(Sur)real

I considered the young woman facing me. Her cheek and some of the tissue around her left eye had already begun to swell. Yet, the swelling didn’t draw my attention as much as her eyes. Her pupils consumed her irises, leaving no hint of color. While humans likely found them unsettling, her eyes didn’t bother me. However, the way she had appeared at the Compound did.

According to Bethi, Blake felt driven to collect each of these gifted women. Her words had been proven true with each attack our group had suffered, and especially with the most recent attack Mary’s family suffered. Yet, somehow Olivia had been allowed to travel across the country to come to us and, as soon as we’d arrived, had asked us to kill the man with her. Why?

Does she seem anxious to you? Sam’s message interrupted my study of the young woman beside me.

Yes.

What are you thinking? he sent me.

That I’m suspicious of her purpose here.

“How long were you with Blake?” I asked Olivia.

Her gaze shifted slightly as if focusing on me.

“As long as I can remember. I was young. Maybe three or four.”

“That’s a very long time. Michelle saw you in a vision. She said you were treated well; your face says otherwise.”

“It doesn’t matter how I was treated. My purpose is all that matters.”

That doesn’t sound promising, Sam sent me. I agreed, but didn’t say so.

“And, what purpose would that be?” I asked.

“Completing the Judgement.”

Her anxiety notched up, but not because she lied. Her words rang with honesty. Yet, as I’d learned with Jim, honest words still held secrets. In this case, though, her anxiety seemed reasonable, given the level Bethi usually displayed when talking about anything relating to the Judgement. Still, what Olivia said disturbed me.

According to Bethi, completing the Judgement was Blake’s obsession. Why, then, would he have willingly let go of one of the Judgements? It didn’t make sense.

“I don’t understand why Blake allowed you to leave,” I said.

“He didn’t have a choice after the news aired.” She took a deep, slow breath. “I understand that you might not trust me because I’ve been with the Urbat for so long. And, there’s little I can say to persuade you otherwise. But, whether you trust me or not, know that I’m here because the Judgement needs to be made.”

“We need to head east,” Gabby interrupted. “It looks like they’re netting again.”

“Where’s Jim?” I asked.

“West,” she said in an unsure, subdued tone. “I don’t see how we can get to him without heading east first. It’s like the Urbat suddenly realized we were at the Compound.”

“Frank killed a woman a few hours ago,” Olivia said. “She’s probably been found by the humans and linked with the recent news of werewolves. That close to your home would have been enough to make the Urbat suspicious.”

The way she delivered that bit of information without any facial cues or changes in her scent worried me. She seemed too detached from the situation given the state of her swelling face and bruised neck. She had to feel something, didn’t she? That meant she was hiding her feelings, much like Carlos. Why? What didn’t she want us to know?

The sooner you find a vehicle, the better, I sent Jim. The Urbat discovered we were at the Compound and are netting around us like they are you.

Already found one, he sent back. What direction should we head?

South.

That’s a bit vague.

We’re not sure where we need to go yet.

Wandering around increases our chances of being found and makes it harder for Gabby to know where to watch. I say we pick someplace and change the location later if we need to.

I sighed. His wisdom was why we knew he would make a good Elder. His impetuousness and lack of humility were why we’d hesitated for so long.

I reached out to Sam and Grey at the same time.

We need to find a safe place to meet up with Jim. Grey, I’ll have Gabby text Michelle with Jim’s current location so you and Michelle can coordinate a place. Have Michelle continue working with Gabby via text messages so she knows where to watch.

Keeping conversation in your car quiet? Grey sent us.

Yes, I said, simply.

Don’t trust Olivia? Sam sent me.

No. Although her words were true about the deaths, there are too many lives at stake to trust blindly.

I focused my attention back to Olivia.

“Can you tell us more about the Urbat?” I asked.

“What would you like to know?”

Her soft, neutral tone carried no hint about her feelings regarding the Urbat.

“Tell me what they are like.”

“Hard. Motivated by the need to dominate everyone and everything.”

“Did you like living with them?”

Olivia’s lips twitched slightly, almost as if she wanted to smile. The sign of her humor when asking such a question increased my concern.

“Liking where I lived has never mattered. But, no, I did not like living with them.”

There was no animosity with the words. Just a calm delivery of truth. Why the almost smile, then?

“Did you have any friends where you were living? Michelle only saw Blake with you in her visions. But, when Blake’s complex was raided, the news reported signs of families,” I asked.

“Those females who lived there willingly were cruel and cold.”

“Willingly? They had women there who weren’t willing?”

“Yes. What do you think happened to your female cubs who went missing?” Again, her words were neither accusatory or sarcastic, just spoken as a simple question. But there was nothing simple about it.

“What do you mean?” I asked, a memory from long ago surfacing.

“I don’t know much about what happened before Blake found me. I’ve never been his confidant. Only his prize,” she said, her choice of words the first revealing piece of information about her relationship with the Urbat.

“But I do know that your shortage of females is because of the Urbat. They hunted the pregnant, Mated pairs and took any newborn females to raise as Urbat. The werewolf females weren’t treated as pureblood mates. Just breeders. And their half-breed male children, like Joshua, were only tolerated if they proved their loyalties to the Urbat. The half-breed female children were kept and allowed true Mates…if one came forward.”

The news stunned me. The deaths that had been reported during the early years of the Compound’s existence had caused everyone concern. Yet, we’d never attributed them to anything more than the males’ struggle to find Mates when females were so scarce. As the Elders, we’d created rules for the Introductions to ensure the males would feel they all had an equal chance at a female. When the reports of deaths had tapered off, we’d thought the problem solved.

“To keep the bloodlines from becoming too clouded, the half-breed males are only allowed pure Urbat mates. Any new female werewolf cubs are designated to pure Urbat males.”

“New?”

“Yes.”

My chest clenched painfully. I struggled to breathe. The Urbat had continued to murder our Mated pairs and kidnap our young right under my nose?

Our people, those cubs, should have reached out to us. Why didn’t they reach out? I sent to Sam.

I had no right to call myself an Elder. I’d failed my people. The constricting pain in my chest intensified. My heart struggled to beat.

Winifred, breathe. You did nothing wrong. It typically takes several months for the newborn’s link to find its way to us through their parents’ links. Perhaps, without their parents to guide them, they couldn’t reach out to us. Without that connection, we would never know.

The pain eased, and I took a calming breath.

“I’m sorry I’ve upset you,” Olivia said quietly.

Again, her scent contradicted her words. She wasn’t sorry; she was…nothing.

“Thank you,” I said to Olivia. “But it’s not your fault. You did not kill and murder my kind.”

What does she smell like to you? I sent Sam. He remained silent for several moments.

My first instinct is to say something sweet, like some kind of dessert. But there’s something lingering just beneath that. Something off. Almost sour. What does she smell like to you?

Nothing beyond the chemical smell of the shampoo and hand soap she last used, I sent back. No hint of any emotions, at all.

Olivia hadn’t shifted her gaze from me.

“How many of our women were there?” I asked.

“I’m not sure. I wasn’t allowed to see them. How long does Bethi usually sleep?” she asked, abruptly changing the subject.

While I wondered why Olivia was concerned about Bethi’s sleep schedule, Luke answered.

“It depends on her dream,” he said. He held her to his side, stilling her twitching with a reassuring brush of his hand over her arm.

“Why do you ask?” I asked.

“We need to make a decision quickly. Time is running out.” With that, Olivia turned her head and looked out the window. My eyes met Sam’s in the mirror.

She sounds a bit like Bethi, he sent me.

She did. But she neither felt nor smelled anything like Bethi at the moment.

“Sam, take the next right,” Gabby said, interrupting my thoughts.

“What do you see?” I asked. When I turned to look back at her, she was texting.

Gabby says we should head to Salt Lake City. I’ve let Jim know.

“There are several Urbat coming in from the east. We’ll cross paths if we continue going that direction here. We need to head south, but not too far. There are some waiting to the west, as if those to the east are driving us toward them.”

“They know you’re watching and will try to anticipate your moves,” Olivia said. “Watch the south. There are probably some moving away from the area they want you to go.”

“There are,” Gabby said. “But I haven’t fallen for that in the past and don’t plan to now.”

Clay made a slight noise, almost a laugh.

“I apologize. I only meant to help,” Olivia said.

OLIVIA…

The steady throb in my cheek helped distract me from the ache in my middle. Winifred’s obvious suspicion and Gabby’s dislike and mistrust shouldn’t have hurt me. I had a lifetime of it, after all. Yet, it did hurt. I belonged nowhere. With no one.

“No, I’m sorry,” Gabby said. “I haven’t been sleeping well and am a bit touchy about them finding us. A friend died because of me.”

“Not because of you,” Clay said.

“You need to stop blaming yourself, little one,” Luke said. “Isabelle doesn’t blame you.”

I could feel their connection, a history that brought them together as a closely-knit group. As much as I wished I could have the same, I knew it was better for everyone that I didn’t.

“I understand, Gabby. There’s no need to apologize.”

I continued my study of the grey swirls outside my window and struggled to keep my memories from pulling me into the past while waiting for Winifred to ask more questions about the Urbat.

“Is there anything you can tell us about them that will help us?” Winifred asked after a moment.

I turned away from the window to focus on her shape.

“Help you to do what?” I asked.

“To keep our people safe.”

Have courage. Tell her the truth, the Lady whispered from the grey.

I struggled to suppress the overwhelming despair that wanted to consume me.

“I’m sorry, but no one will be safe. Individuals change slowly. Even with time, we often resist change. With this Judgement, we will change the world. If we don’t complete the Judgement, the world will burn and everyone will die. If we do complete it, many will still die. There’s nothing that will keep anyone safe.”

“That’s what the Lady told me, too,” Bethi said. “About the world burning, I mean.”

I turned my head and saw the grey wisps of the Others dancing around her reclined form. She still leaned against her Mate, Luke. I envied her that connection.

“Well, in a past dream,” she said. “Not this one, though. We’re all together now. Instead of showing me what we need to do, she showed me one of your past lives. Do you know how many times you were left in the woods to die? I wanted to bitch-slap that last mom. She gave birth to you twice. Both times she took one look at you and brought you to the trees. Same damn spot. Your bones were still there from the first time. I had to feel your loneliness, hunger, and fear twice.”

Those were the very same emotions I struggled not to feel in this lifetime. My stomach growled, as if my body had heard that brief thought and took it as permission to react.

“I’m sorry,” I said, apologizing for the dreams and my stomach.

“When did you last eat?” Winifred asked.

“Several hours ago.” I didn’t clarify that it only had been a few pretzels and a candy bar the day before that.

Winifred bent to grab something. I listened to a slight rustling before she extended her arm toward me. I held out my hand and felt the smooth wrapper around some type of snack bar.

“Thank you,” I said.

“How long was I out this time?” Bethi asked as I unwrapped the food and took a hungry bite.

“Not long,” Luke said. “Maybe thirty minutes.”

She groaned, and he kissed her temple.

I looked out the window again while I chewed. The budding regret, loneliness, and appeased hunger died quickly under my focus.

“Do we know where we’re going yet?” Bethi asked.

“No,” Gabby said. “I’m just trying to keep the Urbat from finding us.”

“When you find somewhere that looks safe,” Bethi said, “we need to stop and talk with the other three Judgements. If what Olivia is saying is true, I want us to make up our minds so we can move on to the Judging part. I’m way past ready to be done with this crap.”

A small, neglected part of me cowered at the thought of making the final decision. Yet, I understood better than the rest the need for one. And, the faster, the better.

I swallowed my bite of the snack bar and quietly took another.