Nova's Dawning

The Wednesday afterwards I woke up on the couch in my friends’ apartment, and everyone else was gone. Probably at school or on Violet, letting their gifts rest. I took that as an invitation to clean up around their house, get some stuff straightened out within their apartment, and I took a little trip to my apartment. It was pretty bare, untouched for multiple days at this point, but it’s small walls brought peace to my small world. Something about this room not only eased me, but it gave me the perfect environment to try some of the techniques Michy had taught me. It almost completely silenced my existential dread, and it gave me a good sense on how to picture the real past.

Nothing in my mind doubted her words of wisdom.

I sat there on the floor in front of our old beds, and I crossed my legs underneath me.

“Great Gods of the Earth and the Sky. Great Goddesses of Wisdom and Time.”

I let my head back and took a very deep breath.

“Open the gate of past to me. As you will so mote it be.”

I was drawn into a dark night. I laid there by myself, tears streaming down my face. I was in a field, similar to the field of harmony, but different. I remembered the field I was crying in. This trance allowed me to really feel the long grass brush against my legs and my arms. The crisp air made my tears warm against my red cheeks.

I couldn’t remember why I was crying, but I knew I had good reason. A boy I once knew entered the field and I watched as he sat next to me and wiped away my tears. He laid down and rubbed the side of my arm. I was wearing a sleeveless dress. He never got too close, but he just wanted to comfort me. I rolled onto my side and put my head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and I snuggled into him. His shirt was warm, as if it had just come out of the dryer.

“One day, you’ll find a guy that can love you more than his dreams. You’ll be okay.”

Then the world started to ring, and I could feel it vibrating, almost like an earthquake. It took me a minute to realize it was my phone, and it took even additional minutes to pull myself out of the trance. My mom had called.

I called her back and her phone rang only once before she picked up.

“Star! How was your first training session? How long were you able to last at a time? Are you able to go without your mittens? Have you made any new friends?” Her voice was a long strand of northern ranting.

“Ma, calm down. So far since my lesson, I haven’t used my mittens, but its only been a day. I think I was able to go for about a minute, maybe three max. The session was interesting.” I told her about Michy’s obsession with coffee tables and the types of breathing exercises she had instructed me to keep at. “I was in the middle of practicing when my phone vibrated me out. It was weird.”

She laughed and I smiled sadly remembering those visions where her and my dad had been fighting. I wanted to tell her that I had been the catalyst for my whole class, that I was apparently more powerful than her, that Michy had called me an overbaked loaf of bread, but the words seemed to die in my throat.

“I remember ole Mickle Pickle, which is what I used to call her. Don’t let her convince you that turning boys into frogs is a good idea, man your dad might still be mad at me for that one.” I could almost see her smirk.

I also did not want to know what she was talking about and hoped she never explained. I told her about Osiris, and as if I had summoned him, he began to call me as well.

“I won’t hold you any longer Star. I’m glad things are going well. If you ever need me, give me a call. I love you sweetheart. No matter what.” The last of her sentence gave me an ominous feeling, but I told her I loved her and ended the call, calling Osiris back instantly.

“Hey baby girl, where are you? I bought you a muffin and a snickerdoodle, and an egg and cheese biscuit, because real food is pretty important, and I have coffee, and I want to see you.”

I laughed for the first time in a long time. He was talking fast, because odds are, he was driving.

“I figured I’d dust my apartment off so I was sitting here meditating and telling my mom about you.”

“Oh fun. Mind if I drop on in and hear you laugh some more, I’ve missed the sound of it” he said, his voice slower that time.

“Sure, and why you’re at it you should just spend the night. I’ll laugh all night for you.” I said, realizing I was twirling my hair and stopping.

“Oooooooh, someone is saucy tonight.” He laughed. “I’ll bring a bag and head over, but we’ll have to pick up the others before class tomorrow.”

“No problem, we don’t have class until two, anyway.”

“I’ll see you soon.” he said happily.

“Drive safe.”

I hung up the phone and I tried to recenter myself, but my excitement at food and my boyfriend prevented me from really slipping into that trance like state again so I just tidied up the already clean room and crawled onto the bottom bunk. I wanted to just lay down until he got there, but I guess I fell asleep.

When I opened my eyes again, he was there, snoring. I kissed his forehead and it stopped as he sleepily opened his eyes at me. I could tell by the orange tint of the room, that we had slept in pretty late.

“Your breakfast stuff is probably pretty cold by now so if you want, we can get dinner and maybe put in a movie or something, and in the morning, you can have that stuff, except I’ll get you fresh coffee.”

I giggled. I wasn’t sure why I felt so relaxed on that day, it could have been the fact that I was starting to feel hope again. He smiled at me.

“God, I love that laugh.” He kissed me ever so slowly and it made my heart flutter. Kissing him I got little clips of us, happy, sad, and successful. We could have ended up really happy together.

We ended up not going out for food, but he did order us some Chinese and we watched Brother Bear as I sobbed and he fed me crab rangoon. We were up pretty late thanks to our lovely nap, but we had really needed it. I did laugh through a good part of the night, but as it went on, I lost my relaxed self and my shell of worry and guilt returned, until I found myself crying on the bed, with Osiris rubbing my back. His reassurance and care had been the only thing able to keep me leveled and I wasn’t sure how I would have reacted if he hadn’t been there.

He pulled me in his arms as the moon rays beamed into the small room.

“I will always be here, for the good and the bad.”

I nodded, too weak and tired to actually speak.

How I wanted so badly to believe the words he was speaking, but a part of me just couldn’t.