Alive At Night (Wildflower Series Book 1)

I JUST WANTED TO get inside her.

As in, her brain.

What the hell was going on in there? Why the hell was she hiding in the bathroom?

Not to mention, I needed to get rid of all the other thoughts in my brain that kept circling around how good she felt and that goddamn noise she’d just made when I pulled her closer.

“If it makes you uncomfortable, I can stop,” I muttered.

Juniper frowned. Only inches separated us as we swayed slowly on the dance floor. “Uncomfortable?”

“When I touch you,” I clarified, keeping my voice low. “You freak out a little bit every time we get too close.”

I strongly suspected she was just like me; she was bothered because she liked it, not because she didn’t. But since I couldn’t figure out what she was thinking, I had to check. I needed to know.

“I don’t freak out.”

I should have guessed that the way I said it would make her get defensive. Sighing, I backpedaled.

“Juniper, I’m trying to make sure you feel safe with me,” I said, and she stilled in my arms, halting our dance.

“Safe with you?”

“Yeah, well…You didn’t want to dance. You were quiet at dinner. You ran away into the bathroom.”

“Julian…” Her mouth opened and closed while she tried to find words. “That’s not it at all. You’ve always kept me safe, and tonight isn’t any different.”

My relief, the blossoming in my chest, was short-lived because it was different. Tonight was unlike any other night. We both knew that.

Luckily, she kept talking, and I didn’t have to find a reply. Juniper stepped into me, circling her arms around my neck and continuing our gentle sway. She tipped her head back as she gazed up at me. The twinkling lights above us reflected across her face.

“I’m feeling guilty and overwhelmed,” she confessed.

I understood overwhelmed, but… “Guilty?”

“That you’re here.”

“That I’m—Juni.” I exhaled, tightening my hold on her. “I told you already. I’m happy to be here.”

It was fucking terrifying how true that was.

“I know what you said. But I don’t know how to just turn off my feelings.” She sniffed and looked away. “I told Nessa that we weren’t really dating. It was embarrassing.”

“I’m sure Nessa thought nothing of it.”

A single nod. “Yeah.”

That was the most unconvincing yeah I’d ever heard.

“You know…” I started. “You never told me why it was so important to you. To pretend to have this relationship.”

I was venturing into murky territory, especially considering what this same line of questioning had instigated in the car on the way to New York. But I had a strong feeling that if I got her to explain this to me, then I wouldn’t need her to explain anything else.

Juni laughed harshly. “Didn’t you see it?”

“See what?”

Her face screwed up, twisting with some emotion I didn’t understand. “Sofia’s reaction to you, to how you knew Grayson, to my false connections.”

“I saw it,” I admitted. “But I think she would have been just as excited to meet you without it.”

“You don’t get it,” she muttered.

“No, I don’t. Explain.”

For years, I thought I had Juniper all figured out. I put her in a box, slapped a label on it, and then put it out of reach. Easy. Simple.

Juniper was anything but simple. This weekend had been a slow unwrapping of her many layers, and now that I’d started, I couldn’t figure out how to stop. Goddamn, did I even want to?

“I’ve always wished I had a sister, Julian,” she whispered. “Or any sibling.”

I nodded encouragingly, wanting her to continue. Thankfully, she did.

“And I know it sounds silly, but if Sofia believes someone like you thinks I’m good enough to keep around, to date, to…to love, then maybe she will too. Maybe she’ll keep me around. Maybe I can convince her I’m worth that.”

Christ, hearing those words was one hell of a blow. My chest ached as I searched Juni’s face, urging her to look back at me. When her eyes finally lifted to meet mine, there was a yearning there that killed me to see. These thoughts were the ones she’d been hiding from me, huh?

“Juniper…” I breathed, knowing I needed to respond, even if I didn’t know what to say. “Of course you’re worth that.”

“Since when?” She cleared her throat. “You’ve never wanted me around.”

Shit. She hadn’t been hiding these thoughts from me at all. I just never saw them for what they were.

“Not to mention…” Her eyes darted away, searching for something. Someone. “She’s in this room, Julian. She’s in this room, and she doesn’t want to meet me.”

Goddamn. My grip on her tightened, hoping it might communicate that people did want her. People, as in…fuck.

“I’m okay with that, though,” she rushed to say. “Really, I am. I love my parents endlessly. I have the best mom. It’s a sister I don’t have. That’s why I wanted to meet Sofia.”

The song that had been playing began to fade, and another took its place, also slow, also perfect for holding your girlfriend—or fake girlfriend—close. And I thanked God for that. Letting go of Juniper now would crumble the last remaining unbroken piece of my heart.

“You can let go if you want,” she whispered. “We can sit down.”

“I don’t want to let go.”

She blinked up at me. Once. Twice. I saw stars in her eyes.

“Okay.”

We danced through the next song without talking. I pulled Juniper in close enough that eventually she rested her head against my chest, similar to last night. I tried really hard to think of something to say that would fix those thoughts in her brain, but I realized my words didn’t matter.

It was my actions.

They’d caused it—or had a hand in causing how she was feeling.

So they were going to fix it.

“So Nessa said you are not, in fact, dating Juniper.”

Grayson dropped those words into my lap as soon as I returned to my seat. Juniper had gone off with Nessa, sidling up to the bar to get another one of those purple concoctions.

I shook my head. “It’s complicated.”

“Didn’t look that complicated just now,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “Or when you stormed over to the bathroom earlier.”

“Gray…”

I couldn’t do this right now. Everything was a mess, and I couldn’t wrap my head around any of it.

He made a show of settling further into his chair. “Tell me how it’s complicated, Jules.”

We were really going to do this, huh?

I glanced over toward Juniper. She was smiling now, pulled into a conversation with Nessa as they stood near the bar with their drinks. Sure enough, one of those lavender lemonades was in her hand. She turned as she talked, leaving me with a view of her backside and a reminder of how fucking tight that dress was.

I couldn’t do this anymore.

“I’ve spent years fighting my attraction to this woman,” I admitted.

Grayson didn’t react except for a tiny twitch of his upper lip. “I know.”

Fuck him.

“I’ve watched you fight it on more than one occasion,” he added.

I sighed. “I thought I was supposed to fight it, to give her the cold shoulder. It became ingrained in me, even though she made it impossible at every turn. When we were young, I resented that she acted like she was a part of our family because I never saw her as a sibling like my sisters did. I saw her as—fuck. But now…”

“But now…?” Grayson prompted when I couldn’t finish the sentence.

That was the whole problem, wasn’t it? I had no clue how to finish that sentence.

“And now, nothing,” I sighed. “She still knows exactly how to drive me up a wall—”

“Maybe you should drive her up a wall,” Gray muttered.

“And she’s still Gemma’s best friend,” I continued, ignoring him. Mostly because I couldn’t allow my brain to linger on his words. “Actually, she’s friends with all my sisters. My parents think of her as their sixth daughter, for fuck’s sake.”

My asshole best friend seemed to think that was funny. “Maybe because they knew one day she would be,” he said with a smile.

“Shut up, man.” I glared at him. “Our history is complicated, and our present is even more intertwined. We’re colleagues, and I’ve put so much into getting this job. You don’t get it.”

“You’re right.” He shrugged. “I don’t. Because to me, it seems like you’re currently taking the advice you gave me a long time ago.”

“What’s that?”

Grayson’s devilish grin widened. “You’re running laps on a practice field to prove you’re worth something so she’ll give you playing time in the game.”

“I was drunk when I said that,” I pointed out flatly.

“Still the best damn advice I’ve ever gotten.”

Grayson was a confident fuck in college. Not cocky, but definitely confident. His natural talent and good looks afforded him every opportunity. Scholarships and women all but fell in his lap. For the most part—besides the whole heart defect thing—he got exactly what he wanted.

Except Nessa.

Nessa made him work for it. She made him prove himself on the practice field before giving him playing time. But this was far from the same situation.

“I’m not trying to get playing time,” I said.

“You’re not?”

“I can’t.”

That had never been an option.

Wholly unconvinced, Grayson folded his arms over his chest. “Well, I hope Juniper knows that. She seems nice, and Nessa is already attached, so don’t hurt her.”

“Stop.” Grayson warning me about not hurting Juniper made my hands ball into fists. “I’m not going to hurt her. She knows it isn’t like that. She wanted to be here with Noah, not me.”

“Yeah, Nessa told me that.” He crossed his legs, shifting in his seat. “It made me curious, so I texted him.”

“Who, London?”

Grayson nodded.

And then he fucking smirked.

“What?”

“We got shots!” Nessa’s voice interrupted whatever Grayson was about to spill. The arrival of a handful of small glasses followed her announcement. She placed them on the table between Grayson and me.

“You can’t drink, my little whiskey girl,” Grayson said dryly. His expression appeared split between amusement and concern as he pulled Nessa onto his lap.

“Okay, we got you shots.”

“I don’t drink,” Grayson pointed out, smile inching upward.

Nessa glared back at Grayson. “Would you just—”

“I don’t think shots are a good idea,” I cut in, turning to talk to Juniper specifically. But it was too late. She was already tossing one shot after another down her throat.

When she went to grab a third, I snatched it from her hand.

“Hey now,” she chastised, eyes glittering. “Nessa tells me you were the life of the party in college, and suddenly you think shots are a bad idea?”

I slowly lifted the shot glass to my lips while keeping my eyes on her over the rim. Tipping it back, I let the burn of alcohol slide down my throat. Juniper watched. Her gaze on me added to the burn.

“They are when you barely eat dinner,” I muttered after slamming the empty glass back on the table.

Juniper rolled her eyes, and it sparked something inside me. I was surprisingly grateful for that attitude. She was coming back into the version of herself I recognized, and I liked to believe it was because of more than the alcohol. Maybe getting things off her chest earlier had helped. Maybe I’d convinced her that we were meant to be here, both of us.

“I’ll be fine, Julian.”

She sounded like she was trying to reassure me about more than just the drinks, and goddamnit, she shouldn’t be reassuring me. It should be the other way around.

“No more,” I warned.

She lifted a brow. “Or what?”

I narrowed my eyes at her, and she grinned.

I could really get used to seeing Juniper St. James smile at me.

It was a radiant fucking smile.

Mimicking Grayson, I looped an arm around her waist and pulled her down to sit on my lap. Juni released a small shriek, and I ignored the looks on both Nessa’s and Grayson’s faces as I welcomed a new form of hell: Juni trying to find a comfortable way to sit on top of me.

This was ten times worse than when she’d accidentally sat on my lap in the office. Because now I wasn’t too afraid to admit how much I liked the feel of her. And I wasn’t as good at keeping thoughts I shouldn’t be thinking out of my head.

When she shifted into a position that put my slightly stiff cock in direct contact with her ass, I stifled a groan. Juni still heard. Or at least, I assumed she did, considering how she tried to scramble off my lap.

When I didn’t let her, she glanced back over her shoulder. “I’m squishing you—”

“You’re not. Don’t insult me.”

“I would never dream of insulting you.”

“Well, that’s a lie.”

“Juniper!”

Juniper’s whole body jerked toward the sound of her name, causing me to suck in sharply at the jolt. Juni didn’t seem to notice this time, though. She was too busy smiling back at Sofia, who was trying to coax her onto the dance floor again.

“Go,” I said, tapping her on the hip. “Go celebrate with your sister.”

She hesitated, which would have surprised me about the old Juniper. The one I thought I knew. But I understood things differently now.

“Do you want me to come with you?” I asked.

I wasn’t much of a dancer outside of the easy sway we had done earlier, but I would become one if Juni asked it of me.

“No, you can stay,” she said.

“Are you sure?”

She nodded, more confident now. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

And then, because I knew Sofia was watching, I kissed her on the cheek. “I’ll be here,” I breathed in her ear.

Juniper shot off my lap so fast that my body, once again, nearly went into shock. But I used another one of Nessa’s shots to help myself recover.

For the next fifteen minutes or so, I chatted with Grayson and Nessa while keeping track of Juni in my peripheral vision, dancing with Sofia and the other wedding guests. But apparently, I wasn’t watching closely enough.

“Jules,” Grayson said, interrupting Nessa’s explanation of her new tour schedule. His tone of voice—and how he’d cut his wife off—immediately had me leaning forward, tense.

Without saying another word, Gray pointed to the dance floor. One look and I saw it. No explanation necessary.

A guy with slicked-back hair and an ill-fitting suit was way too fucking close to Juniper. Close enough that he could reach out and—

“Oh, hell no.”

My vision went hazy, and I was on my feet and across the room.