novelxo The Dark Elf’s Surprise Baby: Chapter 15
WHY DID SHE LEAVE?
The words trip through my mind over and over again. Over and over again, until I can see the words swimming across my visual spectrum.
Harper had my baby. She loved me. So why did she leave?
Looking at her, my face grows warm, and my breathing becomes shallow. I lift a finger to shift the placement of my collar as it becomes more and more difficult to breathe.
Why did she leave?
My attention turns to the girl. My child.
She is beautiful, a delicate little thing, with fine blonde hair and porcelain skin.
My child.
I try to take several deep breaths, though my lungs feel as though someone has poured desert sand into them.
My head spins and my heart beats on more sluggishly than it ever has before.
Next to me, Kerym hasn’t noticed the joy and distress that is twisting around me. Instead, he stares at both Harper and Adelaide – my daughter – before speaking.
“I only wish that young Jasper had more friends like her.” He says. He takes a sip from a drink that I hadn’t even noticed he had.
My curiosity is piqued at the statement.
“Why do you say that?” I ask him, trying to make my voice as casual as possible. I fail dismally, and my voice wavers, cracks on the last word.
“Because Jasper only knows human children.”
“Does that mean…”
Kerym finishes my sentence as I trip over the words.
“Adelaide is human, of course.” He smiles at me, seemingly not noticing my new distress.
Adelaide is human, of course.
The words echo around and around my head, and at first, I cannot make sense of them.
Adelaide cannot be human, because she is my child. My baby. My girl.
She cannot be human because I have already given her a thousand pet names, and bought her the most expensive toys I can find.
She cannot be human, because that means that she isn’t my child. She cannot be human because that means a whole life has been taken away from me, before I even had it.
She cannot be human because that means that only months after I left, Harper had found another man.
A human man.
Only months after I left, she moved on, and had a child with another man.
That is why, for a second, Adelaide cannot be human. Because if she is, many things become true that I do not think I can handle.
When I look down, both my hands are shaking.
I let out a heavy, loud breath, and stumble backwards slightly.
How quickly did she find him? How insignificant were you to her? That she could jump into someone else’s bed so easily?
“Demethys?” Kerym is frowning at me, his eyes wide and confused.
How quickly did she lose her love for you?
My inner voice speaks mockingly, as though I never should have believed that Harper could love me.
As if I never should have hoped that she would wait for me.
I turn and walk away from Kerym, heading for the large, open windows behind us.
Kerym follows me, and places a hand on my shoulder.
“Demethys? What is going on? You’re acting like a spooked capra.”
I try to speak, but right then, I cannot find the words within myself.
“You’re not being yourself. Are you okay?” I have never heard such tenderness in Kerym’s voice before. He honestly cares about me.
He is apparently the only one. Because Harper clearly does not.
My face and body are warm and my eyes are wet. I am not even conscious that I am crying.
I wipe my face quickly and turn back to the crowd. As much as it is killing me to realize that Harper barely waited for me to move on, I need to see her.
I need to see her face, to examine the lines and curves and ridges of her face. A face that has changed so much but also stayed so much the same.
When I turn back, she has vanished, and for a second my heart spasms.
Has she disappeared again?
My thoughts are frantic, barely making any sense.
Bile rises in my throat as unwanted images of Harper and a faceless human man rise to the front of my mind.
I almost turn away again, ready to throw up, when I spot her.
She is in a corner of the room, standing with her face turned to the side. As though she is trying to be invisible.
She certainly is not looking at me.
Has she seen me then? Is she trying to avoid my gaze? Does she feel shame upon seeing me?
I know that I had no right to demand that Harper remain faithful to a man that was absent for four years.
Any sane person would have moved on. Any sane person should have moved on.
It is not healthy to remain stagnant, still, in the wake of lost love.
Except, I would have continued loving her if she had left. I would not have been able to move on.
As I stare at her, I cannot help but wonder where her new lover is. Is he waiting for her in the home she has made for them?
Is he waiting for her to return home, to welcome her into their bed?
Did she meet him while we were together? Did she leave me for him? Was she already sleeping with him when we were together?
More nausea threatens to overwhelm me.
She is now looking down at the girl, Adelaide, who is holding her arms up to Harper.
Adelaide in Harper’s arms is a dream I have had a thousand times. A dream where Harper has had my children.
Something in my chest twists painfully. Maybe it is the memory of something I have just lost.
You never had it to start with. My inner voice is as tired as I am.
Just then, Layla, who has been standing at Harper’s side, starts walking towards us.
I turn away from them. I am not ready to face the barrage of questions that I am sure will come from Layla.
“Demethys, my friend? You look ill. Are you okay?” There is real concern in Kerym’s voice.
Do I look so terrible that I am scaring my fellow dark elf?
“I’m fine!” The words come out in snap, in a shout, and Kerym takes a step back.
His forehead creases into a frown and he presses his lips into a straight, thin line.
“I’m sorry,” I apologize immediately. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so harsh. I have too many things on my mind.”
I am walking away before Kerym can say anything. I am walking away from Layla and Harper and the little girl who is decidedly not my daughter before I do something stupid.
How can this be happening, I think to myself as I walk out of the hall.
I need time to think. I need to confront Harper. I need to ask her why she left me.
But how am I supposed to do that, knowing that she is with someone else?
On my way out of the hall, I see a waiter carrying a tray filled with bottles of elf spirits.
I grab one quickly, throwing the waiter a dark look that silences his protest. I know that one of these bottles can serve at least eight people.
With the bottle swinging in my hand, I walk out into the dark quiet of the night.
The night is cold and brisk. The cool air cuts against me in sharp waves. The dark, endless sky widens and narrows above me.
And you’re not even drunk yet. I tell myself this as I open the bottle.
All I see, as I lift the bottle to my lips, is Harper with another man. Harper with his hands on her.
On her back, sliding up from her waist.
His hands cupping her breasts.
His hands stroking her thighs.
All I can see is Harper arching her back for someone else.
Someone that she must have met right after I left.
The images in my mind change. Now I am seeing Harper, pregnant and rounded, her figure full and beautiful.
She is pregnant and happy and showing her human lover her belly.
I am almost sick right then and there, and have to restrain myself from retching.
The elf spirits burn my throat as I swallow it. I do not care and swallow it in one go, almost choking as some of the liquid spills from my mouth.
The spirits take effect quickly. I stagger further into the garden. The night flowers are blooming.
Their heavy, sweet fragrance is sharper, more potent, in the cold night air.
I do not know when I start crying. I have been looking for Harper for so long. And tonight, I thought I found her.
And I also thought that I had gained an entire family in the process.
How could my heart have bloomed and then broken in the space of mere minutes?
Again, I tell myself that I have no right to be angry at her.
“Why is this happening?” I speak out loud. I do not know who I am speaking to. The plants, the sky, the Thirteen even.
“Why is this happening?”