Love Aint Always Pretty

Forelsket

- the euphoria you experience when you are first falling in love

Origin: Norwegian

31

Both of us headed up to my room and as soon as we got inside, he walked to the bed and placed the box on top. I locked the door and just watched Nick. It felt like a déjà vu, like it was the first night we spent together.

"Aren't you gonna join me here?" He asked.

I smiled and started walking closer to him. I sat down on the bed right across him and he gave me a slice. We just ate peacefully and he opened a can of soda for me too.

"I think you still need curtains." I say.

"No curtains."

I smiled. "Why? Do you have some fear of curtains?"

He shakes his head. "Nope. I just don't like curtains."

"Why?" I asked again before taking a drink from my cola.

"Cos it'll just add dust to my room and I'm too lazy to wash it time to time."

I nod. "Reasonable."

He pulled out a ply of tissue and wiped my cheek, "You're such a messy eater."

I giggled.

"I'm just really hungry." I said smiling.

He smiled. "Thanks for coming with me today. I really appreciate it."

I smiled back at him.

"No problem. It's really not a big deal and thanks for choosing a blouse for me." I say before taking a bite.

The whole dinner, I just kept asking about how he should put more decors in his room. I told him to rather put some fruit basket, or maybe a painting or two or maybe some colorful vase. But he said he didn't want to put much cos he's a lazy cleaner.

When we were done eating, we cleaned our mess and I thought he was going to leave but instead he is still here. I don't want him to leave too but it's Friday. Fridays are party days.

"Can I lie down on your bed?" He asked.

I nod. "Sure."

He lays down on my bed with his head right behind me. I looked at him over my shoulder as he place my pillow beneath his head. "Aren't you going yet?"

"You want me to leave already?" He asked back.

I slightly bite my lower lip, "No..."

"Then I'm staying for tonight." He says.

I chuckled and faced him. "Nick you have a party to attend to. It's Friday, remember?"

He groans and placed his arm on top of my lap but I'm still looking right at him.

"I'd rather be here and spend my Friday night with you." He says while looking at me.

Jesus Nick you're really going to give me a heart attack.

I smiled. "Tracy will find you in the morning. What am I gonna say?"

"Nope. She's not. Tracy's going out of town with Clyde the entire weekend. It's their first anniversary together." He said.

My heart is melting.

I'm jealous. I'm not jealous over Clyde. I'm happy for them. But all I'm getting jealous about is their relationship. I'm jealous about how they can be free in front of the public. I'm jealous about how they can kiss and say their I love you's in front of their friends because everyone knows they are dating. I'm jealous because they own each other. Im jealous because they have the right to be jealous over the other one. I'm jealous cos they don't have to be a secret.

Unlike me and Nick.

"You okay? What's wrong?" He asks.

No Nick, I'm not okay. This is not okay anymore. I can't help myself falling in love with you, that's what's wrong.

"I'm fine. Nothing's wrong." I said softly.

He reaches for my hand and his fingers moves through mine, spreading them apart. My fingers like his fingers until he entwines them together.

"I meant what I said though." He says.

My eyebrows creasing as I look at him.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"That I missed you." He pulled his head slightly up and looked at me.

He confirms it.

He missed me. He really did miss me. Every time I tell myself not to fall for his actions, I end up falling. Every time I tell myself not to fall for his sugar-coated words, I still end up falling. Oh my god Nick, why are you doing this to me? Why is it hard to just keep it physical between you and I? Oh gosh I wanna scream so loud right now. I wanna throw myself at him and hug him and tell him I missed him too. Oh god my poor heart beating is going nuts. Calm down Savannah.

"Didn't you..." he pulls himself up.

His head moving closer to me and his lips just an inch away. He smells mint from that candy I gave him. He's breathing on my face and he's holding my cheek with his huge hand.

I.

Give.

In.

"Miss me?" He continues.

Nick I'm falling...

My lips slowly parts. "I.. I did."

He kisses me briefly. My limbs are softer now. I feel like I'm turning into a liquid. I'm liquefying and I'm turning myself into water-form now with one touch and one kiss from him. He rests his forehead against my forehead while his thumb brushing on my cheek.

"Tracy told me you were having tons of exams this week so I really didn't want to bother you." He says.

I just smiled at him in response. I know my cheeks are blushing cos I can feel it burning. My breathing is now heavier than before and we've done this a lot of times but I'm still not used to his sensual touches and these little things that he does.

It always wins a huge part of me.

"It was torture to me. Not seeing you or kissing this delicious lips." He added.

Im smiling wider.

And wider.

I cleared my throat. "I think you need to go. Your frat party needs the presence of the El Presidente, remember?"

"I don't want to go to that lame party. Let's stay in bed for a while." He says while pulling my hand and kissing my knuckles.

Oh god.

How can I say no to you Nick? I can't seem to never say no to you.

I nod.

"Wanna watch a movie?" I suggested maneuvering myself to the bed.

"What movie do you have?" He ask.

I started opening my laptop and both of us were now lying down side by side with our stomachs facing down on the bed. He was looking through the movies I have on my laptop but I was busy looking at him. I love how his eyebrows are creasing to the center. I love how he looks at something so seriously like what he's doing right now. I love rubbing my forefinger against his side-beard and he doesn't complain about

it.

"How about this one?" He turned to me.

I quickly looked at the screen. "I fell asleep one time when I watched that. How about..." I started scrolling.

"This one." I snapped.

He looks at it. "The Best Of Me?"

I nod and looked at him.

"Have you seen it?" I asked.

"Nope. It's obviously a romantic flick." He sounded disliking it.

"You don't want to watch it?" I asked again.

He just looked at me.

"I haven't watched it yet as well." I shied.

He exhaled. "Okay. Let's watch it."

I smiled happily.

The movie started right away and I don't know if Nick was watching it but I am obviously excited to watch this. I haven't had time to watch movies on my laptop anymore cos I've been so busy with school. As the movie goes on, it's now on this scene where the young Amanda and young Dawson went out for a date.

"This guy is seriously hot." I commented.

Nick didn't say anything. So I just ignored what I said too. Now the two young couples were kissing under the rain on top of a rooftop. It was really intense. God it was steamy. I wish Nick and I could kiss under the rain. I wish he could feel what I feel when we kiss. I see Nick from my peripheral view but he's just looking at me instead of the movie.

I pulled my head up a little from the pillow beneath us, "Are you watching or not?"

"I'm watching..... You." He says seriously.

I playfully nudge my elbow on his side and we continued watching it. He kissed my cheek gently and I have to press my lips together so I could stop myself from smiling like a complete retard. My heart is going nuts again but I just continued watching and rested my head on his shoulder. Now the scene is where the young couples were making love and it. Was. God damn. Awkward.

Watching a bed scene with Nick for the first time while we're on top of this bed where we had sexy for the first time is making my hormones rage like lightning bolts.

We kept watching the movie though, he didn't initiate to kiss or to cuddle, I think he noticed that I was seriously watching it and he doesn't want me to miss a single part. The movie talked about how it started as a young love and how the girl's father were against her relationship with this hot guy named Dawson Cole cos he was just a poor man and twenty years passed they saw each other again and they realized that their love for each other didn't die at all. They realized it was just there all along. Then all of a sudden...

Catherine came into my head out of the blue.

What if Catherine was Nick's first love? What if Catherine was the last girl he fell in love with eight years ago? What if he's still in love with her until now? What if they're still together? What if she'll come back all of a sudden and they'll see each other again? What if their love for each other will ignite? What will happen to me? What will happen to us?

But then reality hit me hard, there's no us.

I am now crying, as embarrassing as it is, I am really crying. I'm trying not to let my tears fall but it's still falling. It's hurting me cos I'm imagining him and a blurred face Catherine getting back together after a few years. I know if that will happen someday, if Catherine will come back, Nick will surely choose her instead of me. I mean, I'm just his sex buddy. I'm just a hole where he needs to put his dick into if he's horny. I don't hold anything to him. And I'm crying because as early as now, it's already hurting me.

"Hey... Why are you crying?" He asks while he's rubbing my back.

I shake my head. I'm crying because I'm falling for you Nick and I'm scared about what will happen to us in the future. I'm sure it will hurt me, and only me.

I couldn't answer him anymore cos my tears were bawling out from my eyes. I see Nick stopping the movie and pulled my head to him so I could look at him. He thumbs my tears.

"What's wrong?" He asked again.

I just shake my head again.

"That's it, we're not watching anymore." He says.

I just nodded.

"Come here." He instructs and hugs me all of a sudden.

My poor poor heart.

He lays down on his back while I was lying on top of his chest. His arms were still wrapped around me and I was just listening to his heartbeat while I was crying.

I never really thought sex can make you attach to the other person even if you both planned that this was just strictly physical.

I pulled myself away from him and wiped my tears. I tried to stop myself from crying. I tried to make my heart from getting hurt. I sat down on the bed right next to him while he was rubbing my thigh with one

hand then he sits down too.

"You wanna talk about it?" He asked.

I can't talk about it with you cos it's about you.

I shake my head. "No. It's fine. I'm fine."

He looks at me. "You don't look fine to me."

I tried to smile.

"I was just carried away by the movie. Let's not watch it anymore." I say.

I laid with my back down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. He lays down beside me too and he crossed his leg over the other.

"Stop crying." He says, wiping my tear that crawled out the corner of my eyes.

I smiled ruefully. "Damn that movie."

Both of us were quiet and he was just playing with my finger with his hand. I just let him do it while I set my mind off Catherine.

"Nick?" I called out to him.

"Yes?"

"Don't you want to ask me when was my last one before you? I mean, I know how intimate and detailed yours was. I just think it's unfair." I say.

He chuckles. "Okay. When was the last time you had sex with someone before me Savannah?"

I turned to my side to look at him, gosh he was also doing the same. I smiled. "One year ago."

He nods.

"Not as long as yours but I actually regretted it that I gave it to him." I said.

He looks at me seriously. "Why?"

"Because now, I wanted it to be you."

His expression turned impassive. I couldn't tell if he was surprised by what I said but I meant it. If I could only turn back time, I want Nick to be the first guy who got my virginity. He deserves it more than my ex boyfriend who only dated me for fame in school.

"I don't know why I said yes to that relationship with him. It wasn't really love." I said.

"Then why did you do it if it wasn't love that you felt?"

"Peer pressure. My friends told me I needed to have a boyfriend and he was courting me at the same time so I was forced to say yes. I never thought we'd last a year. Almost two actually. I think I wasn't really

in love with him. I just needed to keep him for social status." I said.

I laughed softly. "We get social benefits from each other. Lame core."

He smirks. "That's high school alright."

I just nod.

"Come here." He says.

He pulls closer to him. Our bodies were close to each other while I was lying my head on top of his shoulder and his arm under my neck while his fingers were rubbing the back on my head. I looked up to him

and he was also looking down at me while our other free hands were playing with each other. My right leg was in between his thighs and it felt like he was mine but he's actually not.

"You're still young Savannah. You're going to pass through a lot in the future. You're so beautiful. And I'm sure lot of men will be after you." He says to me.

But I only want you.

"You'll eventually forget about regretting your first time. You'll eventually forget about me too. You'll forget about this thing we have right now." He says.

I shake my head.

"I won't forget you... or this.... or us." I said.

Shit. I said us.

He smiled and kissed my forehead. "Me too Savannah. I won't want to forget about you..."

I smiled.

My heart can't contain anymore. Stop it Nick. Stop it please. Stop while it's still early. Don't get my hopes up. Don't let me love you more and more. Don't.

"or this thing we have. It's too memorable for me. For you as well." He continued.

I pulled myself up and reached for his lips. I really wanted to kiss him so bad since a while ago. He kissed me back and his tongue goes inside my mouth. His leg crossing over my hip and pulling me closer his

crotch.

I don't care anymore if this will hurt me so bad in the future. Nick is right, I need to live the present. I need to savor this kind of whatever I have with him cos it will end someday. There's no uncertainty of this.

It's gonna end ugly. It's gonna hurt me. But I need to live the present.

We only have now.

SFTC:

Can't Help Falling In Love - Ingrid Michaelson