Unsuitable

Three and a Half Years Later

Seeing the last customer out, bidding them good-bye, I shut the door and turn the sign over to read, Closed. Walking back around the counter, I drop my tired butt down onto a stool.

It’s been a long day.

A hard day.

Jesse’s starting university.

I drove him there this morning, so he could get settled in the dorm.

So, we’d packed my car up with his stuff, and I’d tried not to cry the whole time.

Yep, I have a car. I learned how to drive a few years ago. So much easier having a car, and I’m going to need it with Jesse being in Birmingham.

I was so proud of him when he got accepted. I might have wanted him to stay in London, but he’d loved Birmingham when we visited earlier in the year, and they have a really good law school.

Yep, that’s right. My boy wants to be a lawyer.

When he told me what he wanted to be, I won’t deny that I was surprised. He’d never shown an interest in the law before.

And the law hadn’t exactly been a friend to me over the years.

But whatever he wanted to do, I would be happy with it. I’d support him.

Then, he told me why he wanted to be a lawyer.

He said that the law had failed me in so many ways. My lawyer had failed me. He said there were too many shit lawyers out there, and he wanted to be one of the good ones. He wants to make a difference. Make sure that what happened to me doesn’t happen to anyone else.

I got a little choked up at that.

Okay, I might have cried.

I’m a weepy bitch nowadays.

So, I got my boy settled in his room and helped him unpack his things. Then, I left him to get to know his roommates.

I might have cried a little bit then too.

Okay, I held on to him for ages and sobbed before managing to pry myself away from him.

Once I got in my car, it took me a good fifteen minutes to be able to drive, as my eyes were blurry from all the crying.

But my boy has grown up. He’s a man now.

And I’m…alone.

Well, I have Cece. But it’s not the same.

So, with my bird having flown from the nest, I drove back to London and came back to work. I was supposed to have the day off, but I didn’t want to go home to an empty house. So, I came in and helped out Jasmine, one of my part-time employees.

That’s right. I have employees. I am the proud owner of a little chic coffee shop called Thessa’s.

And, yes, I named it after the place where Kas is from. Well, he’s from Thessaloníki, but it’s not exactly easy to say, so I went with Thessa’s, and I think it has a nice ring to it.

After my name was cleared, Cece encouraged me to pursue compensation for wrongful imprisonment.

I wasn’t sure. I didn’t care about the money. I was just glad to be free of the blame. To have that black mark taken from my name and to be able to apply for jobs without having to tick that box was amazing in itself.

But then Cece pointed out that I could put whatever money I got toward Jesse’s future.

So, I got a lawyer, and she pursued a case for wrongful imprisonment.

My case was won, and I nearly fell off my chair when my lawyer sat me down and told me what I would be getting.

It was enough to set Jesse and me up for the future.

The first thing I did was put a deposit down on a house. Cece and I couldn’t bear to live in the apartment anymore, and I would never want Jesse living there. There were just too many bad memories in that place.

It wasn’t our home anymore. Damien had taken that from us.

So, we moved our things out of there and started afresh in our new home.

And then, a month later, Jesse moved in permanently with us.

It was the best moment of my life.

I had applied for full guardianship, and after jumping through hoops, it was granted.

I remember the first day he moved back home. Just being there with him, seeing how happy he was, made all the bad stuff that I’d had to go through to get to that point worth it.

I wasn’t going to look back and wish that things had been different. I could look back and be angry all I wanted, but it wasn’t going to change the past.

I had Jesse with me now, and that was all that mattered.

But I was still unemployed. Jesse was at school, and Cece was working. I felt lost. I spent a lot of those days wallowing and missing Kas, wondering how he was doing.

I’d never been a wallower, and I was starting to drive myself crazy.

One day, when I was out for my morning run, things changed for me. As I was running through the town center, I happened to see a For Sale sign in the window of a cute little coffee shop.

Before I knew it, I was stopping, peering in through the window, and then putting the number for the estate agent in my phone. I headed back home and called the estate agent, asking for the price of the place. I also found out they were selling the shop along with the equipment.

It wasn’t as expensive as I had expected. Don’t get me wrong; it was a lot of money, but it was affordable for me.

I asked if I could view it. The estate agent told me she had a free spot that day.

So, I got showered and changed, and I headed back to the coffee shop where the agent was waiting outside for me.

The minute she let me inside, I just knew. It was meant to be mine. It was perfect. I loved everything about it.

I asked her why the owner was selling and selling so reasonably. She just said they had to leave the country unexpectedly due to a sick relative, and they wouldn’t be coming back for some time.

As awful as it sounds, their bad fortune became my good fortune.

So, I told the agent I would think about it. But my mind was already made up.

It would cut into the money, but it would give me a good income to help with Jesse’s future. And there would still be a decent chunk to get him started in whatever he decided to do when he left school.

I put an offer in on the coffee shop the next day. Lower than the actual asking price.

It was accepted an hour later.

I couldn’t stop smiling. And I couldn’t help but think that Kas would have been proud of me.

He was the first person I wanted to call. But, of course, I couldn’t because I didn’t know where he was, and I no longer had his phone number.

After he’d left, I’d deleted it, knowing that I would probably break down and call him. And I couldn’t do that.

So, I had no way to contact him.

And then I realized that I also knew absolutely nothing about running a business.

It wasn’t just about making coffee—even though I do make an awesome cup of coffee. This was running a business. It was huge.

And I thought I would probably fuck it up.

I started to panic, thinking I’d made a mistake, before rationality decided to make an appearance.

Look at everything I’d done…overcome. I could run a fucking coffee shop.

I could do it.

So, I got Cece’s laptop out and went searching for business management courses. I found one at my local college. The classes were at night, so it was perfect.

I enrolled and was accepted.

Then, I focused on making the shop mine. I gave the place a lick of paint and put my own stamp on it, and then I renamed the coffee shop to Thessa’s. It felt right to call it that. It was because of Kas that my name was cleared. He was the reason I could afford the place.

And I just wanted something of his, some connection to him, to remind myself that he was real. Because, sometimes, it felt almost unreal. Like Kas had never actually existed. Like he’d never really been mine.

But he had.

I’d had him for a brief moment in time, and then I’d had to let him go.

Kas was never meant to be mine forever, and I had to come to terms with that.

And I did.

Kind of.

But then Thessa’s was open, and I actually had customers. I was busy, and I got on with life.

After I had Thessa’s for six months, I decided to enroll in a baking course. I had a place where I ordered cakes and muffins from for the shop, but I wanted to learn to make my own.

Growing up, I’d always been able to make a mean birthday cake for Jesse, so I reckoned I could do it.

Turned out, I was right. I excelled in baking. And I now make cakes for the shop as well as still buying in. It keeps me busy, but that’s the way I prefer it.

It doesn’t leave a lot of time for anything else…like dating. Not that I’m actually interested in dating even though Cece nags me about it on a regular basis.

She’s back in the dating game; she has been for a while. She’s been seeing this guy called Pierre for a couple of months now. He’s an out-of-work actor.

He’s cute.

He’s just kind of…pretentious.

But I think she could do better.

Cece likes him though, and she says he treats her good. That’s all that matters to me. She deserves to be happy.

So, I’m nice to the guy whenever he’s around.

But, because she’s happy, she’s been trying to set me up with guys. The latest was one of Pierre’s poncy friends called Gerard. Another out-of-work actor.

I told her what I always tell her, “I’m not interested. I’m too busy with work and Jesse.” And blah, blah, blah.

But she’s not stupid. She knows that I’m not over Kas. That I’ve never gotten over Kas.

I mean, you’d think I would have gotten over him by now. It has been three and a half years.

But, as I’ve learned, you don’t get over a man like Kastor Matis. You just learn to live without him.

So, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that this is the way it is. Spinsterhood for Daisy, and I’m totally fine with it.

My life isn’t lacking. I have a good life. I have Jesse.

Even though he just left me for university.

I’m not going to cry again.

I have the coffee shop to keep me busy.

My life is as good as it’s going to be. And I’m okay with that.

When I look at the way my life was…and how it could’ve turned out…this life is a dream compared to that.

Of course I get lonely. Especially at night when I look at that empty space in my bed where I wish Kas were lying.

But he’s gone.

He’s been gone a long time, and there’s nothing I can do to change that.

It’s just sometimes hard, knowing that he’s out there, living his life without me.

I wonder if he’s happy.

I hope he’s happy. He deserves to be.

I just wish we could have been happy together.

My phone rings on the counter. I smile at the caller display.

“Missing me already?”

Jesse’s laugh echoes down the line. “Just checking to make sure you’re not still bawling your eyes out.”

“I did not bawl.”

“There was snot on my T-shirt from where you’d blubbered on me.”

“Oh God.” I wince. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m just teasing. It’s nice to know you’re gonna miss me. I just hate to see you cry and know I’m the reason for it.”

“They were happy tears and sad tears and proud tears. I’m gonna miss you so much, but I’m incredibly proud of you, Jesse, for getting into university. You’re going to get your degree and become a lawyer. God, I cannot wait until the day I see you in your cap and gown, up on that stage, receiving your degree.”

“I haven’t even started my courses yet”—he laughs—“and you’ve already got me graduated.”

“Yeah, well, I just know you’re gonna rock it.”

There’s silence on the line that has me asking, “Are…you okay?”

He sighs. “Yeah. It’s just…I guess it’s weird, being here. In a new place. You know, where I just have a bedroom, and the rest is shared facilities with the other guys. It kinda reminds me of the boys home. The first night I spent there after you were arrested.”

My throat closes up. “Jesse…”

“I’m not blaming you, Daisy. Jesus, of course I’m not. I hate the fact that I ever doubted you and blamed you. Just sitting here brought back some sad memories for me, and…I guess…I wanted to hear your voice. Just remind myself that we’re here now, and it’s different. That things are good. And you’re fine.”

I swallow back tears. “We’re here, and it is different. It’s amazing. I’m fine, kiddo. And I couldn’t be prouder of you.”

I feel his smile.

“You already said that.”

I smile myself. “And I’m gonna keep saying it, so you’d better get used to it.”

I hear a voice in the background, and Jesse says, “Be there in a minute.”

“Everything okay?” I ask.

“Yeah, just the guys I live with are going to the pub. They’ve invited me to go with them.”

“Go. Don’t let me keep you. And have fun. And don’t drink too much. And be safe. And I love you.”

He laughs, and the sound washes through me like a sweet melody.

“I will. And I won’t. And of course I will. And…I love you, too, Mayday.”

He disconnects the call, and I breathe through the emotion.

Don’t cry. You’ve cried enough today.

Blowing out a breath, I get to my feet to start the cleanup before I lock up for the night.

I always like a little music to clean to. Like I used to when I cleaned the Matis Estate. I used to wear my earphones then, so as not to piss off Kas.

He always was easy to piss off.

But this is my place, and I can listen to music as loud as I want. Well, without annoying the neighboring businesses, that is.

Setting my phone on the counter beside the coffee machine, I go to my music and select Zayn’s “Like I Would.”

This song reminds me of Kas. It was playing that night in the club when he sabotaged my date with Cooper and was waiting for me outside the restroom.

I like to torture myself with it every now and then.

Sad, but I like to think of myself as being the one singing the lyrics to Kas.

I’m telling him that he will never find anyone who will love him like I would love him. Do love him.

And, yes, I’m that sad.

In Kas’s mind, I’m probably just a bad memory of a time that he’d rather forget.

He walked away. He was right to.

And, now, he’s probably moved on to some gorgeous Greek beauty who isn’t saddled with a world of emotional baggage and who doesn’t remind him of death and other things I choose not to think about because, if I do, my head might explode.

Actually, it’s feeling close to explosion now, so I focus on cleaning the coffee machine.

I’m halfway through cleaning it when Zayn has finished, and now, John Legend is singing “All of Me.” I’m getting all emotional, singing along to the lyrics, wishing someone—okay, Kas—felt that way about me, thought those things about me, when the door chimes, opening.

Who’s that? I put the Closed sign up. Some people just don’t pay attention.

Sucking in a breath, blinking my eyes clear, I turn around. “I’m sorry. We’re clo—” The words die on my tongue, and my heart falls out of my chest.

“Kas,” I breathe his name, like I expect him to disappear in a puff of smoke.

“Hi, Daisy.” His words are soft, tentative.

And my brain is failing me.

I don’t know how many times I’ve pictured this scenario in my head. That I’d be here late, and he’d walk in, telling me that he missed me. That he regretted leaving. That he couldn’t get over me. That he loved me. And then I would jump into his arms, and he’d kiss me. Then, everything would be like it was.

I watch too many chick flicks, I know.

But he is here. And, now, I can’t move or speak or do anything but stare at him.

He looks exactly the same. Like no time has passed at all.

I’m suddenly conscious of how I look.

Dressed in black trousers and a black polo shirt with the coffee shop’s logo. My hair is tied back into a messy bun. I have no makeup on because I cried it all off earlier.

I look terrible.

And he looks beautiful.

His hair is shorter than it used to be, and he has some serious stubble going on. I always did love stubble on him. He’s wearing a checkered navy-blue suit with a white shirt. Similar to what he was wearing the first day I met him.

And he looks like everything I ever wanted but never got to have. Not really.

I’m still staring at him. I’m afraid to blink in case this is all a mirage conjured up by my desperate imagination, and he won’t be here when I open my eyes.

Damn air-conditioning dries my eyes, and I blink.

When my eyes open, he’s still here.

“How…where…how?” I’m stammering. I stop and take a deep breath, resting my palm on the counter. The cool top calms me some.

He’s here. He’s really here.

I blow the breath out and look over at him. “How have you been?” My voice is hoarse.

He lifts a shoulder. His eyes are fixed on mine. “You know…” He trails off, not actually answering my question. “You look great, Daisy. Beautiful. But then you always do. And you look like you’re doing well.” He gestures to the shop.

I try not to let the beautiful comment get to me, and instead, I focus on the fact that I get the distinct impression that he knows it’s my coffee shop. How he would know that, I have no clue. But then Kas always did have a way of just knowing things.

“I’m doing okay.” Never got over you. Spent the last three years pining for you. But, aside from that, I’m just peachy.

He smiles. And my heart ruptures.

“How’s Jesse?” he asks.

“Good.” I smile. “He starts university on Monday.”

“Which university?”

“Birmingham.”

“What’s he studying?”

“Law,” I say proudly.

He smiles. “And how’s Cece?”

“She’s great. Why are you here?” The words come out sharper than I intended. But I don’t regret them.

I do want to know why he’s here. Over three years and not a word. And then he just turns up on what has been a hard and emotional day, screwing with my head even more.

There’s a momentary look of surprise in his eyes at my blunt question, but he quickly recovers. “I’m here for you.”

My heart shimmies in my chest. “For me?” I take a breath. “I don’t understand.”

“I think you do.”

“No, I don’t.” I shake my head. “So, you’re going to have to clarify for me.”

And I want him to be specific. Very specific. Because I don’t want to misunderstand a word he’s saying.

My heart broke for him once before, and it never recovered. I don’t want to give myself hope, only for my heart to break a second time.

“I left to ensure that you’d get Jesse back. To give you both a chance at the life you deserved. I stayed away because it was the right thing to do. Jesse needed you. And I was fucked up, Daisy. I was fucked up when you met me. And I wasn’t getting fixed anytime soon. I’d been that way for so long that it was all I knew. Then, it was over. And I was lost. When you’ve lived on revenge for so long and then you have it, you think you should feel amazing. And you do for that brief moment. But then that passes, and you just feel lost. There’s no purpose anymore, just the memories of everything in the past.”

“You had me.” The words come out more broken than I wanted. I wrap protective arms around myself.

He rakes a hand through his short hair. “I wasn’t good for you. I screwed up. I was sinking into a hole, and I would have only brought you down with me. You needed to focus on Jesse. And, for once in my fucked up life, I wanted to do the right thing. And the right thing was for me to walk away.”

“But for three years, Kas…” My words trail off because I don’t know what else to say.

“I took a long time to get to where I needed to be.”

“And where was that?”

“To becoming a man you deserve.”

“And are you?”

His eyes lift to mine. “I don’t think I’ll ever deserve you, Daisy. No man ever could. But I’m closer to getting there than I was before, and I’m done being without you. I waited until Jesse was a man. Able to stand on his own two feet. Now, he’s at university. And I’m back to claim what was always mine.”

“And what if I no longer want you?”

There’s a flash of panic on his face, but he shuts it down a nanosecond later and is back to his ever-confident self. “Then, I hang around and bug the shit out of you with romantic gestures until you love me again.”

“The Kas I knew wasn’t romantic.”

“The Kas you knew was a dick.”

“Kas-hole.”

I grin, and he laughs. I love the sound.

“I don’t know. I kind of liked the old Kas. What if I don’t like this new, improved version?”

“You won’t know until you give him a try…give me a try.” He moves across the shop, coming around the counter, until he’s standing in front of me.

He reaches out and takes ahold of my hand, and I let him.

My skin sizzles, my whole body coming back to life after lying dormant for so long.

“Give me a chance to show you how good life can be with me now. Let me love you. Let me take care of you.”

A flash of my earlier thoughts—about what he’s been doing in all that time he’s spent away from me—cuts into my mind, making me feel cold inside.

I take my hand back from him and wrap my arms around myself again, like a protective shield.

And he doesn’t bother to hide the hurt on his face.

“What have you been doing all this time?” I ask quietly.

“I was in Greece with my parents for a little while. They’ve moved out there permanently now. Then, I traveled around a bit.”

His dark eyes haven’t strayed from mine.

But all I can see is beautiful locations and beautiful women.

Kas with other women.

“There’s been no one else,” he says softly, as though reading my thoughts. “How could there be when I was in love with you?”

Was.

“Still am in love with you.”

He steps up close and takes my face in his hands. I blink up at him. My heart somersaults in my chest. My mouth dries, and my skin is on fire where he’s touching it.

“I love you, Daisy. I’ve loved you for the last three years. I want to be with you, and I will do anything to make that happen.”

“What if I have someone else?” I step back out of his hold, and his hands drop to his sides. “You just come here, out of the blue, and say you want me back, assuming I have nobody in my life. Well, I could have a boyfriend, for all you know.”

I’m pissed that he hasn’t even asked. That he assumes that I’m so pathetic that I wouldn’t have moved on from him. That I’d still be single.

So what if it’s actually true?

The fact that he just assumes pushes my buttons.

And, honestly, I want a reaction. I want to piss him off.

Don’t ask me why because the only answer I can give is that it’s because I’m a girl. I’m confused and hurt that he’s been gone for so long. But I’m happy that he’s here. And I’m feeling every other emotion in between.

He doesn’t react. He just stares back at me and asks in a calm voice, “Is there anyone else?”

My face instantly heats because, now, I’m going to have to tell him no. He’ll know how pathetic I am, and I only have myself to blame.

Then, it registers that he didn’t react. The Kas I knew would have reacted.

Maybe he really has changed.

Or maybe…

“You didn’t ask if there was anyone else because you already know there isn’t and that there hasn’t been in all the time you’ve been gone. Am I right?”

He doesn’t even have the dignity to look ashamed.

He just steps back up to me and puts his hands on my face, where they’ve always belonged, tilting my eyes up to meet his. He stares deep into them.

“When I walked away from you, it was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do. The only thing that made it manageable was knowing that I wasn’t letting you go forever. Daisy, I might have let you go then, but I didn’t let you go far. And, honestly, if I’d gotten a whiff of another guy sniffing around, then I’d have gone back on my self-imposed promise to stay away until Jesse was eighteen, and I’d have come here, broken the guy’s face, then carried you back to my house, and never let you go.”

Well…shit.

What am I supposed to say to that? Unsure, I go with what I always go with when I’m stumped. Humor.

“Should I take it that your stalking ways are still going full force then?”

His eyes spark and grin at me.

I shake my head, fighting a smile.

I really shouldn’t smile right now. Because it’s not funny.

“Honestly, how the hell did you manage to stalk me when you weren’t even here, when you were off traveling the world?”

His brows draw together. “I didn’t say I was off traveling the world. I said, I was in Greece for a while, and then I traveled a bit.”

“And where did you travel to?”

A hint of something I don’t quite understand flickers through his eyes.

“Why do you want to know?” he asks.

“Because you’re acting like you have something to hide, and I want to know what it is.”

“Well”—he clears his throat—“I was in Greece. Then, I wasn’t…and I was here…traveling back and forth between Westcott…and London.” Even though he cleared his throat, his words still come out gravelly.

And my eyes widen to saucers. “Oh my God! You’ve been here all this time!” I step back, stunned and also hurt.

I feel like he’s betrayed me—although I’m not quite sure how.

He follows me forward, his hands landing on my shoulders. “Not the whole time. I did go to Greece. I stayed there for six months. Then, I came back.”

“You’ve been here for three years! Jesus, Kas.” I shake my head.

“I stayed away for as long as I could. As long as it took to get my head straight. Then, I came home. I wanted to be closer to you. If I had to wait to have you, then I was going to be close to you while I did so.”

“Jesus…” I breathe, staring up at him. “I don’t know whether to be freaked out that you’ve been basically stalking me for the last three years. Or feel bowled over with emotion at the fact that you couldn’t stay away from me.”

I have the sudden urge to start singing The Police’s “Every Breath You Take,” but I don’t because that would be weird.

And how could he be here for all that time and me not know?

Or maybe, subconsciously, I did know, and that was why I could never get over him.

Kas gives me a sheepish but hopeful look. “Can we just go with bowled over?”

The look on his face is…so boyish that I can’t help but smile. “You have serious issues, Matis.”

“Just one. And she goes by the name Daisy.”

I give him a playful scowl.

And he smiles, but his expression quickly turns serious. “I want you to be my issue. And I want to be yours. I want you to be my everything. And I want to be your everything.” His hand lifts to my face, cupping it. “I want a life with you, Daisy. Try again with me, please. Just say yes. Just tell me you still love me and say yes.”

Pressing my cheek into his hand, I close my eyes, reveling in the feel of him. I already know my decision. I knew it the moment I turned around and saw him standing there.

I open my eyes and smile. “I still love you, Kas. And, yes. Yes, a million times over.”

His face breaks out into the biggest and most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. Then, his lips are on mine, and he’s kissing me. I never want him to stop.

And, now, I know he will never stop. Because he’s here to stay.

It wasn’t our time before. But it’s our time now.

I once thought of Kas and me as totally unsuitable for one another. We were unsuitable.

But, now, we’re perfect.

Okay, well, maybe not perfect.

He’s killed in revenge. Killed for me. And I shot a man dead.

But we’re perfect for each other, and that’s all that matters.

He breaks our kiss, breathing heavily. “So, Thessa’s.” He nods his head toward the front of the shop. “Does that have anything to do with Thessaloníki?” he says with a touch of accent to that sexy voice, making my lady bits perk up. “Or is it just a coincidence?”

A blush covers my face. I lower my eyes. “I just wanted something to remember you by,” I whisper. “Something to remind me that you were real.”

He tips my chin up with his fingers, bringing my eyes to his. “I’m real, babe. And I’m here to stay. I’m never leaving you again.”

And I know he means it.

“I’m never letting you go,” I tell him right before his lips fall back to mine.

I slide my hands up into his hair, and he moans a sweet sound.

He wraps his arms around me, pulling me closer to him until there’s no space between us at all. And I go willingly.

I fall back into him, back into the only place I was ever meant to be.

In Kas’s arms. Where I plan on staying for the rest of my life.