The Lost Mate

Lillian

I was terrified. I could barely remember that time before fear had become the one constant in my life, but this was so much worse than what I was used to. Every day I lived with my fear for Jonas’ safety hanging over my head, and I had gotten used to that, I’d learned how to manage that, but now...

Now I was terrified because of Max, and also for Max.

I knew his determination, so I understood that there was nothing I could do to dissuade him from trying to get us out of here now that he had made up his mind. That was exactly why I shouldn’t have told him the truth at all. But how could my resolve not crumble the longer I was in contact with him? I’d always been so weak for him, and I’d barely been able to leave him the first time he found me.

I wanted the dangerous escape he offered more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life, but there were so many ways that it could go wrong. If it were just me and my dad, the risk could be worth it, but it was my baby’s life on the line. If I screwed up, he was vulnerable. I couldn’t bear to lose him after I’d lost so many other people.

And Max—for all his virtues, his strength, his patience, his tenacity—was only one person. One person against an ancient vampires’s well-honed infrastructure. The risk was so high.

Even just thinking about my mate made my wolf whimper in my mind and my heart feel like it was being crushed. I missed him so much. I regretted everything that had kept me from him for so long. If only I’d known what was coming before the attack, if only...

My father and I had escaped Stonemason with my sister, and I had planned to find somewhere safe and wait for Max, but shortly thereafter in the confusion we had been separated from Hannah. We hadn’t dared to go back and catch her trail, so we’d kept moving forward on the hope we would be reunited somewhere safe.

Instead of finding sanctuary, my father and I had been captured by a couple of Wulfric’s fledglings, perhaps a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, although the coincidence was huge. I was glad Hannah had not been with us, because they would have gotten her, too.

We were dragged back to their sire, and spent a miserable few days locked in Wulfric’s lair. Once he and his fledglings had tired of feeding upon and toying with us like the sadists they were, we had been sold to Montgomery along with other slaves from unknown origins. Upon arrival at Montgomery’s estate, I had been shoved in a cage, only removed to feed the rare vampire who had the taste for werewolf blood, usually just Wulfric himself when he visited.

I spent most of my first weeks in my new hell confined behind bars, drugged with wolfsbane, helplessly watching as the other prisoners were removed for feedings. Most of the other captives were ordinary humans who the vampires fed on. They were abused to the point of death more often than I could bear to remember.

My father had been consigned to a different fate. He had been forced to work manual labour and as a guard for the estate alongside other werewolf slaves. In those early days, I had been the insurance for my father’s compliance, much like our vampire master now used Jonas as a hostage against both of us. We were far from the only werewolves that Montgomery manipulated into lifelong servitude. The most powerless victims, often the human slaves, were simply terrorized into submission.

There was no escape. Even those few who did muster the courage for an attempt, never could find their way out of the forest, because no matter how hard or far they ran, they always ended up captured when they inevitably found themselves back at the castle. The more long-surviving slaves always cautioned new ones against such fruitless attempts. It was less painful to keep our heads down and obey Montgomery’s rules.

We all accepted the terrible truth that escape was impossible eventually—if we lived long enough. The only way in and out was the main road, and it was constantly guarded.

Once Montgomery discovered I was pregnant, I no longer had to work or feed the guests, because he wanted my baby werewolf to be healthy and they were rare without a mated pair of slaves.

After Jonas was weaned, I’d been given many duties and responsibilities, because he knew I could no longer dare to even consider acting against him.

I was always busy, and once a week it was my job to go with Roderick, one of the younger vampires who worked on the estate, to pick up supplies from the nearby rural human community. Even though he kept a fairly close eye on me, it was almost like tasting freedom, so I looked forward to our outings.

When Max had so suddenly appeared, for one beautiful moment it had been like a dream. I forgot everything but how terribly I missed him and how ecstatic I was to see him again. It was like everything was suddenly right in the world again, like my fractured soul was whole.

And then Roderick had returned and broke the spell, reminding me that Jonas was still trapped and vulnerable. My sweet vulnerable little boy, the one who would always be my first priority, even above my mate. I had hurried away, hoping that Max would leave before he got caught up in this nightmare, too.

Of course, deep down, I knew that was never going to happen, because I knew the feeling. Before Jonas, nothing could have stopped me from trying to get back to Max, because my mate had been the centre of my universe.

But now, my universe had a new centre, and I knew Max would want me to first and foremost protect our child, if he had known about him.

I didn’t actually expect Max would manage to find a way into the estate, though. I’d almost believed I was imagining things when I had detected his scent in the halls, and followed his trail to the music storage room. At first the room had appeared empty, but then there he was. Those light eyes that always seemed like they could see right through me were there and terribly real.

Ever since that last encounter, I couldn’t keep my head on straight. It spun with a million renewed worries and brand-new hopes that I didn’t dare to dream. I hurried to finish all my daytime tasks so as not to give any vampiric overseers an excuse to get angry.

Once complete, I was able to use my extra time towards the one thing that really kept me going. I hurried up to the north wing and was thoroughly checked before being allowed in by the vampire guarding the door. Even though I’d dealt with him hundreds of times before, his rough face showed no sign of recognition.

Entering the common area, which was something like a living room crossed with a classroom, amongst the other children I found Jonas sitting on the floor, playing with blocks. With him was a sweet little fae girl named Autumn who was the daughter of and the insurance for one of the performers.

After seeing Max so recently, my baby’s resemblance to his father was even more clear. As soon as he caught my scent, he looked up, and he ran and threw himself towards me. “Momma!”

I bent down and caught him, lifting him into my arms, his solid little body warm against mine. “Jonas, baby, what did you do today?” His clean, healthy scent reassured my wolf that our pup was safe, at least in the short term.

I was so worried about the longer term.

What would Montgomery do, what would he order his guards to do, if Max tried and failed to rescue us? If he found out I had told Max about Jonas... If Montgomery knew I’d crossed him...

What would happen to Jonas?

A cold sweat broke out at the horrible possibilities. Twice I’d seen the despair of other parents when their children had disappeared from the wing after they’d crossed our master, and it was the worst pain I’d ever seen.

I held onto Jonas a bit harder as he responded to my question about his day, seemingly unaware of my inner turmoil. I forced myself to relax for his sake. “Terry let us finger paint,” he announced, showing me his hand with fingers stretched wide. “She’s gonna hang them up.”

Terry was a vampire, but the least evil of them as far as I could tell. She was never cruel like most of the others, and she seemed protective of her charges. She operated the wing something like a den mother for all the little hostages. Although she was Montgomery’s fledgling, it seemed to me that she was afraid of upsetting him, too.

“That sounds great,” I said, focusing on Jonas and pretending enthusiasm. I wasn’t going to have as much time with my little one today as I would have liked, since I had to work as a hostess for Montgomery’s vampiric guests tonight. “I bet you did a really good job. Did you try your hardest?”

He nodded solemnly, his expression all his father’s. His skin was a lighter tone than Max’s, but his eyes were so similar I couldn’t help but be reminded of my mate every time I looked at him. I ruffled his hair, a brown mix of shades between the two of us.

Out of pure necessity, I’d taught myself not to think about Max any more than I could help in our time apart, but now it was like he was taking over my thoughts. It was like a piece of me had been restored, only to be ripped away again after only a moment, just long enough to make the wound painful and new.

I felt like crying all over again, but I bit back the feeling because I didn’t want to upset Jonas. He was already looking at me as if he was trying to figure out why I was acting off.

To distract Jonas, I followed him around while he showed me whatever he thought was of interest.

He had grown so much, and it hurt that Max had never even once met our child.

I hated these vampires, almost as much as I loved my mate and son. If only Max could really pull off a rescue. He had seemed so confident, but I didn’t dare to hope.