Elegi Of Rose

Yes, Roy was different. He could make her feel things she never felt with anyone else. If it were a year ago, she would have pulled away knowing that this time there was no one or anything to make them stop. But she was completely healed now and she was willing to dive into the depth of whatever this thing she had with her husband was. She was willing to face the consequences, willing herself to finally be free from all the guilt she felt-free from the prison she created to punish herself. This time-this moment-was hers. No more thoughts of Roni, no more thoughts of what she would do to herself after she woke up from this dreamland that was called Roy.

Right now, she would be true. With that final notice, she wrapped her arms around her husband's neck and pressed closer, molding her body to his. His one arm went around her to press her even closer as his other hand found her nape, untangling her bun with his fingers. His lips tasted like wine, his breath warm and urgent against her face.

She didn't care how they managed to blindly walk back inside where the warmth of his room ignited the growing fire inside her. She couldn't even care how he managed to zip her dress down, exposing her back, and ran his long strong fingers against her bare back. She couldn't remember as well how her fingers worked with his tie and shirt. And she was pretty sure both of them couldn't tell how their feet brought them towards the bed where they fell and reunited for yet another fiery passion. It was a good thing though that there was no more baby Ren to witness the flying of their clothes across the room because that would be very horrible. But what Ayu was feeling right now was far from horrible. She was feeling every pleasant feeling Roy's hand, lips and body were causing to her own.

Ayu never cared that everything happened so fast, nor she cared that she never planned for any of it to happen.

But it did happen. And it felt so right.

His lips running kisses down her throat was like heaven, the feel of his naked amazing body against hers was the best thing she ever felt, his skilled hands gripping hers as they finally joined together was as good as any of her paintbrushes. He cupped her face in his hands as they danced to their own music, his blue eyes full of emotions that were new to her, and at that moment, being intimately close to him, she felt like crying. She didn't know why but the tear trickled down her cheek and he kissed it away in the gentlest way.

"Don't cry, babe..." he whispered close to her ear before claiming her mouth once more.

Ayu willed her tears to make the U-turn. Crying at that exact moment was the least thing to do, so she wrapped her arms around him and enjoyed the feel of him intimately united to her. Stupid as it was but she really thought that she was too proud to have waited that long to have a taste of this.

The night went on unknowingly for both of them as they surrendered to the desire that had been lingering around them for quite too long now.

Finally, they were wise to know that it was just a matter of time. Everything else would have to wait.

*****

The moment Ayu opened her eyes, she smiled. Though it did not yet come to her what happened last night, she knew she was feeling contented and happy.

Then she froze when she felt Roy's heavy arm over her waist and she looked down. "Oh my God..." she gaped, realizing what she had done.

She made love to her husband.

Oh God...

She checked under the covers once again to see if she was not just hallucinating and to her horror, she thought right-and remembered right. She clamped her hand over her mouth and she closed her eyes with a groan.

She almost yelped as Roy's hand traveled down her spine to her lower back and she instinctively leaned away from his chest mouthing oh my God in the process. Her head slowly looked up and she opened her eyes to find his blue ones smiling down at her with a lazy, sleepy look.

"Hi," he murmured.

"What did you do?"

"What do you mean what did I do?" he asked absently as his eyes closed once more and his arm pulled her closer to him. She could feel every inch of him now. "What did we do?"

"Do you really have to ask such a stupid question?" he groaned sleepily.

"Roy," she poked his arm with one finger.

"What?"

"What happened?"

"Really, Yu, you should stop and think for a second. Don't ask questions that are obviously answered by just one look."

Ayu moaned. She was hoping he would say nothing really happened and she just had a bad dream-a really erotic, hot... bad dream. Her mind was reeling with so much thought now.

How would she continue this thing with Roy? The boundaries she had set up were now gone in just a short span of time. They had finally consummated their marriage and it would have been great if it was actually a real marriage thing but it was not-it was a result of a contract her father had with him. Now what happens? She couldn't just pack and leave, right? What? What happens now?

She badly wanted to ask him that same question but part of her was afraid of what his answer would be.

The fear she felt made her stop for a moment.

She was afraid he'd say what they had was just nothing-that it was just a one-time thing he would have done with anyone, that nothing changed. Yes, she was afraid he'd say it meant nothing.

Oh God, this is really bad...

Okay, Ayu, get a hold of yourself. Think... what do you do now? She asked herself.

Act like nothing happened. Don't talk about it. Everything will just fall to their places when the time comes. You just go on... it was just sex and you enjoyed it as much as he did. Don't let what happened keep you from anything. In the end, it will all be all right.

Yes, that's it. That's right. Keep calm and ride with the flow. You're good at it. Just guard your feelings, moron.

Yup, guard it good.

Finally done debating with herself, Ayu took a deep breath and sighed.

Surrender. Yes, she just had to accept that the sexual part of their relationship had been a long time coming. Both of them knew it would end up to this-they just chose to postpone it for nearly a month.

She leaned her forehead against Roy's chest and closed her eyes. For now, she'd sleep some more and when she woke up everything would be back to normal. Roy's arm tightened around her as his lips kissed her head and travelled down to her jaw. Her senses came awake once more but she did not pull away. Instead, she moved her head so their lips met for a kiss. She was tired of depriving herself of the pleasure his touches brought her.

Oh, yes, everything would be back to normal, alright.

Well, at least that was what she hoped.

*****

It was like a mutual understanding for both of them. Neither spoke about what happened and what would happen. Their day went on normally. Yes, normally.

Yes, there was more physical contact for both of them after last night and that morning, like kissing and caressing from time to time when they were both in a good mood. Maybe they both thought that talking about what happened between them would break the spell of the new thing that they were having. Well, maybe they would have to talk about it later, but not now.

Aside from that, they were really back to normal. That included their constant banters of who would do the laundry and the floor or wipe the furniture.

Ayu chose the easiest task of cooking using her new cookbook which was actually easier than she thought because it had recipes like crispy fried chicken with pepper and some herbs that didn't need too much chopping, a salad that only needed about five recipes that she could very well identify on her own, some bacon and cheese sandwich preparations, and other easy ones. She completely ignored the more meaty stuff like steaks and others that had something to do with ovens and marinades.

"What's that?" Roy looked over her shoulder from behind her, his body warm from vacuuming the entire house.

"I don't really have an idea what I'm doing. But don't worry because it will be edible so get away."

"I'm already starving and you've been here preparing lunch for almost two hours now and it's now one o'clock." His voice had an edge of irritation.

"I'm trying to learn how to cook as you said. You should give me some credit instead of grumbling."

"I understand what you're trying to say but you're trying to make a simple seasoned fried chicken for heaven's sake. Even a five year old can do that in fifteen minutes."

Ayu dropped the flour-coated chicken on the counter, turned around, and glared at him. "Can five year olds stand you?"

Roy frowned down at her. "What do you mean?"

"Not everyone knows how to cook, okay? I'm one of them. So stop comparing me to some freaking five year old! And for your information, I don't think five year olds can practically hold a knife and cook!" "I was just trying to point out-"

"That I'm a failure in the kitchen?"

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"No," his face was getting frustrated by the second. "Okay, fine, just... what else do you need here?"

"I need you to step out of the kitchen now and let me do my work."

"It's not really..." he trailed off when he saw the look on her eyes. "Okay, fine," and then he was out.

"Unbelievable," Ayu muttered under her breath and continued on with her task. "Freaking fried chickens..."

She was able to cook the chicken but it didn't turn out like it was in the picture.

"Photoshop," she reasoned, looking at her work.

By some reason, the flour that was supposed to be golden brown did not really stick to the chicken and were all floating on the oil-filled pan. In short, it seemed like she just fried plain chicken parts. "So much for effort..." she grumbled as she went out the kitchen to serve her royal majesty.

When he got a look at her work, his eyes went to hers. "It's not really what I can call a fried chicken, babe."

"That cookbook you got me must have had some publishing problem when they printed it because I followed every freaking step and it still turned out this way. We should return it and ask for a refund," she declared as she sat down across the table from him.

He looked at her in disbelief and shook his head. "You always have a reason for everything..." he said, reaching out for the plate of fried chicken.

Not everything... she answered silently in her mind.

*****

That afternoon, she spent it with her canvass. That's what she does when she is confused or has a lot of things to think about.

Ayu knew that being confused was a sure sign to get alarmed.

I better sort this thing out...

*****

That very same afternoon, she decided that she would have to visit Roni soon. It would be difficult seeing him lying on that bed, but she knew that coming to see him might just give her an answer to the same question Roy had asked her last night: Does she still love him?