Sin and Redemption

When I tried to contact Sara to ask her about a meeting under the pretense of having to discuss our future living arrangements—which was only one reason—I realized I didn’t even have her number. And why the fuck would I have it?

We had been distant acquaintances until the damn Russians had turned our lives upside down and turned me into something I’d never wanted to be. Sara and I still were mere acquaintances, only now with a dark past and a difficult future. Fuck it.

I contacted Romero, and after I told him the real reason I wanted to see his daughter, he actually gave me her number. I’d expected that he’d make the arrangements for me.

I stared down at my phone, not sure how to begin a message to Sara.

Everything I phrased in my head sounded either creepy, too formal, or like a fucking sap.

“Get a grip, man,” I muttered and slapped my thighs. “You can do it.”

Bacon raised his head from his paws, tilted his head to the side, and gave me his concerned dog stare.

Hey Sara, (It was sad how long it took me to settle for this greeting.)

This is Maximus. (I almost added Trevisan, but given our past and the lack of other people with that name in our circles, it would have made me look like more of a fool.)

Your father gave me your number. (To show her I had permission.)

Can we meet at your home to discuss where we’ll live after our wedding?

Thanks, (This one was the hardest. Any kind of affectionate ending was out of the question, but I could hardly write Kind regards or something equally fucked up.)

I sent it off and got up, waving Bacon over. “Come on, boy, let’s go on a walk.”

I needed to clear my head and not spend the next hours looking at my phone. Maybe Sara was too shocked by a direct message from me to reply right away.

We crossed the driveway on our way to our favorite trail through the woods, which began right behind my parents’ house.

My phone beeped, stalling me in my tracks.

It was a message from Sara.

Of course. You can come over this afternoon at 4 if you have time.

I do. See you then.

I glanced at my watch. It was noon. I was sweaty from working in the shelter all morning. The drive into the city in the afternoon would take me about an hour, so I’d have to cut my walk short to get ready.

I arrived at the Cancio home with five minutes to spare. I stuffed the small velvet box with the engagement ring into my pants pocket. I’d chosen khaki-colored chinos and a dress shirt to look put together. Handing over a ring wasn’t something I wanted to do in a tee and jeans.

Liliana opened the door for me. This time, Sara’s younger sisters were present too. They eyed me curiously when I stepped in. I wasn’t sure how much they knew, but given their age and their friendly attitude, probably not much. Like all the Cancio daughters, they had inherited Liliana’s beauty.

Sara came down the staircase shortly after my arrival. She was dressed in dark jeans and a very soft-looking cream-colored sweater. Her hair was up in a high ponytail, and she wasn’t wearing any makeup, so the dark rings under her eyes were very prominent. My stomach tightened.

She gave me a tight smile as she stopped at the base of the stairs, then tugged a not-there strand behind her ear. “Hi.”

“Hi, Sara.”

“Would you like to go into the living room?” Liliana asked.

Sara nodded, and I motioned the women to go ahead. They did. I didn’t see Romero or Flavio anywhere, but I couldn’t imagine that they left their women unprotected.

Sara took a seat on one of the plush armchairs. I was glad. If she’d chosen the sofa, I would have wondered if I should sit beside her. This way, she didn’t give me the option.

I sank down on the armchair beside hers.

Her sisters quickly perched on the sofa, looking excited.

“Inessa, Alea,” Liliana said sternly. “I’m sure Sara and Maximus want some privacy.” She looked at us. I looked at Sara. That was her decision, not mine.

Sara gave a slight nod.

“We’ll be in the kitchen if you need anything,” Liliana said.

“But, Mom, we want to get to know the man Sara marries!” the older one complained, pouting.

Liliana’s stern expression didn’t change her petulant attitude.

“Inessa,” Sara said in a voice that reminded me of my mother’s when she’d given Primo and me a lecture as children. “You’ll have enough time to get to know him. Now you need to leave.”

Inessa stood with a deep sigh, then they all disappeared. Sara would be a good mother if she could ever get over the fact that the kid was mine.

Silence cloaked the room, and I had to resist the urge to open the top buttons of my shirt because it felt like the thing was trying to strangle me.

“Listen,” I began in a quiet voice. The natural roughness and depth of my voice attracted many women, but it also carried an air of dominance and brutality, so I tried to soften it for Sara’s benefit. “I’m not like that, like what happened. You don’t have to worry. You’re safe.”

Sara’s face turned red, and she avoided my eyes. “I know. We don’t need to talk about what happened. It’s over.”

Her voice was clipped. I nodded. Fuck, I had absolutely no wish to talk about it, but I just wanted to reassure her. She would never have reason to fear me, even if she probably did after what happened.

She cleared her throat, and so did I.

“You—” she began.

“I—” I shut up.

She motioned for me to go on.

“I came here to talk about our future home with you.” I needed a bit more time to gather my courage to give her the ring. I wasn’t sure why I was acting like a goddamn pussy around Sara. That wasn’t me.

She looked at me. “You live with your parents, right?”

“Yes, I do.”

“I’m sorry you’ll have to move out because of me.”

I frowned. “You’ll have to move out of your parents’ house too.”

“I know, but I had plenty of time to prepare. This wedding was set a long time ago. But this is new for you.”

“I’ll be fine. The way to work is too long anyway. A city apartment will be better.”

“Oh, sure. You don’t want a house?”

“To be honest, I don’t think there’s enough time to find a house. Less than six weeks is not much time unless you’re ready to spend thirty million, which I would do if I had it.”

She gave me a small, understanding smile. “It’s not much time, yes. So you think it’s enough time to find an apartment?”

“I know a few Famiglia apartments are on the market, so I was thinking we could take one of them for now. We can still find a better place later. When…when the baby’s born.”

She looked down at her still flat belly and gave a small nod. “That sounds reasonable. You’re actually more reasonable than I’d expected.” Her admittance stunned me.

“Why? Why wouldn’t I be able to make reasonable decisions?”

Sara looked seriously embarrassed. “I didn’t mean to offend you. It’s just you and Amo have your reputation. With the parties and the girls. And…” Her gaze lingered on the tattoos on my hands.

“I don’t look like husband material to you?” I asked, mildly amused.

She raised her eyes to the ceiling. “I don’t know. I’m talking nonsense.”

“No, you’re fine.” I was relieved that we’d managed to have a halfway decent conversation. Fuck, I wouldn’t have dared to dream that was possible.

She lowered her gaze back to my face. “I have one request.”

“Sure, anything,” I said.

“I want to live as closely to my parents as possible, so whatever apartment is nearest, I’d like to pick that one.”

I hadn’t looked at the apartments in detail. There had been eight on the market.

“Okay. I don’t mind. I can check the addresses and send you the link to the portfolio.”

“Sounds good.”

Silence fell between us. I cleared my throat again, then after a quick glance at her fingers, which confirmed that she wasn’t wearing Paolo’s ring anymore, I pulled the box out of my pocket. Sara angled her body my way. So far, she’d been sideways. She regarded the box with widened eyes. “Is this…?” She raised her eyes to mine.

I opened the box, showing her the ring. “Should I get on my knees?” I wanted to kick my stupid ass.

Sara bit her lip, obviously amused. “No, don’t. You didn’t have to get me a ring. I would have been fine.”

“You’re now engaged to me, and I want people to know. I want you to carry a sign of our engagement to show you that I’m committed.”

“That’s nice.” She held out her hand palm up. I put the box in her palm. I would have liked to put the ring on her finger, but I assumed her gesture meant she didn’t want that.

I respected that.

She didn’t put the ring on right away, and I didn’t ask her to, even if I really wanted her to wear it

Sara

The ring was beautiful. If I was being honest, it was more beautiful than the one Paolo had given me. His had been too big, too obvious, as if he wanted everyone to see how much money he’d spent. Maximus’s choice was more subdued and definitely more my style. The diamond was embedded into the yellow gold band. I preferred this style as it was more practical in daily life. I didn’t care if it wasn’t as expensive as the one Paolo had chosen. I hadn’t even expected an engagement ring from him. It wasn’t as if we had a standard courtship.

Maximus watched me closely as I fumbled with the box in my hand. Maybe he wanted me to put it on right away? I took out the ring and pushed it onto my finger. Surprise washed over me at how perfectly it fit.

“Isabella and my mother helped me pick the right one,” Maximus said.

“Oh? I’ll have to thank them.”

“You should,” he said.

“And thank you.”

He waved me off. “I’m glad you like it.”

Suddenly, something dawned on me. “I never thought about changing the wedding bands…Paolo and I picked them out a while back.” It had been a difficult process because Paolo wanted a big wedding ring for me too, but eventually, I’d convinced him of a less flashy piece. His choice, however, was quite prominent, not to mention that Maximus’s fingers were much bigger.

“I’d prefer it if we picked new rings. You will be my wife. I don’t want any signs of your previous fiancé on your body.” He snapped his lips shut, his expression tight with regret. It was the first time he was less restrained and showed a possessive streak. Although I appreciated his attempt to appear calm and reserved in my company, I had seen a different side of him when he’d almost ripped the cage out of the ceiling, fueled by rage.

I nodded. I was still so wrapped up in my own life, in all the changes I was met with, I hadn’t even stopped to think how that would make Maximus feel. I had tried not to think about him at all. “Of course. I don’t mind. I’m not emotionally attached to the other ring.”

“Good. So we’re picking new rings and a place to call home.”

A place to call home. I’d already dreaded moving out when I’d thought I’d move into Paolo’s house that he’d inherited, but now that it meant living under the same roof as Maximus, I was close to panic. I didn’t worry that he’d hurt me. I worried how being faced with him every day would allow me to pretend nothing had happened.

Soon, you’ll have a child who’ll be another reminder.

Could I ever look at him and the child and not think about the past?