novelxo Chapter 21 - the Understanding
“What happened today?” Thoridor asked, “why were you so upset? I could tell something happened this morning, and you’ve been blocking me from your mind ever since.”
I looked up in surprise. “I’ve been blocking you? I didn’t even know I could do that. You were supposed to teach me.”
“Well, you’ve figured it out on your own,” Thoridor said, “but tell me. What made you so sad?”
I looked at my boots. “Aricor and I did some archery this morning,” I began, “and I hit the static targets with ease. Smack dab in the middle. But then, when he tossed me a moving target, I missed. Badly. Over and over, no matter how hard I focussed.”
I looked at Thoridor, waiting for some sort of reaction, but he just looked back at me.
“Well, when Aricor made me use him as a live target, I hit him easily again — just the way I did when I used to hunt back at home. And then Aricor figured out I’ve likely been wielding my targets — making them easier to hit somehow.” I flinched speaking those last words, as they felt sharp as knives rolling off my tongue.
“Ah,” Thoridor said finally, and moved a little closer, so his arm was brushing against mine as we walked.
“And now you feel as though your whole past is a lie,” Thoridor said, looking at me intently.
“Well, yes,” I agreed.
“Because everything that made you you, turns out to be different than you thought it was,” Thoridor continued.
I swallowed, and looked up to meet his eyes.
“Your healing — it was never based on the plants and herbs you picked. And the fact you made every shot in hunting, didn’t have as much to do with your aim as you thought it did.”
I nodded, and felt tears begin to sting my eyes again.
“Your mother would still be proud of your healing, Serin,” Thoridor said, “you were keeping Tophyn alive. And you remembered everything she ever taught you about plants. And your father, he would be so proud of your hunting. You still made those shots. You never made your prey stop running, or walk to you. You still hit them, even if you did wield them a little. You’re still a good huntress.”
A warm tear rolled out of my eye, and down the side of my cheek. Thoridor reached out his hand, but halted a hair’s width away from my face. I instinctively closed the difference between his fingers and my cheekbone.
The second his fingertips made contact with my skin, the sparks began surging through my body. I immediately felt the burning urge to be closer to him — to press myself against his muscular chest.
Thoridor closed his eyes as his hand cupped my cheek, and he used his thumb to wipe away my tear. Then he gently followed its path down my cheek, tracing the pad of his thumb along my jaw until it reached my chin. He tilted my head upwards slightly, and studied the shape of my lips. I couldn’t help but do the same with his. They looked so inviting — soft, slightly full— I quickly averted my eyes. I shouldn’t be thinking about kissing him.
“Why not?” Thoridor asked in my mind. I dropped my jaw in shock, and immediately pushed him out of my mind. Just like that. I didn’t know how I’d done it, but it worked.
“Have you thought about kissing me before?” he asked, out loud this time.
I frowned, and leaned back a little.
“Because I have thought about it. A lot,” he continued. I felt my cheeks heat up, and my eyes immediately flicked up to meet his.
“Do you know how good it would feel?” Thoridor continued, staring at my lips, “do you have any idea what it would be like?”
He leaned in so his cheek brushed against mine, and he brought his lips dangerously close to my ear to speak his next words.
“And that would only be the beginning.”
I gasped for air and my knees began to buckle. I grabbed onto Thoridor’s arms to steady myself.
I felt the sparks wash over me like waves washing over the shore, rushing all throughout my body and settling into somewhere deep in my center. Lust.
“Kiss me,” I breathed. The words were out before I realized.
Thoridor closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against mine. “No,” he growled quietly, “believe me, I want to. But I want you to want to, as well. Not like this. Not because you’re sad, and my touch makes you feel better. I want you to want me with an unclouded mind. I want you to feel this way without my hands on you first. And then I will kiss you. And touch you. And do everything you want me to.”
I ran my hands up his arms, and over his shoulders. I ran them up the sides of his neck, and onto his bearded jaw.
“Thank you,” I said, “thank you for understanding what I felt, this morning. Thank you for not talking over it, trying to make me feel better. Thank you for seeing me. Thank you for giving me space, and not taking advantage of… this.”
Thoridor smirked. “You’re welcome,” he said, and brushed the tip of his nose against my forehead. Then he trailed his hands down the sides of my arms, and intertwined my fingers with his.
“Let’s go,” he said and tugged on my arm to get me to move.
We strolled along the halls in silence, holding hands. It felt right. I looked at Thoridor, and for the first time, I saw him as someone I could love. As someone who could love me, not just as his mate, but as his girl. Maybe we could actually get there some day.