Thief's Theme: A Love Story

Enter the scene as a young man, about six foot five inches with skin so dark that it’s almost black, is running through the streets of New York, as he has returned from his trip to London. What business does a young New York male have in London, you may ask? It’s simple. Besides tourism and jokes of famous literature (entailing books, plays, and movies), the young man often called Ji had a specific appointment he needed to make. The location? The Tower of London. Why? You may ask. Why would he have an appointment at the Tower of London? Is he a famous celebrity staging a photoshoot? Is he a business man meeting someone there? Or is he a love-struck boyfriend, planning a date with his significant other? None of these are correct, though the last one is the closest. Ji is a thief, and he was in London, more specifically the Tower of London, to steal the Crown Jewels.

Back to the scene, Ji, wearing black construction boots, black jeans, a black button up shirt that is left unbuttoned, and a black undershirt, runs through the streets, with a grin on his face, as several police cars give chase. WOOP! WOOP! Is the sound of the police as the sirens wail loudly, letting all in the vicinity know to clear the path. Fast as he is, Ji isn’t superhuman, at least as far as anyone knows, so the cars gain on him quickly and begin to overtake him. Using his cat-like agility, Ji quickly turns the corner down an alleyway only big enough to fit a person or two, blocking the police cars from entering. Still on the run, Ji continues down the alley, past a few garbage cans, and jumps off the wall and over a fence without even losing a step. Keeping pace, Ji then takes a sharp left right into a random apartment building, startling the residents, a young mother and her child. Ji and the mother stare each other down for a moment, both speechless at the unexpected meeting. Ji gulps and then speaks, holding his hands up with palms out.

“I’m harmless, I swear.” He says. She looks like she wants to scream but instead she takes a deep breath and nods, likely in fear for her life. Ji shakes his head and continues through the place of residence, jumping through an open window into another apartment to try to lose his tail. “I said I was harmless lady, jeez.” He mutters under his breath as he does, annoyed by the mother’s reaction. He couldn’t blame her however. To her he was just a strange, tall man that had invaded her house. He understood her reaction, even if he didn’t like it. Making it through this apartment without incident, Ji jumps through yet another window, straight into a third apartment, further obscuring his trail.

“That should do it.” He says aloud to himself. “Only one person would keep chasing me through that and at this point, I would welcome her.” He muses. “Now let’s find my path to freedom.” Ji then finds the nearest window and makes his way towards it. With cat-like agility, he flips up and out of the window and up a story to grab a nearby ledge. Utilizing more of his agility, the resident thief kicks off of the wall, jumping up high enough to land on the roof. As he lands he takes a look around, using his hand as a visor to block the sun. First he looks straight ahead and sees a police blockade, complete with about five cars and a group of officers waiting with their guns drawn. “So that way’s out.” He mutters. He then tries to look to the left. Damn, it’s the same thing. He looks to the right, and they have that blocked too. Behind him? He turns and looks and yep, it’s the same story. Looks like he’s trapped. With a grin he runs his hand through his hair (a high top fade) and exhales. “This should be fun.”

With a sudden movement, Ji takes off to his right and leaps from one apartment building roof to the other, soaring through the air like some kind of thieving eagle. He stops for a moment as he lands, to survey the area, which shows him nothing but police blockades as far as the eye can see. He then takes off running once more, this time to the left, and jumps to yet another rooftop. He stops upon landing and looks again, seeing more of the same, and repeats his action, this time jumping forward with the same results. He does this two more times, jumping left and then left again, before realizing that he is truly trapped on all sides. There is no escape. Not here anyway. With a heavy heart, Ji appears to resign himself to defeat and climb down the nearest fire escape. Calmly he walks forward into one of the many police blockades where numerous cars and officers awaited him.

“Alright, alright you win. I’m harmless, see?” He says, walking out with his hands up. The officers don’t budge, staring intensely at him as he walks out into broad daylight. One of the higher ranking policemen takes it upon themselves to talk for the group, allowing the others to focus on any sudden movements.

“We all know you’re not harmless Merc. Not by any definition of the word.” Merc. That’s what they called him. It was short for Mercury, the Roman God of Speed, and detailed how he could steal anything at the drop of a hat. The high-ranking policeman keeps his gun trained on Ji as he continues to slowly walk forward. For emphasis, he even cocks his gun, causing Ji to pause for a moment. “You went too far this time Merc. The Crown Jewels? The mother—the Crown Jewels! What were you thinking?!” Admonishes the policeman, likely a sergeant.

“What was I thinking?” Repeats Ji as he continues to walk closer. The sergeant isn’t having it.

“Stop right there!” Ji does as he says. “Move another inch, and not only do I fire, but I give everyone here the signal to fire as well.” He says harshly. Ji or Merc as they call him just chuckles at the threat as he continues answering the inquiry from before.

“I was thinking…that stealing the Crown Jewels was too good to pass up, clearly.” Ji responds with a shrug, as if his answer was the most obvious answer in the world. The sergeant looks incredulous at the reply.

“A-are you serious? Too good to pass up?!” He exclaims.

“Yeah I usually am serious when I speak…” Ji says, though the sergeant ignores him.

“Do you know what you’ve done? Don’t answer that.” The sergeant says quickly to cut Ji off as he opens his mouth to retort. “You just went from small time jewel thief and possible bank robber to international criminal. When we lock you up—and we will—you won’t be in small time-y jail. You’ll be in prison with the big boys. Is that what you wanted? Because that’s what you got.” Again Ji shrugs.

“I knew it’d happen eventually. No need in being a thief if I wasn’t going to be on top. And being on top means going far beyond international criminal, so yeah it’s what I wanted.” He answers, taking a step forward.

“I said don’t move!” Yells the sergeant. Ji grins and licks his lips.

“No, you said to stop! You also said that if I moved another inch, I’d be shot down right where I stand, by you AND all of these fine men and women here.” Ji stops to take a look around. “Well I took a step, and I don’t see any shooting so.” He puts his hands down and starts walking through the blockade towards the police cars. “You know what they say sergeant, you give a man an inch, he takes a mile.” Speaks Ji, his back now to the sergeant. The sergeant grits his teeth and swallows.

“I warned you Merc…officers fire at will!” He screams the last part as he pulls the trigger, aiming at Ji’s back. CLICK. Did his gun jam or…? CLICK. Nope, it did it again. But how? The sergeant stares at his gun in wonder as nothing but numerous CLICKs are heard throughout the area as every other gun suffers the same fate.

“Kind of hard to shoot a man with no bullets.” Exclaims Ji before he does a very acrobatic flip over and around the various police cars, escaping the blockade. “And don’t bother chasing me in those. They no longer have any gas…or steering wheels for that matter.” What? The policemen all look at their guns in wonder and then to the cars and note that they in fact don’t have steering wheels, just as Merc said.

“How?” Asks the Sergeant, mostly to himself. Ji answers him anyway before he takes off running.

“Spoiler alert, I stole them!” He yells as he makes his escape. The police can only look on dumbfounded with nothing they can do to stop him. And so the trek continues as Ji turns down another alley and this time jumps up, kicking off the walls and the fire escape to make his way to the roof. As soon as he lands he hears the sound of a gun cocking as he holds his hands up in surrender.

“Ohiji Olezuo, better known as the thief Mercury, you are under arrest. Again.” Says the voice of a young woman he knew very well as she holds a gun to his temple. Ji merely grins at the statement as he continues surrendering.

“Aww, Shar, you used my full name! I’m touched.” He exclaims, as he turns to face her. Sharia or Shar as he called her is a woman of normal height with full lips, round cheeks, a small nose, large brown eyes, brown-red hair that is styled into curls, and skin the color of milk chocolate. She wears a pair of black shorts and a dark blue shirt that hug her voluptuous figure, with a black jacket strung over it. On her feet are black sneakers, as she’s prepared to run down any criminal. Ji licks his lips as he looks her up and down before he speaks once more. “Now we both know that you don’t need the gun, Shar. I’m not going to resist, and you’re not going to shoot so…” He trails off, letting her get the picture.

Sharia goes silent for a moment before her expression turns sheepish and she begins apologizing.

“Oh! I’m sorry Ji! I shouldn’t have—I had no reason to—that was unwarranted hostility on my part.” She explains, stumbling over her words. Ji waves it off.

“Nah you’re just doing your job. It’s fine.” He says nonchalantly. She looks relieved to hear that and gives a breathless smile.

“Yeah…besides it’s not like my gun has any bullets in it anyways, knowing you!” She jokes. Instead of smiling with her, Ji raises his eyebrow, questioning her statement.

“Uh…yeah it does. Unless you took them out I mean.” He states. She looks confused, so he clarifies. “I don’t steal from you remember?” It then dawns on her as if a lightbulb just turned on in her head.

“Oh, right. Wait, really? Even in a life and death situation? I mean if I pull that trigger, that’s it. You’re…” She trails off, not wanting to finish that thought. “I’d almost want you to steal from me in that case.” Ji returns to grinning when she’s done with her words.

“See, that ‘almost’ is exactly why I don’t do it. I know you hate stealing and I could never do that to you.” He explains. “Plus I’d be fine. I might not steal from you, but the bullet itself? That’s fair game.” He says with a cocky grin. Sharia frowns at the implications.

“Ji, you can’t steal from a bullet. It’s just an object, a projectile, a weapon.” She corrects him. Ji appears to be affronted by her assertion.

“Of course you can! What kind of amateur do you take me for?” He says with a hand on his heart. Sharia only shakes her head in disbelief.

“You’re delusional Ji.” She says as she retrieves her handcuffs. “Anyways, I’m taking you in Merc.” Ji’s only response is to hold out both of his hands and continue smiling.

“As you wish, mi ’lady.”

Ji sits in the back of the police car, silent as he stares at the city. Much to his chagrin he was not put into the back of Sharia’s police car, so any hope of conversation or fun is dashed. Instead he stares into the ether, thinking of more things to steal, higher levels of thievery he can reach. He is deep in when his thoughts are interrupted by the officer driving the car.

“OK Merc, let’s get a few things clear before we reach the station. First thing’s first, where did you put everything man?” Asks the cop in genuine wonderment. Ji looks his way but then looks back towards the window, staring back out into the ether so he can start up his thoughts again. The cop waits a few seconds before realizing that Ji wasn’t going to answer.

“OK, don’t answer that, it’s fine. But tell me, how’d you carry it all out?” Again Ji is silent. “There’s over a hundred pieces in that display and ALL of them went missing. There weren’t any bags or vehicles with you from what we could see, and we couldn’t find any accomplices either. And given you’re history, you work alone anyways…so how’d ya do it kid?” Ji maintains his silence.

“OK, then when did you steal it all? Can you at least answer that for me?” This time Ji turns back to the cop and speaks.

“Sure.” He brings his fingers together and snaps. “It was in a snap. Just like that.” He answers. This causes the cop and his partner to roll their eyes at what they perceived to be an obvious lie.

“If you weren’t going to be truthful you might as well stay silent then.” Mutters the cop’s partner. The other cop, the driver, however has a different idea.

“Come on, Merc. Will you give me any information?” Pleads the officer. Ji’s mouth forms a small grin at the question.

“Nah. Everything I have to say will be said to Officer Iwuhaki.” He clarifies, using Sharia’s last name.

“Of course.” Mutters both cops in unison.

“Always the same game.” Continues the cop’s partner.

“Well the drive back to the station ain’t short. Anything else you’re willing to talk about?” Ask the driver, relenting that he won’t be getting any information out of Merc today. Ji shrugs and responds.

“Sure. Sports is cool.” The cop’s eyes light up, as he finally gets a response.

“OK, Cool. Now we’re getting somewhere. Which sport you talking?” Ji shrugs in a noncommittal manner. This annoys the cop but he keeps his cool.

“OK…is football alright?” Again Ji responds with a shrug. “OK Merc, tell me, who’s your favorite team?”

“Stealers.” Ji answers quickly. “After them it’s the Raiders and then the Buccaneers as a close third.” The cop sighs and shakes his head, done with Ji’s games. His partner takes over for him instead.

“Merc, you know they’re not the Stealers but the Steelers right? It means something totally different.” Ji shrugs.

“Yeah, but it’s too good to pass up.” He says with grin.

“OK, any favorite players then?” Asks the partner, sure there’s not too many stealing puns Ji could make with that question.

“Nah, not really.” This answer surprises the partner. How can you be a fan and not have a favorite player. Maybe…

“Oh, do you play then?” Inquires the partner.

“Yeah, on occasion.”

“Well what’s your favorite position?” Questions the partner further.

“Linebacker clearly.” This throws the partner through a loop.

“What? Linebacker? Explain that to me. I thought for sure you’d say Cornerback or Safety or something.” The partner says, letting his confusion be known.

“As a Linebacker I get to alternate between stealing the ball in mid-air and stealing it right from the quarterback’s hands. Seems like a win-win situation to me.” The original cop sighs and steps back in.

“Merc I know you’re a thief but seriously. It’s not called ‘stealing in mid-air’, it’s an interception. And it’s not ‘stealing from the quarterback’, it’s stripping the ball or causing a fumble.” Explains the officer. Ji shrugs, not caring for the correction.

“All the same to me.” And it was. Stealing was stealing was stealing was stealing. No matter how you dressed it up, in Ji’s mind.

“Right.” Responds the officer dryly. “Let me guess, in basketball you like defense because you get to steal? In soc—“

“Nah, I like being point guard, assists is my jam.” Answers Ji, cutting the officer off. The officer actually stops the car and looks back at Ji with an incredulous look on his face, not believing his answer for a second. “I’m kidding. Not about liking assists, but stealing’s definitely my number one. And that goes for all facets of life really.” He describes with a grin. The officer just sighs in annoyance and gets back to driving.

“There’s no talking to you kid. It’s all about stealing.” This causes Ji to smile his widest smile yet.

“Now you’re getting it!” The cops merely shake their heads and remain silent the rest of the trip. It’s about fifteen more minutes of silent travel after that, the cops no longer willing to speak with Ji, and Ji content to let his thoughts wander in the back of the car. Finally they arrive at the station and end the awkward car ride. The cops take him to the interrogation room where Ji’s mood brightens up as who else but Sharia is there waiting for him. They sit him down and handcuff him to the table, and leave with a nod to Sharia. Despite them being friends, Sharia is all business and wastes no time getting right to it.

“OK Merc, tell us where the Crown Jewels are! I’m warn—“ She’s cut off by him simply answering her question.

“Back of your police car. Also the trunk, the passenger’s seat, and the hood of your car. It’s all there.” He explains nonchalantly. Sharia looks taken aback, not expecting THIS level of cooperation and especially not so quickly.

“Really? You expect me to believe that?” Ji nods and smirks.

“Would I lie to you?” She stares at him for a moment before giving the signal (a hand sign) to the people outside the interrogation room to check her car.

“We’ll see Merc. My people will be back in a moment to verify your story.” She explains. He shrugs.

“Fine with me.” She gives him a look and then continues the interrogation.

“OK Merc, tell u—me HOW did you steal it all?” He shrugs again.

“I just did. It’s a skill thing really. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” He says.

“Try me.” She says forcefully.

“Any time, but do you really want to do it with people watching?” He says with a raised brow, making a rather lewd joke. To his credit, this causes Sharia to blush a bit and become flustered.

“You…not like that! I meant…never mind!” She huffs.

“Hey, you asked. I thought it was strange, you being so forward after all these years, but hey, maybe my charm finally wore you—“

“Enough about your stupid joke Ji. We’re moving on.” She says with finality.

“Oh, it’s Ji now. I like it. And sure, what else do you want to know?”

“Tell us when you stole the Crown Jewels.” She demands.

“Us?” He questions with a brow raised. He continues nonetheless. “I told the other guy that one, the guy whose car I rode in? It was in a snap.” He says as he snaps with his finger. She stares him down with scrutiny, but he just looks back with a smile.

“Even if we were to believe you, a ‘snap’ is not a time. That’s a time period.” She states. He shrugs and remains silent, beckoning her to continue. “In other words, you’re telling us how fast you did it. We don’t care about that. We want to know at what time did you commit the crime?” Again he shrugs. She’s surprised he doesn’t get tired of doing that.

“It was broad daylight, I didn’t really look at a clock, so I can’t help you with that. If I could, I would.” He explains. She stares at him once more, trying to read him and determines that he is in fact telling the truth.

“OK Merc, that’s it for now. Stay here.” She commands as she exits the room.

“Aw man, it’s back to ‘Merc’ again?” He complains as she closes the door. After that outburst, Ji waits patiently in the room for another hour before he’s collected by two officers he’s never seen before. The officers take him away to a temporary jail cell, a holding cell until he can be transferred to a prison. He looks around as he’s being walked away and sees Sharia walking into an office, likely to fill out the paper work related to this case. He directs a smile her way as he’s lead off.

Ji waits in the jail cell, daydreaming about stealing more and more things, letting his imagination go wild. Maybe he’d steal something big time like another national treasure, or better yet a global treasure. And why stop there? Why not go higher and higher until he reached the ether with his stealing? There was no limit for a true thief and he intended to prove it. Ji continues to think and dream until he realizes that Sharia has likely gone home for the day given how much time has passed. He pouts a bit at her not even visiting him as she leaves, but shakes it off as he has work to do. There’s an officer keeping watch over him at the moment, but that shouldn’t be that big of a deal. One blink should be enough to...

Sure enough the officer blinks and suddenly the bars in the jail cell are gone. The officer rubs his eyes to make sure he’s seeing correctly.

“What the—?” He looks on with disbelief as now the entire cell is gone. He looks down to get his gun and looks back up and is now in a desolate area. The entire police station is now gone. Stolen by the world’s greatest thief.