Chapter 8
My body trembles with anticipation and for once, I try not to overthink.
Hell, I don’t want to think at all.
Not this time.
I close my eyes and just feel . . . Everything. Nixon’s body against mine. His rough hand moving over my hot skin. Skin I shaved and buffed and moisturized to within an inch of my life earlier. Oh, God. His big, blunt finger runs over my lace panties through my sex as my breath catches in my throat, while he . . . Ohhhh . . .
“Don’t tense up on me now, beautiful,” he coaxes as he buries his face in my hair. “So fucking wet for me already, Mackenzie.”
He teases me gently at first while I cling to him, strung tight enough to snap at any moment. “Nixon,” I breathe out. “We could get caught.”
“No one will catch us, Mac. I will never let anyone see you like this.” His voice is tempting and possessive, and panty-meltingly sexy. “I’ve got you, Mac.”
He presses his lips at the hollow of my throat and drags his hot mouth up my neck.
Goosebumps cover my overheated skin.
My breath catches in my throat, and my entire body tightens beneath his touch.
“Why are you holding back on me, Mac?” Good lord, that voice. This man. He’s barely touched me. Lace still separates our skin, and yet he can already read me like a book. He tugs on my lace panties, and the friction is unbelievable. “I’m not giving you what you need until you give me what I want, beautiful.”
“What do you want?” I sigh, trying to sound in control, but so far removed from it, it scares me. I shift my hips to get closer to what I think I need.
He pulls his hand back, and the tips of his fingers skim along my lips, painting them with my own excitement, and I swear I practically come when his baby-blue eyes darken to the deepest navy, need staring back at me like a demon possessed. “I want to make you come.”
Nixon grabs my face with both hands and runs his thumb along my jaw. He stares at my lips like he’s going to kiss me, but changes his mind at the last second. “But I’m not going to give you that until you let go, Mac.”
When he pulls back, I can barely breathe, clueless as to what to do next.
Nix drags his thumb along my bottom lip and groans. “What are you thinking, Mackenzie? I can see it all over your face right now. Tell me why you’re holding back?”
I close my eyes, not wanting to talk about this, but knowing if I’m going to trust this man with my body, I have to be honest with him. How is it a second ago, he was teasing me through my panties, and now I’m about to discuss something I know is going to be humiliating?
One hand cups my throat, and the shiver it sends down my spine is nearly violent, it’s so powerful.
“Because I don’t know what I’m doing, Nixon.”
“What do you mean?” he asks, obviously confused, and the tiny flicker of my humiliation grows.
“You don’t get it, Nix. My analytical brain doesn’t even know how to have this conversation.” At least not without completely humiliating myself.
“You’re going to have to try for me here, Mac. Because this only works if we’re honest with each other.”
Damn it.
I know he’s right, but that feels like the only thing I know at the moment.
I push back against Nix’s chest, hoping space will give me back a little of my common sense, but instead, my fight or flight instinct kicks in, and I ball my hands into tight fists until my nails score half-moons into my skin, reminding me that I’m here. I’m safe. And I’m in control.
I’m a grown woman, a goddamned doctor, and this is me taking charge of one of the few pieces of my life that I’ve ignored for years.
I know what I want, and it’s time I fight for it.
I want to learn what I’ve been missing out on.
A huge boom of thunder crashes overhead, and I wait for the lightning that never comes. I could make him leave if there was lightning. We wouldn’t be safe. And one of the few things I’m certain about when it comes to Nixon is that I’m safe with him. Maybe that’s what I need to remind myself. If I want to explore this, Nixon is safe, and he’s not looking for more than I can give.
I carefully roll the words around in my head while Nixon waits patiently before finally opening my mouth and just going for it. “I know how to get myself off, and while it usually takes me a while, I can get myself there . . .” I swallow down my mortification. There’s no turning back now. “But no one else has ever gotten me there.”
“Selfish fuckers,” he curses, and I stop him before he says more.
“I’ve had sex two times—with one person, Nixon. And I’m pretty sure neither of us knew what we were doing. It was my freshman year in college, and it was awful. Both times, I counted the minutes until it was over, and luckily, neither time took very long.” I think back to the guy. He was in my Chem class and about as different from Nix as he could be. Tall and lanky, quiet, and if I’m being honest, looking back, he was pretty uptight. In fairness to him, I doubt he had a clue what he was doing, and he definitely could have used GPS to help him find my clit. “After that, I guess I just didn’t bother trying again. I had to work twice as hard as the girls and take twice as many classes to stay on top of my degree, so I threw myself into that and let guys fall off my radar.”
“One man . . . two times, almost a decade ago?” he asks me cautiously.
“I just don’t think I’m the most sexual person you’ll ever meet, Nix. But I’d like to try, and I think I’d like it very much if you could teach me what to do. It’s hard to even want to explore this with someone when you don’t know what you’re doing.”
“Let me get this straight . . .” His face changes. Hardens. And I prepare for the rejection I’m expecting, reminding me why I needed a fake date tonight in the first place.
Nixon holds my chin in his hand, and butterflies take flight in my stomach. This could go really well or dumpster fire bad. “No man has ever made you come, Mackenzie?”
Oh wow. There goes that growly, possessive tone again.
Only we’ve agreed to no possession.
And that’s a deal-breaker, as sexy as I find it, at least for me.
I shake my head.
“And you want me to teach you what to do in bed for another man?”
“There’s no other man, Nix.” The possession in his voice, the molten hot look in his eyes, the way his body leans into mine . . . it all empowers me to take what I want. I wrap my hands around his shoulders and lift up on my toes, bringing our mouths inches apart. “I want you to show me how good sex can be. I want to learn everything there is to know from something other than a medical textbook. And I want you to be my teacher. And when we’re done, I want to be able to sit across from you at birthday parties for your nieces and nephews, and I want it not to be weird. When we’re done, we’re done. And we each walk away, no hard feelings. You asked me what I want . . . Well, that’s what I want. But only if that works for you.”
Oh holy hell . . . I can’t believe I got that all out without blacking out. And I’m pretty sure I actually sounded like I was in control. Go me.
“Fuck, Mac . . . that’s asking a lot,” he groans and takes my hand in his. “You want sex lessons.”
“Oh my God.” I cringe. “I want you to never call it that again.”
Mischief sparkles in Nixon’s eyes as he pulls me out from under the dry safety of the roof until we’re both standing in the middle of what’s probably the last warm summer storm of the season.
“What are you doing?” I squeal as a smile lights up his entire handsome face.
“Lesson one.” He spins me out like one of his ballerina sisters until I’m laughing while the storm soaks us both to the bone, then he twirls me back to him. “Not everything in life has to be so damn serious or textbook, Mac. You’ve got to take some time to have some fun.”
I giggle, and he shushes me, “Shhh . . . Do you hear that?”
“Hear what, you lunatic?” But I do hear it. The music from the gala drifts out on the wind. “You’re crazy.”
Nix shrugs. “Yeah. But there’s something to be said for dancing in the rain . . .”