Outliers

Do you ever want to run away and start over? Wipe the slate clean. Begin all over again with a blank canvas? It’s okay, we all feel that way sometimes. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your life or the people in it. It doesn’t mean you wouldn’t give your last breath to see them happy. Sometimes when we yearn to be selfish, it means we have been selfless for too long.

- Lang Leav

“You’re distracted,” Jack growled after my back slammed into the dirt for the fifth time that morning, my neck arched towards him in defeat.

“Let me train with the rest of the pack.” I groaned, not bothering to stand. I squinted from my position on the ground, my hand framing my sweaty brow against the glare of the morning sun. It was still early, and the rest of the pack had only just begun their training.

The rising sun had settled behind Jack with a warm glow. He seemed so regal from down here, stood tall and strong despite the sweat that covered him and the heavy rise and fall of his chest as he panted. Cast in a halo of gold light, he appeared untouchable. As he always did.

What a sight I must be in comparison, panting and hunched over in my usual worn training gear, cheeks flushed bright red and my red hair in disarray. Jack never seemed as dishevelled as I always did. Though I supposed that came with being Alpha. His position always demanded he be tough and invincible. It would do him no good if anyone saw me best him in hand to hand combat.

Jack sighed at my demand, head stooping. He was tired of me pleading, as I did every time we trained. But the desire to push myself harder and further never ceased. Our training together had become stagnant. I knew Jack’s style, his routine, down to a ‘T’. Sure, it was hard as hell to spar with him, an Alpha Male wolf, but it didn’t challenge me like it used to anymore.

“You know why.” He shook his head, hand outstretched to pull me to my feet. “Come on, get up. One more round before I have to help the rest of the pack with training.”

This was why I so desperately wanted to transfer to Colorado. A pack dedicated to combat training would be better equipt to teach me, to allow my skills to grow. With them, I wouldn’t be isolated from the rest of the pack. Hopefully, I could train with them.

I scoffed, dusting myself off and shaking out my legs, prepared to deliver him a real beating. The last round was always the best. It was my last chance to earn bragging rights for the day, and, as I needn’t conserve my energy any longer, I could use every bit of my strength.

Jack rolled his eyes at the sly smirk that curled across my lips. Of course, he already knew I was about to give my all. His smirk mirrored mine as he cracked his neck from side to side. He enjoyed training with me just as much as I did him. He always said how refreshing it was to have someone in the pack who wouldn’t hold back, fearful of the consequences should they best him - not that anyone other than Eli, perhaps, ever could. I had only bested him a handful of times before he claimed the official Alpha title, and that was only in hand to hand combat.

“If I land ten hits, I get to train with Eli tomorrow,” I bartered.

“Not a chance.”

“Come on,” I groaned, not above stomping my foot on the ground like a child, “He’s the pack trainer, I won’t get injured.”

“I said no, and that’s final.” Jack’s expression was stern.

I held back my scream of frustration, feeling the anger bubble away within me. Keeping my shoulders still, I stepped forward with a quick jab from my left - which Jack easily blocked - before swinging with my right. My punch landed with a solid crunch, even if he caught the following knee I’d aimed straight for his gut.

“Sloppy,” he tutted, as if his nose wasn’t currently out of line and his eyes weren’t watering because of it. “I thought you wanted to win.”

“How’s that vision working out for ya’?” As I tried to calm my anger, I rolled my shoulders and breathed deeply. I couldn’t let my frustration rule me. I had to focus.

Jack’s tearful eyes narrowed, “Seems like you’re just stalling the ass beating you’re about to get.” He darted towards me, his fist landing square against my jaw but I did nothing but shake it off as I ducked under him and tackled him to the ground. We grappled for the next five minutes, my elbow digging deep into his diaphragm, the palm of my hand clashing against his jaw until his teeth were on my throat once again.

“I hate it when you hit my chest,” I growled, shoving Jack off me with a huff as I rubbed at my sore breast. Damn idiot always left me with too many bruises. “It’s a good job I always wear black now to hide all this blood.”

Jack looked a little better than I did. There was a definite swelling to his face that would not heal for the next hour, and there was blood trickling down his neck from where my fist had hit his cheek and split the skin.

“When can we discuss Colorado?” I panted, wiping the sweat from my brow. Jack said nothing as he reached for his water bottle with a frown. This wasn’t the first time I had brought up the enforcer pack to him, but so far, I had yet to receive a concrete response. I was sick of waiting for his decision.

“The semi-annual Alpha meeting is in two days.” Jack barely met my eyes as he threw my bottle towards me. I caught it with ease, gulping back the water instantly.

“I’m aware.” My glare was not subtle.

Jack rubbed the back of his neck as his gaze darted away uneasily. “I was hoping you’d accept the position of acting Alpha Female this time.”

My stomach dropped. I stared at Jack, mouth agape. “Are you sure?” That was a big position to fill, and I was abundantly aware of who I was replacing.

“It’s been three years since Amy died. I’d rather not have to sit through those meetings alone. Besides, you already do the paperwork and the preparations with me, and Beta Maria said you were helping her prepare the accommodations for the travelling Alphas and Betas.”

“You’re not alone if Maria and Kyle are with you at the meetings.” The thought of filling Amy’s shoes, if only temporarily, was terrifying.

He shot me an unamused look.

“You know what I mean.”

“I do, but I think the idea of me being acting Alpha Female is laughable. I don’t have a wolf, how am I equipped to fill that spot, you won’t even let me train with anyone but you, and now you’re asking me to sit amongst the Alphas and Betas as if I’m one of them?”

“It’s only for three days,” Jack scoffed. “You know most of the Alpha’s, they respect you. You’re wolf enough to travel to other packs to help me with my workload, so you’re wolf enough to sit in on the big meetings.” He sighed when he caught my dubious expression. “Look, I’m gonna’ bring up your transferal to Colorado at the meeting.”

“Don’t you need to send off a formal request first?”

“Nah, Harris is used to taking requests last minute. That rule only applies to the regular packs.”

“Ooh, Harris,” I teased, watching as a grin slowly formed, no matter how hard Jack tried to hide it. “Aren’t you informal? Lucky no one else is around to hear you talk like that.”

Jack laughed, and I dodged as he threw his bottle right at my face.

“Don’t be such a shit or I’ll tell Alpha Harris to reject you.”

“How very professional of you, Alpha Athan. Is that how you always talk at the Alpha meetings?” As he lunged for me, I laughed and danced out of his reach. “I need to go help Beta Maria. Go see to your Alpha duties.” With a wicked smile, I nodded over the field to where Eli stood waiting with his arms crossed and a stern expression. He was such a stickler for time keeping, even when it was his Alpha keeping him waiting.

That was a good thing about not training with the pack. I would never be subject to Eli’s training punishments. I’d seen wolves cry before.

***

“He asked you to what?” my sister Margaret almost shrieked, sending a look to our mother that I knew had to mean something.

“He asked me to be acting Alpha Female at the meetings.” I shrugged, pushing at the food on my plate with my fork, my appetite waning. “It’s not like it’s unheard of. Plenty of Alphas and Betas who’ve lost their mates have people to fill the position for the meetings. You know Wyoming lost their Alpha Male five years ago and I don’t see the Alpha Female showing up alone.”

They shared another look between them. I gritted my teeth, my eyes dropping to the wooden dining table as I finally dropped my fork.

“What? What are you two looking at each other like that for?” I knew I should have eaten elsewhere when I heard Margaret was joining us for dinner. Whenever these two were together, I was in for an interrogation, or embarrassment.

“Well,” Mom began, taking a long sip of her water as she avoided my pointed stare. “We just think that... well... you and Jack are awfully close-”

“And we see the way you look at him,” Margaret added. Damn, if Margaret noticed, then there was no telling who else in the pack could have noticed. How mortifying, I didn’t need any rumours spreading.

“And we see the way he looks at you,” Mom finished. “Perhaps this is a sign.”

“Of what?” My narrowed gaze flicked suspiciously between the two women, with matching growing smirks.

Mom scoffed, “Of his feelings for you, of course!”

“This?” I moaned. “Again, with this rubbish? Look, I don’t care how you think Jack looks at me, it won’t change anything.”

“I just thought...” Mom trailed off, catching my sister’s eye. Instinctively, I knew where the conversation was about to go. “Well, if you and Jack finally got together, you wouldn’t have to change packs.”

“Mom...” I groaned in frustration, growing tired of having the same conversation every time since I had first brought up the possibility of me leaving. I had explained time and time again why I wanted to leave. “You just don’t understand...”

“I don’t understand?” Mom snapped, offended by my tone. “I’m the only human in this pack and you think I don’t know what it’s like?”

“I’m not saying things have been easy for you, Mom, that you don’t face your own challenges. I’m just saying our situations are different. Growing up in the pack, growing up with certain expectations, I feel... I feel like...” a disappointment. I couldn’t bring myself to say the word even if it was true.

“You were born knowing exactly who you are. I was born a wolf... except not. I want to train but I can’t. I can’t continue to live in this pack, with everyone pairing off into happy couples while I’m the only twenty-three-year-old still living with her parents. I’m not leaving because I’m lonely and sad and mopey. I’m leaving because I don’t belong here, a fact that’s glaringly obvious every day I stay!” I snapped.

“Fuck.” Swearing at myself for my outburst, I pushed back from the table and stalked off. I didn’t want to hang around for the aftermath of my words. If Mom continued to argue with me, then I knew without question I would argue back. I didn’t need to fight tonight.

It wasn’t long before Margaret found me sitting by myself on the porch of our cabin, watching the sun go down. I didn’t bother to turn towards her, continuing to stare ahead of me. The autumn leaves looked so pretty under the sunset. It did well to calm me down.

“You don’t have to be such a bitch, you know.” The wood creaked beneath her weight as she shifted to sit beside me on the steps.

“I’m not trying to be a bitch,” I sighed, fingers rubbing at my temples. “I know she’s just concerned, but I’m tired. Tired of having this conversation again and again. I don’t have a mate and that’s fine. As much as you and Mom worry, I don’t feel incomplete and I don’t have this great longing for companionship. I don’t have a wolf, so I don’t feel the endless burning desire to find a mate. I don’t feel that pull that screams for my other half, as everyone seems to say.”

Margaret fixed me with that familiar look of pity that everyone in this damn pack was so good at giving out. As if they didn’t hear a single word I ever said, as if they couldn’t comprehend a life worth living without a mate.

“I’m not leaving this pack to escape because I’m afraid of being alone, or because I’m broken with despair. I’m leaving this pack because I honestly believe Colorado can offer me a better future.”

Margaret leaned to rest her head against my arm, staring out into the surrounding trees. In the distance, we could see wolves run by, carrying out the evening patrol of the borders.

“You know we just worry. You’re so reserved all the time. Mom doesn’t want you to feel excluded or like you don’t belong.”

“That’s exactly how I feel.”

***

Beta Maria’s relieved smile welcomed me into the pack house the next day and it was a welcome reprieve from my sisters’ guilty stares throughout breakfast. Margaret and Mitchell had opted to eat with us, and I knew it was because of last night’s conversation. I couldn’t help but feel as if I was always being monitored in this damn pack, as if everyone thought I was a second away from a massive breakdown.

“Emily, thank goodness! I’m so behind on schedule it’s ridiculous!” She huffed, seeming as frazzled as she sounded. Her cheeks were flushed and there were bags beneath her eyes. She must have been staying late to get her workload sorted. From the stacks of papers she was sorting through on her desk, I could understand why.

“How’s Beta Kyle doing?” I asked, thinking of how stressed her mate also usually became before these meetings. Dealing with other Alpha’s could exhaust you and if things weren’t to the best standards, then that reflected poorly on the pack. Beta Kyle had the lovely responsibility of escorting the Alpha’s into our pack boundaries, and with six of them arriving in the space of one day, he would work without rest for hours.

“Oh, don’t even get me started. He’s been running back and forth all week long testing the routes. He’s barely stopped to sleep. Eli’s been pushing him a lot in training as well, which has been driving his wolf up the wall. But,” she shrugged with a smirk, having no sympathy for her mate, “If Eli’s landing hits, then Kyle needs to step up his game.”

“He’s always been competitive. At least he’s not as bad as Alpha Athan,” I joked, thinking of how well Jack was at brooding when Eli really roughed him up. Jack’s wolf was just naturally more dominant than regular wolves. It took a lot to take an Alpha down, so when someone came close, it was a bruise to his ego.

“Hmm, I heard Jack gave you a real shiner yesterday,” Beta Maria mused as she reached for a handful of keys and stacks of hefty folders and handed them to me.

“Don’t worry, I gave him it back just as good.”

“Oh, I know, I watched him reset his nose after training,” she laughed. “Anyway, I need you to go to the cabins for the Alpha’s and Beta’s, make sure they’re all in order and ready for them, just the usual last checks. And these are the files I’ve put together for them. The Alpha’s should arrive in...” Maria trailed off to check her watch.

“Dammit,” she swore, suddenly flustered as she grabbed for various files, papers crinkling as she hurried, “Alpha Greshick will be here any minute now. Go, go, quick, start with the Arizona cabin so they can settle in straight away!”

Beta Maria all but shoved me out of the pack house as much as she could without dropping everything, before running off towards Jack’s office. He would need to travel to the border to greet the arriving pack, as was customary. A lot of ass kissing, in my opinion.

By the time I’d finished in each cabin, laying out the files for the visiting Alpha’s, it was mid-day and I knew the hunters would be returning. I needed to check the food supplies for the following few days.

“Em!” the deep voice of my brother-in-mating called out to me as I stepped off the porch of the last cabin. He was leading the group of other hunters, all of them caked in mud and blood, looking pleased with themselves. At least the hunt was successful. One less thing for Beta Maria to worry about.

“Hey, Mitch,” I called, shielding my eyes from the glare of the sun as I watched them all stroll closer. Some males were carrying large leather satchels with the meat, others were carrying entire sections of dear across their shoulders like it was nothing. “Good hunt?”

“We won’t be having any of the Alpha’s turning their nose down at this,” one guy grunted, puffing out his chest in pride.

“They will if they smell you all over it,” someone else jeered, which was met with laughs as they continued towards the pack house.

Mitchell stayed back, shifting the large satchel across his shoulders.

“Whose cabins that?” He jutted his chin towards the building behind her.

“Colorado. Saved them till the end, seen as they always arrive last minute.” Which was unfortunate for me, as I was eager to meet them. For so long I had been requesting to transfer and Jack had never agreed before now. I felt like I had to get everything approved as quickly as possible before something went wrong.

“I think most of the other Alphas should be here by now though,” I explained, gesturing to the meat he was carrying, “So you and the rest of the hunters are just in time. They’ll be demanding something to eat before long.”

“Well, they can wait till the rest of the pack is fed,” Mitchell huffed, rolling his eyes.

“You know that’s not how it works. If they could hunt for themselves, they would, but it’s against rules on another Alpha’s land.”

“It’s a pain in my ass is what it is. Damn Alphas and their damn rules.” He grumbled. “Margaret mentioned you’re gonna’ be at the meeting tomorrow. You’ll have to give Alpha Harris my regards.” Of course, I’d forgotten Mitchel trained in Colorado for two years.

“Yeah, of course.” I nodded awkwardly, hesitating, before allowing myself to ask, “What are they like?”

“Who?”

“Colorado, Alpha Harris’ pack. What are they like?”

“They’re...” Mitchel exhaled deeply. “They’re not what you’d expect.”

What did that even mean?

“Mitchel!” a voice shouted through the trees. “Alpha Athan needs you.”

I wanted to hold Mitchell in place so I could interrogate him more, but my brother-in-mating was quick to rush off, eager to answer his Alphas call.

And I was left thinking about the pack I so desperately wanted to join.