Light My Fire

“I gotta admit, this is getting a little boring,” I say.

There’s no response.

“I know you’re probably not bored at all, but I’m used to keeping myself busy and there just isn’t a lot for me to do here. You’re doing all the work.”

Henley eyes me, then reaches down and flicks her tongue across Licorice’s back.

“See, that’s what I’m talking about,” I tell her. “You’re settling into mom life and aside from feeding you three times a day, letting you out, and changing the bedding in the box, I’m not really needed full time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I stayed. That was one hundred percent the right thing to do but… it’s kind of boring.”

Lonely is probably a better word for it.

Lonely enough that I’m having entire conversations with a Labrador.

Though Henley is a good listener. She does always appear interested.

I’ve already asked her if she thinks I should contact Brooke with some bullshit question about the puppies, but Henley obviously just looked at me like I’m an asshole for using her litter as a means to contact a woman.

Or maybe I’m reading too much into a dog’s facial expression.

“You’re right,” I tell her now, just in case she understands me. “Unless there’s a real emergency, I can’t contact Brooke. She has exams. It would be a real dick move to interrupt her week when we don’t actually need any help, do we, girl?”

Henley does glance up at me and I swear she definitely understands me.

So I want to encourage her confidence. “You’re a natural at parenthood and everything else I need to know is on the Internet.”

Henley moves from grooming Licorice to Henry. Tank is forcing his way in, demanding attention. I pick him up and move him by her haunches.

Tank whimpers in protest.

“Sorry, but you’re a straight up bully,” I tell him, running my fingers down his back. “Wait your turn.”

I will not text Brooke, I will not text Brooke.

It’s been three days and I’ve been tempted at least a hundred times.

Without the guys and Brooke, this cabin is huge and isolated on a damn island. There is no store to run to, no bar to go grab a drink at, no friends or relatives to pop in on and say hello.

Once I get back to Chicago, everything will be fine, but right now I am way too much in my head.

Which means I’m thinking way too damn much about Brooke and how we left things, which was as if it was a casual hookup.

It doesn’t feel like that at all.

Brooke is different.

Aside from the obvious, that she’s gorgeous and intelligent and sweet, I don’t really know why this feels like something that could be something, but it does.

Only I know Wyatt feels the same way.

And Luke fucked her against the kitchen wall.

It’s complicated as hell and I’ve been trying to distract myself from thinking about it too much or too closely.

Today I’ve played games on my phone, watched a movie, cooked myself a massive omelet for breakfast, done some laundry, and shoveled the back deck for Henley’s bathroom breaks. I did a stint in the hot tub, but that only made me think of Brooke—again—so I barely lasted fifteen minutes before I leaped back out. I’ve gone through the list of houses my real estate agent has sent me and rejected them all for various reasons. Too many steps, back yard too small, outdated kitchen. I’m not looking to do a renovation right now, not when I’m going to be taking care of six dogs.

It’s not even two o’clock and I’m contemplating taking a nap I don’t even need just to quiet my head.

There’s nothing left to do but call my mom.

“Jackson,” she says, a hint of censure in her voice. “Son, I love you, but I am at work. I can’t be on the phone with you every day just because you’re bored.”

“Mom, how do you know I’m just bored?”

“Because you’ve called me every day for the last three days, and you never do that unless you’re restless.”

I wince at Henley. Guilty as charged.

She’s right, I mouth to the dog.

“I am a little bored, I admit it,” I tell my mom. “I ordered a bunch of food and supplies for the dogs and they were all delivered and I spent ten minutes talking the ear off of the pilot when I went to pick them up.”

My mother laughs. “You’ve always been a people person, Jackson. Get yourself off that island and come home. Now I have to go. I have a job.”

“Okay, okay, thank you for picking up even when you know I don’t need anything other than to be entertained. I love you.”

“I love you, too. Talk to you this weekend. You’re coming for dinner Sunday, right?”

“Yes, ma’am. Wouldn’t miss it.”

We end the call and I set my phone down, reflecting on the fact that my parents have never been bored. Not one single day ever, because they’ve always been busting their butts to take care of each other and me and my sister.

My parents are both still incredibly hard workers, even though I’ve bought them a house. They’re cruising to retirement so they can collect their pensions and health insurance and live debt free in their golden years. Sometimes I know they think I’m letting too much time drift by but I don’t aspire to the grind culture. I want to wait for the right passion project to come along.

But I’m definitely restless.

It isn’t just staying alone in this cabin, though that’s not helping.

It’s wanting to have something to focus my attention on. I’m ready to have a goal to focus on again and I have this nagging feeling it might have something to do with animals.

And it’s also Brooke.

She makes me want… more.

I pick up my phone again, snap a picture of Henley and the puppies and send it in our group text with Wyatt and Luke.

It’s day five of this puppy not having a name and I’m starting to get worried she’ll have an identity crisis. I’ve been referring to her as Little Miss when I pick her up and cuddle her, but she needs a name.

I’ve texted them several pics over the last few days and they are responding readily and are definitely interested in the dogs. None of us has brought up Brooke, which is getting on my nerves. We can’t just not talk about her.

Or maybe we can.

If we leave it up to Luke, that’s how it will go down.

As far as he’s concerned, we left all that here at the door when they all departed.

It doesn’t sit right with me. These guys are my best friends.

We all like Brooke.

Maybe we can all ask her out and see who she says yes to?

That seems like a crazy idea since two of us will get rejected but it’s better than what is happening right now, which is nothing. Wyatt texts me.

The text from Luke follows Wyatt’s and it’s typical Luke. Distancing himself.

That’s what I get for pushing.

Angel is what Luke started calling Brooke. I think he thinks we didn’t notice, which, of course, we did. We noticed everything last weekend.

Or maybe he knows and it’s a dig.

Whatever the case, I’m sorry I texted them.

I toss my phone aside and lay down on the floor next to the box. “Henley, I think I’m fucked. I can’t get this girl out of my head. What do I do?”

Henley ignores me and pulls the newly named Angel over Licorice so she can groom her.

“It’s not that easy.”

Now I honestly don’t even know who I’m talking to or about what exactly.

The worst part of it is I can’t call Luke or Wyatt to discuss it.

Instead, I pick up my phone and start researching animal rescue facilities in Chicago. I need something to focus on other than Brooke’s sweet smile and her soft cries of pleasure.