Sin and Redemption

When I woke the following morning, I stared at the ceiling for a while, simply enjoying the moment. Today was Saturday, and Maximus had plans to help his parents in the shelter again. I decided to ask him if I could join him. I wanted to make more of an effort not just with Maximus but also with his parents. I had rarely seen them since our wedding, and I felt guilty for it. They probably thought I didn’t like them, which wasn’t true. They had been kind to me, and I wanted to get to know them better.

I glanced at the clock on my wall. It was only seven o’clock, but in the past, Maximus had always left around nine to visit them and dropped me off at my parents on the way there.

I got out of bed. Despite my nerves, I went in search of Maximus. Today was still the highest chance of conception. At the thought of repeating last night, my body warmed, and my core clenched. I was looking forward to Maximus’s touch.

For the first time, the reason I wanted Maximus’s closeness wasn’t centered around having a baby. My body was lusting for his touch, for his lips and tongue. Strangely enough, last night had felt like a liberation. It had cut through one of the shackles of the past that had bound me. I never thought enjoying Maximus’s touch would help me with the past, but it did. I hadn’t even been haunted by nightmares. The two previous times of us having sex to get me pregnant had triggered me into some of my worst nightmares as of yet, but last night, there was absolutely nothing. I hadn’t dreamed at all. A sense of accomplishment filled me. It felt like a small victory against the past and what my head made me want to believe about myself since the incident.

I knew there would still be bad nights and days. The past couldn’t just easily be shaken off, but I felt new hope that I could give my future a new, positive twist.

I went to Maximus’s bedroom. The door was open a gap. I knocked and stepped in, then froze when I spotted Maximus. He only had a towel wrapped around his hips and was naked otherwise. He was toweling his wet hair. I allowed myself to admire his body. He worked out almost every day, and it showed in every inch of his body, from his bulging biceps, over his broad chest to his six-pack and round ass. Even his tattoos hardly bothered me. They were artfully done, especially the forest scene on his right pec and shoulder: intricate firs and broad-leafed trees, a small meadow and a creek. It reminded me of the forest at his parents’ house.

Maximus raised his eyebrows in surprise. “I hit the treadmill early, so I had to shower again. What’s up?”

My face turned hot. His eyes took in my blush, then briefly slid over my body. I still wore my silk nightgown, which probably didn’t hide my hardened nipples. My body felt foreign in its newfound lustfulness.

“I’m still fertile…so…” I trailed off when Maximus’s expression hardened. Talking about fertility always pushed his buttons. I wasn’t sure why it triggered him so much. After all, I’d made it clear from the start that I wanted sex to become pregnant—even if I had enjoyed last night tremendously.

“Now?” he asked, tossing the towel he’d used to dry his hair away. I followed its descent to the floor. Maximus was such a slob.

I nodded. “If that’s okay for you?”

“I told you, I’ll do whatever you need me to do.”

He lowered his arms to his sides and waited for me to say something. I wanted him to enjoy it too. I didn’t want him to do it only for me. That was a new development I hadn’t expected.

“Then I want us to do it now,” I said firmly.

Maximus glanced toward the window. The sheer curtains protected us from the outside, but they let in the sunlight. “I can close the drapes if you want darkness.”

I quickly shook my head. “No, it’s fine this way.”

Even if having Maximus’s eyes on me was new and embarrassed me, it also added to the excitement.

“In my bed?” Maximus motioned at his bed. It was unmade, not that it mattered. For what we had in mind, it didn’t need to be made.

I smiled, feeling unsure how to proceed. Did Maximus want me to act?

He took the decision from me and came toward me. He lightly touched my waist as he lowered his lips to mine. I immediately stepped up on my tiptoes to make it easier for him. His tongue sought entrance and I closed my eyes. Soon he deepened the kiss while his hands massaged my waist. I wanted them higher and lower. I wanted them everywhere. As if he could read my mind, or maybe my body, one of his hands moved down and under my nightgown. My panties were soaked and when he slid his fingers under them to stroke my heated flesh a new wave of wetness pooled out of me. “Sara.”

His low rumble of my name when he felt how aroused I was only made me more desperate for more. Maximus took my hand and led me toward his bed. I sat on the edge, waiting for him to join me but instead he knelt on the floor and pushed up my nightgown. “Lie back and lift your hips.”

I did both and when he pulled my panties down, my body was already brimming with joyful anticipation.

Like last night, Maximus took care of me first. And he didn’t rush things either. With his head buried between my legs, his lips, tongue and fingers made me forget everything around me. My body was sweaty, and the spot between my legs swollen and soppy from three orgasms before he got to his feet again. He dropped his towel, and my lips parted in surprise at the sight of his erection. My eyes moved up to the tattoos on his shoulders and chest, wondering why I had been so against tattoos before.

Apart from the inked “Nemesis” on his hand, the Famiglia tattoos were the only words on his body:

Born in Blood,

Sworn in Blood,

I enter alive

and I’ll leave dead.

They were written in cursive on his left pec and the head of a pitbull adorned his left bicep. The forest scene that sleeved his right arm, shoulder and pec was my favorite. Though they were all beautiful tattoos and made Maximus look magnificent. I couldn’t imagine him without them.

Realizing how long I’d stared, I quickly scooted up, and he climbed between my legs. He was still careful as he slid into me, but soon his motions became faster and harder.

Afterward, he didn’t immediately get up. He lay on his back beside me and stared up at the ceiling, his chest heaving.

I lowered my hips after a while, hoping this fertile window would give me what I wanted. I slanted Maximus a look. His expression was unreadable, but I was fairly sure it wasn’t happy.

“Would you mind if I came to your parents’ with you today? Maybe I can help in some way that doesn’t involve handling any dogs?”

Maximus turned his head to me, surprise taking over his face. His amber eyes were even more breathtaking when they weren’t swirling with darkness. “You sure? I thought you made plans with your family?” I’d never noticed it before, but when he said “your family,” his tone definitely changed. I knew his relationship with my family was as distant as mine with his. Again, it was my fault. Well, and Flavio wasn’t fond of Maximus because of what had happened and I’d never been brave enough to talk to him about it.

“Maybe we could go to them tomorrow for dinner?”

Maximus nodded. He regarded me as if he was trying to understand me. I gave him a small smile. Something changed last night, and I really wanted to make an effort with Maximus. If I got pregnant, I wanted our child to have parents who weren’t mere strangers. I didn’t want to get my hopes up that we might be able to create a marriage like my parents had.

Maximus’s eyes sought the clock on the wall, and he grimaced. “We’ll be late if we don’t hurry.”

We both hurried toward our respective bathroom, and for the first time, I wondered if it wouldn’t be nice to shower together after sex.

I put on sturdy jeans and a sweater plus a pair of old leather boots. I really wanted to help Maximus and his family in the shelter today, and pretty clothes wouldn’t be practical. Maximus waited for me in front of the entrance door when I grabbed my raincoat. The weather was still quite unpredictable, and I didn’t want to risk getting a cold. That probably wouldn’t help with a possible pregnancy.

Maximus too was dressed for a day of hard manual work. He wore blue jeans, a casual, tight white T-shirt, a half-unbuttoned checkered flannel shirt, and a weathered brown-lined leather jacket. He held a cap in his hand but put his on when I reached him. “Ready?”

I wasn’t sure why I did it, but I reached for his chin, brushing over the growing beard. “This doesn’t qualify as a three-day stubble anymore. Are you growing a beard?”

I lowered my hand, embarrassed that I’d touched him like that, which didn’t really make sense, considering we had just slept with each other. But this felt more intimate in certain ways.

“I’m not sure yet. I kind of like it. I’m not sure I’m the beard type.”

“It suits you,” I said with a small smile, then quickly looked at my watch. “We’ll definitely be late.”

On our ride to the shelter, which took us roughly thirty minutes since the streets weren’t jammed, I was nervous. As with Maximus, my relationship with his parents and brother had been distant. I hadn’t really tried to see them outside of social functions or the obligatory duty visits on Christmas, Easter, and the respective birthdays. They would be surprised to see me today. Building new relationships still made me feel insecure, especially since we’d started off on the wrong foot.

Growl and Primo were already outside, building a dog hut in a small barn with the doors open. They greeted us with a brief wave when we got out.

“Mom’s inside, preparing a second breakfast since you were too late for the first,” Primo said pointedly.

I flushed. His gaze moved from me to Maximus and he cocked an eyebrow. I hoped they didn’t share any intimate details.

Maximus waved him off. “Don’t pretend you won’t be hungry for a second breakfast in no time.”

Growl tapped Primo’s shoulder. “Let’s focus on this. Stop teasing your brother.”

Maximus touched my lower back and guided me into the house. Cara was hustling in the kitchen, making sandwiches and baking muffins.

“I’m not a great baker, but I reckon I can’t do much wrong with chocolate muffins, right?” She came toward me with a warm smile and pulled me into a hug. “We’re so happy that you could join us today.”

“I’m sorry it took me so long,” I whispered.

She shook her head and squeezed my shoulder with an even warmer smile before she moved on to Maximus and cupped his face with a motherly look. “A beard?”

Watching Cara treat Maximus with motherly tenderness reminded me of what Isa had said: that Maximus might also be dealing with trauma. I knew I was asking a lot from him without giving him much in return, and I promised myself to pay more attention to his little signs.

He patted her hands and gently removed them. “I think your muffins are done.”

She turned around to the oven and pulled out the muffin tin. None of the tiny cakes had risen from their molds. A glance at them told me they were way too dense.

Cara sighed. “This doesn’t look good.”

“They don’t have to look good. They just have to taste good,” Maximus said, taking out a muffin despite his mother’s warning that it was hot. He took a bite, then chewed heavily before he gave his mother a grimace.

“Not good?” she asked. He shook his head and swallowed in a way that suggested the dough was as dry as desert sand.

“Would you like me to bake chocolate cookies? I have a foolproof recipe with sea salt and macadamia nuts.”

“I’m outside helping my dad and brother,” Maximus informed me, pausing as if there was more he wanted to say before he left.

Cara helped me gather all the ingredients, and I whipped up the batter in ten minutes.

“Tea?” she asked.

Together, we settled at the kitchen table with two mugs of tea as we waited for the cookies to bake. Outside, a chainsaw roared up, followed by the screech of it biting into wood.

The barking of dogs from upstairs reminded me that Maximus and his family always locked away their dogs when I came to visit. Now that I’d decided to become a more active part of the Trevisan family, I had to get used to their dogs.

“You can let them out of their prison,” I said with an embarrassed laugh.

Cara seemed surprised by the suggestion. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

“If I don’t face my fears, they won’t go away.” Last night had shown me that. I knew it wasn’t as easy as that and certainly not something that happened from one day to the other, but I had to start somewhere.

The oven beeped. I got up and removed the perfect chocolate cookies from the oven, setting them on the stove.

“Are you sure?” Cara asked as she hovered in the doorway.

“Yes.”

She disappeared, followed by the soft creak of the wooden floorboards upstairs. Excited barking rang out, followed by the sound of paws rushing down the stairs. My heart rate picked up, and I had to force myself to stand still and not let panic get the better of me.

To my relief, the dogs barely spared me a glance. Instead, they all rushed out through the doggy door. I glanced out of the kitchen window to watch them greet Maximus excitedly. Especially the huge white dog, Bacon, almost ran him over in his excitement, which wasn’t an easy feat. Maximus laughed, his face transforming to contentment. Then as if he remembered that I was here with him, a frown took over his expression, and he looked toward me. He nodded toward the house as he said something to his father and brother, then he approached the front door.

Shortly after he stepped into the kitchen, still with his shoes on. It always bothered me. I knew Cara and Growl didn’t mind. They said the dogs used the same paws inside and outside so dirt got in anyway, but I had been raised that shoes didn’t belong inside the house.

“Are you okay?” Maximus asked. Cara, who had been busy preparing coffee for a cookie and coffee break for the men, sent him a frustrated look. “Sara asked me to release the dogs. She wants to get to know them.”

Getting to know them. Well, I would be happy if my body didn’t automatically jump to flight mode whenever a dog came my way.

I gave him a smile. “It’s true. I have to get used to them.”

I could tell by the warm look in Maximus eyes how much he appreciated my willingness. Bacon came inside to be with Maximus and approached me curiously. His tail wagged lightly and he sniffed at my legs carefully.

“If you want, you can hold your hand out to him. It’s a friendly way of saying hi to a dog.”

I extended my hand, which shook slightly. Maximus came to my side. Bacon pressed up to him excitedly again before he sniffed my fingers with mild interest. I was surprised the other dogs hadn’t joined him yet, but I assumed that Maximus had asked his brother and father to keep them outside.

“I used to be terrified of Ryan’s dogs. You remind me of my past self,” Cara said.

“I really can’t imagine you being afraid of dogs,” I said. I knew the story of how Growl had received Cara as a sort of gift by the crazy former Capo of the Camorra. I wasn’t sure how they had made it work. It seemed like a difficult thing to overcome.

Maximus reached past me for a cookie, and his arm brushed mine, sending a pleasant shiver through my body. Our gazes locked, then he straightened and took a bite from the cookie.

“Oh, and the potter’s wheels and the oven arrived,” Cara said.

My eyes widened. I had completely forgotten that Maximus wanted to get them. “Potter’s wheels?”

“I ordered two,” Maximus said with a shrug. “One for our apartment and one for here, in case you ever feel like doing pottery when we’re visiting.”

I stood on my tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Thank you.”

Cara quickly retreated and pretended to be busy with something in the pantry. Maximus put an arm around my back and kissed my lips as if it was the most natural thing in our marriage, and surprisingly it didn’t feel strange at all. “You’re welcome.”

He released me and I had to resist the urge to touch my lips.

“Do you want us to look at them?”

Fifteen minutes later, Primo and Maximus were cursing as they were trying to put up the heavy pottery wheel in the barn. I knew a new round of curses would follow once they tried to put the second wheel on the bed of Maximus’s truck.

Something wet touched my hand. I jumped in surprise. Bacon stood beside me and had touched his nose to my palm. I swallowed, then held out my hand to him. He sniffed then licked over it. I giggled. I’d have to remember to wash my hand later. But it was kind of a sweet gesture of the dog, almost as if he was trying to become my friend. I lightly patted his back how Maximus had shown me and Bacon sat down beside me. Well, he planted his butt right on top of my boot and pressed his side against my leg.

“If he gets too heavy, just shove him away. I think he’s taking a shining to you,” Maximus said as he entered the kitchen followed by his brother.

“Just wait until he prefers her and doesn’t let you get into bed with her,” Primo said with a laugh.

A look passed between Maximus and I. We still didn’t share a bed, but maybe it was time to change that.