To Hate Adam Connor

Lucy

So I said okay. So I broke my own rules and gave in to him. Rules are meant to be broken, aren’t they? And this time I wouldn’t say those words. I wouldn’t show him how much I cared, how hard I was falling. I would pretend. He wouldn’t see so he couldn’t hurt me.

I was dating Adam freaking Connor.

My heart feeling restless and trapped in my chest, I walked out of my room with Adam right behind me.

I found Jameson standing in front of the open door, gazing outside. His hands were hidden in his pockets, his shoulders tensed.

I halted in my tracks and watched him stand there, Olive and Jason nowhere in sight. I looked behind me and saw Adam standing a few steps behind, giving me some space, I assumed. He gave me a reassuring smile and leaned against the wall, clearly telling me he had no intentions of leaving the room.

Before I could say anything, Jameson called my name, and I had to look away from Adam’s hypnotizing eyes.

“Lucy.” Jameson’s voice was soft, and I thought I heard something else underneath it…regret? Or maybe he was just tired from the travel and I was reaching.

I took a deep breath and met him halfway.

Feeling Adam’s eyes boring into the back of my head, I let Jameson press a soft kiss on my neck, just below my ear—his favorite spot, which had also been my favorite spot not that long ago.

For a brief moment, I closed my eyes and expected a rush of feeling from the touch, but it wasn’t there. It never came.

Not love. Not even anger.

Surprised, I took a step back.

“What are you doing here, Jameson?” I asked, my voice a little hoarse.

“I’m sorry for what I said on the phone, Lucy.” He released a deep breath and threaded his hand through his hair, looking lost. “I didn’t know what to think, and I said the wrong words.”

“It’s okay.”

Maybe if I really had been pregnant, I would’ve been pissed at him for his words, but since I wasn’t, I didn’t see the need to pretend.

“No.” He grabbed my hands and tightened his hold. “No, it wasn’t okay, and I’ve missed you, Lucy. I know—”

Jameson’s eyes moved over my shoulder and his words halted. “Could you give us a minute, please?”

“I’m afraid I can’t.”

My hands still firmly in his, Jameson’s eyes dropped to mine with a frown on his face.

Then I felt Adam’s hand on the small of my back, and I tensed.

“You can let go of her now.”

“Lucy?”

I cleared my throat and thought I might as well go ahead and introduce them. It would be a silly thing to do since both of them were obviously aware of who the other one was, but I couldn’t think of anything else to say or do.

Gently, I pulled my hands out of Jameson’s hold.

“Jameson, this is Adam Connor. He is…Olive and Jason’s neighbor.”

Adam dropped his hand and the room’s temperature dropped pretty quickly after that.

“Adam…” I took a chance and glanced up and behind me, half-expecting to find him gone. But, no, he hadn’t left. He was still there. His scent was still lingering on me, but not…his touch. There was no warmth.

Shit.

How would I introduce Jameson to him? ‘My ex’ sounded so…stupid.

“Adam, this is my friend Jameson.”

There was no handshake, just heads nodding.

Awkward.

“I’ll ask again, can you give us a minute?”

“And I’ll answer again, I’m afraid I can’t.”

Oh, for God’s sake…

Not giving Jameson a chance to reply, I grabbed his arm to get his attention.

His scowl shifted to me as soon as I touched him.

“Jameson, I’m not pregnant,” I blurted out. I’d never been one to enjoy drama.

Aware that this would be news for Adam, too, I chose to keep my eyes on Jameson. I didn’t mind having Adam in the room with us, but this was between me and Jameson. Even after the way he’d left me, I’d give him that much.

The scowl was still on his face when he asked, “What do you mean? But you said—”

“I said I was going to let you know after I got the results from the doctor’s office.”

“But you said you took one of those home tests.”

“I did. But I only took one.” I looked over my shoulder at Adam before I spoke again. “I was scared to take more than one. Apparently even those tests can be wrong.”

“So you got the results from the doctor and…they are final.”

I nodded. “Yes. Today. Just a few hours ago.” I glanced behind to gauge Adam’s expression, but he gave away nothing. The fact that he was not meeting my eyes didn’t bode well.

“I was going to call. Though, to be honest, I didn’t think you’d care…which is why I’m so surprised to see you standing here.”

“I didn’t come back just because of—uh, the pregnancy. I wanted you—”

Adam’s arm slid around my waist, and I relaxed into his touch as he spoke.

“Lucy.” My insides turned into complete mush every time he uttered my name with those lips, and I hated him for that a little bit. Just a tiny bit, really. “It makes no difference to me. Baby or no baby. I’m only glad because now you won’t spend hours upon hours worrying about ending up like the females of your lovely family. And…”

He paused and shot a very quiet Jameson a quick look, to give his words a bit more punch, I guessed. “And you deserve better. You don’t deserve to panic about something like this on your own. You don’t deserve to be alone. You deserve so much better.”

With those words, he leaned down and captured my lips. Right in front of Jameson. I didn’t think it was to make him jealous, but maybe it was to make a point? What the hell did I know? His lips were on mine, and that was enough knowledge.

I didn’t think he thought about it as staking his claim, but as soft as it had started—a soft, intimate reassurance, maybe—when it ended, it was as possessive as any of his other mind-scrambling kisses, dare I say almost as possessive as the ones he gave me when he was inside me, busy making me feel like I was walking on clouds?

His voice thick and smoky, he continued. “I have to go meet my lawyer. He’s been calling me for an hour. I need to see if something’s wrong.”

Still a little delirious from his kiss, I nodded.

“Be ready at eight. We’ll go out to dinner and talk, okay?”

Talk about what, I had no idea.

“I—” I cleared my throat. “Actually, we have something to celebrate, so we used Jason’s name and made reservations for drinks and dinner. It’s a pretty big thing.”

“Am I invited?”

“Would it change anything if I said no?”

“No, it wouldn’t.”

I rolled my eyes, but I think he saw the twitch of my lips. “Then by all means, you can come too.”

He gave me another kiss on my cheek, right at the edge of my lip actually, and my heart got excited all over again.

“Then we’ll go home after dinner. Talk.”

“Home, huh?” I said softly with a hint of a smile. He’d said the same thing the night he’d given me a ride after the Jake Callum disaster.

He nodded and caressed my cheekbone.

Not sure what I was trying to say, I met his gaze and admitted, “I don’t like saying this, but you get a forty-nine from me right now, Adam Connor.”

And now, on top of everything else, I had to start hating him for making me feel like he could be my home one day.

“I like forty-nine. That’s a good number.”

When Adam sent another look at Jameson and left, I knew I was completely screwed. With just a simple kiss, he’d managed to make me forget that we weren’t alone in the room, that my ex was staring at us with the most terrible, heartbroken expression on his face.

“When did this happen, Lucy?” he asked into the silence.

There was no point in lying. “I’m not sure. Five minutes ago? A month ago?”

He walked away from me and sat down on the couch. Feeling awkward, I did the same and sat across from him.

“So you’re not pregnant.”

“No.” It was hard to gauge what he was thinking.

He linked his hands together and leaned forward, his elbows resting on his thighs. After shooting me a quick look, he sighed and admitted, “I wanted you to come with me, you know. Before I left, I thought about a thousand ways to ask you, a thousand ways that would be the right way to ask you where you’d end up saying, ‘Yes, Jameson. I want to come with you.’ But I figured you’d never say that. You’d never take a risk that big. After all, you refused to sleep in the same bed as me for months; how could you even consider moving away with me? And then I thought, maybe it shouldn’t be this hard to ask such a simple question. Maybe if it was right, if you’d wanted to come with me, you would have said something when you heard about the job offer. But you never did. So I left.”

“So you left,” I repeated his words when it became obvious he wasn’t going to continue. Maybe he was waiting for me to confirm his suspicions. I couldn’t do that. Even though I knew it would’ve made him feel better about his decisions, I couldn’t—didn’t want to lie to him. “If you’d asked, I would have come with you, Jameson.” I gave him a rueful smile. “But maybe you’re right. If it was so hard for you to ask me to come, if you had doubts about my feelings, feelings you knew were hard for me to admit, then it wouldn’t have worked out anyway.”

“I didn’t handle it well when I heard you were pregnant.”

“No, you didn’t.”

He nodded and looked out. Where had Olive and Jason disappeared to?

Then he smiled and rose up. “I’m not sure if I’m sad there is no baby or relieved.”

I pushed myself up too. “Maybe this will sound heartless to you, but I’m relieved.”

He looked surprised at my words.

“Neither one of us is ready to be a parent, Jameson. I’m not even sure if I’ll ever be.”

We shared a long moment of silence, then Jameson released a humorless laugh and rubbed his neck.

“What a mess. What a freaking mess. I thought if you ended up deciding to have the baby, I could persuade you to come to Pittsburgh with me. I thought it was a sign for me to try to ask you again…not that I did a bang-up job the first time. That’s why I came here, and not only is there no baby, you’re dating.”

“I’m not dating,” I bristled.

“What was that little show I saw then?” He gestured toward the door Adam had disappeared through.

I frowned. “It’s not like that.” But was it? What had I agreed to exactly? What did he want? Sleep in the same bed? Because even that was a big thing for me. Date? Could he even date? Be seen out in the public with me? Sex? What did ‘You’re mine then’ mean? And could you even date a movie star? How?

“I see,” Jameson murmured, and I remembered that I wasn’t alone.

Walking over to me, he put his hand on my shoulder, his eyes holding mine. That’s when I felt a trickle of emotion, something I could remember. Then without any hesitation he pushed his fingers into my hair and pressed a firm kiss on my lips. No tongue, just a last kiss filled with what ifs and apologies. It was such an unexpected move that I didn’t know how to react. He pulled back from my lips only enough that the tips of our noses were almost touching, then closed his eyes and held me to him.

“Jameson…” I whispered, putting my hand on his tattooed wrist. He let go of my hair, but didn’t back away.

“When you first told me you loved me, I felt like I’d scaled fucking mountains. He’s a lucky son of a bitch. Make him work harder; he is right, you deserve better.”

A quick kiss on my cheek, and he was gone.