So let's go?" She chimed.

I nod.

Both of us headed out of the dorm and saw Clyde arriving. The three of us hailed a cab and I don't know why Clyde doesn't have a car yet, he's old enough to own one. Tracy and Clyde were sitting at the backseat while I was on the passenger side. I wanted to be separated from them cos I'll eventually get jealous of how sweet they can be. I was still thinking about Nick and I'll be damned if I get too wasted later and I'll spill out the beans to Tracy and to Clyde.

We arrived outside a pub called The All Saints, the walls were black and red and the glass were even tainted black too. You couldn't see what's the inside of it. When we marched our way inside, it was packed. Clyde was leading the way, looking for a vacant table for the three of us to sit down and once we found one, we settled ourselves. I was just watching the other people getting drunk and getting dancey on every corner of the bar. It was pretty much loud in here and I don't think I can even hear myself. Clyde leaves the table all of a sudden.

"Clyde's just going to buy us some drinks." She says with a smile.

I smiled at her.

"Are you okay? You looked puzzled and problematic these past few days." She asks.

"I'm okay."

"Are you sure?"

I nod. "Schoolwork."

I always blame schoolwork cos me being problematic is obviously related about school, and a little bit of Nick. I wish there's this strong alcohol where I can get drunk and then this pain I'm feeling could subside and just go away the next day.

She grabs my hand. "Don't kill yourself too much cos of studying. Tonight, we will enjoy."

I nod.

Clyde came back with a pitcher of alcohol and we started drinking right away. Clyde was the one filling the shots, he would drink first then Tracy would follow and then I'm the last one. We talked about a lot of stuff while having the session and I was glad I didn't slip about me and Nick, but when Tracy started to get dancey, I know that's the cue. She quickly pulled me up from my seat, leaving Clyde on our table.

Both of us headed to the dance floor and we started dancing. At first I was just swaying along but the alcohol was making me feel liberated and hot. I started grinding and swaying my body around, Tracy was even complementing my dance moves. I feel myself dancing against someone from behind me and I didn't care who it was as long as I'm dancing. My hands were raised to the ceiling and my eyes were shut close, I'm seeing Nick's face again and we were inside his bedroom. I'm seeing that night once again. I opened my eyes and I'm back in the bar. I'm back to dancing with Tracy and this random guy right behind me who's enjoying dry-humping my ass.

Sometimes I wish that I didn't agree to this deal I have with Nick. I shouldn't have said yes to it, I was too sure at first that I won't fall for him but now I'm eating my own words. I'm in love with Nick and it's hard to go back from the beginning. Now it's hard to forget about him. It's hard to just ignore what we have cos what we have is the best beautiful thing ever and at the same time an ugly thing that happened to me. "Let's go back to the table?" Tracy asked, glaring at the man behind me.

But I still wanted to dance.

I nod anyways.

She moves closer to my ear, "That guy right behind you was hot."

"Then why did we leave?"

"Cos he looked like a maniac."

"Every guy in here is a maniac once influenced with alcohol."

Tracy laughs and agrees.

We marched our way back to the table and I'm already sweating. We continued drinking the remaining alcohol inside our pitcher and I know for sure that I'm already getting drunk as hell. And I'm also sure that Tracy was also drunk too.

"Your phone has been ringing like crazy while you were dancing." Clyde says.

I pointed to myself. "Mine?"

He nods. "Yeah, someone keeps calling you."

"Who was it?" I asked.

"I don't know. I didn't check it."

I quickly grabbed my phone out cos I'm sure as hell it's Cameron. He usually calls me on Fridays or on the weekends. As soon as I got my phone out, I shocked of what I saw.

Five missed calls from Nick...

I rolled my eyes over my phone. What does he want now?

"Your shot, Savannah." Clyde says.

I grabbed the small glass and drank it all in one shot. I squint my eyes close as I feel the burning sensation running down my throat to my stomach. I groan. I wish I'll get used to this.

"I need to use the bathroom." I say.

"Will you be alright alone?" Tracy asked.

"Yeah." I answered.

"Just go straight from here Savannah and you'll find the bathroom on that corner over there." Clyde says while pointing.

I nod. "Thanks."

I slowly stand from my seat so I won't lose my balance and I just wish I won't bump to people along the way to the bathroom. I just noticed that when I'm drunk, trips to the bathroom makes me think that it's already taking too long compares to being completely sober. I feel myself walking wobbly and even though I try to walk straight, I can't. As I went inside the bathroom, I stared myself at the mirror. I pitied looking at my own reflection, I looked so broken.

I'm really drunk now.

My eyes looked sleepy as hell and my face is turning reddish. I leaned over the sink and I'm sure as hell that I could vomit now. I pulled my phone out from my pocket and wished that Nick would call me again but he didn't. I stared at his number for a long while, contemplating about doing it.

I pressed call.

I pulled my phone up to my ear and his phone was ringing. It was still ringing. And still ringing. I sigh as I sit down on the sink.

"Hello." Nick answered with his deep voice, he sounded like I woke him up.

Hell that was sexy.

"Savannah." He calls out.

I love it when he calls my name.

"Savannah are you there?" He blurted.

I sigh.

"Yeah yeah I'm here. Why'd you call me a while ago anyways huh? Don't tell me you're worried about where I am and what I'm doing cos I'm not buying that bullshit anymore. You don't really care about me Nick."

He didn't answer.

"You only care about yourself." I spit.

"Are you drunk? Where are you? Are you with Tracy and Clyde?"

"I'm not gonna fucking tell you where we are. Goodnight." I singsong.

"Sav--"

I hang up.

He quickly calls back again but then I rejected his call. I turned off my phone. I quickly turned around to face the sink and I started vomiting.

Nobody is here to rub my back or to pull my hair back so it won't cover to cheeks or someone to wipe my face.

Nick is not here.

I stayed inside the bathroom for a while, and I dont know how long I was in there cos I was just daydreaming about Nick. I keep replaying that night when that thing happened and it still hurts me when I think about it.

When I felt a little bit okay, I grabbed a ply of tissue and wiped my cheeks then headed out. I started walking back to our table but I halted midway when I saw Nick arriving.

He's here.

Shit.

Oh God he's here.

He walked closer to Clyde and Tracy. They talked for a while and Clyde was shaking his head sideways. Hell, Tracy is already asleep on Clyde's arms. Nick starts looking around the club. I think he is looking for me, but even before I could leave where I was standing to hide, he caught me.

He started walking towards me and I take a fewe steps back, then he grabbed my hand when I was about to walk away from him. "We're leaving." he says.

I pulled my hand back. "I don't want to go with you Nick."

"I told Clyde to take a cab so he could take my sister back home." He says.

"I'll take a cab and you three go home."

I started walking away and noticed that Clyde and Tracy have left the table already.

"You leave me no choice." I hear Nick say.

All of a sudden he scoops his arm behind me and carried me up unexpectedly that made me squeal. I kept kicking my feet and hitting his back with my tiny fists while the other people around were looking at

us. He walks out of the bar and noticed that he was already heading to his car.

"Put me down!" I fought back.

He opens the car door and placed me on the passenger seat. "Don't be a pain in the ass and just sit down there."

He closes the door and hurriedly walks around the car and stepped inside the driver's seat. He started the engine.

"Who are you to tell me what to do?! Who are you to tell me that I need to go home now? I don't want to go home yet Nick!" I yelled.

"You're drunk. I'm not gonna fight with you." He says.

"Shut up. You don't know how to treat a girl right anyways so stop acting like you fucking care Nick!" My tears are filling up my eyes again.

"Why are you so mad at me? You're lucky enough I came here and I'm driving you home. What's wrong with you?!"

"What's wrong with me?! You ask me what's wrong with me?!" I raised my voice at him.

"I'm already in love you Nick!! That's what's wrong with me!" I yelled out loud angrily.

"I already love you!" My tears are falling.

My eyes and his eyes dilated together. I quickly covered my mouth with my hands.

SFTC:

3AM - Meghan Trainor