The Purge

“You see,” she said, “your first love isn’t the first person you give your heart to—it’s the first one who breaks it.” “

Lang Leav

The Sentinels are back.

It’s cool but I’m not really in favor of them returning most especially when one of them kisses the girl I love. I should have kissed Bri even if she would’ve hit me or threw me off the balcony. I wouldn’t care as long as I wouldn’t have this nuisance of regrets bickering inside my head.

I was almost at my door when I slipped into something. I looked down to find the culprit responsible for it. I picked it up and I weighed it on my palm.

A stupid, ridiculous looking ring. A stupid, ridiculous looking ring had almost had me hit the ground face first. It’s called a “Mood Ring”. How the hell did I know? Well, my very useful display informed me.

ITEM: MOOD RING

CLASSIFICATION: A RING THAT COULD TELL YOUR MOODS BY THE COLOR IT INDICATES.

Wow. That was totally rad. Totally helpful to a clueless me who wouldn’t want a jewelry. Sadly, the ring won’t fit on any of my fingers except my pinky. It was definitely made for a girl’s ring finger. So I slipped it under my uniform and I wandered off to my room like it was a major tourist destination.

A couple of hours later, the last person I don’t want to see before the world ends appeared at my front door.

“Have you seen my girlfriend?” and he was serious about using inappropriate language in front of me.

So I acted like a jerk and said, “Who?”

Fygun scoffed at me. “Bri. Is she here?”

I guffawed. “How and why would she be here? I’m not her boyfriend.”

“Exactly, mate. I’m just making sure.”

And he really came here to slap me with the truth.

“Now what’s that supposed to mean?”

“What it supposed to mean.”

If Bri doesn’t love this guy, I might’ve burned him alive.

He stared me down. “You think I didn’t know? I saw how you look at her.”

“Then there’s nothing to explain.” I prompted.

“I hope it’s clear to you that she’s mine.”

I sneered at him. “Bri doesn’t belong to anyone.”

“Bri. Belongs. To. Me.”

“Really? Does she know that?”

He looked at me like he wanted to eat me alive.

I snorted at him. “Don’t be smug. If she belongs to you then why are you looking for her in my room? Gods it will kill her to know you don’t trust her.”

He gritted his teeth. He made a move to punch my face but I docked and hit his gut hard. He grunted and scowled at me. He advanced at me again but I avoided him like a little boy trying to draw some punches at an adult. When he took his last move to punch me, I blocked his attack with my hand.

“Stay away from my girl.” He said.

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Bri’s my commander. I don’t answer to anyone.”

He scoffed and raised his hands. “Whatever, cadet. No matter what you do, she’ll never see you the way you want her to. You’ll forever be her soldier. It’s simple as that.”

“It’s for Bri to decide who she wants to be with.” I retorted.

“Really? Then let me rephrase your question earlier: if she really wants you, then why is she with me?” seeing the shattered look on my face, he grinned at me with triumph. “Bri’s mine and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

He turned his back and buggered off towards the direction of her room. Irritated, I wanted to slam the door shut so that he could hear. But the sudden flicker of the lights in the hallways had prevented me to do so. Fygun knocked several times on Bri’s door but she wasn’t answering. Once he had left, I went to her door and magically pushed the buttons of her room code which I know. But I was welcomed by an empty room.

Instincts settled in and I went to the shower room. I heard her scream and I ran to find her bleeding on the ground with a set of broken mirrors on the wall.

It was almost seven in the morning when Bri stirred awake from her deep slumber. I couldn’t quite get the thought of her bleeding on the cold, wet floor. Why would she hurt herself like that? Bri’s not that reckless. Unless something or someone had provoked her.

She opened her eyes and she finds me sitting on a stool beside her. Her eyebrows furrowed. I sat awkwardly not knowing what to say to her after the incident last night. She tried to sit up, I told her not to but then she insisted so I helped her.

“What…?” she scanned the place and she stiffened. “Why am I in the infirmary?”

I opened my mouth to explain but I caught myself stuttering in front of her. I was only able to say, “I found you unconscious and bleeding in the shower room.”

“What?” she blurted as she tried to remember a thing from last night. “How…?”

I shrugged and sighed. “I don’t know.”

She squeezed her eyes shut and she covered her face with her hands.

“Oh gods that wasn’t a dream.” She murmured to herself.

“What is?” I asked as worry started to build on her face.

“You brought me here?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

She looked down at her hospital dress. She looked up at me and I flushed. A horrified expression painted her face.

“Have you seen…? Did you…?”

My face burned as I nodded again. I looked at the floor.

She slumped back on the cushions. “Oh gods. Shit.”

“Bri—” Fygun entered the room and Bri held her hand up. He stopped in his tracks. He turned his fiery gaze at me. “What the fuck are you doing here? Haven’t I told you to stay away from her?”

“Fygun, shut up.” Bri prompted and Fygun looked at her in disbelief.

“But—”

“I don’t want you to be here right now.”

“And you want him?”

“I need to talk to him.”

“Well, that is just bullshit, Bri.”

“That’s harsh.” I stood up from my stool and I faced him. “You don’t talk to her that way.”

“Really? Who are you by the way?” he cocked his eyebrow mockingly at me and I bit the inside of my cheek just to suppress myself from punching his jerk of a face.

“Stop it you two! If you’re going to fight you can just go out of the infirmary.” Bri said out of irritation.

“No, I’ll just leave.” I said as I headed for the door.

“Atta boy.” Fygun simpered at me.

“Conleth, you stay.” Bri said and Fygun gaped at her.

“What?”

“I’ll talk to you later.” She told him as she looked down at her hands. “I just… wanted to talk to Con.”

“You can talk to me.” Fygun said but Bri bit her lower lip shut. He leaned back, realizing something. “You don’t want me to.” Bri doesn’t look up at him.

He glared at me and then he glanced back at Bri. “Fine.” He slammed the door when he left.

“I’m sorry about that.” She let out a deep breath. “He can be very stubborn at times.”

“Yeah, I figured. Some boyfriend you have.” I prompted. She gave me a look that says she loves him and blah blah blah. Pun’s intended.

“Why do you want me to stay?” I asked her instead to lessen that itching jealousy in my chest.

She played with her hands. “I was actually trying to figure out myself.” She looked up to meet my eyes.

“Makes me wonder too.” I said as our eyes meet and locked. I smirked at her. “Was it because I saw you…?” I meant to trail off and she grunted and covered her face.

“You’ve seen everything?” she whined.

I chuckled. “I don’t want to say more. I wanna live, chief.” I leered at her. “Besides, no malice, I didn’t mean to see you in that situation. I just wanted to save you. That’s all.”

Her worried look started to fade away as she peeked at me from her fingers. I uncovered her face from her hands. They were ice cold.

“You’re as cold as death.” I told her.

“Thanks for the compliment.” She said.

I raised her hands to my lips and I blew warmth into them. I felt warm air gushing towards her skin. She relaxed on my hold.

“Are you warm enough?”

She smiled softly and nodded. I kissed her hands.

“You can tell me what happened. I will listen.”

She took in a breath and she pulled away from me.

“I don’t want to be a monster.” She whispered.

“No, you’re not.”

“Maybe I am. I’m becoming one of them.”

“We only become monsters because of the people hurting us. Sometimes, to protect ourselves we unintentionally hurt people and some couldn’t understand. Most of them are just scared.”

“I didn’t choose to be bad. I chose to be strong. Others just misunderstood it.” She stared daggers at the space in front of her. “I don’t want to die without even fighting.”

“You’re not going to die.” I sat on the edge of her bed. “As long as I’m here, I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

She let out a deep, exhausted sigh. “Don’t try to be a superhero, Con. You’re my soldier and I want you to stay that way. You don’t have to save me every time. I’m not a damsel in distress.”

I snickered and she frowned at me.

“It’s not something to laugh at, Conleth Argent. I’m serious.”

I reached out to her. Her eyebrows unwrinkled. I tucked some of her hair to her ear. She closed her eyes as my hand lingered to cup her face.

“It’s the flaws that make people so special sometimes.”

Her eyes opened and she searched mine. “Your hand’s warm.” She said. “I never let anyone touch me like this.” She held my hand. It sent my heart beat in all directions. But she only held it so that I could let go. She slid it out of her face.”You shouldn’t love me.”

“But I still do. I always will.”

“Why? Despite everything, why do you still love me?”

“Does it have to have an explanation? I don’t know. I just do. And I don’t care even if you hate me for it or ignore me for it. I love you and I’m not going to give up on you. Not ever.”

“I will only hurt you.”

“I don’t care.”

She looked down and played with her hands. “They’re monsters, Con.” She went there again. To a room where she could only enter. An image of her from the Trance entered my mind. Bri hiding under her bed while men in white garbs and gas masks entered the room. “They forced me to do things I don’t want to do.” She looked down at her empty hands as if she could see the black hole in it. She looked up at me and her eyes were filled with tears she doesn’t want to fall. Tears that only remained at the brim of her eyes.

“I’ve seen my family murdered in front of me. I stayed under my bed thinking it was the only safe place I could hide but they would always find me. Every day I had to endure seeing people die in front of me. They wanted me to watch. They forced me to…” she shivered and she squeezed her eyes shut. I reached out and grabbed her hands.

“It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.” I assured her.

She shook her head. “They’re monsters, Con.”

“Who?” I squeezed her hands as if doing so would give me the answers that I want.

“They’ve forced me to be like this. They wanted me to be hard. To be devoid of emotions. To show no mercy. They made me watch them kill people—innocent people, until I was old enough to hold the gun myself and… do exactly the same thing.” I let go of her hands and she let them fall weakly on her lap. “If you love me too much I might hurt you.”

“They forced you to. You didn’t mean to kill them.”

“Some. But maybe some deserved to die too.”

“Whoever they are, whatever they are, Bri they are the monsters. Not you.”

“They raised me to be like them. I’m turning out to be like them. You haven’t seen what I can do, Con. You are blinded by your affections for me. You only see the good.”

“Because that’s what I see. Not just what I want to see.”

“If you’ve known me before you wouldn’t want me now. You’d hate me.”

“Do you want me to?”

“I want you to.” Her voice cracked but her eyes refused to meet mine. “I can’t change who I am anymore. The damage has been done. It’s what they made me into.”

I took her hands in mine once again and I caressed them gently like they were the most fragile things in the world.

“I’ve killed a lot of people with these hands including the ones closest to me.” she said. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You’re not.”

“But they will.”

“Who?”

She pursed her lips shut and she shook her head.

I sighed. “How can I help you if you won’t tell me?”

“You don’t have to. It’s my fight. It’s ironic, but I still wanna be a killer capable of saving someone.”

I raised her hand to my lips and I laid a gentle kiss on her palm. “We all have a dark past, Bri. But the future is uncertain. We may not be able to change things but we can fix things. You don’t have to do this alone.”

She gave me a small smile. “When you love someone, do you have to be so kind to them?”

I smiled back. “It’s not just kindness. You understand them even if they don’t tell you everything. You still care about them even if they push you way. And no matter who they are or what they have become, you will accept them because you love them.”

She squeezed my hand back. “I’m glad you do.”

Her eyes met mine and I felt a magnet pulling me towards her. The silence was weird. My heartbeat was weird. The change in my equilibrium was weird. I leaned in to her and our foreheads touched. I can hear her breathing. I looked down at her lips as they parted. I shifted so that our lips would meet. But she placed a hand on my chest. She wanted to push me away but I can feel the hesitation in her hand. She tentatively tilted her head, a few inches more we’d kiss but something was pulling her back.

“Don’t.” she whispered as she looked down. “Please don’t.”

I leaned back and I searched the answers on her face but I couldn’t find one. She was shivering. Her hands made its way to my shirt and she grasped tightly. I don’t know whether she wanted to pull me right in or not. I covered her hands with mine. I tilted my head up and I kissed her forehead instead. She closed her eyes and leaned in to the touch.

“You’re the only one I have left, Con. So please don’t.”