The Rules of Dating

Three weeks had passed since Maya left, and things finally started to return to normal.

True to her word, she’d left signed divorce papers with her attorney and disappeared without a trace, just like she had four years ago. While I didn’t wish her any harm, I also hoped this time she stayed gone from my life for good.

Billie and I had spent a lot of time reconnecting. We were pretty solid now, but I knew something that would really help move things to the next level. Billie thought that something was out of our hands. But she didn’t know the power of Holden’s dick…

I stepped off the elevator on my buddy’s floor and knocked on his door. As always, it took a while for him to answer. When he did, he looked completely disheveled and blinked at the sunlight like it was an intruder. “What time is it?”

I helped myself inside his apartment. “Nine AM. Sorry to wake you at the time normal people get up, but I couldn’t wait anymore. Were you able to get it?”

Holden padded over to his kitchen table and picked up a manila envelope. “Would I let you down?”

I pulled him into a bear hug. “Holy shit! I can’t believe you were able to get this done. You’re the best. Does that dick of yours have a tickler on the end of it or something? You just take it out of your pants and women do whatever the hell you want?”

One night last week, Holden and I had been hanging out having a beer. He’d asked how things were going between Billie and me. I’d said good, but it would be better if the wait for a judge to sign the no-fault divorce papers I’d submitted wasn’t a minimum of three months. Holden had asked what courthouse they’d been filed in. I told him Centre Street, and he said he used to hook up with a clerk who worked there. They hadn’t talked in a while, but he offered to reach out to see if she could do anything to expedite the processing. I’d said sure, but didn’t really expect anything to come of it—until a few days ago, when Holden texted me that he’d had lunch with the woman, and she’d said she could probably get the file pulled and signed within a few days.

I slipped the papers out of the envelope and read the signed divorce decree. “I don’t know how to thank you, man.”

Holden grinned. “No thanks needed. Tessa thanked me in a stall in the ladies’ room when I stopped into the courthouse to pick up the papers yesterday afternoon.”

I shook my head. “Only you can get laid and a divorce finalized in one outing, my friend.”

He laughed and put a hand on my shoulder. “Glad I could be of service. Now get the fuck out of my apartment so I can go back to sleep, and go tell your girl the good news.”

“I’m gonna give these to her…but not until later. So if you happen to see her at some point today, don’t mention this, okay?”

“You got it, buddy.”

My next stop was downstairs at Billie’s shop. She wasn’t in this morning because she’d taken Saylor to her Mommy and Me class today, which worked out perfectly since I needed to check in with Deek without her around.

Justine was on the phone when I walked in. She covered the mouthpiece and smiled. “She’s not in this morning, babe.”

“I know. I came to see Deek. But do me a favor and don’t let her know I stopped by.”

Justine’s face lit up. “Are you and Deek up to something?”

“Yeah, and I want it to be a surprise.”

“Your secret is safe with me.” She nodded toward the studio behind her. “Go on back. His first appointment isn’t here yet.”

Deek was setting up his station when I walked in. He lifted his chin. “What’s up, man?”

“Were you able to work on what we talked about?”

He nodded and opened his drawer, taking out a stencil and a photo. “I found this picture of her that shows her forearm, so I used it as my reference. Should be pretty spot-on. What do you think?”

My eyes went back and forth between the stencil and the photo. In the picture, Billie had her hands up in the air, so it perfectly displayed the ornate key tattooed on the inside of her forearm. She’d told me her grandfather had given that key to her grandmother the day they’d met to symbolize what she meant to him. That story had given me hope that underneath the layers of armor, Billie was a woman who believed in true love. Now I was going to get a matching Victorian heart-shaped lock tattooed in the same spot on my arm. It seemed fitting since Billie held the key to my heart.

I smiled. “It’s perfect, man.”

“Hell of a lot better than a dumb fucking rose, too…”

I chuckled. “I’m glad you approve.”

“When are you going to have her ink it on you?”

“Tonight. I booked an appointment under a fictitious name.”

“What time is that?”

“Six.”

“I have an appointment at six thirty, but I can probably move my guy to tomorrow so you guys have the place to yourself.”

“That would be great.”

He nodded. “No problem.”

“Thanks, Deek.” I handed him back the stencil. “I have to run. Would you put it in your drawer so it’s safe until later?”

“Sure thing.”

“I appreciate it.” I waved.

“By the way,” Deek yelled after me. “If I find your ass-cheek imprint on my chair tomorrow, we’re going to have a problem.”

I smiled and tapped two fingers to my forehead in a salute. “Got it, boss.”

My next stop was to meet Billie and Saylor after Mommy and Me. Saylor had a check-up at eleven, and I’d promised my parents I’d stop over for lunch after. My mother had subtly reminded me that it had been a while since she’d seen my face. I arrived at the class a few minutes early and watched Saylor and Billie from the window. They were both laughing, shaking tambourines and dancing around like they didn’t have a care in the world. It made my heart feel so warm and full. These two little ladies were my entire world. I knew it was too soon to ask Billie to marry me, but she was going to be my wife someday. As corny as it sounded, I’d met my soulmate.

As if to prove she was my other half, Billie turned around and her eyes immediately found me watching through the window. I waved before walking inside to wait by the door until class was over.

“Hey, Daddy!” Saylor skipped to me. “Are the shelves fixed?”

My brows pulled together. “What shelves?”

“Billie said you were fixing the broken shelves in the laundry room.”

I looked to Billie who bent to speak to Saylor. “Umm…sweetie, could you go get my purse from the cubby for me, please?”

Billie waited until Saylor was out of earshot. “Two of the ladies inquired where my boss was today, assuming I was the sitter again. So I told them he was at home recuperating because he’d spent all morning drilling me. I thought I said it low enough that Saylor wouldn’t hear. But apparently, she caught part of it because she asked me what you were drilling. The shelves in the laundry room were the best I could come up with.”

I hooked an arm around Billie’s waist and yanked her close. “I love it when you get all possessive.”

“Oh yeah?” She grinned. “Good because here comes another member of your stupid fan club.” Billie grabbed two fistfuls of my shirt and planted her lips on mine.

Yep. I fucking love my girl possessive.

After Billie was done marking her territory, the three of us walked down the block together. We stopped at the corner, where Billie had to go into the subway station to catch the train down to her shop. I gave her a quick peck. “Can I see you later?”

“Sure. But I might be kinda late tonight. My last client of the day is new, and I have a feeling he might be difficult.”

It was hard to contain my smile. “What makes you say that?”

“Well, for starters, he made the appointment using a middle initial. Who makes an appointment anywhere using their first name, middle initial, and last name? Someone who is very precise and picky, that’s who. And of course, he wants a rose tattoo. Not even original art. He told Deek he likes the one on the sample wall.”

I couldn’t hide my smile this time. “Sounds awful. But maybe he’ll surprise you and be cool.”

“Doubt it. Anyway, I have to run. I’ll text you when I’m done for the day.”

***

At 6 PM precisely, I walked into the shop with a huge bouquet of wildflowers and an envelope tucked in my back pocket. I’d expected to see Justine at the front desk, but I found Billie there instead.

Her lips curved to a smile. “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes? It’s a good thing you didn’t show up to the Mommy and Me class looking all adorable with those flowers. Your fan club might have trampled me.”

I chuckled. “I’m here for my appointment.”

“Your appointment? Like for a tattoo?”

I nodded. “Yep. I’m your six o’clock.”

Billie’s nose wrinkled. “You’re my middle initial guy?”

“That’s right.”

“What’s with the fake name?”

“I wanted to surprise you. I’m a little upset you didn’t figure out it was me.”

“How would I have known?”

I pointed to the open appointment book on the desk. “Read the name out loud.”

“Hugh G. Rection.” It took her a few seconds to catch on. Then she peered over the counter and eyed my crotch with a smirk. “I don’t see any.”

“Trust me, you’re going to be seeing one very soon.” I walked to the front door and twisted the lock until it clanked shut, then flicked off the neon OPEN sign.

“I’m guessing Deek was in on this?” Billie closed the appointment book. “Because he rushed out of here a few minutes ago, right after telling Justine she could go home early. He would normally never leave me alone on a Saturday night.”

“Yeah, Deek was in on it.” I walked behind the counter and pressed my lips to hers. “Remember that fantasy I told you about a long time ago? The one where I fuck you on your hydraulic chair?”

Billie bit down on her bottom lip. “I do.”

“That’s happening tonight, too. But first…I’m getting the tattoo you owe me.”

“The rose?”

“Definitely not the rose. I’m actually really glad you wouldn’t ink that on me. You were right that a first tattoo should have meaning.”

“So what do you want to get?”

“I’ll show you. But first…” I lifted her off her feet. “I’m taking you in the back so I can suck your face without everyone on the street being able to see.”

Billie giggled as I carried her into the studio. I got so into the kiss that I almost forgot the big news I’d been dying to tell her all day. When we came up for air, I used my thumb to wipe the lipstick I’d smeared underneath her bottom lip. “I have something for you.”

She grinned. “I know. I feel it against my hip bone. I guess maybe you’re living up to your fictitious name after all.”

I carried her over to her hydraulic chair and set her down before pulling the manila envelope from my back pocket.

“What is it?” she asked.

“Open it up and find out.”

Billie tore into the envelope. She pulled the pages out and scanned the top one for a few heartbeats before looking up with wide eyes. “Is this for real? I thought finalizing the divorce was going to take months?”

“Holden knew someone at the courthouse and used his powers of persuasion to get it moved to the top of the pile.”

“So you’re really not married anymore?”

“I’m all yours, sweetheart.”

Billie stared down at the papers for a long time, shaking her head, and when she looked up again, her face was full of emotion. “Oh my God, Colby. I’m so happy. I didn’t realize how much it was weighing on me until right now. I feel so much lighter.”

I nodded. “Me too. And my lawyer has been talking to the investigator. He’s pretty sure we’re going to be able to settle on a smallish fine as a penalty for what I did, rather than criminal prosecution. It feels like we can put this all behind us now.”

She shook her head. “Today has been the best day. I spent the morning with Saylor, you’re officially a free man again, and I’m going to take your ink virginity.”

“Hey, don’t forget about tattoo-chair sex.”

She laughed. “That, too. So what am I inking on you, anyway? Did you bring a picture of what you want?”

“I did better than that…” Walking over to Deek’s station, I pulled open his drawer and took out the stencil he’d made. Handing it to her, I pointed to the inside of my forearm. “I want this right here.”

I thought I’d need to explain, but when Billie covered her mouth and her eyes welled up with tears, I knew she understood. She turned her arm and showed me her tattoo. “It’s the lock that goes with my key.”

I nodded. “Deek drew it. He used a photo of your tattoo for reference to make them match. I may not have given you a key on our first date, like your grandfather gave your grandmother, but you’ve had my heart since the moment I met you. Now you’ll always have the key that goes to it.”

Tears streamed down Billie’s face. “Oh my God, Colby. You are the sweetest, most romantic man in the world. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, babe. But I’m not sure I’m really that sweet. Because while you’re thinking how romantic I am, I’m still sitting here with a hard-on, wondering if I could get away with banging you on the chair before you start my tattoo.”

Billie laugh-cried as she opened her arms. “We definitely can do that. Come here and let me make that dream of yours finally come true.”

I cupped her cheeks. “Sweetheart, I can’t wait to get you naked, but you’ve already made all my dreams come true…”