The Howl

Winter’s wind cooled my face but not my temper. A faint howl echoed in the distance followed by another further off. How great would it be to just change what I was and run free? No. Instead, I was stuck at the Quills’ in my own personal hell. What would Dad say about all of this? He’d lecture on promiscuity then ask if I’d spoken to my mother lately.

Sighing, I brushed the snow off of a bench and sat. I was who I was. Not a product of my upbringing but of my experience and the personal decisions made because of those experiences. People, whether human or not, weren’t just food. Each life mattered regardless of birth or background. Why couldn’t the Council see the same thing I did? We were all connected. People who knew people who knew people. Every time I heard a human say, “it’s a small world, isn’t it?” I was reminded of those connections. Yet, people with influence and power tended to forget that.

Was it fear that kept them rigidly holding to their beliefs that only their way could be the right way? Heaven forbid I be allowed my differences or be shown any acceptance because of them. My thoughts ricocheted back at me. Was I being the stubborn one? Was I unhealthy? I wished that everyone would stop telling me what to do and let me figure it out on my own.

I kicked at the snow at my feet and looked up at the stars.

“What are we looking at?”

The voice, so close to my ear, made me jump.

Swiveling, I glared back at Fenris.

“What are you doing?”

“Creeping around in the dark. That’s what we werewolves are known for. That, and chasing girls dressed in red.”

I glanced down at myself.

“I’m wearing green.”

“I thought you might want to go change for me.”

His humor in the face of my troubles irritated me.

“Do you ever take anything seriously?”

His expression sobered.

“Yes. What’s wrong?”

“I have an insane, sex-obsessed mother, and she’s staying here. I hate my life and wish I had my mark so I could just leave this place.”

He stepped over the bench and sat beside me.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“Don’t be. None of it’s your fault.”

“Fault doesn’t matter when someone I care about is hurting. Want to talk about whatever’s going on?” He bumped me lightly then stilled and sniffed.

I glanced at him.

“Is that you?” he asked, leaning in and sniffing again.

A flash flood of heat consumed my face when his nose almost touched my chest. He inhaled deeply. He didn’t pull back when he tilted his head to look up at me.

“What is that smell?” he asked.

I could barely think with his face so close to mine. Dirty thoughts filled my head, and my pulse skipped several beats.

“Eliana?” he said softly. “What happened?”

I planted my palm over his face and pushed him away. He chuckled and sat again.

“One of my many problems happened. You know about the goblin at Megan’s. Well, he arrived with a brownie. A fourteen-month-old brownie who can’t stop touching himself and makes me dream of skunks making babies.”

Fenris snorted a laugh, which he quickly smothered with a swipe of his hand.

“Please, continue.”

“It’s far from funny. He saw me naked in the shower more times than I care to recall.”

“Naked?”

“Very.”

“Lucky little flitter.”

“More than you know. This last time, I hit him with water and he fell right between my…well, he was so excited by it he exploded.”

Fenris arched a brow at me.

“Exploded?”

“Yes. It’s as dirty as it sounds. That’s what you smell. He just keeps going. He thinks we made a baby and is saying the most ridiculous things now. I just can’t anymore. He needs to go. So does my mom. Either the goblin needs to talk, or Megan needs to find the killer because I’m two seconds from losing my sanity.”

“It can’t be that bad.”

“My mom made me breakfast in bed.”

“See? That’s motherly.”

“Breakfast was two naked boys tucked in with me when I woke up.”

He exhaled heavily and looked out at the trees. We listened to the distant howls, and I wondered if he could understand what they were saying.

“I’ll make you a deal,” Fenris said finally. “If I can find a happy home for your pocket pool playing pixie—’

“Brownie.”

“—you repay me by showering me with your undying gratitude.”

I stared at him for a moment. His brown gaze, while still filled with humor, held mine with complete sincerity.

“What exactly are you asking for?”

“I want a hug a day until Megan gets back,” he said.

“Hugs?” Hugs were dangerous. They were full-body contact, usually front to front. I could feel my hunger stir just at the thought of all that touching.

He shrugged slightly.

“What can I say? It’s in my nature to like affection.”

“Are you making a canine joke?”

“Are you thinking of petting me?”

My vision sharpened, and he grinned.

“No. No petting,” I said, blinking in an effort to return my vision to normal. “While I appreciate the offer to help, hugging is too dangerous. For you, not me.”

“I disagree. I think you hugging me could help us both. I’d get my daily dose of affection, and you’d be doing something that would appease your mom enough to get her back on your side instead of Adira’s.”

“Hugs aren’t going to appease any of them. It’s gone way beyond that. Give me a real reason why you want a hug, and I might think about it.”

He studied me for a minute.

“Because you hate your life and think no one cares. You need to remember your mom, Adira, and the Quills aren’t the only people in your life. You have friends. And I’m willing to remind you of that for as long as it takes until Megan’s here to remind you herself.”

He nudged me then stood.

“Come on. Let’s get you back inside before you freeze.”

We walked the path back toward the house. Before we reached the door, I groaned.

“I forgot to feed the goblin.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of him before I start looking for the brownie’s new home.”

“You’re going to start tonight?”

“Sure. Just be ready to pay up tomorrow.”

The sound of my phone pulled me out of a deep sleep.

“Hello?” I answered groggily.

“Get out of bed, beautiful. Your meat-beating brownie issues are solved.”

My sluggish brain struggled to process what Fenris was saying.

“My what?”

“I found your brownie a new home as promised. Meet me at the marshes in thirty minutes, or we’ll miss our chance.”

I looked at the time on my phone, saw that it wasn’t even six in the morning and that Fenris had already hung up.

He couldn’t be serious, could he? How had he found a family overnight? Had he slept? Had I? Mom’s party had kept me up until close to three. My eyes felt gritty like I needed at least another two hours. But thirty minutes barely gave enough time for me to drive to the marshes.

My eyes, which had closed again, flew open, and I scrambled from bed.

“Piepen, get dressed. We need to hurry.”

He sat up in his drawer, his shaggy hair wild around his head.

“Is it the baby? Is it time?”

“What? No. Get dressed.”

He flopped back onto his pillow.

I rushed to the closet, threw on some clothes, and was out the door with a naked Piepen and a handful of brownie clothes two minutes later.

“I’m going to freeze my bells off,” he said when we reached the garage.

“I think you mean balls, and they wouldn’t be cold if you’d gotten dressed like I’d said.”

“No, I mean bells. They make beautiful music when I—”

“Don’t want to know, Piepen. Just get in and get dressed.” I tossed his clothes into the back seat with him and hurried to pull out of the garage.

He bombarded me with questions as we drove. Wisely, I didn’t say much.

“You’re making me nervous,” he said, landing on my shoulder. “Why won’t you tell me where we’re going? Are you going to lock me in a cage and eat my wings?”

“No. I’m going to do the opposite so you can truly be happy.”

“I am happy. I’m with my woman who’s carrying my baby. What more could a man want?” He stepped closer to my cheek and stroked a hand over it. “Well, I could think of something,” he said, lowering his high-pitched voice pseudo-seductively. “How about you pull over and I make you really happy?”

“Stop touching me, brownie, or you’ll find out what’s it’s like to be a mosquito.”

“Someone’s cranky. Probably because you missed your dose of vitamin P.”

I flicked him from my shoulder. He squealed indignantly but recovered in the air just before hitting the passenger seat.

“Keep this up and I’m going to leave,” he said.

“Come back here so I can flick you again.”

“You’re being mean.”

And I felt a fair share of guilt for it under my annoyance. However, I wouldn’t apologize for my behavior. Any hint of affection from me, and the brownie would never leave.

A sullen silence filled the car, and I watched for the marshes. Piepen didn’t say anything when they came into view. More than likely, he didn’t know what they were. I glanced at him in the mirror, and my guilt grew. His clothes weren’t that warm. Would he be okay out here? Brownies didn’t have heated homes like we did. Or pillow beds. I started to worry that my need to get rid of him would be what killed the poor little thing.

His gaze met mine as I put on the blinker.

“Pulling over so we can make up?” he asked.

My worry went out the window.

“Nope.”

He frowned at me and watched the road. When I reached the parking area, I saw Fenris. He stood by the reeds, wearing nothing but a pair of jeans. Steam rose from his torso. I tried not to stare at the ridged expanse. I tried to tell myself that he had to be freezing like that. But mostly, I just imagined what it would be like to—

“Stop staring,” Piepen said, flitting in front of my face so I had to slam on the breaks.

He yanked up his shirt and pointed at his belly.

“If you want abs, you can look at mine.”

The passenger door opened before I could swat Piepen.

“Everything okay?” Fenris asked.

“No, but it will be. Where are they?”

I opened my door and got out, shivering despite my jacket. Piepen followed, staying close to my head.

“Where are who?” he asked.

“Your new family,” I said.

His eyes rounded.

“New family? You’re my family.”

“Hello, Piepen,” a female voice said, drawing our attention to the reeds in front of the car.

An older couple, both with their wings, hovered just within the brown stalks. Their grey hair and creased faces worried me a bit. Hopefully, they weren’t too old to handle Piepen’s energy.

“I’m Madeline, and this is my husband, Marshal. We’d like to give you a home and a family.”

Piepen looked at me, shock and dejection showing on his little face.

“What about our family?”

“We don’t have a family, Piepen.”

“The baby,” he said stubbornly.

I had to take a slow breath before answering.

“For the last time, there is no baby.”

“How do you know?” He looked at the older couple. “I gave her my very first magic dust.”

They both made sounds of awe as if he’d done something special instead of disgusting.

“It’s a special gift to receive,” Marshal said. “You’re marked for life for certain.”

I thought of the stain still on my stomach and really hoped it wasn’t permanent. Hopefully, the lifespan he was talking about was theirs.

“How long ago did it happen?” he asked.

“Yesterday,” I said.

“Oh, you’d be entering your second trimester then,” Madeline said. “Enough for someone with good ears to hear a heartbeat.” She looked at Fenris.

I did, too. He was standing there with his hand loosely over his mouth as if he was seriously following the conversation. I knew better. The tramp was laughing his butt off.

However, with all attention on him, he managed to remove his hand without showing a hint of his amusement and walked over to me.

“I’ll take a listen,” he said in all seriousness before dropping to his knees in front of me.

He reached up and slowly unzipped my jacket.

“So I can hear better,” he said.

It didn’t matter the reason. All I saw was a man on his knees before me, undressing me. My eyes went black, and hunger clawed its way to the surface, fierce and demanding.

“Worship me, wolf,” I said.

Fenris looked up at me, a hint of a smile showing on his lips.

“What exactly does that entail?” he asked, playfully.

I liked playful.

“Stop hitting on my woman,” Piepen yelled.

I bared my teeth and started to look up at the little gnat who needed to die.

Fenris grabbed my hips, commanding my attention.

“Before we work out the details of this worship you want, I think we should check to see if you’re carrying another man’s child.”

He set his ear against my lower belly. My hunger craved more. It demanded his lust, and his complete…

Obedience.

I closed my eyes, realizing I’d slipped again, and pulled my thoughts back to the moment. Fenris was helping me. Piepen needed to go. And stress was making me act weird. Nothing more. I wasn’t hungry; I was tired.

My hunger stirred to contradict me.

“No heartbeat,” Fenris said, standing. “Sorry, Piepen.”

I hurriedly rezipped my jacket.

“We can try again,” Piepen said, flying close to me. “Don’t give up on us.”

I rolled my eyes and struggled to find the remnants of my shredded patience.

“There is no us, Piepen. I took you in because Megan asked me to. Now I’m asking you to leave, willingly, so you can live a happy life with your own kind. There’s a brownie girl out there who is as desperate to make little brownie babies as you are. Go find her and be happy.”

His little eyes watered.

“This isn’t you. You’re upset that I—”

“You’re right. This isn’t me. I’m not the type of person who gets so angry that I close someone in a drawer or threaten to rip their wings off. I brought you here to keep you safe. From me. Please. Just go with them.”

Hurt flitted across his features.

“You didn’t mean it, though,” he said.

“Yes, I did. I was that angry.”

His wings wilted a little with defeat.

“Can I come see you some time?”

“How about I come see you? It’ll be safer that way.”

He nodded sadly and turned toward the old couple. I didn’t feel a twinge of sorrow as they led him away. Only relief.

“Still want to be worshipped?” Fenris asked when we were alone.

“Shut up, and get in the car,” I said.

“Yes, ma’am.”

He got into the passenger seat and grinned at me as I buckled. I knew he found the whole thing amusing. I didn’t. It was my life, and Piepen had nearly destroyed it.

I knew the thought wasn’t entirely fair as soon as I had it. Piepen, alone, wasn’t responsible for my out of control spiral. The adults in my life had a fair share of blame with all their meddling, too. Although, without their meddling, I probably wouldn’t have started talking to Fenris and would still be stuck with Piepen.

Glancing at Fenris’s bare chest, I tried to decide which of the two creatures would have been the safer option.

“Where are the rest of your clothes? I’ll drop you off there.”

“My clothes are in the Quills’ garden. But I’d rather you drop me off at the cabin. You can bring the clothes to school tomorrow, or I can swing by afterward to pick them up.”

My fingers tightened on the steering wheel at the idea of him stripping down to almost nothing so close to the Quills’ house.

“Thank you for your help,” I said, trying to control the direction of my thoughts. “I don’t think I could have survived another day with Piepen.”

Fenris chuckled.

“For such a small guy, he had a lot of feeling. My nose was close to bleeding.”

“Brownies live intense little lives. How did you find Marshal and Madeline?”

He grinned.

“I sat in the parking lot and howled until someone came to talk to me.”

“The power of annoyance.”

“I prefer to call it persistence. Did your night go better after I left you?”

“Not really. My mom stayed up until 3 a.m., having an orgy two doors down from mine. I didn’t get much sleep. And no doubt, she’ll probably be awake by the time I get home and will have some new way to torture me ready. Got any ideas for how to get rid of her?”

“Not really. But you’re welcome to hang out at the cabin with me for a while.”

I sighed.

“I’m looking for more of a permanent solution.”

He considered me for a moment.

“I can smell your exhaustion. Just under three hours of sleep isn’t enough. Take a nap at the cabin. Things might look better afterward.”

“You didn’t get any sleep at all. I’m not going to take over your cabin again.”

“We could share.”

I shook my head before he even finished talking.

“Too dangerous. My guard is down when I sleep.” Obviously, my guard was lacking when I was tired, too.

“And what do you think will happen?” he asked.

“With the way you smell, probably the worst thing possible.”

“I can’t read your mind. What’s the worst thing possible?”

“That I’ll feed from you.”

“I was thinking murdered in my sleep by a sex-crazed brownie because I took his goddess away from him, so I’m not sure how a feeding would be the worst thing possible.”

“I’m not Piepen’s goddess, and feeding from you would be horrible.”

He tapped his knee with his thumb.

“If I smell good, I assume I’d taste good. I’m struggling to connect the horrible.”

“Horrible for you. Why are we even talking about this?”

“Because you’re tired and need a place to crash, and you’re being stubborn.”

“You don’t understand what a feeding could do to you. You saw how obsessed Eugene was after an almost feeding. You’d be a mindless slave if I fed from you.”

He snorted.

“It’s not funny.”

“It kinda is. You already almost fed from me twice. Have I acted any differently around you? To you?”

“Well, no.”

“Then why are you worrying? We both know that different creatures have different levels of susceptibility to each other. My kind does the whole fated mates thing, right? So maybe you can’t persuade me because my genetics just aren’t interested in anyone who’s not my mate.”

Hadn’t Mom said something similar in the restaurant? Not that I was considering feeding from him, I quickly told myself. It would just be nice to know I wouldn’t hurt him if I did slip.

“But what if you’re wrong?”

“I don’t think I am. You can’t hurt me, Eliana. Trust me.”

I sighed and thought of a nap in his cabin with him still there. My hunger slithered under my skin, more responsive than it was the day before. Maybe it was because I was tired. That just made sleeping at his cabin more dangerous.

My brain was saying no, but my eyes were saying yes with each tired blink. When I reached his road, I knew I’d need to sleep before driving home even if it was just in the car.

I parked and cut the engine.

“I can see you’re going to say no. What kind of friend would I be to let you drive home like this?”

“The kind that let me drive here.”

“Come on, chicken. I promise not to bite.”

My insides went hot at the thought of Fenris biting, nibbling his way up my leg.

“You’re right. I’m too tired to drive. Or fight you. Can I borrow a blanket and just sleep in the car for a bit?”

He laughed and got out, walking around the car to open my door.

“Not a chance. Come on. Everything will be fine.”

I got out and waited for him to close the door.

“If you ever want, I can take your car somewhere to get this fixed,” he said, pointing to the bubbled paint. “Just let me know when you’re ready to be without it for a few days.”

I nodded and tiredly followed him.

My gaze was glued to his back. The play of muscles as he walked mesmerized me as I listened to the crunch of his feet on the snow.

“How are you not cold?” I asked.

He looked over his shoulder at me.

“What can I say, Eliana? I’m hot, and all the girls are in awe.”

I rolled my eyes at him.

“Hot or big-headed?”

He grinned.

“They usually go hand in hand, don’t they?”

He opened the cabin door. This time, in the daylight, I could see the room and closed the door as he went to light the fire. He had flames within a few minutes then crossed the room and pulled back the blankets.

“In you go,” he said.

I looked at him then the bed.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. You take the bed. I’ll take the chair by the fire. I’ll be warmer.”

He shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

I watched him crawl into bed and turn his back to me. Within seconds, his breathing evened out.

Exhaling slowly, I went to the chair and closed my eyes.

Once again, I was in the woods surrounded by cakes. They smelled so good. Better than the ones I made with Ashlyn. My mouth watered, but I didn’t eat. I was too afraid of what the sleeping me would do to Fenris.

My hunger grew as I walked, clenching at my stomach so painfully that I whimpered.

“Take what you need,” the forest rumbled.

I shook my head and kept walking. The hunger didn’t ease.

“Stop denying yourself,” the forest said. “I exist only for you. Take what you need. There will always be more.”

A cake dropped in front of my face, brushing my nose, flooding my senses with its sweet scent.

I knew I shouldn’t, but I took a bite. Then another. Warmth surrounded me, blanketing me in comfort as I ate deeply of every sweet possible. I gorged myself until I thought I’d burst. Then the forest disappeared. The warmth didn’t. It stayed with me while I slept deeply.

When I woke, I was in the bed, tucked under the blankets. I looked around the room warily. Fenris was gone, though.

Confused, I got out of bed and checked my phone, which was in my purse still by the chair. Five hours had passed. I rubbed my face and stretched, wondering how long Fenris had slept before he’d left. I frowned and glanced at the chair then the bed. Had he moved me when he’d woken up?

“Hey, sleepyhead,” Fenris said, opening the cabin door.

A cold wind stole into the room with him.

“How did I get in the bed?” I asked.

“You walked to it and crawled in,” he said. “Are you hungry for human food? I ran to my house and grabbed some stuff.” He lifted a brown paper bag that had a wet spot in the middle.

I glanced at the teeth marks in the paper.

“Sorry. I shifted and ran with it. I didn’t want to leave the fire for too long. You were cold.”

“Were you in the bed when I crawled into it?” I asked, not letting him distract me.

He grinned.

“Only for a little while. You hog the covers.”

I studied his eyes, looking for any trace that I’d done something I shouldn’t have. They looked the same, though. No haunting earnestness. Just the ever-present glint of humor.

“I could maybe eat something,” I said. “As long as it isn’t anything sweet.”

The idea of eating anything sweet just then turned my stomach.

“Not sweet. I made sandwiches.”

We sat in the chairs by the fire. I was one bite away from finishing the best ham and cheese sandwich I’d ever had in my life when my phone rang.

Seeing it was Megan, I answered.

“Eliana, you need to get to Elbner,” Megan said as soon as I answered. “Tell him I know his master was Zayn Sias. I know Zayn was the one responsible for all the creatures who died with a smile. Tell Elbner I’m making it common knowledge. Once you do that, you should be able to take him to the Council as a witness. Got it?”

“Yes. Zayn Sias. Got it. Thank you.”

I hung up and looked at Fenris with growing hope.

“Megan’s figured out who’s doing the killing. I need to get to the goblin and deliver him to the Quills. Once he confirms Mom didn’t do it, I’ll be free again.”

“I’ll go with you.”

“No. It’s okay. I got this.”

I grabbed my purse.

“Thanks for letting me sleep here. You’re right. It did make things better.”

I ran from the cabin, excited to get back into my car. I was almost free.