What Lies Beneath

Landon.

"Sorry, but you'll need to do some lap sitting," Colin said as we approached his tow truck. I really wish they would have answered the phone. Could have saved some time. But then, I wouldn't have gotten to carry Mila. My time with her would have been shorter.

My time was running out, and that was nothing new. But she made it feel like it was going faster. For the first time since I'd made the decision, I really felt the end coming. Numb for two hundred years, and then the colors come back in spades. "Not a problem,” I said, hopping in. I reached down and picked Mila up, though she didn't need me to. I sat her sideways and right on my lap. She didn't even look angry about it. She just closed the door and sipped on her shake. Colin started driving after he turned the radio on. He kept it fairly low and made polite conversation that Mila was kind enough to take care of for me.

"You from around here?" he asked her.

"Um, no. We're just traveling. Honeymoon."

I smiled but didn't let her see. "Just married?"

"Couple days ago." "Congrats."

"Thank you."

They went on like that for a while. Mila made up some stuff about a college we were going to and jobs we had. Clever on her feet, but that wasn't a surprise. She was good with words.

The conversation died a good death, and then we were sitting there. Mila tilted her drink to me, offering a sip. I took it, almost entirely just because she offered. And the way she was looking at me...

We got to the van, and everyone exited the truck. Colin grabbed the tire and a massive lantern as he went around to the back of the car. I offered help, but he kindly declined.

Music was still playing in his car. Another slow song. And my girl was right there, standing alone and looking far too stunning for this and any other world.

I pulled her to me and laced our fingers together. "Our last dance ended too soon," I told her. "I wasn't finished with you. Not by a long shot."

Her cheeks turned pink in the moonlight, and she let me sway her. It was so simple, and quiet, and we were the only two people on this planet. Soon, so soon, it would only be her. All I would be was a memory in her head. Would she be angry about that?

She smiled up at me as if I was worth it. And I decided that the answer was yes.

It was a warm feeling, knowing that before my time was up, I had a mate. It wasn't something I'd ever dreamed of or hoped for, but it was still nice. I didn't feel so alone anymore. In this infinite abyss, I had her. Even if only for a while. I hoped I would still see her face when I slipped into that beautiful oblivion. That was all I needed. Blackness, and her eyes.

"All done,” the man said, ending this perfect moment.

I let her go, but not enough for the emptiness to come back yet. I felt it there, waiting for me to be vulnerable. That was when it consumed. I'd walked beside it for so long. Was it angry now that I was betraying it? "Thank you." I gave the man a few hundred dollars that he tried to refuse, but I wouldn't take it back. He could have this. The rest was for Mila.

I got back in the driver's seat, and we resumed our drive, chatting about nothing and playing the entire way.

****

It was so late when we found a hotel. I drove as far as I could before I was too tired to keep naming dirty Smurfs with Mila. She was far filthier than I was, and I loved it. We were right by the Oregon border when I had to stop.

She kicked her shoes off when we got to our room. Two beds this time, because I didn't think I could get away with the lie twice. She hadn't seemed to notice the vacancy sign in the motel the night before.

I was leaning against the wall when I was ripping off my own boots. I was too tired to even sit on the bed.

Mila walked in front of me and stopped. "You still need blood?"

"I do." Funny, I hadn't actually remembered before she said it. Could be because I don't really need it.

"Want me to lie down? Or you can lie down, and I can be on top of you. Ha!" Her eyes suddenly brightened. "Reverse Cowgirl Smurf. How the fuck did that one get left out?" She seemed angry with herself for it. Then it was over. Over a fucking Smurf. The battle with my head was lost. "I love you."

I watched her go from joyful and gleeful to shocked and blank. She stared up at me as if I could possibly explain myself.

It didn't change anything.

It couldn't change anything.

It shouldn't change anything.

I had been under the impression that if I didn't admit it fully to myself, it wouldn't be true. But I was not as wise as I wanted to believe. Today was what had done it. Every moment of it. Her blood and mine mixing the night before, seeing who she might be if she was happy. The way she looked at me. The way she was looking at me now.

Wait... the way she's looking at me now...

She took a step forward, her eyes changing from shock to focused. They wouldn't leave mine. Her hands went to the bottom of my shirt, and she pulled the bottom snap apart. Her smile was small, but sexy and teasing as she continued. She was so slow, unsnapping one at a time, pulling and watching me for approval. I think the sudden heartbeat was enough for her.

Once she was at the top, she ran her hands down my chest and back up to my shoulders. She rose to her tiptoes and pressed her lips against my beating heart. She knew it was hers. I was hers.

Her hands slid down again, and her fingers curled around the top of my pants. She tugged me forward and smiled brighter as she went for the button, then stopped to rub me for a moment or two. Enough to make it start hurting in an amazing way.

No more teases.

I pulled Mila's hands away and gripped her by the backs of her thighs, turning us and pressing her to the wall. Slender legs went around me, and hands knotted in my hair. She was pulling me to her when I was already on my way. My lips went to hers and there was no time wasted getting hers apart. She put up no fight, and then I was tasting her again. Warm and soft and eager. Mila made noises when I pressed her body against the wall and mine against her.

I pulled back long enough to talk. "Tell me what to do."

She smiled as she was panting. "Touch me."

My mouth went back to her body. I found the center of her breast and pressed my mouth to the hard tip that was being blocked by her damn dress. She still moaned and held me.

I used the wall to hold her up, and it freed up one of my hands. It slid up her dress and her thigh, finding her panties. They were already damp, and it made me crazy, telling me that she was at least half as ready for this as I was. I could have easily slid my fingers inside her, but there was so much more I wanted to do.

When I started dragging my fingers along where her nerves were, over the fabric, she gasped.

This wasn't enough.

I moved my hand and my mouth, and she made a pouting sound. Pulling her away from the wall I brought her to the bed. I sat on the edge, and she was on my lap. Her little hands went up to my shoulders again, sliding my shirt off. She touched my chest again once it was gone.

She was up on her knees, and it gave me room. Her breasts were at eye-level, but all I could do was look up at my mate as she smiled down at me, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

My hand started between her legs, and I touched her just long enough to make her eyes glassy. She started kissing me again when I went to undo the buttons on the front of her dress. I tore my mouth away from hers so I could pull the straps down.

Her heart raced for me as the dress fell revealing her lacy bra. I trailed my hands up her back and unhooked it, reaching up to pull the straps down her arms.

Her hands were at my shoulders, and her expression was self-conscious. She wouldn't quite look in my eyes. At first, I couldn't imagine why.

Then I saw.

There were only a few visible, but there were straight, thin lines on her torso. One a few inches above her belly button, a couple inches long. One at the top of her right breast, shorter, but more jagged. And one that was under her breast, the longest by far. At least three inches long and thicker than the last ones. There were about half-a-dozen that wouldn't have been noticed at all if I hadn't been a vampire or this close to her. Odds were that even she didn't know she had them. I hoped that would remain.

New people to add to the list then. I should have been angrier before, but I wasn't capable. I was more awake now. Those boys would die, and I would take my time. What a proper and fitting last act. Revenge for my mate. For making her feel like this when she should have felt as beautiful as she was.

I put my hand on her face, turning her to me. My hand went to the back of her neck as I pulled her down for what would be the only chaste kiss I would be capable of as this night went on.

"I love you," I said again, because it was true.

I tasted her tears when she pressed her lips back to mine.

Too sad. She was too sad. I needed to make her feel something else. So much pleasure that she would forget what it was like to be sad. I wanted her to tremble with sensation.

I moved my mouth from hers and put it to the top of her breast. I kissed her scar before I moved down. I flicked the tip of her nipple with my tongue until she dug her fingernails into the back of my neck. Then I moved to the other side. My hand went between her legs and slid under the fabric of her panties. My fingertips dragged across the most sensitive part of her before they moved. I gave her no warning before my finger was inside of her. My palm pressed against her skin as I gently worked my it around inside of her, trying not to go roughly enough to hurt. Her eyes went wide and blank as she whimpered out my name.

My fingers were met with increasing wetness, along with her heat. She felt like fire on the inside. Then she was quiet, and I thought I was hurting her. I looked up, and her eyes were closed. She started moving, rubbing herself against my palm. She rolled her hips against me, and I couldn't fathom how she knew how to do that. Her whole body was rubbing against mine, skin to skin, and it was perfect.

She stopped breathing, and her eyes opened. My name was on her lips when she came. She looked so innocent. Like she didn't know what was happening to her. Oh the things I was about to show her...

I pulled the dress over her head and threw it on the floor. She seemed almost unaware. She kissed me again, and the whole world froze. She was the only thing in it. It felt like everything would stop when she wasn't kissing me anymore. Then we weren't kissing, and I was only saved by the look in her eyes. Devotion that God Himself didn't even deserve. All the stars in the sky couldn't match the brightness in her eyes.

"Get on your back." I growled low in her ear.

Her eyes were curious, and she didn't move fast enough. I was rough, but she gave no sign of not liking it. I shoved her onto her back and lay over her, putting my mouth to her tip again, gently licking and nipping at her. She weaved her fingers through my hair and pulled me up. I was out of breath, so I waited for her to say something.

She didn't.

She finished undoing my button and zipper. I helped her yank my pants off and toss them to the floor. I settled between her legs and rocked my hard-on against her center. She arched up and moaned. Her eyes sparkled with something bright as she smiled at me. Her hands started at my shoulder, then began pushing me up and apart from her. She looked up at me through her lashes as her hand vanished under the band of my boxers.

She touched me, teasing. My chest rumbled in appreciation before she started tugging the boxers off completely. She had them off in moments and looked so pleased.

Her hand wrapped around me, and she smiled again. Pure wickedness, she was. She began to stroke me, and I groaned loud enough to make her giggle. I couldn't control my noise. It had been too long. Once I realized that this was reality and not, in fact a dream, I rocked against her hand.

I finally thought about how long it had been since I experienced any physical pleasure. I was human. Before a time like this, where sex was first base. The kind of women I grew up with wouldn't dare try anything bold or daring. Not like Mila. You could be married for a decade and not do much more than what was required to get pregnant. It was boring and shameful and colorless. I'd never been touched like this.

My cheek was against Mila's, and I tried so hard not to groan into her ear. Each time I did, her free hand caressed my side.

I came, and I was so loud I thought I could have broken her eardrum. But she was fine. She kissed me slowly, and I melted into her. I started rocking against her again, tasting her tongue and trying to memorize it. This would be what I thought of as the last few seconds of my life ticked down. Her face, her eyes, how she felt against me. Even with my heartbeat making my body warm, she felt like fire.

I moved up, looking down at the face that I needed to see. Her swollen lips were parted, and her chest was rising and falling fast, pressing to mine. She was still rubbing her pelvis against me, but she stopped when she saw my fangs descend. There was immense trust in her eyes as she moved her head, exposing her neck to me. That was all it took. She was willing to give me anything, and I hardly needed to ask. The smile on her lips was stunning, excited at the idea of the bonding that would take place.

I had a better idea..

I slid down her body, and she perked up, just a little. My face was at her thighs, and I looked back up. Not for permission, but to get a look at her expression again. She was up on her elbows, and she was looking at me curiously. My mouth went to the center of her panties, and she made a gasping, moaning sound. Like she just didn't know what to do with herself. If she was like this when I was teasing her through fabric... I could only imagine how she was going to sound in a few minutes.

She lay back, and I kissed her inner thigh. I had to be careful here. She could bleed out if I wasn't. I'd never actually tapped this vein, I had been trying to throw her a little bit before, while not giving away how inexperienced I was, but I knew how to do it without hurting her. I sank my teeth in, about half as deep as they could go. Instantly, blood rushed hot and sweet in my mouth. Since the Link, it was like a drug. She tasted like candy and warmth and comfort. Like she'd been made just for me. Maybe she had.

Mila made a sound of pleasure and sighed. Oh, the sound was perfect. An angel's voice couldn't be as pleasing.

When I was finished, I licked the wounds, making sure that there was no chance of her bleeding. She was fine, and I could move on.

I hooked my thumbs into the band on her panties, and Mila grinned, lifting up so that I could pull them down her legs. She separated them for me, and I laid my mouth over her, and her hips moved up, pressing me closer to her. Well, if she wanted closer...

My hands went under her ass, bringing her as close to me as I could. I looked up when Mila made a sound of muffled desperation. She was biting down on her lip, trying to stay quiet. I believed it was my job to make quiet an impossible thing for her.

I moved my hand so that her leg was flat on the bed. My tongue was free to press against the swollen piece of flesh that could start and end her. I couldn't get enough of her. Her taste, the feel of her, her desperate cries... her pulse throbbing against my tongue. My name pouring from her lips in the form of screams and whimpers. She was moving her hips wildly under me. She was not in control, and I loved it. Her fingers pulled at my hair as she writhed. When she stopped breathing and cried out my name, I could have lived in those seconds for eternity.

She was panting when I laid our bodies flush. Her legs were apart again, and I was less than half an inch from entering her and getting to feel what heaven was.

Mila smile up at me, soft and warm. She pressed her lips against mine for a moment. "I love you."

It was war. First and foremost, my body and mind were overwhelmed with feeling. Love. She was in love with me. Me... What was I? I was empty. Hate was all that I was made up of. Hate... and the love that I felt for her. She was the only light I could see.

And that was why this had to stop. I was such a bastard. About to do something permanent to her when I knew I was only temporary. I wasn't thinking. I was selfish. I had one foot out the door, and I couldn't plant roots with her. I was poison. She didn't know that. I couldn't do this with her if she didn't understand. If she did, she wouldn't love me.

I moved off her so fast that it took her a moment to realize what was happening. I grabbed my boxers and pulled them on.

"Landon?" she said. "Are you okay?"

"No," I said coldly. I didn't explain. I picked up my pants and stood away from the bed to put them on.

Mila wanted a life I couldn't give her. She wanted a family, a home where she could feel safe and settled. She wanted a husband and a dog and a human life. I didn't know how to be what she wanted. Needed. I didn't know if I was even capable of learning. She needed a whole person. I couldn't even pray to be half.

I walked around the bed and picked my shirt off the floor. Mila was too confused to look hurt. She covered herself with the blanket, as if she was suddenly embarrassed to be naked in front of me. She'd been so open and bright before, and I'd managed to undo that completely. I'd crushed a flower right after I'd forced it to bloom.

"What did I do?" she asked. Her voice was a prelude to tears. The blanket clutched to her chest as she sat up.

I'd never hated myself more than I did when her voice broke. Of course she was blaming herself for this. She probably didn't think for a moment that this was me and my brokenness, having nothing to do with hers.

"Nothing," I said, unconvincingly. My buttons were only halfway done before I was slipping my shoes on. "You didn't do anything."

I couldn't look at her, so I wasn't sure what her eyes held. "But I thought we... I thought we were going to... that you...”

"I told you before, this won't work."

She was so, so quiet. I didn't look at her again before I left the room.