Solitaire

GRANDMA AND GRANDDAD have come round. The first time in months. We’re all at the dinner table and I’m trying not to catch eyes with anyone, but I keep seeing Mum glance concernedly toward Granddad and then glance concernedly toward Charlie. Dad’s sitting between Charlie and Oliver. I’m at the head of the table.

“Your mum’s told us you’ve got back onto the rugby team, Charlie,” says Granddad. When he talks, he leans forward like we can’t hear him, even though he speaks twice as loud as everyone else. I think that this is very stereotypical of Granddad. “It’s a blessing they let you back on. You really messed them around, what with all that time off.”

“Yeah, it was really nice of them,” says Charlie. He’s holding his knife and fork in his hands by the side of his plate.

“It feels like we haven’t seen Charlie for years,” says Grandma, “doesn’t it, Richard? Next time we see you, you’ll probably have a wife and children.”

Charlie forces himself to laugh politely.

“Would you pass me the Parmesan, Dad?” asks Mum.

Granddad passes the Parmesan. “A rugby team always needs a skinny one like yourself. To do the running, you understand. If you’d have eaten more earlier on, you would have grown big enough to be one of the proper players, but I suppose it’s too late for that now. I blame your parents, personally. More green vegetables at an early age.”

“You haven’t told us about your Oxford trip, Dad,” says Mum.

I look at the plate. It’s lasagna. I haven’t eaten anything yet.

I discreetly retrieve my phone from my pocket, and I have a message. I’d texted Lucas earlier.

(15:23) Tori Spring

look i’m really really sorry

(18:53) Lucas Ryan

It’s fine x

(19:06) Tori Spring

quite clearly it’s not

(19:18) i’m so sorry

(19:22) Lucas Ryan

It’s not even about that tbh x

(19:29) Tori Spring

well why are you avoiding me then

Dad’s finished his dinner, but I’ve been taking it slow for Charlie.

“How are you getting along, Tori?” asks Grandma. “Enjoying Sixth Form?”

“Yes, yeah.” I smile at her. “It’s great.”

“They must treat you like adults now.”

“Oh, yes, yeah.”

(19:42) Tori Spring

you at least need to tell me why

“And your lessons are interesting?”

“Yes, very.”

“Thought much about university?”

I smile. “No, not really.”

Grandma nods.

“You should start thinking,” Granddad grumbles. “Important life decisions. One wrong move and you could end up in an office for the rest of your life. Like me.”

“How’s Becky?” asks Grandma. “She’s such a lovely girl. It would be nice if you could keep in touch when you leave.”

“She’s fine, yeah. She’s good.”

“Such beautiful long hair.”

(19:45) Lucas Ryan

Can you meet me in town tonight? x

“How about you, Charlie? Have you been thinking about Sixth Form? Subjects-wise?”

“Erm, yeah, well, I’ll definitely do classics, and probably English, but apart from that I’m not really sure. Maybe PE or something. Or psychology.”

“Where are you going to apply?”

“Higgs, I think.”

“Higgs?”

“Harvey Greene. Tori’s school.”

Grandma nods. “I see.”

“An all-girls school?” Granddad scoffs. “You won’t find any discipline there. A growing boy needs discipline.”

My fork makes a loud noise on my plate. Granddad’s eyes flicker toward me, and then back at Charlie.

“You’ve made some good strong friends at that school. Why are you leaving them?”

“I’ll see them outside of school.”

“Your friend, Nicholas, he’s at Truham Sixth Form currently, is he not?”

“Yeah.”

“So you don’t want to be with him?”

Charlie nearly chokes on his food. “It’s not that; I just think that Higgs is a better school.”

Granddad shakes his head. “Education. What’s that compared to friendship?”

I can’t take any more of this and I’m getting much too angry, so I ask to be excused with a stomachache. As I leave, I hear Granddad say:

“Girl’s got a weak stomach. Just like her brother.”

I arrive first. It’s snowing again. I sit at a table outside Café Rivière. We agreed to meet at 9:00 p.m., and it’s just gone ten to. The street is empty and the river quiet, but a faint echo of one of those indie bands—maybe Noah and the Whale or Fleet Foxes or Foals or The xx or someone like that, I can never tell the difference anymore—is drifting out of an open window above my head. The music continues to play while I wait for Lucas.

I wait until 9:00 p.m. Then I wait until 9:15 p.m. Then I wait until 9:30 p.m.

At 10:07 p.m., my phone vibrates.

(22:07) Lucas Ryan

Sorry x

I look at the message for a long time. At the single word without a full stop, at the tiny, meaningless x.

I place my phone on the table and look up at the sky. The sky always seems to be lighter when it’s snowing. I breathe out. A cloud of dragon breath sails above my head.

Then I stand up and start to walk home.