What Lies Beneath

Every single time Jaxon turned his back or left us, even for a moment, I'd kiss Landon as if it was the last time. Because I didn't know which one would be. He was sweet, letting me. He seemed like he needed it too. The day was half over before I knew it. I felt each moment pass us by. It was hard pretending that I was going to be all right.

We were all sitting in a diner. I was beside Landon because he'd sat down before Jaxon had. My brother didn't seem to think much of it. He was too busy catching up on all the food he hadn't eaten in the last couple weeks. Landon and I weren't eating.

"Sun's almost down," Jaxon said as he chewed. "We can head to the beach next. You wanna swim?"

"Not really." I sighed.

"Kay," he said, "we can maybe build a sandcastle."

I forced a smile. "Okay."

Landon very subtly rubbed my leg. Funny how he was swooping in to try and stick a Band-Aid on every little ache, since he was so unwilling to do what needed to be done to banish it all.

"I'll make a sandcastle with you." Landon smiled at me.

Jaxon laughed. "Don't worry. I got it."

Landon was glaring, but you'd have to know him well to see it. "I'm fine doing it with her."

Jaxon finished chewing. "I don't wanna keep you from your life. You got people waiting for you? Kids? A wife?"

"I have no children. My mate and I are not..."

My brother nodded. "Lady troubles. Been there. Hope you work it out. Maybe ya just gotta talk to her. Girls are pretty easy to make happy if you just learn the code. Lala over here perks up from anything if ya give her a " "Strawberry snack cake," the boys said at the same time.

Jaxon looked at Landon, trying to figure him out. "Yeah. You... seem to know her pretty well."

Landon shrugged it off. "We've been together 24/7 since you got taken."

"How did you guys find each other anyhow?"

Landon was careful with his lie. "I found her because I knew Knox. I saw her with him, and I lost him. I figured she might know where he went. It all snowballed from there."

My brother was dubious. "And you helped her... why?"

"Because she was a lost girl, all alone. I couldn't just leave her."

There was a small smile. "Thank you for that. I don't know what I'd do if I lost her."

"Yes, I understand."

He had my hand under the table, and it kept me from shaking. A few more hours now...

We got to the beach as the sun was dipping over the horizon. My bare feet were in the sand. Jaxon was lying a few feet from us, and Landon was right next to me. We had a bucket of water that he was using to build me a castle. It was awful, but I loved it. My chin was on my knees as I watched him.

"What do you think?" he asked.

I smiled. "It's very nice."

He dusted off his hands. "It is."

Jaxon had his eyes closed, so I pulled Landon down to me for a kiss. We've kissed more today than in the entire time we'd been together. It was almost amusing.

We broke apart when Jaxon started sitting up. "I say we get a hotel, La. We can get some rest, and I'll let ya pick out a new place to go. We should try and pick up some cash though." He stood up and brushed the sand from him. I looked at Landon. Our time was up. We both knew it.

He asked, "Can I get a ride to wherever you're staying? I'd like to pick up something to eat for the road. Maybe get a car."

"Sure," my brother said kindly.

We all got into the van, and I sat beside Landon. Jaxon didn't say a word.

Everything felt terrifying the closer we got to the hotel. He had no more reasons to stick around. That was it. I couldn't do a thing to save his life, and it felt directly tied to mine.

Jaxon parked and looked over his shoulder. "All right, kids. We're home."

Landon took his bag. He walked into the hotel with us under the falsity that he was getting dinner before he went on his way. I didn't care. It bought me more time.

Jaxon got our room, and he handed me a key. "I'm gonna head up." He looked at Landon. "I just want to thank you again. For what you did for me, for Mila. If you ever need anything, call me, and I'll get it done." Landon smiled and nodded once. "Thank you."

Jax patted his shoulder before leaving.

Then it was the two of us.

My hands were shaking fists at my sides, and I couldn't make them stop. My eyes were stuck on the floor as I waited for goodbye.

"Mila." My name even sounded like goodbye.

Then I remembered. I had one more thing to get us some time. I looked up hopefully. "You need more blood, right?"

Landon's face relaxed. "Yeah, I guess I do."

I took his hand and rushed him away from the crowded room. I found a little storage room off to the side. It was dark when we went in, but I found the light in a second.

He closed the door and picked me up, dropping his bag to do so. He slammed me against the wall. His mouth was rough on mine, and my fingers pulled at his hair. I made loud sounds of appreciation when I felt his nails in the backs of my thighs.

He set me on my feet and smiled as he undid the buttons on the front of my dress. I pulled him down to the floor and onto me, hooking a leg around him. He dragged my dress and bra strap down before his fangs sank into my neck. I made another sound before I relaxed under him.

His heart was pounding against mine as he rocked with me. He couldn't be any closer to me, and none of it was enough.

We were both panting when he was done. He kissed me again, and he forgot to put his fangs away first. I didn't care, I just held him to me. I could taste traces of my own blood on his tongue, another thing I didn't care about. If this was to be the very last time, I'd deal with it all.

My hands found his zipper, and I pulled it down after I popped the button. Then my hand went under his boxers, and he moved against it. I smiled at the groan and remembered the last time we'd been in this position. He'd seemed to enjoy it, even with my lack of experience.

His breathing stopped for a second or two before he spoke. "Not on the floor of a closet, Mila."

I didn't stop. "Why not?"

He said no, but his body moved along with a different plan. When I started trying to undress him, he spoke again. "I don't want your first time on a dirty floor. You deserve a lot more than that." "Landon, you could have had me a dozen times in a dozen places. This is my first time. I should get to pick where. And who. Please," I whispered, "this is the very last chance."

He sat me up against the door. He fixed my clothes before his own, and I was already crying. He tried clearing away the tears. "You're so, so young, and you're going to meet a far better man than me. He's going to take care of you, and he'll give you children and a home. A dog." He smiled but it was a lie. "He'll grow old with you, surrounded by grandchildren. And you won't remember the vampire you met when you were young."

I shook my head. "I don't want to forget you."

"You will."

I felt beaten down in every way a person could. I couldn't see a thing but him walking away from me. I couldn't see the future, so he may be right about all of those things. But right now, I didn't want any of the things he was promising life would give me.

"I took too much from you. You need to be careful until your body makes more. Don't want you getting woozy now."

I didn't say anything. I didn't care how much blood he took. It just made him stronger. That was good enough for me.

He kissed me again. Carefully and slowly. "It's time, love." His forehead touched mine for a moment before he stood me up.

We walked outside hand in hand. It was dark, but the hotel lights cast a hateful spotlight on us for our finale. We stood facing each other. His hand cradled my face for the very last kiss of my life. I don't know how long it lasted, but it wasn't enough.

I hugged him. I was straining to reach him. My tiptoes were lifting me, and my ankles popped. "I'm going to miss you," I said into his neck. I was getting tears all over his shirt.

"I'm going to miss you too, baby."

I wasn't willing to let go. "If you change your mind ever, find me. I don't care why or how long it is. Ten years or eighty. I will always want you."

He rubbed my back and set me on my feet. "You know—"

"Please," I cried, "don't say no. Don't say I'm better off without you, and you're sparing me. Just tell me that you'll find me if you change your mind."

His eyes were glass as his thumb took a tear from me. "I'll find you if I change my mind."

I got up on my tiptoes again, and my hands went to his hair. "You can find me, right? With my blood?"

He nodded.

I sniffled. "Good. Be safe, okay?

"I will be."

"Don't let those people hurt you."

"I won't."

"I love you."

He was quiet for a moment. "I love you, Mila."

I smiled, and a tear dropped onto my lips. "Goodbye."

He pressed his lips to my forehead. "Goodbye."

I watched him until he disappeared into the dark. When he was gone, I let myself cry it all out until there was nothing left in me. I thought I may have been fine, if I could have believed he was just going to wander. That was what he was. My wayfarer. Why did he have to tell me the truth?

Once I got back up to my room, I was finished crying. I just didn't have any tears left, and I didn't want to let myself die over this. I'd mourn, but for Jaxon, I needed to live through this. Maybe one day I'd go back to wanting that house and that baby boy and that dog. For now, it meant nothing to me.

Jaxon was sitting on his bed, looking like stone. "He gone?"

I nodded and sat on the corner of his bed.

My brother sighed and moved closer, hugging me. That was when I found out that there were always more tears to cry. And I did. I cried until I was in agony.

He pulled my head to his shoulder. "So my baby sister's in love, huh?"

I looked up at him, not surprised that he'd figured it out. Still, I asked. "How'd you know?"

He smiled. "I know you better than anyone in this world. I know how you are when you're sad. I've seen every version of grief you've ever had, and this was entirely new. And..." His smile changed. "...you weren't as careful as you thought. I pick up scents now, and he's always on you. Like it's inside of you. It's the same for him. Also I caught you guys kissing like four times. You were saying goodbye to him for an hour. Why the hell do you think I left you alone for your goodbye? And you gave him your bacon without hesitation. Then that mate thing he said..."

"I get it." I laughed through my tears. "You're smarter than I gave you credit for."

"Damn right I am." He patted my arm. "You know I wouldn't have sent him away, right? I wouldn't have done that to you."

"I know. I didn't tell him to go. He chose to go."

"What?" he said with genuine shock. "Why would he do that? Does he know you love him or..." He frowned deeply. "were you two just messing around?"

I laughed again. "We didn't have sex." I said it first because I knew that mattered most to him. "And he told me he loved me. A few times."

He looked no less confused. "Then why isn't he here? I'm thinking about finding him and killing him for making you cry, so this better be good."

"He said that he's bad for me. That the life I want isn't something he can give me, and I'm better off with him gone."

"Maybe you are." I could tell he hated saying it, if only for hurting me.

"I don't care what's good for me. I just want him. And whatever comes with it."

Jaxon sighed. "Yeah, that sounds like love. Stupid and blind. And loyal."

"What am I supposed to do here, Jax?"

He shrugged. "You cry for a while, then you go to sleep. Wake up, cry more, go to sleep. You'll start crying less, and then not at all. I know this doesn't mean much right now, but you'll be okay. You're too good for this life, but that doesn't mean you won't get some good stuff in return for all this pain."

I sniffled again. "He was a lot better man than he gave himself credit for."

"I'm sure." He paused for a few seconds. "So just to be clear, you're still a virgin?"

I laughed, and it was completely real. "Yes. And I'm pretty sure I will be for the rest of my life."

"I ain't gonna say that makes me sad."

Of course not.

My eyes moved up so that I wouldn't cry more. "He's going to kill himself."

Another long pause. "Excuse me?"

I sighed. "After he kills all those people on his list. He said he didn't have a reason to keep living, and he hasn't for hundreds of years. So he... just isn't. I said..." I held my brother when more tears came. "...I said I loved him, and that I could be that reason for him. He wouldn't do it. He doesn't want to ruin me, and he doesn't want to be around when I die and our Link breaks. So... this is it."

Jaxon smoothed out my hair. "I'm going to get you through this. You can be as sad as you want to for as long as you want to. I'll help you any way I can."

****

It was late, and I refused to go to bed. My eyes burned, but I didn't want to close them. All I could see was his face. I wasn't even changed for bed. Jaxon was hesitating too.

"We should pick out a place to go from here," he said.

"In the morning." I sighed. "I can't think right now."

"Can I do anything for you?"

I shook my head. "I'm gonna go see if that vending machine has any of those cakes. Okay?"

"Be careful."

I didn't put my shoes on before I left the room. I wouldn't need them since I wasn't leaving the hotel. Everyone was asleep by now, so I shouldn't have to worry about people seeing a weepy barefoot chick in a dress and thinking I was a ghost. I got to the lobby and found the machine. I dug a few quarters out of my pocket and dropped them in before pressing the proper buttons. I had enough money to get one cake to shove into my face now, and one for me to pretend to be buying for later, but really I'd hate-eat it on my way back up to my room.

The machine turned and then stopped, trapping my food. I waited, and waited, and nothing... "Really! Give up the fucking cake!"

When it didn't, I glared at the thing. Through the plexiglass, I could see behind me. I was so sure I was seeing things. Landon was leaning against a wall, arms crossed, and he was smiling at me. I thought that my mind was trying to either hurt me or help me. But I had to make sure...

I turned, and he was still there.

I ran, and I didn't even know I was doing it until I was jumping into Landon's arms. He caught me, and I didn't make him move at all. Our arms went around each other, and I felt his cheek against mine.

"You're real," I said, almost to myself.

He laughed. "I think so."

He was holding me up, so our heads weren't level. Mine was just above his. "I mean, you're here."

"Yeah. It took me a whole three hours but-"

Out of nowhere, my ears rang so loud with a bang that I let out a strangled scream. Then I was on the ground in a heap and just barely aware that Landon was too. I looked around to try to see what had caused it, but everything was still, and we were alone. I was almost beyond the point of caring. Blood was trickling out of his nose and ears; then crimson dripped from me. My hand touched my ear and came back covered in it.

"Hello." I heard the voice like a vibration.

I knew in a second who the man was when he walked through the lobby doors. Knox was in a suit. Too nice for a slug like him to be wearing. He was grinning from ear to ear. "Ya know that phrase 'if you want something done right'...?" I couldn't speak as my head felt as if it was about to explode. All I could smell was blood, and all I could see was Landon on the floor, as broken as I was.

"Anyway," Knox went on, stepping over Landon, "I kept hearing some very disturbing things. Like two people kept setting my merchandise free. And that they were killing my employees. I'm sure you can imagine my annoyance. Then I heard a name. Landon Crane. It meant nothing to me until I had someone look into it. Now, when I last saw you..." He knelt down and turned my boyfriend to his back. "...you were Landon Smith. Not very clever, but I understand why you change your name. Then I found out that you've been picking off my friends. Very rude."

He stood again, then he looked to me. "Figures that you would find each other. Such a nuisance you two were. So it was actually a pleasant surprise to find you were lovers. He led me right to you. Looks like I get to use only one stone." He took me by the throat, and Landon tried to lunge at him. Knox smiled, and Landon couldn't even scream through the pain. He coughed up blood, and I made a sound of shock and pain, almost moaning.

"Please," he said to Landon, "let me finish." The man smiled at me. "You killed a lot of people to get your brother back. And your mate killed a lot of people for petty revenge. Let me tell you a secret... people are replaceable. Time is not. And you two have cost me too much for me to just let this go. I had been planning on just killing you, but I don't want this game to be over quite yet."

I was lifted off the ground, and the pain in my head only got worse. I couldn't move my body. I couldn't fight. He could break my neck, and I couldn't do a thing about it.

"I've already hurt you," he said. "I think Lanny is due a turn. You agree?"

There was even more pain just before all the lights in my world went out.