Shattered Hearts A MFM Love Story

~ ~ Jackson ~ ~

As the hours crawled on, I felt the inkling of a tiny headache. Rubbing my forehead, Logan must have seen the change in me and started fussing. I was glad Maddy was out of the room, in the kitchen with Riley Jo. “I’m fine, just tired is all.”

He sighed, raking a hand through his hair. “Sorry, I just—”

“—It’s fine Logan. You don’t have to be worried ’bout me all the time.”

This was what I wanted to avoid.

“Okay—okay.” He held his hands up. “Just please, let Maddy be there for you. She wants to be there for you.”

“Yeah, sure,” I got up off the sofa and he grabbed my stick for me. “Thanks,” I took it from him. “I’m gonna lie down for a while.”

“Do you—” he stopped himself. “Shout if you need anything.”

Finally. Alone.

Shutting the door, I rested against it letting my eyes soak in my bedroom. Nothing had changed. Everything was just how I remembered. Making my way over to the bed, I sat down. Propping my stick against the bedside table, I toed off my shoes and moved to lie down.

It felt good being back in my bed, but my head hadn’t been on the pillow for more than two minutes before I heard a soft tap at my door. I dragged my hand down my face. “I’m decent,” I called out.

The door creaked open and a blonde head of hair slipped inside. “Is it okay to come in?”

Well, there went my alone time.

I tried to sit up, my body aching and movements lethargic. “Sure, Princess. You can come in.”

A little hesitant, she came in and shut the door behind her. She moved to the foot of the bed and hooked her thumbs into her jeans shorts pockets, rocking slightly on her heels, waiting for me to say something.

“Did you want something?” I asked. “I was just gonna lie here and shut my eyes for a while.”

“Oh. Oh, right. Yeah.” she gestured with a thumb over her shoulder. “I should let you do that.”

Again I felt bad. She looked like I just kicked her favourite puppy. “No. You can stay if you like. Lie with me.”

Her face lit up. “I’d really like that, Jackson.”

Maddy slipped off her shoes, and I lay back down and she moved onto the bed, lying on her side, facing me. “Is this okay?” she asked.

“You can come closer, Princess. You won’t break me.”

“Oh. Okay.” She shuffled closer and rested her hand on my chest. “And this—is this okay?”

I stared up at the ceiling. “Yeah. You’re good.”

Not really wanting to talk, I shut my eyes.

“I missed you so much, Jackson,” she whispered.

Keeping my eyes closed. “Well, I’m back now.”

“I need you to know, Jackson. I’m not going anywhere. I would never just up and leave you. Hurt you.”

I knew why she was saying this. It went back to that day. The day everything changed.

Another minute went by before she said, “And I also need you to know that I love you.”

She loved me? She was telling me she loved me. Now? When I’d hardly said a kind word to her in the two weeks.

I opened my eyes and turned my head toward her. A slight flush of colour crept up her neck and stained her cheeks. And this should have been the moment where I told how much I loved her, but the words lodged somewhere in my throat.

I wanted to say them back.

I did. But I just couldn’t.

Maddy carried on regardless of my blank expression and lost words.

“And I know you might not think I mean it. Or I’m only saying it because of what’s happened to you. But I do, and nothing you do or say will ever change that. I’m just sorry I didn’t tell you that day—”

Again, that day. Memories spun through my mind, but I refused to think back on that day when I’d be pushing her to say she would leave me. Accusing her of being just like my ma.

Maddy waited for some reaction. For me to say something—anything. Unable to hold her stare, I said. “You should go find Logan.” And before I could see the hurt in her eyes, I turned my head and shut mine.

I woke up with a startled jump and my eyes popped open, not knowing where I was. Blinking a few times my room came into focus. I was back home.

The light cracked the window and I knew it was somewhere around five without having to check the time. My whole life I’d been getting up this early. It was like my internal alarm clock was infallible.

I’d never liked routine or predictability, but now, those things actually felt pretty good.

I wasn’t, however, surprised to wake and find Maddy gone, but I had one surprise this morning. For the first time in a long time, I woke up with an erection. I’d been dreaming about Maddy and Logan together and now I was plagued by the odd desire to jerk myself off at the thought of her with Logan. More specifically, them having sex whilst I watched.

It wasn’t some kind of guilty pleasure and honestly, it just felt weird and wrong. And as I tried to go back to sleep, I couldn’t shake the image or get rid of my morning wood.

So I let myself ask the question I hadn’t dared yet to say out loud.

Had they had sex? Had Maddy given him her virginity?

Should it matter if she had?

It wasn’t like I’d been around.

More images paraded themselves. Taunting me. Maddy bucking on his dick, riding my brother hard, begging him for more.

I grumbled, moving to sit up. Looking at the clock, I’d been right. It was three minutes after five. And now I was wide awake, it was wise to take my medications, and for that, I would need to go downstairs.

But first, the bathroom.

Reaching for my stick, I pushed up. Looking down, I was still wearing yesterday’s clothes. I must have been exhausted. Slow and steady, I walked to the bathroom and got on with business.

Half an hour later, I made my way downstairs. It was quiet walking into the kitchen, but something sure smelled good.

A dark head of hair turned my way as she heard me come in. “Oh, you’re up,” said Casey.

She spun around, her dark hair piled up on her head in one of those messy bun styles that Maddy wore sometimes. “Seems that way.”

Yeah, I was being an asshole.

Grabbing a hand towel she dusted off her hands whilst moving to stand right in front of me. The charming way she approached in a flour-dusted apron made it seem like she’d always lived here. But it was her words that shocked me.

“You don’t like me. Do you, Jackson?”

Nope. My head pulled back. “I don’t know you.”

She cocked her head to the side. “Do you even want to know me?”

Nope. “Well, since you’re living here now. I guess I don’t have any choice in the matter.”

Logan had told her story and how she had no money or a place to stay. That, and he wanted a chance to get to know his half-sister. I thought he was flat-out crazy and honestly; I wasn’t sure if I trusted her or not, yet.

But I was going to keep my eye on her, that’s for sure.

Casey sighed, popping one hand on her hip. “How’s about this?”

What? She was negotiating with me?

“You can ignore me all you like when no one is around, but smile and play nice in front of Logan and Maddy because I know they want us to get along.” One eyebrow rose. “Trust me. I ain’t gonna force you to try and like me.”

I stepped past her. “I think I can manage that.”

And as I passed her, she sighed. “Guess I’ll be waiting on more of our riveting conversation, then.”

That pulled a smile from me, even though she couldn’t see it. She was sassy. I’d give her that.

I got some water and my pills from the cupboard where Maddy had put them for me. I was glad Casey went back to doing what smelled like baking and not making a fuss over me. Sitting down at the table with my glass of water, I swallowed my pills and listened to her hum happily while she worked beating up more butter and eggs.

That was a lot of butter and eggs she was using. Glowering at her, even though she wasn’t even facing me. “You planning on feeding an army?”

She didn’t turn around to answer me. “I’m always up really early and this morning I just thought I’d bake for the men. They’ve been so welcoming and helpful in teaching me the ropes.” For someone who didn’t want to talk to me, she sure talked a lot. “I mean, Hank has been so patient. And Bobby.” She sighed. “Well, Bobby, he’s just the sweetest thing.”

What the hell? Was she working here on the Ranch? “What do you mean, teaching you the ropes?”

“My job.” She spun around, leaning up against the kitchen counter, blowing her hair out of her eyes. “I work here, on the Ranch.” She arched a curious eyebrow. “Did Logan not tell you?”

I heaved a mental sigh of irritation, cursing Logan under my breath. “Appears to have slipped his mind.”

“You have a problem with that too?”

Would it matter if I did? It seemed everything had changed whilst I’d been in hospital and no one had found the damn time to tell me.

But I thought I would ask. “You likin’ it—working on the Ranch?”

Her cheeks went red as her head bobbed in excitement. “Oh, yeah. I do. I never thought I would.”

I guess that was something. She was pulling her weight around here. Not copping a free ride. Perhaps I would hold off calling out Logan, well, at least till I saw her in action.

I then realised I’d not heard Maddy or Logan get up. “Are Maddy and Logan out already?”

“No. I was up first. They’re both still upstairs, I think. Hank said he would cover the Ranch whilst they settled you in.” Her eyes suddenly seemed brighter with sly excitement. “I’m guessing that something more interesting is keeping them in their bedroom this morning.”

A lump formed in my throat as my grip around the glass tightened. To the point the damn thing nearly shattered. At least one of my hands still worked properly.

“You okay?” Casey was staring at the glass in my hand. “You look like you want to hurt that glass?”

She must have seen the bloom of anger darken my eyes. Although I wasn’t sure why. I had more or less told Maddy she should be with Logan and last night; I had told her again.

I mean, what did I have to offer Maddy now? Although the doc had said he saw no reason why little Jackson wouldn’t work just fine. And I had proof of that this morning. But before then, I’d not had the inclination or the desire.

And speak of the devils. I heard footsteps coming downstairs and Maddy giggling.

I sat up straighter as they walked into the kitchen. Logan straightened his shirt, and a flush exploded onto Maddy’s cheeks.

Whatever they’d been doing, she felt bad about it.

“Jackson,” she started with a smile. “You’re awake” She pushed a stray lock of hair from her ponytail behind her ear. “Can I get you anything?”

I huffed, not meaning to. “I’m perfectly capable of getting anything I need.”

Her face fell dejectedly. “Oh, yeah.” She shook her head. “Of course you are.”

I nodded as that lump in my throat notched up a gear.

Logan shot me a stare that could start a fire. I casually shrugged, but the anger I felt inside suddenly gripped me by the throat and tightened.

“Need some fresh air,” I said and hauled myself up and slowly made my way outside to sit on the swinging chair. The early morning sun reared its cheerful head as I looked out onto the open fields. It wouldn’t be long before it was up fully.

Behind me, I heard the backdoor open, and I wasn’t on my own for long when Maddy appeared in front of me.

“Hey. Can I sit with you?” she asked, her hands clasped at the front, her fingers fidgeting.

She looked so alluring standing there all nervous, especially with the rising sunlight pouring warmth over her golden hair. I tipped my head to the side. “No one stopping you.” I wanted to bite my tongue, but I couldn’t help myself. I just felt so damn angry with everyone and no one.

Perhaps I should have accepted Jody’s offer.

Maddy sat beside me. Turning slightly toward me, she tucked one leg underneath her. We sat there in silence, but she wasn’t relaxed. She fussed with that loose strand of hair.

“Have I done something to upset you, Jackson?”

I briefly closed my eyes and braced myself for the hurt. “I meant what I said in the hospital, Maddy. You should be with Logan.”

“What!? Why?”

“Have you and Logan had sex?” The words flew out before my senses caught up.

I felt her shrink beside me. “I—” she stopped and tried again. “Jackson, I—”

I cut her off. “It’s fine Maddy. You don’t have to tell me.”

“I’m sorry, Jackson. We waited and then—”

I cut her off again. “It doesn’t bother me, Maddy.” Lie. “It’s better this way.”

“I don’t understand why you’re being like this with me. Help me understand.”

“I’m different, Maddy. I’m not the same man.”

She rested her hand on my thigh. “I know that. But it doesn’t change how I feel. What I want.”

I lifted her hand and placed it on her lap. “Maybe not for you, but I left that hospital wanting different things in life.”

She looked down at her hand, then her gaze slowly climbed up to meet mine “Are you saying, I’m not one of those things you want in your life?” She heaved in a sharp breath. “Don’t you want me?”

Forcing my head her way. Her lip trembled before she bit it, and I cursed myself under my breath. I wanted her. I wanted her so much I wanted to rip my own heart out and stomp all over it because I was hurting her right now.

And I should have told her right then. But I didn’t. Because this was for the best. With my brother, he could give her everything she needed. Be everything she needed.

This was best for everyone.