Shackled (The Lord Series) by Carlos

From Tyson's office, I go directly to Jasper's room. The guys are still in the living room, probably waiting to see how I am. I don't go to them. Not because I don't want to talk to them, but to explain my reaction from earlier. Because if I deviate from my trajectory, I might return to Tyson and...I'm not ready for the thoughts filling my head, not the ones who make me think less of myself, but ones that might have me fuck Tyson as I did with Mose. Out of my own volition. When that happens, I'll lose my heart to him again, and I can't allow that to happen.

How Tyson still has so much power over me, I'll never understand. The more I try to fight him, the more I get pulled to him. It's not only the bond between us; there's something else that ties us together.

My barefeet barely make any noise on the wooden floor. I've learned a long time ago how to be silent. Before, it was because of fear, now it is because of shame. Ansel probably thinks he hurt me in some shape or form. I can't bring myself to tell him that when he makes love to me, he breaks my heart a little more. Not intentionally. I don't think Ansel has any ill intention towards me, but his gentleness or the way he sometimes looks at me, with tenderness, with love, I can't stand it. It was better when everyone hated me, when I still fought the darkness inside me when I didn't know how amazing sex could be, when... Tyson and Rueben still hated me. When I still wanted to die....

Hate is something I can deal with, but love?

Love.

What does love even mean?

To be happy when the object of your desires also reciprocates?

Happiness.

Such a thing does exist?

I enter Jasper's room and slowly close the door behind me before going straight to the closet, locking myself inside it and hiding in a corner next to the bag with books and records Tyson bought for me, put the phone next to it, and open Broken Vows.

It's been years since I read something. In the Celestial Heaven, all I did was fuck men and spend the remainder of the time high or sleeping. There were no books around even ever if I wanted to read. It was the same at Jason's apartment. I take my time before I open the book. I close my eyes and flip the pages fast while inhaling deeply. Its scent brings back so many memories, especially from the orchard.

When I feel ready, I turn on the light and read the dedicatory page.

*To the days spent between cherry trees.*

Tyson also thought of how our love story started. I thought he forgot. I don't know what is worse, that he told our story in a thousand ways or we never get to experience all those lives.

I open the first chapter and start reading. It follows the story of a man who moves into a tiny apartment and becomes friends with one of his neighbors. The book is not long and is fast-paced, taking me only a few hours to finish.

The guys look for me around the house, calling my name, but I don't reply, wanting to know how the book ends. Tyson said he wanted our story to have a happy ending, but I need to see what that means to him. No one thinks about checking the closet, so I stay hidden for hours.

When I read the epilogue, I start to ugly cry. It's been years since I last cried like this. Since the day I lost Spencer. The story Tyson wrote is so...cliche and stupid yet so beautiful. It's everything I have ever wanted. "Olivia? Where the fuck are you?"

It's not the first time Ansel has looked for me in Jasper's room in the last two hours or so. He sounded worried in the beginning, but now he is annoyed.

While I want to hide in here forever, it's time to face reality.

I put the book on top of the phone before unlocking the closet.

"I'm in here."

"She's in Jasper's room!" Ansel's yells before he opens the closet and gets me out of it.

I stop crying, but my face is still wet with tears, and he pulls me into a tight embrace. Before he can ask why I'm crying, I say, "I'm sorry." "What for?"

The others rush to the room.

I shrug. "For not replying the first time you called. I deserve to be punished."

I might be a badass bitch when it comes to Azael, but I'm still scared to trigger my men in any way.

Ansel kisses my temple. "The only punishment you'll receive is the new ice cream tub. And to spend the rest of the day in bed while me and the others spoil you. It's obvious we did something to upset you."

If Ansel knew the real reason I was crying, he would laugh. Or maybe he would spank me. I keep quiet about the book because I prefer ice cream.

Jasper speaks next, "How about I put on our favorite TV show, and I'll paint your toenails while you watch it. You can paint mine whichever color you want."