The Purge

“Ky is not my Match, but he might have been. He’s the one who taught me how to write my name, how to keep the poems, how to build a tower of rocks that looks like it would fall but doesn’t. I have never kissed him and I don’t know if I ever will, but I think it might be more than sweet.”

Matched; Ally Condie

I was eight when I met Fygun Hawke.

He was just an orphaned boy back then who lost his parents in an alien surge. I remembered him with a flash of striking gold hair falling over a pair of hazel brown eyes. But now, I’m standing before a boy whom I barely recognized anymore. The boy I knew was gone in the strong muscles that changed his body and the sharp features of his face.

My heart had stopped. It felt like ice had covered it and I couldn’t melt it. It was then that I remembered Conleth was still with me that I went back to the reality of the situation.

“Hey,” I addressed the wind. My eyes no longer wanted to be in the hallway. It doesn’t know where to go from here.

Fygun smiled. “Hey there, commander.” I felt fire blazing up my cheeks. He turned to Con whose emotions I couldn’t decipher.

I took a step towards Con. He and Fygun had regarded each other skeptically. I started to clear my throat.

“Fy, this is my soldier, Conleth Argent.” I introduced him since Sentinel Pilots weren’t implanted with virtual chips. I turned to Con to introduce Fygun but he seemed not in the mood to meet new people.

“Con, this is Captain Fygun Hawke of the Sentinel Union.”

Fygun offered his hand first and Con shook it firmly.

“It’s good to know you’re no longer keeping yourself out of society.” Fygun smirked at me.

“Con’s one of my best soldiers.” I glanced back at him. “As a matter of fact, they all are.”

“Well, that’s a nice compliment coming from you, chief.” Con said but he doesn’t turn to look at me. The sourness in his voice had told me otherwise.

“Con saved me from the alien surge earlier.” I said just to cut the air of tension.

Fygun’s eyebrows rose. “Is that so?” he turned to Con and offered him a graceful bow. “Then I am at owe with you for saving my girl’s life. She’s everything to me. Please let me know if you need anything.”

Con just smiled. “No, thanks. I don’t think you could give me what I need.” His eyes finally met mine. I don’t know what I should feel but I couldn’t compose myself just as I had before.

“Well then, thank you.” Fygun took me by the wrist and pulled me towards him. He was sending Con a message that I belonged to him.

“Very well,” Con nod at me. “I should get back to the others.”

I nodded back but I couldn’t feel my head. He turned to acknowledge Fygun once again before walking away. Fygun wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer. I strained from the sudden revulsion I was feeling.

“I missed you.” He whispered as he kissed my ear.

Words came unnoticed out of his lips as they traveled to my ear. Shock has been there with his arrival.

“Yeah,” I gave him a small smile. “Me, too.”

“Come on,” he said as he led me for a walk. “There are a lot of things we need to catch up.”

My eyes reached out to the space where Con had been earlier. I watched it expand until my eyes reached him by the door. But he didn’t go to the evacuation area. He continued walking.

And he never turned.

There are things in life that no matter how hard you try to change, it remains the same. It’s the same thing with people but it’s not as the same with feelings.

I listened to Fygun as he talks about his scouts outside the Gates. I felt guilty because, mostly, the other half of my ear was dumb. My mind drifted off to someplace else. I looked back at him and I searched for that boy who I fell in love with before. But now I just see a man whom I knew from a couple of years ago. I reached out for those feelings inside me but I couldn’t grasp anything. I closed my eyes and unexpectedly, I saw the image of Conleth walking away from me.

“Bri,” Fygun said.

I wanted to slap my face so I’d wake up. He must be asking me something while my mind’s over a boy who I shouldn’t be thinking of right now.

“I’m sorry. What were you saying?”

His eyebrows met. “I was asking you about your training.” He reached out and touched my forehead. “Are you all right?”

I gently shook his hand off me. “I’m fine. I’m just exhausted.” I let my shoulders sag. It was true. I’m tired. I’m physically, mentally, and emotionally drained.

He gave me a sympathetic smile. “I know. I’m just glad to be back. Days out there were full of surprises—life risky even. But then I’d always think of you and everything just goes back to normal.”

I looked down at my feet.

“What happened?” I asked. “Have the Gates been opened?”

He cringed. I bet he didn’t expect the change of subject.

“No.” he answered, bluntly. “We just got an order to return to camp.”

My eyebrows creased. “But I thought the Sentinels are supposed to be guarding the Gates.”

“We are. We were on scout duty when it happened.”

My frown deepened. “On field? How come you left your post? Isn’t it a complete violation?”

“Whoa. Slow down, Bri. Relax.” He grasped both of my shoulders but I dodged his hands away. My anger flared into the surface.

“Relax? Some of my comrades had died because the aliens had breached the goddamn Gates! The Barriers were supposed to protect us. You were supposed to protect us!”

He flinched. “Bri, the Gates haven’t been breached—”

“That’s just bullshit.” I retorted. “Why does everybody tell me that? It’s a lie! I know it is! How would they get through the Barriers if not the Gates?” I felt my body shake as the anger in me exploded. I kept my control in place because I don’t want to hurt him and I don’t want to destroy the facility.

He shook his head in irritation. “I can’t believe we’re arguing about this. It hurts me to think that you don’t trust me.”

Sadness filled his eyes. My rage started to subside as I tried to relax.

I covered my face with my hands. “I’m so sorry, Fy.” I sighed. “It’s just that… I wasn’t able to protect my soldiers. Conleth… Conleth almost got killed. I just…stood there. I just stood there.”

He wrapped his arms around me and I leaned my head on the comfort of his chest.

“You shouldn’t have left.” I said through unshed tears that still wouldn’t fall.

He kissed my cheek and I felt him smile.

“Orders are orders, Bri.”

I let out a deep breath. “Let’s not talk about this, okay?”

He grinned down at me. “I agree.”

I stepped out of his embrace. I felt him shift. He might have noticed my aloofness.

“Bri, are we okay?”

I looked up at him. I found myself frowning. “Why wouldn’t we be okay?”

He shrugged. “I just wanted to make sure that we’re all right.”

I smiled weakly. “Yes, we are.”

Fygun’s not lying to me but he’s hiding something from me. He said the Gates haven’t been breached. But the aliens arrived. I tried to analyze the situation. The Sanguinarians did attack but the Predators were nowhere to be found. He said they were on scouting duty which brought me to the conclusion that they were probably killing off a flock of them. My speculations only led me to two things. 1) The Barriers haven’t been breached. 2) But the Gates have been opened on purpose.

Fygun leaned in and he kissed my earlobe.

“I love you.” He whispered as he moved sideward to kiss my cheek, then my nose, and finally my lips. Whenever he would kiss me, a spark would ignite inside my body. But when he kissed me now, it was different.

I felt nothing.