Chapter 35
Hailey's POV
I won't lie, the farewell breakfast took way too long and it hurt my heart to see Jaxon laughing and enjoying his time with his friends surrounding him when we were not on speaking terms. I was not laughing or acting silly, my heart was aching for him. I was sitting with my pack but he was in my line of sight and I did not miss a thing, from the whispers in to Azuri's ear, to jokes and laughs with everyone else.
My wolf missed him... even though I could still feel his wolf calling out to mine, he remained stubborn to the core and ignored me. I did the same and decided we will be childish together. I mean, I almost lost my life, he should not have left me and yet he did.. I actually can't believe he did. I see Cayden get up to leave and I follow him out, we walk to the car and he turns to face me, his eyebrow raised at me. Cayden was growing on me and I was hoping that he would forgive me for snapping at him and offloading my mood swings on him because Jaxon decided to be an ass.
"I wanted to apologize.” I say, toying with my fingers nervously.
Cayden, for some reason, awakened something in me since being here... I seem to always want him close to me and with us being at odds because of me, I had to fix things before my heart explodes at me for ruining such a wonderful friendship. Cayden, did not blame me for not being able to defend myself but because Jaxon planted this seed that I was an embarrassment for not being able to defend myself, I could not look him in the eyes out of fear of seeing the same disappointment in his eyes.
Cayden pulls me in for a quick hug before looking back in to my eyes.
"I can handle mood swings and there was no need to apologize, I can see female mood swings from a distance. I have a sister remember? I was just waiting for word that you were over that little hurdle you call a mate and that I was in the clear. I am your beta and you are my alpha, we will have much bigger problems in the future... besides, I owe you one after questioning your ability to shift." Cayden says to me and I smile, relieve flooding my body.
I pull him in for a hug, squeezing him tight before I begin to question his words in my head, making me pull away from him.
"We are much more than just alpha and beta! Aren't we?" I ask and Cayden's eyes bulge out, feeling a presence behind me.
I turn around to see Jaxon standing behind me with my father and his father, the alpha. He tightens his jaw when we lock eyes but I pay him no mind, my father breaking the awkwardness with a few words goodbye.
"Thank you for taking care of us during our stay. I can't say we are completely satisfied with everything but maybe a break away is necessary.” My father says to Jaxon's dad, who nods in agreement.
Jaxon's dad throws an angry stare Jaxon's way, Jaxon making sure to not meet his dad's eyes. "Hailey, we hope you have fallen in love with our pack and that at least most of the pack members were nice to you and hospitable.” Jaxon's dad says to me. I force a smile on my face..
"Oh with the trouble that followed us to your door, we owe you more than our gratitude. I owe your future warrior, Azuri more than my life for saving me and my pack is forever indebted to her, for her act of kindness.” I say, with Cayden right next to me and knowing he held zero disdain for my actions when I was attacked by my evil stepmom, so I grew a few pairs of audacity and confidence. Even if Jaxon threw his thing with Azuri in my face, she was only ever going to be a warrior. He or the damn side chick can never change the laws. Especially now that I have been introduced to the pack as Jaxon's mate
I look at Jaxon, who had a pained look on his face.. fighting my stubborn human side and listening to my wolf, I walk up to him and hug him. Judging by his stiffness, I surprised him by this action but I may not see him for a couple of days or we may stay in this funk for god knows how long... I want to remember our parting and that he knew I held no anger at him.. even if he chose to remain stubborn.
I pull away from him, waving at the rest of the pack members who have come to see us off. I hop in to the back seat of the car and Cayden follows me in, he sits next to me. All the people from my father's pack get in to the cars we came with and we drive away. I look back, to see if Jaxon was looking but he was long gone and only the unknown crowd remained to watch us disappear. I feel my body feel a little uneasy but the feeling quickly disappears and I rest my head on Cayden's shoulder, forcing my eyes closed to sleep the rest of the trip.
This fight between Jaxon and I was draining and the hurt, the pain from Jaxon not returning my farewell began to stir inside me. The doubts were well forming in my head and the fact that he was okay with seeing me off without barely saying a word troubled me. Why would he allow that of himself? How can his wolf be okay with just leaving things as they are?
Before our fight, I would wake up to lingering scents of him in my room. Telling me that he came to watch me sleep, as he would say but in his angry state, he has not come to see me. He has not checked in on me at all and it was beginning to feel like a break up and I did not have the chance to tell all my friends about out beautiful engagement.
It is like he was embarrassed to be mated to me, to be mated to such a weakling and scared little girl. Maybe it would have been better for him if I had stayed a human but to him I was now a wolf, with enough strength to defend myself. He has finally figured out who I really am and that as a human, I was pretty comfortable with staying out of fights and always needing to be saved. Yes, I want to start defending myself but more for my pack and the ones who just like me, fail to fight their way out of danger. Not many have been able to walk out of a fire and be able to tell a story about it, I have that chance and I will change for the better. I will be the strong girl Jaxon so badly wants and be the mate he wants but what will come right after? Right now, this is the one thing he hates about me but we have the rest our lives ahead of us and there will be many more annoying traits that he will try to get me to change and just how much changing am I to do for the soon to be alpha?
Will I ever be enough? Will his love always come with terms and conditions? The silence he has forced us in to, the distance even in close proximity.. the ignoring me.. will this continue when he is upset or will he change? What will happen when I don't want to just be his Luna? I had other dreams when I was human and I plan to be something bigger than the life I have faced. What will happen when I tell him that I want to be alpha of my pack? Will he step down and play Luna because that is what is expected of me or will he think clear and ask that we bring our packs together?
With what he is putting me through right now, will my pack ever accept him or look down on him? My father is not exactly a fan and he will set the tone for the rest of the pack.
One thing I can say is Jaxon had this idea of me, this idea of my alpha blood and I killed his view of me as his perfect little girl who held insane strength but is naive enough to follow him to the ends of the earth with no questions asked. Jaxon put me in a box of his favorite qualities in a woman, he classified me and to him, that should be how I carry myself and I can try. God knows I want to try just so we can be happy but should I stretch myself to make him happy, killing myself in the process whereas he can come to me tainted with all the shit he has done, the girls he has slept with and I should blindly accept that after one apology?
I am starting to believe this mate bond shit is a bloody scam and especially for women..