Thief's Theme: A Love Story

Ji waits for her at their spot in the park with a wide grin on his face, knowing this would be a spectacle to behold. He knows that by now, word has spread about his latest conquest and Sharia would be looking for him, to give him a piece of her mind. Rather than run and increase her stress levels and thus her frustration and levels of ire she held towards him, he decides to pick a spot that she can and will easily find and make things easier on both of them.

Sure enough, it only takes her an hour to find him. And considering that the park is about thirty-five minutes away from the police station, she made pretty good time. Ji can tell by the force behind her feet and the way she marches up to him that she’s angry. This only causes his grin to widen and her frustration to grow. As she reaches him, she glares at him angrily and basically growls her next words.

“What did you do?” She commands. To avoid her full wrath, Ji reins in his grin and manages to put on a straight face…only to shrug at her question.

“I’m sorry Shar, you’re going to have to be more specific. I’ve done a lot of things.” He explains in an innocent tone. Her glare intensifies.

“You know what I mean. What did you just do?” She demands.

“You mean escaping from jail? I mean you knew it was going to happen. You may be able to catch me, but no structure can hold me. We both know that.” He points out.

“No not that! I mean yes that, but not the escaping part.” She tries to clarify unsuccessfully.

“Shar you got to be more straight with me, I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” He says with a shrug.

“The police station you dummy!” She yells, causing him to flinch a bit. “As soon as I get home I get a call about some…tall tale of you stealing not only the bars of your jail cell, not only the full cell, but the entire police station! Now I’m not sure what everyone’s smoking, but they’re sure it’s you. So whatever you did, reverse it and put the police station back!” She instructs him. In response, Ji puts his hands up in surrender and grins once more.

“And if I don’t? You going to arrest me officer?” He asks in a taunting manner, clearly amused by the situation.

“Yes I am! And wipe that stupid grin off of your face!” She commands as she takes out her cuffs and steps towards him. Ji complies and helps her put his hands behind his back.

“Fine with me, I’ll just escape like always.” He replies.

“And I’ll continue to catch you like always.” She retorts as she finishes putting the cuffs on and begins hauling him to her police car. This only causes him to smile.

“It’s a date.” He says as she continues hauling him off to her car.

“So where are you going to take me exactly, with no police station and no jail cell?” He asks innocently. This causes Sharia to pause as he had a point. “And how can I return the police station if I’m all tied up and restrained? You got to compromise here Shar.” She acknowledges his pleas and roughly takes the cuffs off as she huffs in anger at being defeated so easily.

“Fine, you’re right. I’ll let you go for now, but you have to promise to return the police station and reverse…whatever it is you did within an hour. Ji raises his eyebrow.

“In an hour?” He questions. “Do you know how large a police station is?” This causes her to glare at him again.

“You’re asking someone who works in the police station that question?” He concedes the point to her internally. “Story says you stole it in less, so make do, or I’m coming for you.” That statement causes Ji to raise both eyebrows.

“Wow, first you’re trying to force me into your car for some alone time and now you’re coming for me. Why Sharia Iwuhaki, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to flirt with me.” He says with a smirk. Sharia blushes at the implications and hits his arm.

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Ji!” She says, only causing his smirk to transform into a smile. “And remember, return the police station or you’re done!” She says as she gets in her car. He shrugs.

“Alright, will do!” He says, waving goodbye she starts her car and begins driving off. “That was fun. Now…what’s next on the list...?” He ponders to himself.

The next morning, Sharia wakes up feeling as if something is wrong. She looks over at her phone and sees over a dozen messages waiting for her and sighs while rubbing her temples. Ji’s definitely been up to something again. Carefully she listens to each message, noting that the sounds of panic increase with each one. After about five minutes, she’s finally done and…she doesn’t really know what to make of it. Silently she turns on the news and sees the exact thing that’s baffling her: ‘7 Wonders of the World, stolen!’ is the headline as newscasters and experts talk endlessly at the different possibilities of what’s happened. Somehow, just like the police chief, just like the international authorities, the newscasters and the experts all agree that this can only be one man: the thief known as Mercury.

“Oh Ji, what have you done?” She questions aloud as she shakes her head. “Why is it I always have to clean up after you?” She mutters as she quickly freshens up, gets dressed, eats, and makes her way to the police station. ‘That’s right, the police station.’ She thinks. ‘You better have come through on your promise Ji or I’ll…’ her thoughts trail off before they can get too vicious. It doesn’t take her too long to speed to her place of work and when she does, she breathes out a sigh of relief. The building is back and Ji kept his promise.

“At least he’s good for one thing.” She mutters as she exits her car and quickly makes her way into and through the police station to the chief. He notices her as soon as she steps through the door and quickly runs to her, looking ragged and tired.

“Oh thank god, Officer Iwuhaki, you’re here!” He exclaims with pure joy in his eyes. This causes every cop in the station to stop what they’re doing, turn around and cheer much like he did. Sharia blushes a bit at all the attention, but manages to gather herself and get to business.

“That I am chief. What’s the situation?” She asks, knowing the gist, but wanting the details.

“Have you seen the news?” He questions. Sharia nods, gesturing for him to carry on. “Well, to be honest with you, that’s pretty much all we have.” Sharia looks at him confused as she responds.

“Wait, we have the same information that the news has? So we have nothing?” She asks, bewildered. The chief grimaces and nods.

“Pretty much. Even the higher ups all have the same information: one moment the Seven Wonders of the World are there, and then the next moment they’re not.” He explains.

“Wait, all of them? At the same time?” She inquires, still incredulous at such a thing. He nods again.

“That’s what sources say.”

“And we think Merc did this?” She asks with scrutiny. He shrugs and scratches his head.

“Yeah pretty much. I mean…who else could?” He asks.

“I get that, but that’s never been enough to start a manhunt before! We have no proof!” She argues, trying to get some semblance of normalcy back in her life.

“We’ve never had a situation like this before officer! Besides, we’re not asking you to execute him! We just…we need you to find him as no one else ever has. Ask him about it; get him to put them back like he did the police station. Fix this.” He says.

“And if it’s not him?” She questions.

“Then it’s worse than we thought and we’re all screwed.” He speaks, causing her to look at him in confusion. He continues to speak, clarifying. “We know that Merc is somewhat reasonable, at least when you’re involved. If it’s someone else…well they’re a complete wildcard with impossible abilities that we can’t hope to compete against. Let’s just hope for all of our sake, that this is Merc. And let’s be honest, we know it is.” States the chief. Sharia nods.

“Right. Where do I start chief?” She ponders aloud. He sighs and rubs his head.

“Normally I’d say where your gut tells you, but the people are going crazy and need some kind of…assurance.” He describes. Sharia’s heart drops.

“And I’m that assurance.” She states dryly. The chief winks and points a finger-gun at hers.

“You got it! The one person to ever catch Merc is on the job, so don’t worry, we got this! That’s basically what you’re conveying to them.”

“Even if we don’t got it?” She asks, not wanting to lie to people like that.

“Especially if we don’t got it.” He says as he pats her on the shoulder. “Go get ’em girl. I know you can do this.” She nods silently and takes a deep breath, ready to begin her trip around the world.

“When do I leave?”

Sharia exits the plane, groggy from her nap. She’s cross right now, angry at Ji for forcing her to go through all of this. ‘I got you a free trip around the world’ he’d likely say, and then she’d punch him in the face, slam him on the ground and arrest him after a few kicks to the ribs. At least that’s what she’s fantasizing right now. ‘Stupid Ji, with your stealing fetish.’

“Who steals the Pyramids of Giza?” She questions as she enters the country of Egypt. She looks up and notices the distinct lack of Pyramids in the distance and her mouth falls open as she gapes at the impossibility she’s witnessing. “My god, he really stole them. They’re…gone.” She says under her breath in amazement. “How do I comfort anyone about this?” She wonders to herself. Quickly she makes her way to the authorities in Egypt, mentally readying herself for her meeting about the missing pyramids.

About an hour through said meeting, Sharia is ready to bash her own brains out, the hard way on the glass table in front of her if she has to. These people knew nothing and had just spent the last hour spit-balling and complaining, with nothing productive being done. Having had enough, she clears her throat and interferes.

“So let me get this straight!” She yells loudly, above the chatter, causing everyone to look at her. “No one saw Merc enter or leave the country?” She asks. As people look to open their mouths, she gives them a stern look that says ‘either nod or shake your head’. They comply and shake their heads. “OK, and no one saw how the pyramids were taken?” Again they shake their heads. She closes her eyes and rubs her temples before pointing to an Arabic man with glasses on his face and a short beard. He wasn’t anyone special as far as she knows; she just needs someone to clarify. “You! Tell me what we do know.”

He nods and clears his throat, clearly terrified and intimidated by Sharia. He does eventually gather enough courage to speak.

“All we know is that one minute, the Great Pyramids are there, with people on side of them, and even inside of them, taking tours…” He trails off.

“And?” She asks, beckoning him to continue. He nods and gathers his courage once more.

“And the next minute, they’re gone. As if it were an act of God.” He explains, looking up and pointing at the ceiling as he does.

“OK, got it, so one minute they’re there, and next minute they’re gone. We have no confirmation that Merc was even in the country and…you know what never mind. Thank you for your cooperation gentleman, we got it from here.” She speaks, starting out frustrated, but ending her statement politely.

The men all get up and bow slightly at her, making sure to shake her hand.

“Thank you Miss. Please, catch this man and bring him to justice!” Is the message she gets from all of them, more or less. ‘I’ll catch him for sure, but bringing him to justice? Not so sure on that one.’ She thinks, remembering all the times she’s caught Ji or ‘Merc’ as they know him, but also remembering that he escaped each time. She takes out her phone and look at the next item on her list. She has to resist the urge to facepalm and smack herself on the head as the next meeting is in this same building, but about the Lighthouse of Alexandria, another of the Seven Wonders, also located in Egypt.

‘Why wouldn’t they just discuss that in the same meeting?’ She wonders, frustrated at having to go through yet another meeting with the same people about the same fruitless topic. ‘From now on, I’m checking my phone ahead of time and bringing up every freaking wonder the country has before leaving the meeting.’ She promises herself as she turns right around and walks back into the building.

Another hour and another meeting is complete with virtually the same information as before. Just like with the Pyramids, no one has seen Ji or ‘Merc’ in the country, no one has seen him leave, no one saw exactly how the Lighthouse was stolen, and the Lighthouse too just disappeared out of nowhere in seemingly a second flat. Sighing in frustration, Sharia swears revenge on Ji. ‘When I get my hands on you…’ She thinks as an evil smile finds its way on her face. She then exits the building and is immediately on a plane to Iraq.

“Next up, the Hanging Gardens.” She says to herself as she settles into her first class seat. “At least I get to fly first class.” She mutters as she drifts off to sleep, trying to sleep off some of the stress. Two hours later she arrives and is ready to tackle another useless meeting that exists only to reassure the people that the thief (Ji in this case) would be caught. Breathing hard she steps off the plane and looks at her phone.

“Good.” She says to herself. “Only one Wonder here and thus only one meeting.” She then finds her way to a taxi and is on her way to the building where said meeting is. It takes another thirty minutes, but she does finally arrive at the building, about ten minutes early for her meeting.

“Here goes nothing.” She says as she exits the taxi. “Wish me luck.” She says to no one in particular as she heads in to try to survive yet another meeting on this debacle. An hour later, she’s feeling about half as frustrated as before. She paid less attention than she did in the first two meetings, knowing it to be gibberish, but from what she could gather, it was the same situation. No one knew anything.

“OK, so no one saw the thief or how he stole the…” She pauses to look down at her phone. “Hanging Gardens? And the Gardens just…disappeared, correct?” She asks in a bored tone, stifling a yawn in the middle of the last sentence.

“Yes, Miss that is correct.” Speaks on of the members of the meeting. She yawns again and gives him the same answer as before. Well, virtually the same answer.

“Alright, thanks for this…riveting meeting and the information. We got it from here. Trust me, I’m an expert on J—Merc.” She says, waving off their concerns as she walks away and out of the building. ‘Another complete waste of time.’ She thinks. ‘Oh well, time to go to…’ She looks at her phone. ‘Turkey. There’s two Wonders missing there, the Temple of Artemis and the Mausoleum at Halicarnassus. Joy.’ She thinks as she walks wearily to a taxi and takes a ride to the nearest airport.

Another hour, another flight, and another nap for Sharia as she arrives in Turkey for yet another meeting. Well it’s supposed to be two meetings, but hell if she’s going through that again. This time she was going to bring up both wonders in the same meeting, no matter what anyone else said. But first she needed to get there…

After hailing a taxi and getting to the correct place, Sharia only has a minute or so before the meeting starts. Being who she is, she simply walks in to the place and sits down, not bothered with the stares. This time Sharia waits for only twenty minutes before intervening.

“OK, men we’ve heard much of the same before. You haven’t seen the thief in or out of the country and the Wonder just suddenly disappeared, the…” She glances down at her phone. “Temple of Artemis. Now tell me about the Mausoleum at Halicarnassus.” She inquires, struggling to pronounce the name. The men look speechless as she asks. She waits for a full minute in silence before one of the men clears his throat and responds.

“Um…Miss, we were only here to discuss the Temple. The next meeting is for the—“ She doesn’t allow him to finish.

“I know the details sir, but that is a waste of time. You want us to help you as soon as possible? Make all the details available as soon as possible. Now tell me, what happened at the Mausoleum?” She commands with authority. The men are hesitant, but soon fall in line and begin speaking about the second Wonder as they spoke about the first. Sharia knows the information is useless and likely the same as before, but she does sit back and let them speak, nodding occasionally to make them feel better about themselves. After thirty more minutes, she cuts them off.

“I see. Thank you men for your input. We got it from here.” She says as she abruptly gets up from her seat and leaves the building. Before she knows it, she’s on an hour flight to Greece to discuss the last two Wonders. ‘And after that, it’s home sweet home.’ She thinks with a smile as she dozes off for a quick nap.

In Greece, it’s the same deal. She arrives at the meeting, they give her nothing, she forces them to talk about the second wonder, and still no real information. The only thing different is the amount of time she allowed them to talk (about ten minutes per wonder) and her leaving statement.

“Thank you men, it’s been enlightening. We’ll be in touch.” Not allowing any force to stop her, Sharia quickly hops onto a plane to make it back to New York and back to her home, more importantly her comfy bed. She falls out as soon as she hits the mattress with one thought on her mind. ‘Ji, you’re dead.’

A grin adorns Ji’s face as he knows Sharia is back in town and out for his head. He knows about the various trips she went on because of him as well as the mind-numbing meetings she had to go through. It was because of this that Ji isn’t at their normal spot in the park. No, Ji is on the run, moving constantly around town, making it a challenge to get him. He doesn’t exactly want to face Sharia right now, and even though he knows deep down inside that he’s making it worse by leading her on a chase, some part of him didn’t care. It was like a game…

“Hello, Mr. Olezuo?” Came the voice of death cutting off his thoughts, using a sweet tone to mask her true emotions. ‘Damn, she got me.’ Thinks Ji as his grin turns more to a nervous smile. He looks around and remembers that he’s on a train to the other side of town, part of his whole ‘constant movement’ plan that in hindsight was more stationary than he wanted. There was no escape.

“Uh…hey Miss? What can I do for you?” He asks, playing along to hopefully lessen the punishment. To her credit, Sharia, now wearing her curls in a ponytail and dressed in a black shirt pink shorts combination, as well as some glasses (for her disguise?) merely smiled and responded.

“Well you see, I have this difficult and unbelievable project I need help with and I was wondering if you could come with me and take a look?” She asks with a bright smile. But Ji could read between the lines. Her smile said ‘come or die’ or ‘come or I snap your neck’ or something of that nature. So he could do nothing but resign himself to fate and go with her.

“All Seven Wonders Ji? ALL SEVEN WONDERS!? How do you even— What goes through your mind when you plan these things?” She asks, clearly peeved at him. He responds with a Cheshire smile.

“Pretty Impressive huh? I think it’s my greatest work yet.” He says, with in a proud tone.

“That’s an understatement.” She mutters underneath her breath.

“So officer, are you here to arrest me?” He asks, innocently but holding out his hands. She sighs and puts the cuffs on.

“Sure I guess. Though I’m not sure what’s the point anymore.” She says in a dejected tone. “Come on, you’re going to straight to State prison due to your last debacle. You’ve proven…too dangerous for jail.” She informs him. He shrugs.

“Good with me.” He responds. ‘Why do I even bother?’ She wonders as she puts him in her car and takes off to the prison. She drops him off after making sure he registers and goes through the proper processes, though she leaves before he has to strip, blushing a bright red when she realizes what part he was going through. Ji only winks at her when she leaves, but she surely doesn’t see it, too consumed by other thoughts. Within the hour he’s in his cell, in a prison jumpsuit, staring at the bars as he daydreams about further more things to steal.

“What even comes after the Seven Wonders of the World? Is there anything left?” He wonders aloud to himself. He then shakes his head. “Of course there is! What am I saying? I just have to get creative!” He says to himself as he gets up and stretches. “Man, I’m bored.” He then grins and remembers exactly who he is: the world’s greatest thief. Boredom isn’t an option.

An hour later a guard walks by his cell, wanting to check up on the one and only Merc, to make sure that…he was still there basically. As the guard comes upon his cell he sees Ji in normal clothes (a black jacket with a white button up shirt and black jeans), playing some kind of game system right next to a computer, a laptop, and what looks like half-eaten lobster.

“What the hell?” The guard exclaims, rightfully confused. “Where did you get that?” He demands.

“Stole it.” Answers Ji, not looking away from the game. “Lobster’s not as good as I thought it’d be. It’s so expensive and yet so mediocre.” He continues, as if expecting the guard to agree with him. The guard does agree with him internally, but he knows that this can’t continue, no matter how right the thief is.

“Well that’s too bad, because I’m confiscating all of it.” Declares the guard. Ji just shrugs.

“Alright, just wait until I beat this level— welp, just did. You’re good to go!” He says happily. The guard looks at him wearily as he grabs the stuff and starts taking it with him, his hands obviously too full.

“You’re on thin ice Merc. Do this again and we’ll take you to solitary.” He warns. Ji shrugs, not really caring where they take him. No cell could hold him after all. Now how long should he wait until he takes everything back?

It’s only the next day when he steals everything back, this time eating crab cakes instead of lobster. The guard walks by again and has to rub his eyes to make sure he’s not hallucinating.

“Wha—? How? Where’d you get this stuff?” He asks again.

“Stole it. Just like last time.” Answers Ji, surfing the web on his laptop. The guard almost blows his top.

“That’s it! You’re going to solitary!” States the guard in anger. Ji looks up at him and shrugs.

“OK. Will you let me have my stuff in solitary or…?”

It’s been four days since Ji was taken to solitary confinement. And each day he would be in his own cell, wearing his own clothes, playing games, surfing the web, and eating good food. Each day he would be caught as the guards would check on why he wasn’t eating their food and drinking the water provided, and each day they’d confiscate everything only for him to steal it away. After the third day, Ji decides to steal something more esoteric, like the ability to see his stuff, making it invisible to the guards. From then on he hasn’t been bothered and simply enjoys the simple prison life.

On the sixth day of solitary, Ji is finally ‘let out’ of the cell…and into an interrogation room by two cops. The first cop jacks Ji up by the shoulders and tries to intimidate him.

“OK Merc, here’s how it works. We ask you a question and you answer it. If you don’t…” He glances to his partner who cracks his knuckles. Ji merely yawns, causing the cop to slam him against the wall, hard and the other to hit him with a gut punch. Ji laughs and lets them in on his secret.

“I don’t feel pain, so hit me as much as you want. I stole that from myself a long time ago.” He says through a grin.

“What kind of gibberish are you speaking Merc? We didn’t hit you that hard. Not yet.” Says the first cop, confused at Ji’s words. “Now, here come the questions.” Ji shrugs, not caring either way.

“OK punk, how’d you steal it? How does some punk like you take the Seven Wonders of the World?” Asks the second cop. Ji shrugs.

“I just did.” THWACK. He’s punched across the face. True to his word, he doesn’t feel the pain however so it’s all lost on him.

“Where are they!? Where’d you put them punk?” Yells the second cop, ready to strike again.

“My secret storage place.” Answers Ji. THUD. He’s hit with a gut punch that he simply laughs off.

“Where is that?” Asks the first cop. “Be straight with me.” Ji instead grins as he answers defiantly.

“Not telling.” Says Ji in sing-song voice.

“Look here you little punk!” Says the second cop as he tries to make it to Ji.

“Whoops.” Says Ji as the cop somehow finds the cuffs on him rather than Ji. The second cop looks on in bewilderment as the first cop moves to restrain the thief, only for him to disappear.

“Where did he go?” Asks the first cop.

“I don’t know! How’d he get these cuffs on me?” Asks the second cop.

“Dammit! We got to call this in!” Says the first cop as he looks for the key to the cuffs, but can’t find it, likely because Ji stole it. Mass panic ensues as the police issue a full lockdown and city-wide search for Merc, a wanted global criminal who just escaped. Traffic is stopped as every vehicle is searched, legal or not. Stores are turned over, apartments are raided, and the street is filled with every able-bodied officer, all looking for the world’s greatest thief. All within a couple of hours. Finally, someone has the sense to call Sharia who walks into the cell to see the two cops, trying to break the second cop free from his handcuffs, banging them with a hammer. They succeed just as she walks in, shaking her head in embarrassment.

“Officer Ihuwaki! Thank god you’re here! We had Merc in here, interrogating him about the theft of the Seven Wonders.” Starts the first cop.

“And then the kid just attacks us out of nowhere, like a rabid dog!” Says the second cop.

“He’s always so peaceful ya know, so we weren’t prepared for that.” Continues the first cop.

“So the kid got away.” Finishes the second cop. Sharia looks at them with disbelief.

“You’re saying that Merc attacked you guys?” Both men look at each other and nod.

“Yeah, dude went crazy on us! We’re lucky to be alive!” Says the first cop. Sharia doesn’t look impressed.

“Somehow I don’t believe you.” She says, arms crossed. “Now, where have you searched exactly, to declare him missing?” She inquires.

“Well right now, the chief has every vehicle, every house, every apartment, and every street corner being searched to find the bastard.” Explains the second cop. Sharia raises her eyebrow.

“He does? That’s excessive. And stupid. If Merc truly escaped, such a search wouldn’t help us. Now has any one searched his cell?” The cops open their mouths and close them again.

“Uh…no. But we searched the rest of the prison, we swear!” The first cop exclaims. Sharia pinches her nose in frustration.

“Come on, let’s look at his cell.” She says as she starts walking to his assigned cell. She stops when the cops don’t follow her. “Come on, what are you waiting for?” She asks, annoyed.

“Well um…that’s not his cell anymore.” Explains the second cop. Sharia looks confused.

“What do you mean that’s not his cell anymore? Was he moved?” She questions.

“Kind of.” Says the first cop. “He was transferred to solitary, gave a guard some trouble from what I heard.” He informs her.

“Solitary?” She yells, her eyes bugging. “What could he possibly do to be confined to solitary?” She asks, internally worried for her friend and what treatment he might be getting. The cops shrug.

“Not sure, but I’ve never questioned the guards before. Wasn’t going to start for that punk.” Says the second cop. Sharia sighs and rubs her temples.

“OK, let’s go to solitary then.” The cops nod and they move on their way. Quickly the find solitary and open the door to Ji’s cell. Sure enough there he is, eating pizza and watching a huge ninety inch HD television. As his door opens up he waves happily to Sharia and continues watching TV. Sharia sees him and her mouth drops open. ‘I completely understand.’ She thinks to herself, answering what he could’ve done to deserve solitary confinement. She shakes her head and goes to speak when the cops do first.

“That’s it punk!” Says the first cop.

“You’re going to get it!” Finishes the second cop, both ready to charge forward and lay a beating on Ji. Sharia stops them however by holding up her hand.

“I’ll take it from here officers.” She says, staring down Ji as she does. He finishes swallowing his piece of pizza and grins at her, giving her a thumbs up. Yeah he’s going to get it. The cops barely rein in their fury but hesitantly nod, allowing Sharia to take the reins. She is the expert on Merc after all. Sharia closes her eyes for a moment and then snaps them open. It’s time to get to work.