On the Edge (The Grange Complex Book 1)

Dexter

The banquet with Victoria was three days ago. Her demands were childish. I didn't get why she was so obsessed with me and my cock. Since that day in her swanky apartment my dick hadn't gotten hard unless I thought about Sasha. Harry had some good ideas, and we were planning to execute them soon. I had never wanted to end up like my father, so emotionally bound to a woman, but I knew if I behaved like I have in the past few years I would drive everyone away from me. It was time to bury the obnoxious and lethal Dexter deep in the ground. I missed Sasha. All of a sudden I wasn't interested in any brunettes, just one particular blonde.

At work, in the apartment, everywhere I went-all I thought about was Sasha. I missed her curvy body, her sassy mouth, and that wet silky pussy that I enjoyed screwing so much. I fought with myself over wha I wanted and what I felt. I did love her and I didn't want to be alone anymore. She was the only person that made me happy. Love terrified me and I was scared that I had lost her. Like everyone else I'd really cared about. In one moment Dad was with me, in the next he was gone. I'd always guarded myself, afraid to get too close. Joey was the only one that understood me, but then he was gone too.

Victoria wasn't happy with how things ended between us the other night. I was afraid that she would change her mind and just snap. I bet no one had satisfied her the way I had, but someone needed to let her know that the old Dexter had died. The moment I said those shitty things to Sasha, I was done with being a train wreck.

I'd fucked up badly and now I wanted to fix it; I needed to. When I woke up on Saturday morning I was done with thinking about our times together. It was time to get her back.

My mother gladly reminded me about my appointment with Bishop on Monday. No one apart from close family, Sasha, and Harry knew about my issues and I was hoping to keep it that way.

After a strong cup of coffee, I grabbed my car keys and left the complex. I knew exactly where I needed to go, but I wasn't sure if she would want to listen to me. Our last meeting wasn't particularly successful. I'd said some things that weren't relevant to us. Now things were even more complicated.

It took me over an hour to drive to Glasgow. Traffic was terrible. Besides that, I was a nervous wreck: my palms were sweaty and my pulse irregular.

When I arrived on the familiar street, for a brief moment I thought that Sasha might be here, but I didn't see her car anywhere. But she wouldn't go back to Glasgow to live with her parents. She had talked to me about Edinburgh.

I'd chosen casual, not over-the-top clothes, and I had practiced my smile in the bathroom mirror earlier on. I had Ronny; I could pay him to get me her address, but I wanted to fix this the right way. Sasha needed to see that I had made some changes in my shitty life, and if this was going to work, I had to start from the bottom.

I cleared my throat and knocked three times. There was a small Fiat parked outside, so someone was definitely at home. My fucked-up heart skipped a beat when I heard footsteps, and a few seconds later Sasha's mother opened the door. She was in her jeans but had no make-up on. Her eyes took me in, widening slightly. She didn't look happy and I hadn't even opened my mouth yet.

"Kath, please, I need to talk to you. This is very important," I said, switching straight to her first name. It was a huge risk, but Sasha's mother looked like she didn't take any bullshit.

"Is my daughter with you?" she asked, opening the door wider and glancing outside.

"No, she isn't. I screwed up and she left. You're the only person that can help me. I need her new address."

I sounded like a complete douche, but I knew that if I convinced her mother, then I stood more chance at gaining Sasha's trust. This could go either way-she could invite me in or throw me off her property. The second option wasn't very appealing.

She took a sharp deep breath and looked up the road, like she was afraid that someone would see us.

"I'm not going to talk about Joey."

"I'm not here about Joey. All I care about is your daughter, Kath."

She hesitated for a moment, probably weighing her options. Then she opened the door wider, nodding to me to get inside.

"Let's go to the kitchen. My husband is upstairs. He's sleeping and I don't want to wake him up."

The house looked old; the kitchen needed updating. I probably had only five minutes to convince this woman to give me Sasha's address. I bet she'd moved to Edinburgh like she planned. "Dexter, right?" she asked when we sat down at a small table in the kitchen.

"Dexter Tyndall. I used to be Sasha's neighbour before ..."

Shit, I wasn't supposed to bring Joey up. This was a really, really bad start. Kath was just watching me. Her expression was detached. I needed to show her that I did care about her daughter, that I wasn't some douche ex.

Get it together, you stupid fuck.

"Sorry, what I meant to say was that me and Sasha-we lived next door to each other, but I was stupid enough to drive her away when she tried to help me. I have been in the hospital in the past few weeks. The sale of the apartment went through a few days ago and now I don't have her new address. She moved out before I had a chance to speak to her."

Silence. Fuck, why wasn't the woman saying anything? Her hazel eyes were looking straight through me. I couldn't bullshit her, even if I tried.

"My daughter went through hell, Dexter. Her ex-boyfriend ruined her life. It took her a year to pick up the pieces and start living again. Sasha doesn't need another Kirk. He was a disrespectful, selfish man that couldn't keep his dick in his pants. Why would I help you?"

I tried to breathe, containing my anger. I still had no idea what happened with her douche ex, but this wasn't the time or a place. Besides, what was I expecting? A warm cup of tea and sympathy? No. Sasha's mother didn't like bullshit.

"Did Sasha tell you what happened between us?" I asked.

"She didn't have to say anything. I know that haunted look on her face. She talked about you a couple of weeks back. She said that you had women in and out of your apartment, that you were making her life- "Kath," I cut her off, risking everything. "I'm not going to bore you with my crazy messed-up life. I admit, I made some bad choices, but all I need is a shot, another chance to make things right. Your daughter is a wonderful woman and I want to make her happy. Yes, I did sleep around before Sasha, but I was always open and honest about my lifestyle choices. I had never promised anyone a relationship. Your daughter changed me after we started hanging out together. Sasha helped me to get my life straight. She pulled me out of my own misery. Please, I beg you. I need to talk to her."

"You know, you remind me of Joey a little. He wanted to make me happy, too, more than thirty years ago," Sasha's mother said all of a sudden.

Crap, this wasn't something that I needed to hear. I thought she didn't want to talk about Joey.

"He was a good guy and probably the only one that understood me."

"Dexter, Sasha moved to Edinburgh. I want her to be happy and... I think I'm done with lies," she said, pausing. Right, I was losing her. "This whole thing with the apartment and Joey, it only pulled us apart. I think I owe you and her an explanation."

"Honestly, Kath, I really don't care about Joey. I want Sasha. You don't need to explain anything," I said. This wasn't going the way I planned. I was a pretty screwed-up guy with a fucking mental illness. Joey was a good guy, with a complicated past.

"I'm afraid to talk to her about this. My husband doesn't know and I want to keep it that way, but my daughter... she deserves an explanation and I want you to tell her everything when you get the chance to. I'm scared that she will push me away once she knows the truth."

"Kath, I'm sorry, but you're confusing me."

"I'm going to tell you a story from the past, so please listen. You can judge me after," she said firmly. "My father remarried when I was fifteen. Mum had died of cancer years earlier. We had each other and we were happy... well, that's what I thought. Dad met a woman, things developed quickly and he married her. Joey became my stepbrother and he came to live with us just after a year. Things weren't easy. I didn' really like Gill, my step-mum. I hated Joey with a vengeance, but soon that hate turned into something else, something that neither of us understood. Cutting this story short, we ended up falling for each other. Years later, Gill divorced my father and Joey went away to university. No one knew we kept in touch, but as usual, life got in the way and I found myself engaged to Sasha's father. Joey never promised me anything, and when he came back to Glasgow he asked me to run away with him, to leave Robert. That day, my father caught us in the garden. He went ballistic and he threw Joey out. My family didn't want a scandal, and my Dad didn't want me to break the engagement. Our love was crazy, but it remained unfulfilled. Joey became very successful and he came back for me. A few days later I found out that I was pregnant with Sasha and I decided to go ahead with the marriage, with my new life. Joey and I saw each other a few more times after that, but then he stopped visiting me. He only wrote letters. Many letters sent from different places in his travels, but he never said if he was still living in the country or not."

She paused and I stared at her in shock. I wasn't expecting this. When I came here today I thought that I could get Sasha's address and disappear. It looked like Kath was a dark horse after all, falling for her own step-sibling.

"Then almost two months ago I received a phone call from the solicitor saying that Joey had left drifted apart, but he made sure that I'd remember him even after his death."

"Kath, I don't think you should be telling me all this. Maybe you should ex-"

property. It was such a shock. I had thought about him over the years, but I never looked for him. We

"No, Dexter. You knew Joey yourself, and you understood him. Sasha won't just give up. She will eventually dig the truth out of me. All these years I've been questioning myself, asking if I made the right decision. I was always worried about other people, about my father and family. I sacrificed my own happiness and I don't want this to happen to my daughter. It's not my place to tell you about what happened to her with her last boyfriend. She ran away from the city, from the drama. If you want her, you need to be open and honest."

I nodded, getting what she meant. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. My head felt overloaded with information. Love was so fucked up, and yet I was still pursuing it. Eventually I got what I came for. Now, everything finally made sense. Joey had talked about Sasha's mother, but I never asked for any explanation. He took that story to his grave.

When I said my goodbyes to Kath, I didn't head straight to Sasha, but I went to one of the stores in the retail park. This was something that I felt I needed to do first. The hospital pushed some bad memories through, but Bishop and Jones had helped me. They pushed and pushed until I agreed to take the meds and admit to them that I needed help. I paid upfront for a flat-screen TV and asked the guys in the store to pack it into my car.

My palms were damp with sweat when I arrived at the psychiatric ward. Everything looked the same. The TV wasn't too heavy, but I still managed to get into a fight with a fucking security guard who didn't want to let me through. In the end, I made a hell of a noise and disturbed the usual deadly silence on the ward.

"Dexter, what the hell are you doing here?" asked Jones, as I barged into the staff room carrying the box. There were other nurses and caregivers there, all looking at me like I'd lost my fucking mind.

"I was in the neighbourhood and I thought I'd pop in to see if you all missed me," I said sarcastically, putting the TV on the table. I should have paid people to do this shit for me. They were all still staring blankly, like I was going through a complete relapse.

"What's all that?" asked someone that I didn't know.

"What do you think it is?" I asked back, wondering what the hell was wrong with these people.

"A TV," Nurse Jones said.

"Well done, Jonesy. You scored. Now tell us all, what do we use the TV for?"

"Dexter!" she shouted, getting red. "This isn't funny. You aren't supposed to be in this room. Why did you bring this TV in here? I'm going to call secu-"

"Chill, Jonesy, and listen for a second. I can't fucking stand you sitting in here reading the same fucking magazine all the time, so I decided to get you a TV for entertainment. Think about this as my going-away present."

I expected her to start shouting again, but for a really long and awkward moment she just stared at me. I didn't like that look on her face. The other nurses and caregivers in the canteen looked equally baffled. "You bought us a TV?" she repeated.

"Yes, Jonesy."

"Oh, darling, that is so sweet of you."

Before I knew it, Jonesy was putting her weight on me, attempting to hug me. Shit, I wasn't ready for that. I had lots of money and finally one doctor had done something right for a change, so I thought I could show my appreciation.

"Okay, okay, that's enough. You have to set it all up yourself. Tell Bishop I'll be here on Monday," I blurted out, pushing her away from me. I couldn't bloody believe it. Tough Jonesy had tears in her eyes. After all this time, I finally cracked her.

"You're good man, Dexter. Let other people see it sometimes," she said when I was leaving. It was funny, because I felt good. Nurse Jones wanted me to stay and talk, but I couldn't waste time on pointless chitchat. I was ready to head over to Barbie.

Within minutes I was back in my car. I had the address, but Sasha didn't want to talk to me. Last time, fucking Victoria had interrupted us and complicated everything even further. Now all I needed to do was to tell Sasha how I felt. This sounded easy, but that thought fucking petrified me, because I had no idea if she felt the same way.

Sasha

The interview for the job in the hospital went well. I couldn't do anything else; now I had to wait for their decision. Gina had set up a blind date for this evening, but I still hadn't confirmed if I was going or not. I needed more time or more sex to forget about Dexter, like I did with Shaun and Kirk. It was hard to deny that I didn't like being with Dex, but I didn't want to be one of many. I wanted to be the one. After the interview, I went shopping and bought a new dress for this evening. My new place had one bedroom with an open-plan living room and kitchen. It was nothing fancy, but I had everything I needed. After living in the Grange it was hard for me to get used to this small space. When I arrived outside on my street and headed straight to the door, I stopped in my tracks. Was I was hallucinating, seeing Dexter at my door? Colour drained from my face, and my heart betrayed me. Four days and it felt like no time had passed. The pull was there; it didn't disappear as I had hoped it would.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked, nearly dropping all my paperwork on the pavement. He wore a black polo shirt that exposed his sculpted muscles. His hair was longer, and he had a slight beard, which only made him look sexier. Damn, me and my oversensitive libido.

"You ran away when I told you that we needed to talk," he said, smiling, as if things between us weren't awkward enough.

"Dexter, I asked you to leave me alone. We have nothing to talk about."

"We have plenty to discuss, my darling Barbie. We can do this the hard way or the easy way. The choice is yours."

I shoved the paperwork into his hands and searched for my keys. I'd gotten to know him pretty damn well, so I knew that he wasn't about to let this one go. My hands were trembling and my pulse sped up when he was near. Yes, sex with him was pretty awesome, but that was over. He hurt me and I was in the process of falling out of love with him.

"So you won't leave me alone until I'll have a conversation with you?" I asked.

"We both know that I'm not planning on it."

"Fine, we will talk, but not here. In a restaurant," I snapped at him, opening the door to my flat. He lifted both of his eyebrows, looking at me with astonishment and hidden excitement. My skin itched for him, for the warmth from his body. I wondered how he found me, if he had paid someone to stalk me all the way here.

"You want to have a conversation in a fucking restaurant?" he repeated.

"Yes. Invite me to dinner or we ain't talking at all."

His eyes were glued to mine. Yet again, he didn't look down at my boobs. I was getting wet thinking about our last encounter on the beach. Sweat gathered between my boobs. Was it possible that he was done with running after other women and only wanted me?

My inner voice laughed at me. Dexter Tyndall couldn't simply change. He was still an arrogant, self-centred bastard.

"Whatever you want, Barbie," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

"All right, wait in the car. I'll be back in ten minutes."

"Are you afraid to invite me in?" he asked, leaning over.

A dramatic shudder passed through me and my heart kicked me right in my chest. After weeks of not being in my life, he still melted my knickers right off.

"I'm not afraid. I'm just careful," I replied and slammed the door in his face.