To Love Jason Thorn

My heart beating in my throat, I turned around to find Jason smiling at me.

“Not so fast, little one,” he said.

Grabbing his arm, I managed to pull him a few steps away. “What are you doing? They will recognize you!”

I chanced a look behind me. From what I could see of the three open mouths, it was already too late.

“So what? I want to meet your friends.”

“Jason. Are you sure you are okay? Shouldn’t you be…I don’t know, a little more concerned about being in public?”

“No one is around. It’s okay, Olive. Relax, I won’t embarrass you. I promise,” he said in a different tone.

My heart clenched. “It wasn’t that. I’m sorry. Let’s introduce you then.”

Lucy was the first one to close her mouth and grin like a cat that was about to bathe in the cream.

“You must be Lucy, the one who is facing a bloody death,” Jason said, giving her a sincere smile.

“Yep, that’s probably me.” Lucy had that starry look in her eyes when she finally shook Jason’s hand.

“This is Charlotte, and Marcus.” I took over when Lucy finally let go of his hand.

“Nice to meet you guys,” Jason said.

When Lucy glanced at me questioningly, I sighed, “Jason had a meeting after mine, and they were running late, and then he was in my meeting so he recognized me and offered to drop me off.”

That short but to the point explanation would only hold her off until we got into our apartment.

“You two know each other?” Marcus asked with a confused frown on his face.

Marcus was a completely different matter. He was my roommate and my ex, and the more my book took off, the more annoyed he got.

I felt Jason’s hand on the small of my back. It was a light touch, but it was enough to make my entire body buzz with excitement.

Stupid, traitorous body.

“Jason was my brother’s best friend. He used to practically live with us,” I said to Marcus.

“You never mentioned that.”

“I’m sorry? I didn’t think you would be interested in knowing that.”

Lucy cut in. “Oh, shut up, Marcus. I knew, and frankly, that’s enough. Would you like to come up?” she asked Jason, softening her tone.

“I would love to, but I’m afraid it will have to wait until next time.” Turning to me, he said, “Can I see your phone?”

“Why?” I asked suspiciously.

“I want to get Dylan’s number.”

Ah, right. It wasn’t like he would want mine. Nodding, I took it out of my bag and handed it over.

“Olive.” Getting my attention, Char touched my arm. “I’m dying to hear what happened at the meeting and if you said yes, but I have to meet with my study group…” She glanced down at her watch. “In half an hour. I’ll catch up with you when I get back, ok?”

“Sure, we’ll talk when you get back.”

Blowing us a quick kiss, she slipped away.

Before I could ask Jason why it was taking so long to get Dylan’s number, Marcus caught my eyes, shook his head, turned around, and left.

“What’s wrong with him?” I asked Lucy, making sure Jason couldn’t hear.

“Who knows? He is in one of his moods, I guess. Don’t worry about him.”

Jason handed my phone back, our fingers touching for a quick second.

Those old, childish butterflies I’d thought were long gone? They all came back with a vengeance, which scared me more than anything that had happened that day.

“I put my own number in there and I want you to call me whenever you need anything, ok?”

As if I would ever repeat that mistake again.

“Since I have a feeling you won’t do that, I’ll make sure to text you as soon as I start reading the book. I’ll let you know what I think.”

“You’re not going to let it go, are you?”

His grin grew bigger. “Not a chance in hell, little one.”

After he said goodbye to Lucy, he looked at me one more time. Then, cupping my face yet again, he pressed an unexpected kiss on my forehead, rendering me completely speechless.

“I’ll see you soon,” he said, and then he was gone.

“Now,” Lucy started as she hooked her arm in mine and started dragging me toward our building. “I’m gonna hold my tongue until we take those stairs up, get in your room, close your door, and lay next to each other on that bed. That should give both of us enough time to take in what just happened. However, when our hearts finally stop going haywire over that fine piece of ass, you’ll answer every single question I ask. Is that understood? Nod if it is.”

I nodded.

***

“Wait a minute. He pulled you out of the meeting? But did you say yes before he dragged you out? Is this awesome movie happening or not?”

I was just as baffled as she was. “It looks like it is.”

We were sitting next to each other on my bed, facing the window that looked out to an already darkening sky. My room was only big enough to fit a queen bed and a small closet/dresser, but since my bed was slightly bigger than her full one, it was our regular meeting spot for late night talks and snacks.

“And why are we not more excited about this huge, huge life-changing thing? You’re kinda making it sound like it’s nothing.”

“Seeing Jason eclipsed that little nugget. Oh, Lucy.” Closing my eyes, I sighed and fell back onto my pillows. “I acted like a total idiot. I was mortified when I saw him walk in that door, but then why did I feel that rush when he grabbed me by my hand, or when he looked at me as if he was really seeing me? Why did…” I struggled to find the right words. “Why did my heart feel like it was burning?” I threw my arm over my eyes and released a sigh. “But then I remembered how much it hurt to read what he thought of me that night, and I couldn’t look him in the eyes. I called him Mr. Jason Thorn for crying out loud! I made a complete fool of myself in front of everyone.”

Lucy gently lay down next to me and I opened my eyes to look into her stormy gray ones.

“But the waterfall trick worked, didn’t it? You were all calm and collected until Hotness Overload walked in and your ovaries exploded along with your heart.”

I smiled. “That’s one way to put it, I guess.”

“Do you still love him?” she asked after a long beat of silence.

I chuckled. “Along with millions of other women. Who doesn’t love Jason Thorn?” Lucy ignored my answer and pointedly kept looking at me until I gave up. “He is not the same kid who slept right across from my room, Lucy. I’m not in love with him like that any more.”

“I don’t believe you, my green Olive.” She bopped my nose with her fingertip.

“It doesn’t matter whether you do or not. I doubt I’ll see him again any time soon.” I patted her arm. “Don’t worry though, I’ll take you to see his next movie. You can still salivate while you are watching his abs. Isn’t that coming out like next month?”

After seeing and talking to him again after so many years, wouldn’t it be a solid kick in my stomach when I saw him kiss his costar? And right when I was starting to get used to seeing him in a lip lock.

She sighed. “No, still two months away. And anyway, it’s not the same as seeing him face to face. Do you think he would’ve taken his shirt off if you’d asked nicely? I’m forever ruined after seeing him show that dimple to you and then kiss your freaking forehead. If I didn’t know you still loved him—”

“I don’t love him.”

“I would’ve jumped on him and quite possibly licked that dimple while my hands accidentally wandered to places every girl would give their firstborn to get a peek at.” She did a whole body shudder.

“Ahh, don’t be disgusting.” I made a funny face at her. “And don’t do that to any guy when I’m around, please.”

“Why? Licking is a natural urge. When you think of it, you actually start to learn how to lick properly when you are just kid. All those lollies and ice creams you licked to death? That was just training. Do you think he wouldn’t love it if you licked his dimple and let your hands roam around for bit?”

“He sees me as his sister, Lucy. Of course he wouldn’t like having my tongue anywhere near his face, or my hand for that matter.”

“Says who?”

“Says every guy who’s had a best friend’s little sister fall in love with him. When you think about it, it actually does sound a little annoying. There he is trying to have a family moment, which he didn’t get at his own home, and there I am popping up wherever he goes, sticking to him like a glue. He was just nice enough not to say anything to my face.”

Lucy turned fully toward me, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “Maybe he’ll fall in love with you this time around. Then I could see his abs any time I wanted. Damn, I could quite possibly get away with copping a feel.”

“I’d say don’t hold your breath. I gave up on that dream exactly seven years…four months, and some days ago. Not that I’m counting or anything.”

Lucy snorted. “Of course not.”

My phone pinged with a new text message and before I could even lift my head off the pillows, Lucy was off the bed and digging into my handbag.

“Who is it?” I asked. “Is it Char? Can you text her back and remind her to buy toilet paper on her way back? There was no way I was going to ask the Jason Thorn to stop at the grocery store to buy some toilet paper. Why are you smirking, Lucy? What did she say?”

“Oh, I have a feeling I’m going to love this,” she replied with an evil grin on her face as she typed away an answer.

“What are you talking about?”

She threw the phone at me, almost breaking my chin in the process, and ran out of my room straight to her own.

Perplexed, I looked down at the text message I had gotten…and evidently answered.

Jason: The Marcus guy, your boyfriend?

Me: No, just the ex. I’m one hundred percent single.

“I hate you so much!” I yelled as I heard the answering cackle coming from her room. The phone pinged with a new one again.

Jason: Good. I don’t like him.

Quickly, I typed back.

Me: Why on earth?

Jason: I didn’t like the way he treated you.

Me: You only saw him for a few seconds, how would you know how he treats me?

Jason: I have eyes.

Me: How surprising. I hadn’t noticed.

Jason: Just got off the phone with your brother after talking to your parents. All is good. He says hi. After dinner, I’m going to download your book and start getting ready for my upcoming role.

Me: Glad you were able to patch things up. Talk to you in a few years.

“Olive?” I heard Lucy yell from the safety of her own room. “The suspense is killing me!”

“I still hate you,” I yelled back.

“Oh, I love you too, but, I meant what is he texting?”

“You’ll never know.”

She came out of her room and gave me the most innocent look with those pouty red lips and innocent eyes.

Just when she was about to sit down next to me, Marcus appeared at my door.

“Olive, can we talk for a second?”

I straightened up and invited him in.

Lucy eyed Marcus for a few seconds before she looked at me and said, “I’m going to hop in the shower before I go to bed, I have an early class in the morning. Before I sleep, I’m gonna stalk your Amazon ranking for a while. Talk to you later my green Olive.”

They threw each other hostile glances as Marcus entered my room and Lucy got out. It wasn’t that Lucy hated Marcus as a person—they’d actually been friends with each other longer than they had been with me—she just hated the fact that Marcus had dumped me because he thought I was spending too much time with the fictional characters I’d created in my mind. He never thought I would actually publish, let alone be successful on my first try as a writer. Honestly, neither had I, but that wasn’t the point.

Closing the door, he crossed his arms across his chest and leaned back on the wall, watching me with silent eyes. When he didn’t like something, he always did that. Always stared you down until you squirmed in your seat before he actually opened his mouth to let you know what was wrong.

“Is this what you want to do with your future, Liv?”

Oh and also, he never ever called me by my full name. He found it ridiculous.

“What do you mean?”

“Char said you skipped a class today.”

“Yes,” I said slowly, wondering where he was going with that. “I had a meeting.”

“Is that what’s important to you now? Hanging around movie stars and squealing with Lucy?”

“I know one movie star, Marcus, only one, and Jason insisting on giving me a ride home isn’t exactly hanging around a bunch of movie stars. Like I said downstairs, I was seven years old when we met him, as a family, not just me. He was barely eleven twelve himself. He was like a second brother to me.”

I wondered how many times I would have to lie with a straight face before the day would end. But it wasn’t exactly a lie, was it? He did see me as his sister. It was me and my heart who had muddled the waters in my own head, and all of that aside, I still cared what Marcus thought of me.

Despite what Lucy and Char thought, for the short year we were together, I’d been all in with Marcus. He was intelligent, interested in me, confident in himself, and had a vision for his future—one I wanted to be part of. Having a relationship with someone I already shared a house with had been oddly exciting. And the sex? That was good too, especially when we were sneaking around Char and Lucy.

It had felt like we were right for each other until he decided to slowly tear me down and mold me into something I wasn’t ever going to be.

He quirked his brow. “Are you sure? You didn’t look like someone who had seen her long lost brother to me down there.”

“Why do you do this to me?” I asked, genuinely curious.

He tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

“Question my every move. Undermine my decisions. Make me feel like I couldn’t possibly do anything right in your eyes. I published a book, Marcus. People are actually reading it. A lot of people are reading it. A fucking movie studio wants to option my book. Why can’t you be happy with me? For me? Why are you bringing me down like this?”

“That’s not what I’m doing, Liv,” he said, coming to sit down next to me. He lifted his hand as if he was about to grip my thigh, but then let it rest on the bed, next to my knee. “You lost so much weight while you were trying to write this book. Hell, sometimes you didn’t even have time to shower before your classes, let alone hang out with me. Our relationship ended because of this book, because you were more in love with your fictional characters than you were with me. Even when you are not writing, you are lost in your dreams.”

“That’s not why it ended, Marcus. I’d been writing this book for years, long before you, but you already knew that. When we started something, you knew how much it meant to me, finishing this book.”

“Maybe that’s what you want to believe, but it’s not what happened, Liv. I thought once you published, you would take things easier, patch things up between us, but now I can see that it’s changing you for the worse.”

Shocked, I responded, “I’ve skipped one single class. How could it possibly have changed me, Marcus? And even if I was skipping classes left and right, you also know that I’m enough on top of my classes that I’m graduating early.” Neither one of us said anything for a short time. Then I softened my voice and tried again. “Did I unknowingly do something that would make you think like this? If that’s the case, if I did something or said something that hurt you, I’m sorry. No matter what happened between us, you know I care about you.”

“I cared about you too, Livy.”

Past tense.

He rose from his seat and stopped by the door. “When you decide to come back to reality, I really hope it won’t be already too late.”

“I’m sorry to hear you think like this, Marcus. Truly, I am.”

When I didn’t say what he was obviously expecting me to say, he nodded curtly and left me alone in my room.

Feeling slightly angry at him for somehow managing to pull me down when I had every right to feel excited about my accomplishment, I jumped out of my bed, pulled the drapes shut, and turned off the lights.

When I was comfortably snuggled under my covers, I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the fact that Marcus still had enough power over me to get under my skin.

Soon enough, I fell into a fitful sleep where I was still a little girl who dreamed and wished for things she could never reach.

***

When a door slammed shut with enough force to wake the dead, I startled awake with a gasp. Catching my breath, I had to blink a few times to get my bearings and realize that I was in Los Angeles and not in my childhood home. Patting the bed in search of my phone, I gave up when I couldn’t find it and instead got up to check on Lucy.

“Lucy,” I whispered and knocked on her door quietly. When there was no answer, I opened it and saw she was already deep in sleep. Closing her door, I padded down to the kitchen to grab a water bottle and get back to my room before I came face to face with Marcus, just in case he was the one who had slammed his door.

When I was safely back in my room, I turned on the lights and finally found my lost phone down on the floor by the bed.

Seeing the two notifications for new text messages from Jason, my heart decided it was time to have a heart attack. I hugged the phone to my chest, took a deep breath, and exhaled. Wanting to be alone in the dark, I turned off the lights again and got back in bed. My phone was still tightly clasped in my hands.

Just like it was years and years ago, I thought.

Now that there was nobody around and I was all alone with my thoughts, everything that had happened that day seemed like a dream. Seeing Jason’s name light up my screen was doing inexpressible things to my heart.

Before I could work myself into hyperventilation, I opened his texts.

Jason: I can see why you didn’t want me to read this.

Oh shit!

Jason: Are you awake?

My heart stuttered to an almost stop.

Does he hate it?

He hates it.

The last text had been sent fifteen minutes ago.

I contemplated saying, Yes, I’m awake, but decided against it. We had seen each other, talked to each other enough for a day. I didn’t want him to see me as the old Olive who trailed after him to get his attention.

If he wanted to say how much he hated my book, tomorrow was just as good as any day.