The Dark Beast's Love

As if Nathan's death had been the death of my emotions, my mind sobered. Somewhere in the breach of my consciousness, my mind was laughing at how similar this position was for me. Another body in my arms. Another life I couldn't save. I almost laughed at the irony. Years and years trying to end something to save everyone ended up being the only reason I had watched so many die. I almost wanted to laugh. I could hear the gods already laughing.

Look at her, they said as they all peered down at me. Another lover gone, another life she failed to save.

There were no tears streaming down my face, and the violent sobs had turned into smaller shivers. Nathan was dead, and the life we had would forever remain a dream. Because I was taken by a beast. And because I couldn't leave him. In the back of my mind, someone yelled and said that I didn't deserve to hold his body as if it was valuable to me, not after the way I'd handled his heart. But that voice and every other sense within me could go and drown themselves, because nothing they said mattered. Nathan was dead. And I was holding his body.

Looking up, I saw both Riven and Varius looking at me and Nathan. They had not moved from their previous spots but the way they stood was different. Varius' gun was still pointed towards Riven, but it was slightly lowered and he wasn't looking at the target. Riven's entire body gave off an aura of defeat. Why he was so defeated, I didn't know. I just knew that I couldn't handle another body today.

"Put down the gun," I said to my brother and startling him out of his trance. "Varius, put down the gun."

"We do not know if there's a threat nearby," But even his voice was a little uncertain. "I will not put down the gun until I've made sure that the beast isn't around." In my peripheral vision, Riven glanced down at me, but I was looking straight at my brother and the weapon in his hand.

"You've already taken a life today," I said as determined as I could. "Don't waste another one."

Varius' eyes wandered down to where Nathan's head was resting on my chest, and I felt this sudden urge to hide him from prying eyes.

"I did not mean to kill an innocent man," Varius said as he looked between me and the corpse. "I thought it was..."

"You thought it was the beast," Riven said, and none of us was expecting him to speak so our attention was immediately drawn to him.

"He is not the beast," I said defensively as I looked back at my brother. "You've seen the beast up close. You can see that Nathan was nothing like it."

Varius hesitated before answering. "I had been informed that the beats would have the shape of a human boy. A spirit told me so. And I was not going to take chances."

The word spirit echoed in my head and I didn't realise why until I figured out who he was referring to. She had not been a spirit when we had met her but she hadn't been far from one either. Light could be deceptive, and magic as well. I looked down at Nathan's resting face as I realised what this discovery meant. Nathan's death had not really been a coincidence. Nor had Varius' sudden appearance. The witch had made a decision to take matters into her own hands, and taken away the opportunity she'd offered me to begin with. Now, no matter who I stabbed in the back, I wouldn't get to live the life I had longed for. A fire of anger started up deep in my chest and I could feel my breath quickening. Between the gunshot and up till now, I had been convinced that Nathan's death was on my hands. Even if Varius had been the one to pull the trigger I had been the direct cause. So knowing that Nathan's death was nothing but a consequence of pettiness, and that the same person was the root of all our problems, made me want to rip something apart.

"Liliana," Riven's voice was calm but determined when he called my name, so I turned my head towards him.

His face was cold but his eyes hurt when he looked at me. And somehow, I knew that he had puzzled the pieces together just like I'd done.

"Don't direct your thoughts to her," Riven said as if it was the easiest thing in the world. "She'll laugh at the energy wasted."

And the last thing I wanted her to do was to take another breath of joy.

"Please put down the gun," I said again to my brother, the exhaustion taking ahold of me. The sentence had almost come out as a plea. "I can't..."

I mentally forced my thoughts away from that trail of memories.

"I will," Varius said, his hand still wrapped around the same object that ended so many of my dreams. "When we get out of here."

Looking at the situation, I wondered if I'd ever spoken at all. None of them seemed to hear what I'd already repeated a thousand times. Nathan had insisted and lost his life. Varius was now doing the exact same thing, his mind only going in one direction. And beside me, Riven tensed again, because he once again believed that he would be cast aside for someone else.

I was tired beyond measure. Tired of losing. Tired of watching everything around me unfold without consideration for my preferences. But most of all, I was tired of speaking and not being heard. So I spoke again, this time more determined than the previous times.

"I won't be going with you, Varius," I said, tone almost bored due to exhaustion but still loud enough for all to hear. "I can't."

"What do you mean you can't?" My brother questioned as he finally lowered the weapon. Somewhere inside me, relief washed over me.

"I won't." I said instead, and hoped that the message would be clearer. "I'm sorry, I really am. But I can't return to a village of limitations and restrictions. I just can't."

"If this is about the marriage..."

"It's not just about the forced marriage," I responded almost immediately. "It's about living a life I don't want to live. If I return, I will have to be someone's housewife, and that's not the life I want to live."

"So what? You think you can survive out here in the wilderness because you shot some rabbits?"

I should have been more surprised by the fact that Varius knew my secret. But he had always been a cunning one.

"I have been surviving, for months," I informed him and something cold flashed over his eyes.

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"And you think that's enough?" Varius spat the words.

"Yes," My eyes drifted to Riven. "I think it's enough."

"And when the beast comes back to finish his job?" Varius asked.

"It won't," I said, even surprising myself with the amount of determination.

Varius' eyes darted between me and Riven a couple of times, and then he tightened the grip around his weapon and pointed it towards Riven again. I did say that he was one of the cunning ones, and it had only been a question of time before he'd figured it out. Still, I wasn't prepared for the hatred that burned in his eyes as he glared at Riven, and

I found myself inching closer to the boy beside me.

"You," Varius said with contempt in his voice. "You're the monster."

Riven said nothing, and it was the only confirmation he needed.

"You took our mother from us, our father, and now you expect me to let you take my sister as well?"

My mind drew a blank when I processed what Varius had just said.

"Is dad?"

Varius did not take his eyes off Riven as he answered. "He didn't survive the throw through the wall. He died the same night."

For a moment, I could not think. My father was dead. He'd died the same night I was taken trying to defend me. Looking up at Varius again I finally recognised the burning anger that was behind his eyes, because I had been staring at the same pair of eyes for as long as I could remember, in every reflection. Varius wasn't just here to retrieve his little sister. He was here to retrieve his only living relative. My younger self screamed about going home with our brother, so that we could spare him the pain of being alone. But it wasn't just a choice between him and me. It was a choice about a life, and whether to live that life or to forever feel trapped. It was a choice about being me or being perfect. And I already knew that I couldn't be perfect.

I pressed a kiss on Nathan's forehead and then placed him gently on the grass before I rose from where I'd been sitting. Varius and Riven were both watching me warily, and I knew that whatever I did next could determine everything. So I took my place between the two, and once again faced the anger I had lived with for so long.

"I can't go back with you," I said again and Varius' hard gaze flickered in hesitation. "I love you, Varius. And I loved our parents. But I can't go back to you. The town will always be a home for me. But it holds no future. And I can't live without

it."

"What makes you think that you have a future here?"

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"I just know," I replied and behind, Riven grew perfectly still.

Another wave of realisation washed over him.

"You love him. You love the beast," He turned his gaze towards Riven. "What have you done to her? What kind of magic have you used to trap her here?!"

"There's no magic involved," I answered for Riven. "Varius, I've learned the truth. And you have to understand..."

"Understand?!" Varius burst out in a mocking laugh. "Understand?! He has murdered people. He killed our parents. And you think that I find it in me to understand your feelings for this man?!"

"It's complicated," I tried but got nowhere.

"No it's not," Varius said. "And my sister would have agreed with me."

The words were worse than a knife through the heart.

"Varius..." I said slowly, a silent plea.

"My sister would have taken every opportunity to kill the beast," Varius was looking at me with an expression I hadn't seen directed towards me before. "You are not my sister."

"Please," I said and took a step forward, but stopped when he aimed the gun at me instead.

Riven instinctively took a step towards me as well, but I held him back with an outstretched arm. Tears were streaming down Varius' face as he looked between us, and I wanted it all to be over. I didn't want to hurt more people. But it seemed like the gods wouldn't reply to this prayer either.

"I will let you live," Varius said with a voice unlike his own. "I will let you have your life with him. But my sister died that night with my father. It was another life taken by the beast."

"Varius..." I begged him silently but Varius was already turning his heel and heading towards the rope that should have been our way out.

Instead, Varius left alone. And all I had left was the beast behind me.