The Rules of Dating

One early morning a few weeks later, when Colby was still sleeping, I lay in bed next to him, thinking how lucky we were that things had been quiet lately.

How was any peace possible, given the sham wedding? Well, Maya had disappeared from sight for a while. And that was a blessing.

Knock on wood.

Several times.

I didn’t want to jinx this. But I hoped she stayed away as long as possible.

We’d had nearly three weeks of this ignorant bliss. It was almost possible to pretend the nightmare had never happened. Almost. I’d had a dream the other night that she’d walked in on Colby and me having sex, demanding that I get off her “husband.” I’d woken up in a cold sweat. That was one of several dreams I’d had about her. In another, she’d told Saylor she was her mother, and Saylor burst into tears. In the dream, I couldn’t tell if they were happy tears or sad ones, and I woke up before I figured it out. So while Maya remained out of sight for the time being, I wished I could say she was totally out of mind, too. I’d take out of sight over nothing, though.

Until this whole thing was over, there would be a dark cloud hanging over us. And I knew the current reprieve could end at any moment, since Colby would be scrutinized soon by the immigration people. But their lag in action was our gain. And I wasn’t going to take a second of this break for granted.

It was 6 AM when I felt Colby rubbing my back. I rolled over to meet his handsome face.

“I want you before we have to get up,” he said groggily.

I swear, this man got horny in his sleep. He couldn’t have been awake more than two seconds before he’d decided he wanted sex. And even though I wasn’t totally awake yet, I was always up for sex with him. Lately he’d been more insatiable than ever. Ever since I’d started spending a few nights a week at his place, the situation had gotten more intense. We always made sure we got up before Saylor did, though, so she’d find us in the kitchen instead of the bedroom. She always seemed happy to see me, and so far, nothing awkward or damaging had happened during my sleepovers. She appeared to want me here just as much as I did.

Earlier this week, Colby had spent several hours in his room fixing his squeaky bed to make it quieter. Dude took the assignment very seriously. He wouldn’t let up until the bed no longer made any sound when pressure was applied to the mattress—all because he didn’t want me making excuses for why we couldn’t have sex in his bed. The noise factor had been one of the reasons I’d been hesitant to start spending the night at his apartment in the first place. Operation Kill Squeak involved replacing his mattress with one made of quieter memory foam that didn’t bounce. He also tightened a bunch of bolts on the bedframe. Needless to say, we’d tested it multiple times, and it was a banging success.

I curled into him. “What did you have in mind this morning?”

“I was thinking you could ride me. You know…if you felt so inclined.”

“I’m inclined to think you’d take me any way I’d give it to you right now.”

“Your inclination would be correct.” He smiled mischievously.

“But you’re in luck because I’m really in the mood to ride you. I’m no starfish, Lennon. You know that.”

“No. You’re like a fucking shark, and I love it.” He winked.

“A shark and sometimes a blowfish.” I shrugged.

Colby laughed as I lifted myself up. My long hair covered my breasts as I straddled him, and when I sank onto his beautifully rigid cock, his eyes momentarily closed. I loved being on top, especially because it gave me such a clear view of his gorgeous face.

“Damn, did you wake up wet like this?” he rasped. “You’re so fucking ready.”

“I’m always ready for you.” I dug my nails into his chest and swayed my hips as I rode him. His eyes bore into mine in a way that made me feel like nothing else existed for him right now. I was sure I looked at him the same way.

He squeezed my ass. “Jesus, woman. You ride me so good.”

I thrust my hips harder and faster, at times lifting myself off of him before bearing down hard. Colby took my breasts in his hands, massaging my nipples with his thumbs.

“Damn it!” His eyes closed as his body shook. “Sorry…fuck, I’m coming. You’re too good. Couldn’t hold it in, baby.”

He was lucky I’d been holding back my own orgasm, or I would’ve had to give him shit about blowing his load before I went. I let go as my muscles contracted around him and he came inside of me. I loved feeling the heat of his cum.

After we settled down, I lifted myself off and lay down to face him.

“That was damn incredible.” He panted. “I can’t get enough of you.”

I looked over at the clock. “We’d better get up soon.”

“Okay. Five more minutes.” He pulled me close, nuzzling his nose in my neck. “I have to meet with some contractors today to talk about renovations on the building’s roof, which means I can’t take Saylor to her Mommy class this morning. She’s gonna be sad.”

“I can take her.” I offered without even having to think about it.

“You sure? Don’t you have clients today?”

I massaged his hair. “Only one early appointment. I’ve been trying to book my Saturdays a bit lighter. I know this client, though. I bet he’d be okay with Deek doing the job. Deek’s worked on him before.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to put you out.”

“I’m absolutely positive. I’ve actually been curious about this Mommy class. I think it’ll be fun.”

“Saylor will be super excited that you’re taking her.”

I smiled. “I hope so.”

***

Mommy class was held in a brownstone on the Upper West Side.

As expected, Saylor was thrilled to have me accompany her. But you know who didn’t seem too thrilled? The Mommies, AKA The Stepford Wives—they all looked the same in their pastel clothing and perfectly coiffed blond hair. Not a tattoo in sight. Deek would get a kick out of this. He’d definitely deem them all untrustworthy and lame.

Based on the strange looks I got when I walked in there with Saylor, they didn’t appreciate a new face joining their little club. Either that or they were sorely disappointed that they wouldn’t get to flirt with my boyfriend today. Colby had once told me how many of these women, some of them married, hit on him. I couldn’t blame them, but I still wanted to punch them all.

“Oh, you must be Saylor’s new nanny?” some bitch asked.

Nanny? No, she didn’t. “No,” I said.

Not that there was anything wrong with being a nanny. But she’d found it inconceivable that I could be anything more because I didn’t look prim and proper like the rest of them.

She tilted her head. “Oh. Sorry. I just assumed…”

I wanted to follow my “no” with an explanation that I was Colby’s girlfriend, but I concluded that I didn’t owe her any explanation. It was kind of fun to just enjoy her confusion.

They’d set up tables where the girls were supposed to get their faces painted by the moms. I was relieved, because this kind of thing was my jam. Colby had mentioned that you never really knew what activity was planned. Sometimes it was a tea party, other times they all walked to the playground together. But messing with paints I could handle.

“We’re gonna paint!” I told Saylor. “This reminds me of the time we turned you into a tiger. Remember?”

She nodded eagerly before running over to join some of her little friends in a corner. I had to admit, despite the fact that the women all annoyed me right off the bat, every single one of their spawn was absolutely adorable.

One of the women appeared next to me. “I’m Lara,” she said.

Looking out toward the kids, I nodded once. “Billie.”

“Where’s Colby today?” she asked.

That’s all she has to say to me? “He had some business to attend to.”

She finally asked the question she really wanted to. “I heard you say you’re not the nanny. What is your relation to Saylor, if you don’t mind me asking?”

At that moment, Saylor came running toward me. I pulled gently on one of her pigtails. “Who am I to you, Saylor?”

“You’re Billie!”

“I know, but besides my name. Who do you think I am?”

She bounced a couple of times. “You’re the girl my daddy loves. You’re his Princess Jasmine!”

Lara’s mouth fell open slightly, and I loved it.

“Where did you get that idea?” I asked Saylor.

“Daddy told me.”

Wow. While Colby had definitely become more affectionate with me in front of her, I hadn’t realized he’d told her he loved me. “When did he tell you that?”

“We were watching Aladdin. He told me he loves you like Aladdin loves Princess Jasmine.”

“Well, isn’t that lovely?” Lara chimed in.

I hadn’t even remembered Lara was standing there. The way she’d said lovely made me think she was taunting me, though. I squinted. “You serious?”

She blinked in confusion.

While I couldn’t help calling her out, I left it at that, reminding myself that Saylor was next to me. But I wanted to tell that fake-ass bitch where she could put her lovely.

Once everyone sat down to do the face painting, I assumed that Saylor would want an animal on her face like last time. Instead, she had a different request.

“I wanna paint my arm like yours, Billie.”

“Really?”

She nodded.

Gosh, that was sweet.

So I gave Saylor her very own sleeve, painting lots of colorful animals and other designs on her arm. The paint didn’t exactly look like ink, but her arm was covered just the same. The best part, though? All the dirty looks these women gave me for trying to make her more like me. I’m sure they all thought that was a terrible mistake.

But she wanted to be like me. And I considered that a huge compliment, so they could all go fuck themselves.

***

The entire way home, I couldn’t wait to tell Colby all about my experience with the Momsters. I’d probably keep what Saylor admitted to me about Aladdin to myself, though. That was a private moment between them, even if it had involved me. So I’d just keep it close to my heart.

Saylor and I went back to the apartment, and when I knocked on the door, I almost wondered if Colby wasn’t home since it took a bit longer than usual for him to answer.

When the door finally opened, it wasn’t Colby in front of me. It was…everyone. Literally everyone—well, everyone who meant anything to us. Deek and his boyfriend, Martin. Justine and her husband. And of course, Holden, Brayden, and Owen.

“Surprise!” they all yelled.

Then I turned to my left and saw my beautiful man handing me a gigantic black balloon with gold speckles.

“Happy birthday, beautiful.”

“Yay! A party!” Saylor squealed.

“What the…” My hands shook. “My birthday isn’t until Monday.”

“I know. But I wanted to surprise you on the weekend when everyone could make it.”

When he wrapped his arms around me, I felt enveloped by love. “I can’t believe you managed to surprise me. This was the entire reason you wanted me to take Saylor to Mommy class?”

“Guilty.”

Saylor jumped up and down. “Happy birthday, Billie!”

“Thank you, sweetie. Did you know about this?”

She shook her head no.

“I kept Saylor in the dark,” he said. “I don’t think she would’ve been able to hold it in. She would’ve been too excited.”

Saylor held out her arm. “Daddy, look!”

“She requested that specifically,” I felt compelled to say.

“That’s awesome, honey. You look just like Billie now.”

“I know!”

I handed her my balloon so she could play with it and made my way around the room to hug everyone. After, I looked around at all their smiling faces. “This was an awesome surprise. Thank you all for being here.”

“Are you kidding? We wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” Justine gushed.

Colby had ordered a huge array of my favorite sushi. It was all laid out on the table in a gigantic wooden boat. We all sat down to an amazing lunch. After the meal, Holden insisted we do tequila shots, with each person toasting in honor of me first.

He began as he lifted his glass. “To Billie, the best tattoo artist in the land.”

Then Brayden spoke. “To Billie, the woman who makes my best bud here happy.”

“To Billie, for indirectly getting me to leave work early two times now.” Owen smiled.

Deek was next. “To Billie, the person I can truly count on. You make my world a better place.”

“To Billie, for putting up with Deek’s shit half the time, so I don’t have to,” Martin teased.

Justine then lifted her glass and said, “To Billie, someone who will always tell it like it is.”

“What about you, Saylor?” Colby said, handing his daughter a plastic cup of lemonade. “Can you say something nice about Billie?”

She turned a little red, looking bashful, then finally said, “Billie is my best friend.”

Everyone collectively awwed.

I walked over to give her a big hug. “Thank you, sweetie. That means so much to me.”

“Your turn, Colby.” Deek smiled.

Colby lifted his tequila. “To Billie…” After a pause, he looked into my eyes and said, “The love of my life.”

Short.

Sweet.

Everything.

We kissed, and I’d never felt more cherished.

A few minutes later, when I blew the candles out on my cake, Justine told me to make a wish. I had only one wish this year—to be rid of Maya. I’d somehow managed not to think about her the entire day, until now. When I looked up, Colby’s expression fell a little. It was as though he’d guessed my deepest wish. It was likely the same one he had.

After I finished my slice of cake, I went to throw out my paper plate, and Deek followed me into the kitchen. “Hey, I just wanted to see how you’re doing,” he said.

“I’m fine. Why do you ask?”

“You seemed a little sad after you blew out the candles.”

“It was that obvious, huh? I think Colby noticed, too.”

“Yeah. Of course, he did. Because anyone who loves you—myself included—has the same wish right now.”

“Yeah.” I looked down at my toes. “Thanks again for covering for me today.”

“I love that you had no idea why he sent you uptown.”

“I was totally surprised.”

“He was all tense, thinking he wasn’t gonna have enough time to set everything up before you guys got back. He really loves you.”

“I know.” I smiled.

“How was the Mommy class thing?”

“The Stepford Wives, you mean? They looked at me like I was Elvira walking in there.” I shook my head. “Bunch of dumb bitches. But it was all worth it when Saylor asked me to paint that sleeve on her arm.”

“Yeah. I saw that. That’s the cutest thing. You’d think she was my daughter and not Colby’s.” He winked.

Later that night, after everyone left and I’d put Saylor to bed, I told Colby I’d help him clean up. But he refused, saying the birthday girl shouldn’t have to clean up after her party.

So, I reluctantly watched as he put everything away. As I leaned against the counter, I spotted an envelope lying there. As soon as I noticed the return address, I felt like I was hyperventilating. Picking it up, I asked, “What’s this, Colby?”

He put down the glass he was drying and exhaled. “I was gonna mention it. But I didn’t want to ruin today.”

I opened it to find a letter announcing a date for the first hearing Colby had to attend with Maya. Our reprieve was about to end. In six days.