His Soul & His Shame

"Is he still outside?" I asked Joanna who is entering our new apartment. She came with me when I left the next morning after the gala. My heart couldn't bare to be in the same place as Ezra and not be with him.

"Yeah! As usual. Why don't you go and talk to him, Fay!" I know, I should talk to him and tell him to go back home and stop waiting for me as it's impossible to ignore him and see him waiting for me outside our apartment every single day since four months back.

I know he is trying and repenting, he never chased me but still waits outside my apartment and walks with me to the subway and back to the apartment.

My heart aches seeing him trying to get me back but the hurt we both gave to myself stops me from approaching him and forgiving him.

"It's not the best idea when I'm not sure if I can forgive him. If I go and talk to him then I will repeat the same toxic cycle." Joanna nodded her head in understanding and went to her room to freshen up.

Izzy and I broke ties with each other as I never thought she would Betray me like that. I don't need snakes as my friends.

Daniel sometimes calls or texts me catching up on our lives and he seriously regrets ever meeting Izzy as he thinks a friend should never betray another Friend.

And about Alex, he is still waiting upon that coffee date I promised him but my heart isn't in and I don't want to choose second options. When I want to date then the man should be my first priority.

I walked towards the door and got down the building to see if he was still there as I haven't seen him properly in these months.

When I exit the gate, he is not in his usual place making me sad and worried if this is the day he wants to give up on me!

"You shouldn't come out in the dark, Baby girl!" His deep voice startled me, I turned around to see him standing behind me looking as gorgeous as always and his dark eyes drinking me in and I can see his longing for me as he can see mine. "You scared me!" I don't know what else to say to him other than being dumb.

I still feel the pull towards him and the longing I had for was tenfold now.

"I missed you, Babygirl." My heart started beating faster and my body is literally shaking and aching for his touch and I can see he is holding himself back from reaching out to me and holding me in his arms. "This doesn't mean anything, Ezra!" Regret comes after everything but for now I don't care.

"W.. what....." I didn't let him finish his sentence before I jumped on him and captured his lips, tasting him for the first time in months and he didn't hesitate before moving his lips with mine and spreading himself all over me. Ezra is like this forbidden fruit I should avoid but I can't resist him.

He moved us towards somewhere and I'm sure there were no eyes on us, still his lips moving with mine and his hands all over my body touching and caressing like he can't believe that I am kissing him and in his arms.

"We shouldn't do this." I said in between the kiss and he groaned in my mouth making my thighs clench with need and I'm already gushing.

"I know but I missed you so damn much that it hurts." We are both literally eating eachother and I still can't get enough of him.

"Where is your car?" I asked, leaving his lips to utter the words.

"Why!" He looks cute when he is confused.

"Don't you want to fuck me?" I never used crude words before him but now the need and desire to have him inside me is making me say words I never said before.

"Fay! That's not a good idea. We should spend some time before doing anything." When did he become so sensible?

"we will do everything after we are done fucking. So shut up and take me to your car before I change my mind and go back." His hand circled around my neck and pulled me towards him taking my lips in a brushing kiss which made my toes curl and my stomach drop in pleasure.

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"You don't know what you are asking for Babygirl. I haven't touched you in months and i can't hold myself back and be gentle with you." I don't want him gentle, i want him raw and intense.

"Don't treat me like Glass, Ezra.. I can take whatever you will give." He took my hand in his and guided me towards his car which is parked near a park.

"I don't want to fuck you in a car, Fay! I want to show you how much I missed you and how much I missed being inside you." His words are making me more horny and I don't think I can wait till we reach his hotel.

" So, take me somewhere where we can ravish eachother for hours." His painful groan reached my ears making me giggle.

"You are killing me, Babygirl. Where did you sweet and goody two shoes Fay went? Your mouth is making me lose my control and i want to be in control to not give these people a show." He pointed towards the people scattered around us. "I don't mind that." I bit my lip to hide the smile threating to spread and he squeezed my hand and started walking fast.

"Slow down! I am literally running where you are just walking." His long legs are making me jog.

"I can't, I need to get us to the hotel as soon as I can." He lifted me and slumped me on his shoulder like a sack making me laugh like a maniac.

"What the hell, Ezra! I feel dizzy. Put me down." I banged my fists on his back but he is gaint infront of my small fists.

"Fay!" A familiar voice called my name, making Ezra to stop walking and he turned around to check whom the voice belong to.

"What the hell are you doing here!" I can hear anger in Ezra's voice.

"

Put me down, Ezra!" He didn't move for a minute making me kick him in the stomach and at last he reluctantly put me down but his hand was possessively wrapped around my waist making me roll my eyes at him. "Alex? What are you doing here?" I am surprised to see Alex here as I am not expecting him in front of my apartment.

"Hi! I came here on business, and wanted to check on you after work, so here I am." Ezra has a deep scowl etched on his face and he is glaring at Alex like he will punch his face.

"Okay, Come let's get inside." I tried to lose Ezra's hold from my body but he is the stubborn devil.

"What about our plan, Fay!" He turned towards me with sad eyes making me feel bad but I just can't abandon Alex when he came here to meet me.

"We can still go but after having a cup of coffee with Alex." I tried to make him understand and with his sigh I know that he has given up on the topic.

"Okay, let's go then!" My eyebrows shot up in surprise and shock at the way Ezra easily accepted and didn't throw any tantrum that Alex had come to meet me.

"Are you alright?" I asked, wanting to know if he is okay! As he always shooed away every single guy who came towards me.

"I am okay, Babygirl!" He gave me a panty dropping smile and pulled me towards me to peck me.

The peck meant to show that I am his and there is no chance for anyone.

I resisted so hard to stay away from Ezra but I can't seem to find a way to make that happen.

We may be toxic to each other but when I am with him I feel a serene feeling and feel like I am finally home.

He was my home since I first met him and he will always be my home.