Tanner (Dirty Misfits MC Book 5)

“I can smell your food, you know,” I said.

I took a massive bite out of my apple and crunched on it as a droplet of juice found its way to the tip of my lip. My tongue darted out, licking it up before it fell off my lower lip and found its way to my chest.

Food always had a way of ending up on my chest.

I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned in bed so much that I ended up fucking with my spine, and as I chomped into my apple again, a shooting pain ricocheted down my right side. I hissed as I sat up, wondering when my life would stop causing me so much pain, and in an instant Tanner was at my side.

“Where does it hurt?” he asked.

I slowly looked over at him. “Just eat your food. It smells great, wouldn’t want it to go to waste.”

But he didn’t care. “Seriously, where does it hurt?”

I shrugged. “Just my back. The epidural really fucked me up.”

It was so late at night—or early in the morning—that I didn’t even register what I had said until it was already too late. And in a flash, Tanner got up onto his feet and scooped his food back up. I sighed as I leaned back against the couch, abandoned my half-eaten apple as it rolled out of my hand and onto the floor.

And all the while, I watched Tanner set himself up in an oversized chair in the corner.

Far away from me.

Every time I was reminded of my predicament, the guilt ate me alive. I should have told Tanner, even if my parents made it impossible. Even if my parents locked me in my room and refused to let me leave. I should have climbed out the window or memorized his number so I could have called him from our landline.

I should’ve done more.

As I stared at Tanner, watching him eat was unarguably my favorite meal growing up, I wondered if there were any leftovers. And I wondered if I had a right to ask him. I wasn’t sure where I stood with anyone anymore, much less him.

He deserved so much better than what went down between the two of us.

“What happened, Summer?”

His voice caressed my ears, but I knew he was overdue for some answers.

“Summer.”

I swallowed hard. “I heard you.”

He snickered. “Do you mind answering my question, then? Because for the life of me, I just can’t figure it out.”

I closed my eyes before I started crying. “It’s so much, and none of it even seems excusable at this point.”

“I don’t care about excuses. I care about answers.”

So, I leaned my head back against the couch and opened my eyes. “I did know about the pregnancy before your graduation. I had actually just found out about a week before that.”

“Well, that answers one massive question I’ve had. But it leads to a lot of others.”

I drew in a deep breath through my nose. “I know it does, and I don’t really have an excuse other than fear. I mean, I thought I might have been with how sick I’d been feeling lately, so I slipped some money out of Mom’s wallet one morning and skipped first period so I could run up to the drug store and get a test. I took it right there at school, too.”

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me any of this? I was right there. I could have helped.”

“I was just… scared. Scared of my parents and what they’d think. Scared of you and what you’d think. I know you remember all of the good times we had, but there were some not-so-good times, too. And if you really remember back, we were in a not-so-good time approaching your graduation.”

I watched him carefully before it clicked over. “The fight we had.”

I nodded. “The fight we had.”

He put his food down and leaned forward a bit. “So, you didn’t tell me you were taking a pregnancy test because I got upset with you over a tutoring session?”

My face fell flat. “No, Tanner. I didn’t tell you I was taking a pregnancy test because the night before you told me you weren’t sure whether or not our plan to continue after graduation was smart. Or do you not remember that because you were too drunk after some party you went to?”

Guilt washed over his features. “Fucking hell, I’d completely forgotten about that fight.”

I scooped up my apple and crossed my arms over my chest. “Yeah.”

It took him a while to respond. But when he did, he pressed onward. “Is that why you never showed up after my graduation ceremony?”

I swallowed hard, hoping and praying I could get through this without crying. “Actually, no. The reason I didn’t show up was because Mom and Dad went through my laptop and found our deleted emails. I don’t even know how the hell they recovered them, but they did. And when Dad figured out what we were planning, I woke up the morning of your graduation with no phone, no laptop, and no car privileges.”

“Why didn’t you tell me when we saw each other at the ceremony, then?”

I lifted my head up and gazed into his eyes from across the room. “Because after they dug through my laptop, they dug through my phone as well as my backpack. And even though I’d kept the pregnancy test in my locker, I guess I must’ve crumpled up the receipt and put it in my backpack.”

His eyes widened. “Oh, Jesus.”

I scoffed. “Yeah, Jesus wasn’t there that day, as much as my parents would have liked to hope. That’s why I didn’t approach you at your graduation. Dad said he’d take me so I could ‘get some closure’ to us, but he told me that if I talked to you at all, he’d make me give our child up for adoption.”

His jaw hit the floor. “He fucking did not.”

I wiped at my tears. “Yeah, he did. He even told me he’d make sure it was a closed adoption so that I’d never know what happened to our little one. And I was so scared, Tanner. You have to believe me. I was so damn scared, and they essentially made me choose, and I couldn’t not choose our child. I just couldn’t.”

He got up and came to sit beside me. “I know, and I would have never made you make a different choice. Ever.”

My lower lip quivered. “So, I just fell in line with whatever Dad said. I did whatever he asked; I dropped out of school when I started to show so I wouldn’t give the family a bad name, and I wore clothes that girdles that kept my pregnancy under wraps out in public for as long as possible. Hell, I even gave birth in a hospital four towns over just so we wouldn’t run into anyone we knew.”

“What a fucking lunatic,” he growled.

“And the second I turned eighteen, I packed up our shit, snuck out in the middle of the night with a bus ticket in hand, and never looked back.”

He took my hand. “You know you could have contacted me after you left, right? I wasn’t that hard to track down.”

I shrugged. “I guess part of me was still scared of my father, even though I had cut ties with him. He had such a hold over me for such a long time, even after I left home, and it took me ages to shake his chains. His and Mom’s.”

He let go of my hand and rubbed my back. “I can only imagine.”

I shook my head. “And I know this doesn’t excuse anything that happened, and I know this doesn’t dull your pain any less, but I didn’t just not show up. Mom and Dad figured out everything and made my life a living nightmare and threatened to make yours the same way.”

His forehead pressed against my temple. “I know.”

I let my eyes flutter closed. “And by the time I had shaken their chains and found the balls to try and track you down, it had been years. The first time I ever confidently thought about finding you, Cheyenne was already four.”

“I still would’ve taken you guys in. You know that.”

I swallowed hard. “Look, I know it was wrong of me to keep her a secret from you. But how the hell was I supposed to even bring this up? Just say, ‘hey, guess what? I stood you up all those years ago, but we have a daughter! Yay!’ Is that really how I was supposed to approach that?”

When he didn’t answer, I turned to look at him. And when I did, our faces were so close that I felt his breath pulsing against my lips. His warmth wrapped around me, beckoning me closer. And I wanted nothing more than to straddle him right there in the fucking living room. I raised my hand and cupped his cheek, my eyes dancing between his. I stroked his scruff, allowing my thumb just a taste of the man he had turned into after all these years.

“She really does have your eyes,” I whispered.

Then, his stare dropped to my lips. “She’s got your smile, though. I saw it in the picture.”

I couldn’t help myself. Before my rational mind could kick into gear, I leaned forward and closed the distance between the two of us. I pressed my tongue between his lips, demanding entrance as his hand cupped the back of my head. And as he pulled me into his lap, I slid my arms around his neck and reveled in how he felt.

He was strong and rife with muscles. His entire body blanketed me as his arms cloaked my back. His thickening girth pressed against my pussy with nothing but his pajama pants and my pajama shorts keeping us from one another. My head tilted off to the side as our teeth clattered together. He tasted like sunshine, hopefulness, and home.

But when we heard footsteps coming down the hallway, he slid me off to the side.

As if he were ashamed to have been kissing me.

“Ah, morning guys,” a woman said as she stretched her arms over her head.

“Morning time already, huh?” Tanner asked.

I cleared my throat. “I’m having trouble sleeping myself.”

The girl came over and extended her hand. “You must be Summer. I’m Molly.”

I looked over at Tanner and he nodded. “Molly, this is Summer, the mother of my child. Summer, this is Molly.”

I shook her hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Molly smiled brightly. “Likewise. And for what it’s worth, I’m with Cole.”

I released her hand. “Well, when I meet Cole, that’ll be good information to know.”

Tanner cleared his throat. “I’m gonna get back to my food over here. Molly, there’s some more out in the kitchen if you’re hungry for cajun shrimp alfredo.”

Molly hummed. “Oh, God. That sounds fantastic.”

And when I saw her hand settle against her stomach, I stood to my feet. “Do you know what you are having yet?”

Molly looked at me with wide eyes before Tanner sounded behind me. “Wait, do you guys know what the gender is?”

My eyes widened. “Fuck, I ruined it, didn’t I?”

Molly giggled as she placed her hand on my shoulder. “Not necessarily. We found out a couple of weeks ago. Things are a bit crazy with the crew right now, so we’ve been waiting to find a suitable time to talk about it with everyone.”

Tanner chuckled. “Well, congratulations to you both.”

I nodded. “Having a child is one of the hardest and most rewarding things you’ll ever do with your life.”

“Or so she says,” Tanner murmured.

The smile dropped from my face before Molly took my hand. “Why don’t you come into the kitchen with me? When Tanner says ‘leftovers’, that means there’s still enough to feed an army.”

Tanner snickered. “Have you seen the size of these guys around here? We practically are an army.”

I was relieved when we made our way toward the kitchen, though, because I needed a bit of space after that word vomit with the father of my child.

“I know this is gonna sound really weird,” Molly said as she searched for bowls, “but I honestly feel really safe here while being pregnant. So, you don’t have anything to worry about, okay?”

I shook my head. “I-I-I’m not worried.”

She giggled. “Says the woman who can’t sleep or string a sentence together.”

I sat down at the kitchen table. “I just can’t help but think that I’d be safer with my sister in Santa Barbara. She’s a detective.”

She filled up our bowls and set them on the table. “Nah, here with the guys is much better. They’ve designed this place to be a fortress of defense. If anyone attempts to attack us here, it would take them ages to walk through all of these hallways and navigate their way through it. Then, there’s all of the traps that have been laid that are triggered once someone initiates emergency protocols.”

My eyebrows rose. “Where am I, Guantanamo?”

She barked with laughter before she sat down, passing me a bottle of water. “We might as well be, right? I’d take here over that clubhouse any day of the week, to be honest. It’s much, much safer here. I promise, you’ll be just fine. Okay?”

And if she was pregnant with those kinds of feelings, then maybe I didn’t have anything to worry about. Maybe staying here was safer than going to Sloane’s.

Because if Sloane got involved for any reason, she’d find out everything that happened at The Body Shop. And I sure as hell didn’t want her getting into all of that.

I need to talk to Tanner later.

Molly and I ate together and talked until our bowls were empty and our water ran dry. And as soon as my favorite childhood meal settled into my stomach, I excused myself so I could go take a nap. Sleep had finally found me, and I didn’t want to waste any time in getting some shut-eye before I had to make the final decision on what would happen with Cheyenne.

But I didn’t get past the living room before Tanner rushed up to my side.

“Where you headed?” he asked.

I yawned. “Back to bed. I’m a bit tired.”

“Let me walk you back, then. That way, you can crash into bed and leave the door-closing to me.”

I smiled. “Oh, my hero.”

He chuckled. “That’s all I ever wanted to be.”

It took all I had not to start crying before I tumbled into his arms. I needed to stay strong and stand as tall as possible, because the fate of my life as well as my daughter’s life sat on my ability to stay as strong as possible. But when we got to my room, the only thing I thought about was pulling Tanner into bed with me.

Especially when he scooped me into his arms and kissed me again.

“Mmmm, God,” I moaned down the back of his throat.

He growled down the back of my own, sending shivers up my spine. He pinned me against the doorframe, cupping my cheeks and sucking on my lower lip as my knees quivered with weakness. I wanted to straddle him. I wanted to lose myself in him. I wanted to make love to him until it was time to go get Cheyenne.

But before our clothes started coming off, Tanner pulled back. “Get some rest, beautiful. I’ll see you when you wake up.”

And as all of my feelings for him rushed back, I watched as he walked away. Back down the hallway toward his room like he didn’t just bring me back to life with his lips.

Which made me wonder if any of this was a good idea in the first place.