(Sur)real

“Don’t you have something better to do?” I asked Emmitt after Sam left with Winifred.

“Not really,” he said, lounging on the bed. He wore his sleep shorts and nothing else. The idea of Olivia walking in with him dressed like that set my teeth on edge. And the ass knew it. I could tell by the way he folded his hands behind his head and grinned at me.

I could play his game.

“Christmas is only a few days away, and the boys are in a strange hotel without their family. Are you having gifts sent over to them so they have something to open Christmas morning?” I asked.

Emmitt frowned, and I almost grinned. He was too easy to read and distract.

“That’s below the belt,” he said.

“I hear that’s where you like being hit.”

He sat up and ran a hand through his hair.

“I’m hoping we’ll be done with this before then. I miss the cubs. Michelle goes into the bathroom and cries at night. She thinks I don’t know, but I can feel it.”

“Is she calling them?”

“Yes. They’re having a blast with Paul. They swim and eat whatever they want and watch cartoons.”

“They’re safe. That’s the most important thing, even if this does take a while. Olivia keeps saying that Bethi has the answer. I’ll talk to Carlos and Isabelle and see if Isabelle can help Bethi figure out what that answer might be.”

Emmitt nodded and stood.

“I was being serious, you know,” he said.

“I know.”

“It would be better if you stayed away from Olivia. Sam told me he avoided being near Winifred for ten years after he saw her. Feeling her in his head was a comfort, but seeing her caused pain.”

I sighed.

“Maybe if things were different, that would be an option.” But we both knew I couldn’t avoid Olivia. Not with what Bethi and Olivia said was coming.

“Yeah. Just be careful. The boys need their Uncle Jim.”

After Emmitt left, I showered and changed. The pain in my chest had eased enough that I could breathe normally. It was getting harder to convince myself that what I felt for Olivia in some way benefited the pack. The way she’d touched me, what she’d said, the burst of interest in her scent, the way she’d leaned in and sighed like she’d found home…it had all pushed me too far. I wanted her and knew that want had nothing to do with helping the pack. And, I’d almost died because of it.

But now, I couldn’t get a new thought out of my head. Olivia said the Lady stacked the deck. Wouldn’t that then mean everything that was happening was supposed to happen? Not just with the girls, but with each of us, individually.

I frowned as I left the room and made my way to Isabelle’s. My mind circled back to the same questions. Why me? Why now?

Isabelle opened the door on the first knock.

“Do you have to be so damn loud with your emotion? Turn it off or I’m stealing it then kicking your ass.”

I grinned and immediately closed myself off.

“Sorry, Isabelle. Could I talk to you for a minute?”

“Sure. Come in.”

I stepped just inside the door but didn’t follow her as she walked further into the room and slid back into bed next to Carlos. The man watched me intently as he slid his arms around Isabelle.

“Olivia said Bethi’s dreamed the answer. Bethi’s saying all she’s dreaming is about death. I think she’s focusing on the wrong parts of the dreams because they are so upsetting. Could you talk to her? Calm her enough that she can maybe see past the death?” I asked.

“Yep,” she said, not even hesitating. “Carlos and I will need to take her somewhere else, though. I can’t spar for a while.” She lifted her arms to show the colorful array of bruises lining her forearms.

Taking Bethi somewhere else meant a remote location where Isabelle could release the emotions she pulled in, without risking hurting anyone else. It almost meant separating the group. They’d need an Elder to go with them.

“All right. Let me know, and I’ll go, too. The sooner the better,” I said.

She was already shaking her head before I finished.

“Not you. Grey’s better at blocking. We’ll take him. Probably Luke, too.” She grinned slightly. “He likes it when I hit him.”

“I doubt that,” Carlos said. “I’ve reached out to Grey. He’ll talk to Bethi and Luke. If they agree, we’ll leave in a bit.”

“Thank you.”

As soon as I stepped into the hall, I smelled muffins. My stomach growled, a reminder that I hadn’t eaten since before seeing Olivia.

Following my nose, I discovered most of the group in the breakfast area. Olivia, Michelle, and Gabby sat at a table of four near the window. The morning sun glinted off Olivia’s hair, a blonde so pale it almost seemed white. A small smile tugged at her lips as she listened to whatever Gabby was saying. If not for my heart thundering in my ears, I would have heard every word.

Thoughts of eating vanished. Like a man in a dream, I moved toward their table, seeing nothing else but my Mate.

Olivia turned, her gaze falling on me.

“Jim, are you all right now?”

“Yes.” I pulled out the open chair and sat across from her.

“I was just telling Olivia about the time you got me drunk in a bar,” Michelle said.

“That technically happened twice, didn’t it?” Gabby added.

“I was more careful the second time. I think most of that was Isabelle,” Michelle said.

The pair grinned at me. I smiled and leaned back in my chair.

“I’m pretty sure Emmitt’s on your tablet ordering Christmas gifts for the boys right now,” I said.

Michelle frowned, pushed her half-finished plate at me, then quickly left.

Gabby watched me with a hint of amusement.

“How are you going to get rid of me?” she asked.

I laughed.

“I’m going to ask you nicely. Can I please have a moment with Olivia?”

“I could use a nap anyway.” She stood, picking up her plate. “I know it’ll be hard for you, but be good, Jim.”

She walked away with her plate, heading back toward the rooms. From a table near the hall, Sam stood to follow her, giving me a parting look of warning. I noticed Henry sitting with Mom, Dad, and Uncle Grey. Grey winked at me and went back to his waffle.

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” Olivia said, drawing my attention again.

“You didn’t. The oath I took hurt me.”

Saying those words brought me back to the moment that I took the oath and the voice.

Power is granted until worthiness is lost. Death rewards self-interest.

The words hadn’t come from Winifred. I hadn’t given who the voice belonged to any thought at the time. The need to get to Mary’s family and the boys had consumed me. Yet, now, after everything that had happened and everything Olivia had said, I began to wonder. Had it been the Lady?

If so, what did it mean that she granted a few of our race the power and strength to guide our people?

“I’m still sorry you were hurt,” Olivia said.

I stared at her.

Death rewards self-interest.

My interest in Olivia was fated, orchestrated by a being that seemed to influence all. How then, could it be self-interest? It couldn’t.

I grinned widely.

OLIVIA…

Guilt wanted to nibble its way into my mind. I hated that what Jim felt for me had hurt him and that my connection with him would only bring him more pain. I wished I could see his face to know how he was looking at me right then. Was he angry? Frustrated? I couldn’t tell based off of his movements.

“We need to work on your memories,” Jim said, sounding different from how he had a moment ago.

I studied the shadows around him. They seemed the same, not giving me any clue as to the cause for Jim’s sudden change.

“What do you mean?”

“Your happy ones. You need more of them. Let’s do something fun today.”

Fun? We didn’t have time for fun.

“We need to—”

“Have fun,” he said. “Isabelle is going to try to help Bethi figure out what she’s missing in her dreams. We can’t do anything about the Judgement without that, right? And everyone else is doing their own thing while we wait. Emmitt and Michelle will be busy with Christmas shopping. Clay needs rest and Gabby.”

“We’re going to go see a movie,” Charlene said from across the room.

“We are?” Henry asked, sounding confused.

I smiled slightly as I understood what Jim and his family were doing. Giving me a chance to do something more than worry about what the next few days would bring. Would it be so terrible for me to take some time for myself? To experience a fun moment that I could hold onto during what would come next? I couldn’t recall a single fun moment in my life. Not one. And, I wanted one.

My heart gave an excited beat at the idea.

“What did you have in mind?” I asked Jim.

“Everything you’re doing is to save the world. Do you know what you’re saving?”

“No. I don’t. I didn’t leave Blake’s property until I came to find the other Judgements.”

“Would you like to see more? Let’s go downtown. It will be safe with all of the people around us. You can walk on crowded streets, shop, and eat dinner with me. What do you say?”

“Yes.”

Jim’s hand closed over mine, and he lifted it to his mouth. The brush of his lips against my fingers set my heart racing. I struggled to suppress what I felt and waited for Blake’s irritation. None came. I relaxed and let myself enjoy the moment.

“Finish eating, and I’ll walk you back to the room so you can change.”

He released my hand and set my fingers on my fork. My heart warmed at his consideration. While he finished what was left on Michelle’s plate, I finished my breakfast. It had to be the first meal I’d ever consumed to the last crumb.

He took our plates, threw them away, then came back to walk with me. As soon as we reached the hall, his fingers laced through mine. My pulse jumped again.

“Jim, you really shouldn’t do that.”

“I don’t mind sticky fingers,” he said. He surprised me by lifting my hand again. This time his lips didn’t brush my knuckles. His tongue swiped across the pads of my fingers. I shivered at the sensation.

“Please,” I said. “I’m having a hard time holding my reactions back. Blake will notice.”

“Good.” He kissed my fingers then started walking again, still holding my hand.

“Not good. If he grows suspicious, he’ll come here.”

“Let him.”

I let my anger free and tugged my hand from his grip. Jim stopped and inhaled deeply.

“Mmm, our first fight,” he said, stepping closer. “You smell delicious even when you’re angry. Let’s hurry through this part so we can get to the making up part.”

My mouth dropped open, and thoughts of lecturing about what would happen if Blake chose to come too soon evaporated.

“Why are you acting like this?” I said finally. “This isn’t you.”

He reached up and ran a finger down my cheek.

“Actually, this is the real me. I choose not to let serious situations rob life of its fun and beauty. Of its potential to be more than the current moments make us believe it will be. You’re right that we don’t know each other yet. But we will. Come on. Let’s get you changed.”

Embrace this moment, daughter, the Lady whispered.

He gently tugged on my hand, and with the Lady’s encouragement, I let him have his way.

In our room, he led me to my bag. Instead of letting me feel my way through the clothes, he took charge.

“What would you like to wear today?” he asked. “There’s a pretty pink sweater in here that feels soft.” He held up the sweater, looking at it. “It should be thick enough to hide the fact you’re not wearing a bra, too.”

A small noise escaped me.

“It’s okay. I like that you’re not wearing one.” His voice took on a husky tone. “A lot.” His fingers brushed over my collarbone and down a few inches, making my heart hammer. Before I could tell him to stop, he removed his hand.

“But, I don’t want all the other males to know.”

He turned away and pulled something else from the bag while I stood there with my mouth still hanging open.

“And these white leggings would look nice with it. Do you need help changing?”

“No.”

“You sure? With the cuts on your back, it must be hard lifting the shirt over your head. I could do that for you. With your back to me, of course.”

I breathed through my nose, trying to calm myself and collect my thoughts.

“You’re making my head spin,” I said.

“In a good way, I hope.”

“I’m not sure yet. I’m not used to this level of attention. You’re a bit overwhelming.”

“Overwhelming is better than underwhelming.”

I could hear the amusement in his words and smiled despite myself.

“I’m serious about the shirt. I don’t want you to hurt yourself changing,” he said.

“But, I don’t want you to hurt yourself by helping. You saw through my shirt and fell to the ground. I hugged you, and you fell to the ground. All of this time you’re spending at my feet is going to give me a complex.”

He laughed, a sound so full of humor that I couldn’t help but join in.

“I won’t fall down this time,” he promised as he gently turned me away from him.

He took the sweater from my hands and set it on the bed. Then, standing so close that I could feel the heat of him at my back, he gently eased my borrowed shirt up. His fingers skimmed my ribs, making me tremble again.

Not believing I was doing this, I carefully raised my arms and let him work the shirt over my head. With his help, I’d barely felt a twinge on my back. Yet, now I stood before him, bare from the waist up. Facing away, sure, but still in the same room. Still within reach. What would it feel like to have his fingers explore my skin now? I struggled to keep any hint of excitement from my mind and tried to think of something else. Something less dangerous.

“Here comes the new top,” he said. His voice seemed more growl than words.

“Are you okay?”

“I’ve never been better. You are so beautiful, Olivia. And, I’m grateful you’re mine.”

The last comment made me swallow hard. I couldn’t be his. Not the way he wanted. Pushing that thought aside, I focused on the first part he’d said.

“You’re staring at my scratched back and think I’m beautiful? You might need to get out more than I do.”

He chuckled.

“Lift your arms again.”

My heart skipped a beat when I did as he asked. His fingers drifted lightly up my sides, tracing the outside of my arms until he reached my hands. I fought not to let myself feel.

We were playing a dangerous game. Not just with the emotions I was struggling to keep at bay so Blake wouldn’t know, but with Jim’s safety. I didn’t understand how he wasn’t already on his knees gasping for air.

With care, he eased the sweater on. The soft, fuzzy material skimmed over my skin as he slowly drew it down. Unable to stop it, a shiver coursed through me. Everything felt too heightened and sensitive now. And I craved more.

When he finished, he eased my hair from the back of the sweater and set it over my shoulder. He moved closer, his legs brushing against my butt as the weight of his hands settled on my shoulders. I barely breathed, waiting for what he’d do next.

His lips grazed the exposed skin at the back of my neck just above the sweater.

I gasped.

He placed a lingering kiss there before moving to a new spot, just an inch above the first one.

With a strangled moan, I stepped forward, away from him and his tempting touch.

“If you keep doing that, I’m going to ask to stay with Winifred tonight and not go anywhere with you.” I couldn’t help the way my voice shook as I spoke. I was struggling.

He sighed heavily behind me.

“You’re right. Too soon.”