Proof (Targes Executive Protection Book 1)

“What the fuck?!” I screamed as blackness turned to light and warmth turned to cold.

Cold as in ice cold.

Literally.

I scrambled to a sitting position, but it didn’t help. The bucket of ice water had done its job. Frigid water and ice cubes turned my already uncomfortable bed to downright unbearable, and my clothes were so soaked through that I could feel my tight black jeans starting to shrink.

Which had been my asshole of a brother’s intent.

“Get up,” Sully said simply and then he was gone.

“Fucker!” I shouted as he shut the door behind him. I immediately regretted it because the little man with the really big hammer in my head began wielding it against every part of my brain. I searched out my blanket which, thankfully, was only damp since it hadn’t been covering my body when I’d passed out on my bed.

I flopped back down only to be met with a mattress of ice cubes. “Son of a bitch,” I muttered as I forced myself to sit up and swing my legs over my bed again. I immediately felt like I was going to be sick, but thankfully I didn’t puke. My throat was already raw from the retching I’d done the night before in the alley behind the club where I’d consumed not only a shit ton of alcohol but a variety of eager cocks. I had no idea how many guys had face-fucked me or how much semen I’d obediently swallowed, but I did know from the sting in my ass that the party hadn’t started in that alley, and it hadn’t been limited to just the use of my mouth.

That had pretty much been the whole point from the moment I’d walked through Tank’s, one of the rougher gay clubs in the city. The kind where there was only the pretense of hanging out, dancing, and maybe finding a guy to go home with for the night. No, I’d gone to Tank’s because it offered the three things I’d wanted.

To consume enough alcohol to forget why I was there in the first place.

To accept the unspoken invitation of whatever guy first caught my attention and nodded in the direction of the bathroom followed by some hard fucking against a grimy bathroom stall that usually resulted in other guys taking their turn with me.

And finally, the finale—stumbling out the back door and depositing the contents of my belly next to the club’s dumpster. After that, I was usually fortunate enough to pass out. That meant not needing to feel the hard, wet, filthy asphalt against my cheek or the spunk spurting from my ass and/or dripping down my chin.

Tank himself was usually the one to wake me up from wherever he found me, and he’d pour me into a cab. The Goliath of a man always paid the cabbie up front since I never seemed to have cash by the end of the night, but he had never accepted my offer of repayment, not even in the form of letting him be the first one to fuck me the next time I walked through his club’s door, which was usually the very next night.

As the pain in my head increased, I unconsciously rubbed the scar that ran along the right side of my scalp. My hair hid the raised flesh well enough, but it wasn’t unusual for one of my anonymous fuck buddies to ask me about it when they had their fingers twisted in my hair as they used my body. If I was still sober enough, I’d come up with some ridiculous response like I’d fallen off a riding lawnmower as a kid and the blades had sheared off part of my skull or that some lady had caught her husband fucking me in their bed and she’d stabbed me with one of her knitting needles.

Telling them the truth wouldn’t have been nearly as much fun, and since fun had disappeared from my life a long time ago, their looks of pity or listening to their words of disbelief always put a smile on my face. Well, a metaphorical one.

I stood on shaky legs and reached for the two aspirin sitting on my nightstand along with a glass of cold water.

“Asshole,” I mumbled before swallowing the pills.

The bucket of ice water had been a new addition to the One hundred and one ways to wake my irresponsible prick of a brother list, but the rest of the morning would be the same.

A breakfast deliberately designed so I’d want to hurl all over again, two hours at the gym, target practice in the basement of my brother’s fledgling security company, sparring with one of the men who worked for him, and then dragging myself home to drown myself under a hot shower as the bruises began to form all over my body where my sparring partner had gotten in a few excessively forceful hits.

I was onto the game, though.

Sully’s plan.

My brother figured by working my ass off all day, I’d be too tired to go out. If I’d been a normal guy, I would have gone to some sports bar for a beer like I always told Sully I was, but I’d lost normal a long time ago. So even though Sully knew his plan wasn’t working, at least he didn’t know that the place I was frequenting was anything but an actual sports bar. The truth about where I did go and what I did at night was one of the few things I still had control over.

I managed to stumble to the bathroom and stepped into the shower even before the water was hot. It took a while to peel my now even tighter pants off, so by the time I had gotten myself and my bed cleaned up, it’d been nearly an hour since my brother had come upstairs to yell at me. A quick look at my watch showed it was well after lunchtime. Why the hell had Sully let me sleep so long? Was he finally figuring out that I wanted nothing to do with the daily routine that was supposed to “get me back on track”?

The harsh sound of dishes clattering told me I was in for a verbal reaming.

As I made my way to the kitchen, I couldn’t help but let my eyes stray to each room and hallway. The entire house was pretty much frozen in time. Our father had been gone for over a year, but everything remained the same, as if he would walk through the front door any minute or we’d hear his booming voice rattle through the entire house every Sunday morning as he ordered us to get out of bed so we could haul ass to church because it was “God’s Day.”

From the moment we’d learned of our father’s death, Sully and I hadn’t changed a thing in the house. My older brother had stood up and taken charge as he always had, and I’d done what I always did.

Nothing.

“Get your ass in here and eat your lunch!” Sully yelled.

God, the man had the hearing of a bat. I felt like a slug as I made my way into the kitchen.

My brother’s back was to me as he washed dishes. Despite the progression of technology since our father had been a kid, Dad had wholeheartedly been dead set against using any of it. Which meant no dishwasher. Hell, my dad had never even owned a cell phone.

I sat down at the table and stared at the sandwich before me. I wasn’t really hungry, but I had the big glass of ice water sitting next to the plate drained within seconds.

“Is it my birthday?” I asked as I reached for the sandwich. Sean Ferguson hadn’t believed in letting his kids sleep in even when we’d had no school. Birthdays had been the only exception and even then, we’d only gotten a few additional hours before the day started.

“I had a meeting this morning,” my brother remarked.

I was digging through my pockets to find my cell phone, so the only word I heard was “meeting.” I skimmed through my messages. I wasn’t surprised that they were all from Sully. I switched to the internet browser and began skimming the news. I spit out the large piece of sandwich I’d just taken a bite of.

“Oh my God,” I whispered in disbelief. “What the fuck?” I shouted as I got to my feet. “He’s out? That fucking lawyer really got him off?”

“Sit down,” Sully ordered. He grabbed a bottle of water from the counter and sat down at the table. He filled my glass with more water.

Terror consumed me as I reached for the scar that began at my temple. Violent pain and blackness began to lure my brain into the vast wasteland of nothingness. I both feared and welcomed it.

“JJ, sit,” my brother demanded, his voice less coarse. I felt his hand close around my wrist, but I didn’t object to the contact. Not like I usually did, anyway. My body followed Sully’s order to return to the chair.

“Did you know about this?” I croaked as adrenaline began to spike through my system.

He was free. Cass Ashby was free. Panic and fury slammed into each other as I took in what it all meant. Surprisingly, the panic receded like the ocean tide while the rage turned into a white-hot fire inside of me.

I could finally get what I’d secretly been dreaming about for eighteen long months.

Payback.

Problem was, Cass was probably looking to get the same thing.

A grainy image flashed in my head, but it was gone as quickly as it had come. I wanted to scream in frustration, but I knew what was coming next. What always happened after I saw one of those images.

“Yes,” I managed to hear as Sully pushed the now full water glass closer to me. I couldn’t even remember what question he was saying yes to.

Literally.

My brain was on autopilot as I swallowed down the water in two big gulps. It had no effect on the pounding in my head left behind from the hangover, but I wasn’t focused on that. I was in the process of pulling myself together when the first sharp, stabbing pain behind my right eye hit. Like lightning, currents of pain lit up along the length of my scar.

One after another.

There was no reprieve in between. I couldn’t remember where I was or why I was there. All I could see was darkness. All I could feel was agonizing pain. All I wanted was for the blackness to release me from its hold or take me forever.

Something cold was placed against my forehead. The fact that I could even feel it meant that the blackness was already receding.

It wasn’t going to take me for good this time. It would continue to toy with me just like it had been from the moment I’d opened my eyes eighteen months ago.

“The aspirin should kick in soon,” Sully said as he put my hand on the frozen bag of peas that he’d put against my skin.

If my brother only knew what really had me bent over in agony, he’d lose his shit. How my normally sharp as a tack brother never noticed the true nature of what was happening to me during the few attacks he’d witnessed and automatically attributed to the results of a hangover was beyond me. It left me feeling bitter and relieved at the same time.

He’s not supposed to know, I reminded myself.

I took in several deep breaths and kept both eyes pinned shut as I waited for the churning in my gut to settle. The sharp, radiating pain in my head was beginning to retreat, leaving me to once again play my role as useless kid brother who partied too hard every night but had his big brother to take care of him every morning.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I managed to ask as reality returned.

Cass Ashby is a free man.

More water was sloshed into my glass, but I was too afraid to pick it up because Sully would see how bad my hand was shaking. I was the “back on track” JJ, which was the only one I let my brother see… what he chose to see.

“Because I haven’t seen you since the judge made his decision yesterday afternoon,” he said flatly. I ignored the sting in my belly at the emotionless response. “I need you to work a case today,” Sully continued.

I automatically shook my head despite the fact that it made my already throbbing head hurt worse. “No fucking way,” I responded.

“Then pack your shit and get out,” Sully returned before he climbed to his feet and took the sandwich and dumped it in the garbage.

“What?” I asked, completely confused.

“Get your stuff and go. Leave your keys in the bowl by the door. You can keep your car but I’m going to discontinue the insurance on it today. Your cell phone will also be disconnected since I’m paying for it.”

“You’re kicking me out?” I said in disbelief. “This is my house… our house.”

“Not if you’re not helping to pay for it.” My brother began raising a finger one by one as he rattled off, “Property taxes, insurance, utilities, maintenance⁠—”

“Sully…” I began with a shake of my head. I didn’t recognize the man before me. My brother had always been a hard-ass, but he’d never been cruel. As much as I’d loved my father, Sully had been the one who’d raised me. He was the one who’d always protected me, cared for me.

“What did you think would happen, JJ? Did you think you’d spend the rest of your life sleeping all day and staying out all night like some college frat boy? What did you think I was doing all these past months by getting you in shape and honing your skills?”

I didn’t answer him because I had known what he’d been doing. I’d just figured I’d be able to talk him out of actually having me working for him. In truth, I’d liked all the exercise and practicing the skills that had been lost to me two years earlier. That didn’t mean I wanted to use them, especially to keep someone else safe. Hell, I couldn’t take care of myself, so how the fuck was I supposed to protect another person?

“I’m not ready,” I admitted. Saying the raw truth out loud had shame burning beneath my skin. Saying it to my brother, of all people, had my whole body going up in flames of humiliation.

Sully rejoined me at the table. He reached out to put his hand over mine, but I automatically pulled it back and tucked it into my lap. My other hand was clinging to my phone as if it were my only lifeline.

His eyes flashed with some brief emotion that I couldn’t name before his face turned grim again.

“Yes, you are,” Sully responded. “You’re a better shot than just about every guy who works for me and your body is back in fighting shape. Your instincts… you never lost those. You’ve got what you need to do this job.”

Sully paused before adding, “You don’t get to play the pity card anymore, JJ. The doctors have cleared you and you need to get back out there. It’s an easy case. Escort an actress to and from her movie premiere, take her shopping, and sit on her house when she’s not out doing whatever else it is that actresses do. She’s gotten a couple of explicit letters from a fan, and they’ve got her and her manager on edge. You’ll be working the job with Axel.”

I couldn’t respond because my body had gone from hot to cold just like that. Now I just felt numb.

“Look, JJ. I need this case to go well because word of mouth is what’s going to get Targes out of the red. Business is picking up but until I can get money coming in from cases, I can’t afford to hire more guys. And money won’t come in until I get more guys… skilled guys and not mercenary wannabes on board. So right now, I need you to step up…”

I nodded because I knew Sully was right. I’d been through hell and back, but I had come back. Maybe it was time to see how far. How hard could it be to babysit an actress?

Even if the case bored me to tears, at least I’d be able to get my mind off the man who’d tried to end my life with a bullet to the brain. Chances were that Cassius Ashby was once again enveloped in the comfort of his family’s money.

Besides, there was nothing saying I couldn’t keep going to Tank’s when I wasn’t on duty. I could hide myself away with lots of cheap drinks and anonymous sex. Nothing really had to change. I could play “back to his old self” JJ during the day and be anyone other than myself at night.

“Okay,” I agreed.

“It’ll be okay, JJ. I just need you to trust me,” Sully responded as he rose to his feet. I saw him reach out to pat me on the shoulder, but he stopped himself before I was forced to pull away.

I managed a nod as he left the room and ignored the voice in my head that was trying to force me to speak the words that would undoubtedly break my brother’s heart.

There was no trust and there never would be. Not for him or anyone else.

Not ever again.