Warriors of Blue moon

Lelanna’s POV:

I think I must have slept only a few minutes here and there last night, because I spent most of the night just staring at the walls and ceiling wondering how the hell I got to this point. I mean I know how, I just can’t believe it; it feels so strange and quite abnormal. I shut so much out for so long and now it’s all coming back in floods. I feel as if I’ve barely had a moment to digest it all, to accept that I’m back to what I had missed… and damn how I have missed it… all of it!

I pulled the duvet up to my chin as I snuggled in deeper into my bed. The last time I had slept here was the night before my banishment, where everything seemed so good, happy and safe! Even things with me and Layton had shifted and life was going so well for me. I couldn’t imagine the grief my family had gone through all this time, which made me feel a bit guilty for staying away so long, only adding to their misery, their hopes of my being alive… falling away with every passing day.

I closed my eyes tightly trying to block out everything that was running through my head when tapping at my door bought me back… I got up and opened my door to see three faces staring back at me…. two of them with their mouths agape as if in shock…

“it’s true” they squealed as they threw their arms around me and smothered me in a hug. Dakota stood back, her eyes watery as she watched Maisie and Lola cry as they held me even tighter. A tear ran down my cheeks as I smiled… a smile of happiness and comfort. I actually felt happy. We were finally connected again… Dakota finally gave in and came in for a hug too, as we all stood in the doorway grasping onto one another like penguins huddling for warmth.

They kept planting kisses on my face, wet from their tears as they mumbled how they couldn’t believe I was back and how much they had missed me. All the love I had pretended I didn’t want or need was pushing its way back into my heart, making me want to choke on my own tears that still wouldn’t completely fall, only allowing one tear at a time. The floodgates still refused to fully open.

When they finally unwrapped me from their arms, we all sat on my bed just as we used to, when we’d compare gossip and general what’s been going on in our lives. But I knew this time there would be less gossip and more about me and how the hell I’m alive! They asked all the same questions everyone else had asked and I couldn’t help but feel bored at retelling my own story, but they were desperate to know, and they demanded I didn’t sugar coat anything and tell them exactly how it was for me. They cried when I admitted how much I thought of them and needed them when I was first banished and how I had no one but myself the entire time. They found it hard to grasp that I was entirely on my own every day and night until I had found Heath. They told me they kept hoping I had been taken in by another pack just like my family had wished. I suppose it was easier for them to grieve if they could tell themselves I was safe and surrounded by a strong and secure wolf pack.

They got very squeamish and cried harder when I told them how many times I had to kill and that it had gotten to a point where I couldn’t remember how many or how it had become as natural as eating and breathing, it was a regular occurrence in the forest. But they sat and listened to everything I told them, trying to give me supportive smiles and holding my hands while they kept wiping away their own tears.

“I just can’t imagine it, Lil’s” Maisie spoke as she sniffled through her tears “I’m just so happy, your here and your safe.”

“We’ve missed you so much, it was so hard watching you go and never knowing if we’d ever see you again… especially for your family, they were so crushed” Lola wept as she rubbed my hand.

I smiled back and waved my hand as if it didn’t matter and turned the conversation onto them “Soo, Maisie I see by the ring on your finger you and Jackson got married?” I asked, giving her a broad smile and raising my eyebrows for her to spill the details.

She smiled and let out a breathy chuckle as she looked down at her big diamond ring ”we diiid, it was last year and it was the best day ever. We had it in this really fancy hotel in the city… do you remember the ‘Sucree hotel’?"

I nodded

“Well, we had it there and the room was so big and beautiful, and the food was amazing.”

Dakota and Lola both agreed as they spoke about the food they had and how beautifully the room was decorated with yellow and white roses and big lit candles on every table. “We went to France for a few nights for our honeymoon, of course we went to the Eiffel Tower and we just toured the city… we didn’t want it to end so we decided we’d go back every year”.

“No babies yet?” I asked in wonder

“Nooo, we will one day, but for now we want it to be just us, I quit my job actually and now I have my own florist shop on the high street, I love it. Every day I love being there so I want to enjoy that and Jackson’s busy helping to run his parents’ business”

"That sounds amazing Maise. I’m so happy for you. Did you take many pictures of your wedding?”

“Oh yes, we have loads.”

“Good, I’ll come over and you can show them all to me”

“Really?” she perked up all excitedly.

I chuckled ”of course, I want to see how pretty you looked, and see the bride and Groom together”.

She squeezed my hand happily as she nodded “Anytime you’re ready Lil’s come right over and we’ll have some cocktails and look through them all”.

I nodded then looked to Lola ”What about you then Lola, what’s been happening in your life?”

She started to look slightly bashful as she spoke ”well actually, me and Jay started dating a few months after his party, we took it really slow but we’re engaged and we’ve been planning our wedding, its due in two months”

“WHAT?” I exclaimed as I slammed my hands over my mouth ”Oh WOWWW LOLA THATS SOOO EXCITING... I can’t believe it… Jay finally opened up to a girl and it happened to be our Lola!”

She giggled as she playfully pushed my arm “stop iiit… you’re making me blush… although he is a real cutie, and he treats me like a princess”

“Oh, it’s True” Dakota spoke “he completely dotes on her it’s so sweet”

“Aww” I cooed “I’m so truly happy for you... I’m glad you met someone worthy of you”

“Will you come to my wedding?” Lola looked at me with a shy, unsure look as if she was afraid to ask

“Uhhh of course” I laughed ”Lola I would love to be there”

"YES!” she screeched “It’s going to be a thousand times better now. We’ll all be there together.”

We all laughed excitedly when Dakota cleared her throat and looked at me through her lashes “will you still be here then?”

Her question made me pause in my own thoughts… oh shit I had gotten so caught up in the excitement, I didn’t even know If I did want to stay, but now looking at Lola, who was now looking at me rather worried and upset, I might not have my head together right now, but I do know one thing… I’m not missing it! Not now I actually have the chance to go, and I already missed Maisie’s.

I relaxed my shoulders and squeezed Lola’s hand ”I’ll be staying… at least for your big day”

“OH YAYY" she clapped her hands then grasped mine tightly. “thankyou" she hugged me, and when we let go, I turned to Dakota.

“Ok… your turn D, what’s new with you?” I couldn’t help but notice as all their faces fell and looked rather sheepish.

“Umm well… I do have something actually that I need to tell you… I Um... well... we... me and..”

I shook her arm as I chuckled ”come on D spit it out”

“Me and Sam got married" she rushed out in one breath

“What?” I whispered as I looked at her in shock “your…. your married? when?”

“It was about a year and 6 months after you had left… things got pretty serious between us and we became really close, I suppose we both leaned on each other when you had gone. When Sam and the warriors were told they couldn’t search for you anymore well, we kind of gave up hope we both missed you so much on our wedding day and wished you could have been there... I Just… well…. we… I guess we just didn’t know if we’d ever see you again and we were both ready… I’m sorry Lelanna, If I knew you’d come back, we would have waited” she teared up becoming all flustered as she spoke.

I quickly pulled her into a hug as I ran my hand over her hair and soothingly shushed her ”It’s ok D! I’m gutted I missed it, I would have been ecstatic to see you both getting married, but I wouldn’t have expected you to wait... I was just shocked, I guess… I mean you haven’t said anything and neither has Sam… you don’t even have a ring on!!

She pulled back slightly but still n my arms as she wiped her tears away “No… I just wanted to wait.... I told Sam not to say anything Because I wanted to tell you so I took off my ring, I didn’t want you seeing it and asking me… I just wanted to see you and make sure you were ok, I didn’t want us to talk about me and Sam”

I chuckled at her thinking of me even at a time when things were so hectic after the fight. I kissed her cheek and rubbed her arm as I smiled “D, I am so happy for you both, I get why you hid it but you really didn’t need to, I’m just relieved Sam didn’t string you along or hurt you and that things worked out… annnnnd that’s more wedding pictures I want to see”

She nodded and smiled ”Of course Lil’s, I can’t wait for you to see them”

We chatted more as Dakota spoke of patrol shifts and new additions to the Blue moon pack and Lola telling me of her demanding job since she’d been promoted. We ordered Pizza and I can’t even describe how insanely good it tasted the moment the stringy cheese hit my tongue and how crazy my tastebuds went… it was if my mouth and my stomach was in a state of euphoria! Luckily we ordered a pizza each cause I think even the girls could see how engrossed I was as I chowed down my pizza faster than they could blink… and I knew they had purposefully left me a slice each of their own.... I mean they never used to leave any of their pizza.... ever! Our conversations never seemed to seize, and we all decided for us all to sleep in my bed, I think it was around three in the morning by the time we all finally fell asleep.

My girls… The best friends anyone could ask for… I slowly closed my eyes with a smile on my face as I soaked up the comfort and love of them being here with me, just as I always wished they would be.

Two days later:

It’s been two days since the girls stayed over and since then they have messaged constantly about us going to Maz’s like old times, I loved that they were so excited to spend more time with me but as I looked out of my bedroom window into the village with people bustling around, it made me feel anxious. I haven’t been out of the house since I got here. I didn’t exactly welcome the idea of going out there with everyone’s eyes on me and people asking me a million questions cause by now word would have gotten around that I was back and most of the people out there were people that knew me.

We had so many flowers and homebaked goods sent to my house from people I had known. Luckily, my parents always answered the door and kindly explained to them I wasn’t ready to see anyone. My mum, Dad, Sam and my sisters kept smothering me with attention and although it was nice and I enjoyed every minute of it, it was a lot to take in and it was so overwhelming.

I sat down on my bed as I looked around my room… not at anything in particular, my mind was racing too much to focus on anything… when all of a sudden, tears started streaming down my face and I started sobbing, then it fell into hard loud cries as I choked back on the tears that were now freefalling, within seconds my face and my neck were soaking wet as they all came tumbling out from my eyes and I couldn’t stop.

It was just all so much! I felt as if once again I had been plummeted from one world into another! All this love that I wasn’t used to, I forgot what it was like to have one of my parent’s hugs, the smell of home, or even just being in my own bed where it was warm and cosy and being with the girls chatting and laughing as if no time had passed between us. I felt as if I had gone back in time to being 19 again, but instead I now have all these memories and flashing images of people’s dying faces at the end of my sword.

That fear that would rush over my body when I first had to kill rogues. The blood that would splatter onto my clothes and the nights I would feel lonely wishing I could be home just for a moment, to not be scared and alone. I never thought I’d be here again and now I am I don’t know what to make of it.

Last night we all had dinner around the table like a family and my mum got upset as she marvelled at having us all together again, just to be sitting with them felt so surreal, I would dream of it so many nights, and to finally be with them again…. I just, I couldn’t get to grips at how quickly everything has changed again!

My cries got harder as I grabbed a pillow and stuffed my face into it to try and muffle the noise, my stomach was starting to strain as the tears fell like rivers, my whole body clenched tightly at all the pain that was finally being released, everything that I had shut away and locked the key and now the gate was finally open.

I looked up from my pillow as I heard my door creak open to see Sam peering his head round… He walked in and closed the door behind him, and without saying a word he sat next to me, put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his side and let me continue to cry, and I did… I sobbed so hard non-stop for another hour when they finally eased up into a mere hiccupped cried when Sam finally spoke quietly “I know this is going to take some getting used to and none of us can pretend to know how it all must feel, but just know we’re all here for you and we’ll do whatever it takes to help you feel comfortable here again”

I said nothing in return as I tried to calm myself

“Lil’s?”

“Mmm” I nodded

He took in a deep breath ”Are you glad you came back… and be honest!”

“Yea” I hiccupped ”I am… I just… It’s just so different to what I’m used to. That’s all”

He sighed “I can’t believe you went so long on your own Lil’s” he stroked my arm as he shook his head ”But you know what… we’re so proud of you… you’re so strong Lil’s, and the whole pack are just so happy you’ve returned. They all know you helped infiltrate the enemy and bought Zara to the guards. Your held in such high regard because of your bravery and that, despite everything, you came back and helped fight them off... Heath and his beta keep telling everyone what an amazing warrior you are and how you helped them with their own attack from the rogues. That you just appeared out of nowhere and took all of the rogues down”

I chuckled through my sobs “not all of them, just some”

He shrugged ”well still sounds brave to the rest of us and considering Heath is an Alpha he wouldn’t speak of it like he does unless he meant it… you’ve been so brave for us all Lil’s but perhaps you need to see that you deserve a good life now and some peace, rather than chasing down rogues and being out there all alone”

We sat in silence as I tried to take in his words. I knew he was right, but it’s always easier said than done.

“Oh, by the way I haven’t said it yet but congratulations” I said to Sam as I wiped away the last of my tears

“On what?”

“You and Dakota, silly”

“Oh” he chuckled “thank you…. I’m sorry we didn’t wait for you to come back”

“Don’t be sorry Sam, I couldn’t be happier for you both”.

Sam left after a while, saying he had to get back to the Palace. My mum made the rest of us Taco’s as we sat in the main living area together and watched a kid’s film with Daisy and Lily. When we finished our food, we all sat huddled together under blankets on the sofa to watch the rest of the movie. After all the crying I had done today, I felt drained by the time it was finished and I headed to bed but not without everyone following me to kiss me goodnight as I got into bed. and just as I needed it, I fell to sleep within seconds after my head hit the pillow and luckily, I dreamt of nothing!

It’s been a week now since I have been back and today, I was finally gracing the village as I was about to say goodbye to Heath, Adeena, Trey and the rest of the men as they had to head back to their own pack. I felt so emotional at the thought of them going, it felt like as long as they were here, I had people that had at least a glimpse into my life in the forest. Heath and his men knew me back then and the kind of life I led. In part, they kind of understood and I hated that they were leaving, but I knew it would break my parents’ hearts if I left with them right now.

"Remember you’re always welcome in my pack should you ever need a place to go” Heath reassured me as he gave me one last hug.

“It’s been wonderful getting to know you Lelanna, I’m so glad Heath knows a good warrior should we ever need your skills” Adeena joked, as it was her turn to give me a hug.

Trey and all the men hugged me one by one and gave me sad looks as they all clambered back into their jeeps. Tears sprung to my eyes as they slowly drove out of the gates and waved out of their windows to me, and I already missed them.

When they were out of sight and the guards closed the gates, I could suddenly feel everyone’s eyes peering at me and hushed whispers. I decided peace and quiet was what I needed but not cooped up inside walls.

I walked out of the village and headed to the field, the place I always used to go for some time to myself. As soon as I stepped onto the field, a wave of emotion saddened me as I thought back to the times I painted here or just sunbathed in the grass alone with nothing but the sound of the pond trickling water from the small rocks above it, and of course that this happened to be the last place I had been and felt happy before everything in my life had changed in the blink of an eye.

I walked slowly till I got close to the water and sat down, looking around me at all the beautiful daisies and forget me nots… no wonder this was my favourite place here, it’s as close to the beautiful forest as it could get, and I suddenly missed the freedom of roaming around its beauty and the noises of nature as I’d watch the sun rise and set.

I picked a few daisies and made two daisy chain necklaces for Lily and Daisy, then I leant back on my hands, closed my eyes and pointed my face upward to bask under the sun. I breathed in and out slowly to feel quiet and calm and let the fresh air flow into my lungs, asking each breath that entered my body to wash away the anxious thoughts that were still plaguing my head.

Last night I had a nightmare, the whole time I was in the forest… once I had adjusted and gotten used to how things were, I never dreamt of anything bad, I never dreamt of who I had killed, what I had seen, but last night in the comfort of my own bedroom, I did. I dreamt that I was faced with rogues who were desperate to feast on me, blood coming out of their mouths as they looked at me with hunger and malice, their claws ready to slash my clean skin…

I looked on as my sword sliced each one of them, watching their blood stain the forest trees and the pretty blossoming flowers beneath our feet, blood dripping from my sword. Once they were all dead, I could suddenly see my own face in a river as it started to change and mould until I looked like them… hungry… vengeful, spineless as I sniffed the air trying to find some unsuspecting innocent body to maim and feast on. I licked my lips at the thought of ripping into someone’s skin and tasting their flesh!

That’s when I finally woke up shaking and I couldn’t go back to sleep after that, I led awake the rest of the night trembling, trying to remind myself it was merely a dream, it was not me or never could be me. But reassuring myself just wasn’t enough. I felt like maybe there was now an evil piece of me deep inside, like their evil had stained my heart.

I was trying my best to feel calm. My shaky breaths continued when a shadow over my face caused me to open my eyes, dark clouds were covering the sky and the sun was now hidden, rain clouds, not that I mind the rain and maybe it’ll actually be quite soothing, so I stayed in my spot and closed my eyes again waiting for the rain to come.

It was silent all around me I could hear even the grass flowing in the slight breeze that had now come, then suddenly I could feel light vibrations beneath me of soft and slow footsteps that were approaching just behind me as the sounds of crinkling grass became louder. My eyes shot open, and I turned my head to look at who had disturbed my peace, but HE was the last person I had expected to see and my heart jolted at his sudden presence.

Layton proceeded to walk closer but came to a stop when I sat up straight and gave him a daring look. He looked…. rather sad as he kept his hands in his pockets and looked at me with a sorrowful expression.

“I thought I’d find you here” he spoke softly with his deep voice.

“And so, you decided to disturb me?”

He let out a deep breath “I just want to talk”

“Well, I don’t” I said firmly, and I turned away from him and looked down at the daisy chains in my hand.

“Lelanna… please, I hate that your so close and that I can’t come anywhere near you… I know you probably hate me but...”

“Am I supposed to care?” I interrupted him “Am I supposed to care about how YOU feel? What about how I felt… huh Alpha? How it was for me to be banished from my own home by someone I thought was a friend”

“I know... I’m sorry, just please let me explain” he pleaded as he took a step closer

I stood up defiantly as anger rose inside me, “It’s been three years! Three damn years it’s a bit too late for your explanation, Alpha!”

“Please… stop… just stop calling me that… you know its Layton to you… I’ve never thought myself as your Alpha” He shouted frustratingly

“Oh really? Well, you sure played Alpha when you banished me”

“Lanna, I know... I need to explain"

“And don’t YOU call me that! It’s Lelanna to you. we’re no longer friends.... what we had we’ll never have again"

“Don’t say that! I fucked up, I know… What I did was so fucking bad, but just give me a chance to tell you it wasn’t easy… I didn’t do it to hurt you, I thought in my own fucking stupid way I was saving you.”

“WOW… saving me! You literally sent me out and fed me to the wolves“.

“Lanna”

“NO… just don’t!” I couldn’t bare being in the same place as him, his scent was making my stomach flip and although I hadn’t seen him for so long, I still had that same urge to want to be close to him to kiss him. I fucking hated myself for still having those feelings deep within me! How is it that even now I still feel giddy and pulled towards him.

I just couldn’t be here with him any longer, so I started to walk and as I marched past him, he grabbed my hand, and the sparks flew through me all the way down to the pit of my stomach and down my spine. His big strong hands felt so warm and gentle.

I quickly pulled my hand from his grasp before I could feel anything more as I quickly moved further away from him. ”DON’T fucking touch me Alpha, cause I won’t hesitate to chop that fucking hand off if you do it again... let that be a warning!” I sneered at him as I kept walking to the entrance of the field.

“I HAVE MISSED YOU EVERY FUCKING DAY” he shouted out to me.

I stopped and turned to look at him, my breath now heavy as the rain finally broke from the clouds and started to fall.

“I HAVE THOUGHT OF NOTHING ELSE BUT YOU EVERY DAY... YOU HAUNT MY FUCKING DREAMS... I WISHED EVERY DAY THAT YOU’D COME BACK AND THAT ID GET TO SEE YOU AGAIN”

“ALL YOU SPEAK OF IS GUILT ALPHA...THAT’S YOUR OWN DOING”

“YES, ITS GUILT LANNA, BUT NOTHING COMPARED TO WHAT I REALLY FEEL”

“YOU COME TO ME AS IF I CAN CURE THE GUILT YOU CARRY” I could feel the tears well up in my eyes and my breathing starting to hitch “I HAVE MY LIFE TO PUT BACK TOGETHER… YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU DID TO ME” the last part came out in more of a scream than a shout as I could feel my voice faltering, he was drudging up old feelings and emotions just by being here

“LANNA...JUST LISTEN PLEASE!”

“ALPHA, DID YOU LISTEN?”

He just looked at me in silence as if he couldn’t understand what I was referring to… maybe through his self-pity he had never thought of it.

“DID YOU LISTEN TO ME WHEN I ASKED YOU TO… HUH? WHEN YOU HAD YOUR FUCKING GUARDS ARREST ME”

The rain was soaking my hair and streaming down my face and my clothes were now stuck to my skin. All I could hope was that the rain camouflaged the tears so he couldn’t see what the rain was really masking.

“I BEGGED YOU TO LISTEN… YOU DIDNT EVEN HEAR ME SPEAK! I WAS INNOCENT AND YOU DIDNT EVEN GIVE ME A CHANCE TO SPEAK, YOU JUST SENT ME TO THE CELLS AS IF I WAS NOTHING..FUCKING NOTHING TO YOU” I could tell now that he would be able to sense the hurt that was echoing in my voice that was now dry and clogged with the lump of emotion held in my throat, it wouldn’t matter now if he could see my tears or not.. it was obvious what I was feeling! “YOU CAST ME AWAY… LEFT ME ALL ALONE” I cried bitterly

He just stood silently, but even from here, I could see the regret and sorrow etched onto his face.

“You didn’t even say goodbye” I couldn’t shout the last part… cause for some reason that part hurt the most and I had only just realised it now... that he didn’t even say goodbye, he just let me go. But I know he heard what I said, cause his eyes widened and his lips parted as if he’d only just realised how much he had hurt me.

I could feel myself about to burst as the emotions kept building up wanting to be let out of my heart. I had enough. I turned from him and ran… As I reached the trees and continued to run, I stripped off my clothes and shifted into my wolf. “Run!” I told her before she completely took over and I let myself hide in the back of her mind.

I let her run in the rain, her fur smelt damp and blended in with nature, like the grass and the wet leaves swaying in the trees. She would run then stop to sniff here and there then run again and I could feel the cool air hitting our skin and our paws trotting through the wet soft mud as it splashed on our legs, the sound of rain drops tapping on the leaves and the fresh air was invigorating.

I knew that she needed this run as much as I did, she was still drawn to Layton’s wolf just as I was drawn to Layton.

Destined mates or not… I’d figured my feelings for him would never go away, that much was clear now. “After the wedding, we leave... We go to Heaths” I told her, and she wined in agreement and carried on running… even faster now to get out her own frustrations. I knew our mind was made up now. I couldn’t stay and be close to Layton with the way I foolishly still feel about him. A fresh start is what we needed but I promised Lola I’d be at her wedding, and I couldn’t’ go back on my word, plus I had already missed two of my best friends get married I couldn’t miss a third.