novelxo Chapter 21. Hold Me
The bathroom attached to my room had a comb that looked new so I quickly combed through my hair and pin it up in a bun before heading downstairs.
I walked in the kitchen to find Mason's back turned to me. I couldn't see what he was doing but I didn't mind not seeing his face. He seemed quite relaxed doing whatever he was doing so I took the time to admire him. He's actually an amazing guy under all that coldness. I mean, everyone has a dark past that influences their actions and the way they treat people. I guess that's why Mason treated me like that when he first met me and I guess that's why he treats people without a care for their feelings. But ever since that night he spoke to me about his mom's death, he seemed to have let loose a little around me. He smiled more, he had a little light in his blue eyes. But I know he's still a bit guarded when it comes to other people. I know he hasn't 100% moved on from what had happened but i'm actually willing to be there for him. Not because of the guilt I have for not helping Sabrina but its because of the way I feel about Mason. In just one day, he showed me the guy behind the mask and I immediately became attracted to him because I saw who he really was. He's caring, protective, loving and so much more. I know he has a girlfriend but I want him to myself. I want him to be mine and mine alone.
Even though I felt different about him now, I was still sure as hell pissed at him.
As if he sensed my presence, he turned around with his mouth hanging open. I looked into his eyes to see what he was thinking because I was not in any speaking terms with him.
'Oh mother of God. Oh, think about birds Mason. Think about birds and tress and not the goddess in front of you wearing nothing but your shirt and I assume undies'
I giggled inwardly but I doubt I had on a straight face. He composed himself and looked like he was about to say something but he closed his mouth and turned around retrieving a tray filled with what I assume to be my snack.
"Umm here you go." He said avoiding my eyes. I guess he remembered that I'm psychic and he didn't want me knowing what was going through his mind. Too late Mason.
I sat across from him at the island and dug into the peanut butter sandwich he prepared for me. How did he know that it was my favorite?
"You always bring that to school for lunch so I assumed that that's what you love." He explained shyly. Stupid me for thinking out loud again.
Ten points for noting that Mason. Good for you.
He sat there looking at me while I took a bite of heaven. He had his half eaten sandwich in his hand but he didn't continue eating it.
"Xayla, please say something." He pleaded.
I looked up at him expectantly, putting down my sandwich to fold my hands and glare at him.
He looked away from my gaze and looked to the picture on the fridge.
"Those are my parents. Not by blood of course but they adopted me after what happened." He quietly said, still looking at the picture.
"They're away on a business trip, that's why they're not home." He added turning to look at me.
I nodded for him to know that I heard what he said.
"I'm sorry for yelling at you." He sighed.
"Its just hard controlling what comes out my mouth and the way that it does when i'm upset." He explained.
I stared at him and wondered whether or not I should accept his apology.
"Okay" I whispered against them.
He gave a small smile and I returned it.
When I was through he guided me to the couch in the living room and I layed between his legs so he could hold me. His living room had a flat screen TV, four navy blue couches, a wide glass coffee table in the center of the room and two lamps placed at either side of the couch we were in. It screamed comfort and warmth.
"You have a girlfriend." I stated.
"I'm leaving her. " he replied.
"When and why?" I questioned still looking at the television that showed some ad about getting your prostate checked.
"Tomorrow and the reason for that is..well....someone else has my interest " he answered.
"Who is that?" I asked even though I knew who he was going on about.
"This girl in my chemistry class. I think you know her. Her name is Isabel." He confessed.
I turned to look at him to know if he was joking.
"Its you Xayla." Oh how I love the way he calls my name. His voice sounds so velvety. Corny, I know.
I smiled at him before turning back to the TV.
"Do you like Jake?" He questioned.
"Yes." I confessed.
"But you like me too, right?" He asked hesitantly.
"Yes." I said truthfully.
"Who do you like more?" He questioned.
I sighed and moved away from him. I like him Mason more but I can't say it to him right now.
"Okay, but just know that i'm going to fight for you." He claimed.
"I'm going through a lot right now so maybe when I know that i'm safe." I stated.
"I'll keep you safe." He said seriously, reaching out to hold my hand.
I looked at his hand and then into his eyes.
"I know."
I layed back down and rest my head on his chest. It feels so right being here with him. Hunger Games was going on the TV but I tuned it out.
Mason knows so much more about me than Jake and I feel safe with Mason. I trust Mason with all my heart. I like Jake because he always makes me smile and warm inside but I think I mostly like him as a friend than a boyfriend. When I think about Mason, I think about intimacy, protection, love and adoration.
I think I know who I want but i'm just too afraid to make the decision and commit to it because i'm scared that i'll have to move away again and leave that person behind. I just have to wait until graduation and if I get into Oxford I can move from the states and i'll be away from those scientists. I know they won't involve the police and probably in four years time they'll give up searching for me.
I have to consider everything.
Somehow I fell asleep because I woke up screaming in bed. I had that nightmare again, nothing new there. Mason came bursting through the door knocking it down. I had to wonder if the knob wasn't working why he didn't use it instead of breaking the door down.
"What happened? Are you okay?" He asked panting, rushing over to my bed side. He looked over the room to see if anyone was there and if I was harmed in any way.
"I just had a nightmare. I'm okay." I sighed, sitting up.
He looked at me worried.
"If you're okay, why are you crying?" He asked.
I didn't even know I was crying.
He came in the bed beside me and held me close to him. I rested my hand in the crook if his neck and cried my eyes out.
I knew he wasn't that comfortable with me crying because his body felt stiff under my body. I guess he still had a problem with affection.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He whispered.
I thought it over and decided probably if I spoke about it, it would make me feel a bit better.
"I have these nightmares every night. It usually takes some time for me to actually fall asleep so Gran gave me these sleeping pills but they're at home." I explained.
"What do you have nightmares about?" He questioned.
"Being in the white room, strapped to the bed. Not being able to get out. Being tested. That stuff." I told him like it was nothing but he took it seriously.
"Eventually you won't have these nightmares again." He claimed.
"How do you know that?" I asked confused.
"Because you'll know soon enough that you'll never be in that place ever again because you'll have me to protect you." He whispered and I sure as hell believed him.
That night for the first time in a long while, I slept without having any nightmares, right there, in Mason's arms.