Chapter 12: Terger Eht (The Regret)
Aba clasped her hands together and placed them on the desk before her, leaning forward. The desk creaked as she laid her weight upon it. It was all in her stature, her clothes, the way her hair was clipped back and out of her face, even in her polite but unwelcoming smile: She was in control. And then, she spoke. “I’m sure you understand the fear this event has invoked in our citizens, you lot first hand of course.” Beta, Hershey, and Beelz sat side-by-side in their steel chairs, having stayed put so long the steel had warmed itself through their body temperatures. The three simply stared at her, saying nothing.
The small, enclosed room they sat in was situated in the back of the off-white building down the road from their mansion—office to many Plato citizens titillated by the privilege of being King Lucienne’s chosen to keep Slegna in order. They had been called upon one at a time, all not surprised to see each other there. Yet they all shared a common confusion at the lack of a certain significant member involved.
“The…creatures are at bay, and you all have been treated medically for your brave wounds. For that, I praise you for your valor.” She sighed. “Still, there’s a lot of talk and fear running amuck in Plato now, past the neighborhood and the neighborhoods neighboring ours.” Beta glanced at Hershey who didn’t say a word. He just stared at his hands, a glaze of something else covering his face. Fear, maybe? Pity? Regret? Beta couldn’t tell. Aba continued, her eyes drifting down to the wood. “That is why we’ve decided to keep this under wraps. We’re not going to alert any of the other households, we’ll be concealing the information to anyone and everyone who asks…and that includes you. We won’t be answering any of your questions, which is for your own safety—”
“No, wait—” Beta was ignored.
“And you will not talk to anyone else about what you saw in there. You will not mention it amongst yourselves, you will pretend as if it had never happened.” Aba looked among them. Beelz was awfully distant since the attack, Beta could tell. She didn’t talk anymore.
“Where’s Matrix,” Hershey whispered, finally looking up at her.
Aba hesitated before answering. “He will be returning to the mansion shortly—”
“What?”
“—and everything will go back to normal like nothing even happened…Are we clear?”
The Perna looked back over at Hershey, and he looked even more nervous than he was. Hershey’s hands still shook, and it was then that Beta noticed the chip in one of Hershey’s horns. The Nat stood up abruptly—a haunting look in his golden eyes—and left. Beta looked at Beelz, running Aba down with her eyes. Aba stared back at her with equal annoyance as she kicked the chair over and exited the room. Beta saw something different in her, something powerful.
Or maybe he was just noticing it for the first time.
Beta turned back to Aba. The Tenti smiled with aged eyes, tilting her head to the side. “So, I assume that’s a yes?”
Beta collapsed on his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling.
A shadow hovered over him, but said nothing. Beta could tell that his figment of a mother wanted him to speak for himself, to make up his own mind. “I…” he whispered, but then stopped. “Matrix is back,” he ended up saying. “After all that…he’s just…back. And I bloody know Matrix, okay? I-I know him…and I know he’s mean, and violent, and at times battered but that…thing in the vents was not Matrix, it was someone worse and I just…” Beta let out air through his nostrils, thinking on everything. “…I don’t think I can have him sleeping in here anymore...I don’t think I…”
His mother still said nothing, but floated into Beta’s line of sight again. It sat down at his feet on the bed, causing an imaginary slant. Beta leaned up so now they were both sitting—legs tucked—facing each other. “I’m not like you,” Beta said, staring straight at it.
“Of course,” it said back.
“I don’t know you…and I don’t think I want to…” he continued. Beta shook his head, breaking eye contact briefly.
His mother rolled its eyes and sighed, reaching a hand out. Its pointer finger landed on his chin, turning his head back towards her. “Beta, I need your help.”
“With what?” he whispered back. His mother paused, all comfort leaving its face. “To eradicate the Syncs.”
Beta hit his mother’s hand away from his face and stood up, pacing. “No, the answer is no.”
“Beta—”
“It’s not their fault!” he yelled, pointing accusingly at it. “It’s people like you that make people afraid of things they don’t need to fear!”
And with a flush of anger, his mother was suddenly standing and its hand was coming closer—faster—toward his face. Beta wanted to gasp when the hand connected with his cheek violently, but no air would come out. He knew it was all in his head, but it felt so real. His jaw clenched as he turned back to face it, the side of his face stinging. “You have no idea what they’ve done,” it said, and Beta, for the first time, realized that this voice wasn’t empty after all. His mother sighed, sitting back on the bed and rubbing its temple. “You want to get back in line with the Pernas, correct?” Beta slowly nodded. “Then this is the way to do it. You have the opportunity to become them again. All you are now is a washed up freak in a world you don’t belong and trust me, I’ve been there.”
It paused. “Up here…what have they given you, hm?” When Beta tried to answer, the voice cut him off. “A shared room with a psychopath? A false sense of security? …More death and destruction than you ever had living?” His mother pushed air out of its nose and clasped its hands. “But down there, on Earth, you have a chance to redeem the status you lost from that one, stupid mistake. If you do this…you get everything back.”
Beta rubbed his face and shook his head again. It was true and he knew it. But this went against everything he was told to do…everything that made sense. Yet…
“Tell me how.”
Beta gasped for air, moving abruptly. He was covered in a self-made liquid, sweat glistening. He had felt his mother pulling him to sleep, he just didn’t realize it was so abrupt and for so long. It was night now…
…and Matrix was in the room lying in bed.
The Stak heard him wake up violently, and decided to say something. “Nightmare, was it?” he asked. There was no response. Matrix leaned up a bit in bed. “Beta?” He still didn’t speak. “Look, I know some things, some bad things happened but I…” Matrix stopped when he saw Beta rush into the bathroom, completely ignoring him.
Beta turned on the light, panicking. He felt as if his neck was on fire, trying to engulf the rest of him in the flames. It was only when he looked in the mirror that the burning stopped.
A tattoo on his neck. He pressed lightly on the octagon-shaped burn. Touching the bumps made him wince slightly, but the more he touched it the less it hurt. “No way…” Beta whispered to himself, a smile edging onto his face. “Is it really? Do they really want—?”
“Beta?”
Matrix’s call tore Beta from his trance. “I’ve got to go,” he said.
“What?”
“I said I’ve got to go.”
“Where are you going?”
“Somewhere, anywhere. I’m not exactly sure at the moment,” he responded, leaving the bathroom and heading for his closet. “It’s hazy still.”
Matrix rolled his eyes. “Yeah, helpful. Thanks.”
“The woods, I’m going to the woods.”
“But why?”
Deciding that the conversation was a waste of time, Beta ignored him. He packed some stuff into a bag and walked towards the door, jiggling the knob. He had forgotten that it was locked.
“The door’s locked,” Matrix pointed out, oblivious to how obvious that was.
“Not a problem, mate. I’ll get it open.”
“Beta—”
“Matrix,” Beta through back, turning to him. “Do you feel loved?”
Matrix was taken aback by the question, his eyes shifting. “By who?”
“By anyone,” Beta elaborated. “Have you ever felt loved before? Especially now that you’re here…by anyone?”
“Yes, actually,” Matrix said. “By a lot of people.”
“You sure about that?” the Perna pushed. “Because I have a feeling there’s only one person in your life that actually might love you and hint, it’s not me.” Beta shrugged. “Just seems like you’re taking a lot of hits for a place that has no place in its heart for you…or for me.”
Beta went into the bathroom and ripped the metal towel holder from the wall. Now it was Matrix’s turn to feel shocked. “You and I both know that morning in the vent wasn’t you, nor was it the other Staks who attacked me,” Beta explained as he walked back to the door. “Something is damn wrong with the system here, and I don’t want to go on dying to see something like that happen again.” Beta sighed as he paused by the front door, turning to stare at Matrix full on. Their eyes lit up as they made contact. “And I have a destiny, Matrix. I’ve always had one and this isn’t it. Nature gave me my memories back for a reason. There’s a voice that’s talking to me and it’s telling me where to go! This is the only direction I’ve gotten…and I’m not going to miss out on it…I’m sorry.”
Taking note of the seriousness in Beta’s voice, Matrix nodded solemnly. “Fine.” Matrix looked at the door and Beta heard it click and then open. “Then go.”
Beta took a moment to spare Matrix an apologetic look before yanking the door open and stepping out into the hallway. As he walked farther, the door slammed shut, making him flinch. He was starting to feel regret.
Just because they can’t see your scars doesn’t mean they’re not still there, Beta told himself.
He calmed his nerves and walked toward the stairwell. He stopped when he saw the man in his way, walking forward with a flashlight. “Hey!” he called out in a low voice.
Beta, in one swift motion, swung the towel holder into his temple and the guard collapsed. Beta knelt down, grabbed his flashlight and keys, and charged toward the stairs. Once he got to the bottom of the staircase, he avoided the light spots and ran in the dark toward the front door, straight through the large open space right next to the dining hall.
If only it were that easy.
He reached for the door handle but it wouldn’t budge. Soon after he heard footsteps and whispers following him like shadows.
“I said be quiet,” the voice said and Beta became anxious. He hadn’t planned quite so far. In fact, he hadn’t planned any farther than the towel holder.
Beta held out a hand and tried to get the door to unlock, but it wouldn’t. “Come on, come on,” Beta persisted, shaking his hand violently like that would help. “Why do my powers never work when I need them to!” he hissed.
“Hey! Stop right there!”
Beta did. He froze in place until the two guards reached him. “Where are you going?” the woman asked.
“Outside…where are you going?” His sarcasm pushed through the barrier of his common sense, unable to help himself.
“Don’t try me, newbie. Back to your room,” the man said, nudging Beta the other way. The Perna took a few seconds to move, him and the guard locking eyes, but he decided that it was probably pointless to dispute. He moved slowly still, hoping he could make the guards a little nervous in the process. Still, he knew there was no rush in this process, he could come back another day.
He wouldn’t give up.
But as Beta walked past the guards fully is when they saw it.
The tattoo on his neck.
The two guards didn’t even have to confirm it with each other, the tattoo was confirmation. Guns were pulled abruptly, and before any thought could go into aim, Beta was shot in the leg. Beta’s shoulder jerked forward suddenly and, hands still held innocently in the air, he fell to his knees saying, “That hurt.”
Suddenly, it dawned on him the regret in his decision.
“Where is he!” the man yelled, uncaring of who in the building heard. Still, he looked around the room as if someone was there. “Tell us now or I’ll aim for a more sensitive part of your body!” the gun was then aimed at Beta’s lower region, and the sensitivity of the situation suddenly dawned on him.
Before Beta could respond, the two guards were jerked to the side by some invisible force, violently. Beta flinched as their heads hit the floor, making an awful cracking sound.
Behind Beta, a shadow appeared. For a moment Beta thought it was the voice in his head, and if his heart was still active it definitely would have fluttered.
But it wasn’t, it was just Matrix.
But it would have fluttered anyway.
As he got closer, Beta spoke. “What’re you doing he—?” Beta’s arm snapped upward, the original ache turning into a sensation much like someone trying to rip the hair out of your scalp. Eventually it stopped, leaving a chocolate chip-sized hole in his arm, one that bled. “Ow ow ow,” Beta chanted as Matrix gripped his arm, baffled by the blood.
It was already healing.
“First rule of sneaking out,” Matrix held up the small chip—planted in Beta’s arm from the start—in his left hand and the bullet—planted in his leg—in his right. And in that motion, Beta could see the slit made in Matrix’s own wrist where he had taken out his chip as well. “Don’t be an idiot.”
Beta looked up at him. “So does this mean you’re on board? That you want to follow me on my quest to redemption guided by nature’s gift? Guided by the voice that haunts me?”
Matrix’s facial expression changed when his friend spoke. “I was until that last part.” He paused. “Plus, what you said about the whole love thing wasn’t completely wrong. Once upon a time I had a roommate who said the same thing to me…the only difference was back then I didn’t believe them. So, I guess this is my redemption song.” Matrix shrugged.
Beta allowed himself to smile, even though what he was about to do might get both of them dead for good.
And he didn’t even care.
“But we’re making a pit stop,” Matrix said, his tone turning serious. “Follow me.”
“What?” Hershey muttered, half asleep.
“We need your water guns,” Matrix said, trying to keep Hershey from falling back asleep.
He mumbled, “Why?”
Beta jumped in. “We’re going back to Earth.” At the acknowledgment of Beta’s statement, he pieced it all together, the Nat’s eyes going wide. Before they knew it, the three were out of the mansion and heading to the woods.
“Hershey, you didn’t have to come,” Beta stated, holding the blue and green water gun close to his chest.
He pushed the bag straps farther on his shoulders and shrugged. “I know, but…” Hershey didn’t finish when he sensed Matrix looking at him. He avoided eye contact with him. He wasn’t even sure of what he would have said, but he smiled anyway.
Matrix frowned at that smile, something he had gone so long without feeling began to resurface.
“Don’t take your eyes off of him…”
Matrix swallowed, hoping the terrible feeling would sink too. He couldn’t go the whole self-seeking journey knowing that Hershey followed him out there to do something terrible.
They went past the waterfall, past the lining of territory, and into the real danger. The farther they got, the more sounds they heard. It was mostly the sound of crying and whimpering among the trees. “What the hell is that?” Beta said, looking up at the dark sky and the tree line.
“Ciders. Don’t worry, they won’t bother us,” Matrix said.
“How do you know?”
“Because I’ve been this deep before,” Matrix spoke, stopping. Hershey and Beta stopped as well, looking at him. “Something’s wrong,” Matrix said. Beta turned around briefly to check if any guards were watching, and there was no sign of them. With that safety thought in mind, Beta turned back to his friends.
…only to come face to fist with a Tenti. He fell to the ground hard, nose now stinging. He could see dark spots in the already dark, swamp green sky. When his vision cleared slightly there were many, many figures standing before him. Tenties. One of them walked forward.
It was Juju.
He searched for his friends, but with a quick sweep of the layout, it was clear they were nowhere to be found.
“Sorry Beta, but you’re trespassing in forbidden areas and out past dark. These are both very serious crimes,” she spoke slowly, throwing Beta off with her high-pitched voice. It somehow made the whole ordeal less serious, less dire.
“Didn’t seem so serious when you were doing it, did it?” Beta countered, standing back up hastily.
She ignored his comment. “The penalty for this is death.”
“Then go kill yourself,” Beta pondered that for a second. “Huh. Oh, then I guess you would be in the right here.”
She kept walking forward and smiled at him, leaning down to his eye level. She whispered in his ear, her hot breath pressing against the chills his body made. He could feel her subtle power of manipulation lulling him into an unconscious submission. “It’ll be quick, I promise.” Her hand went up, but what was in it remained unknown.
And then, waiting patiently for what he could only assume would be his body burning in acid, Juju screamed in his ear, triggering his feet to stumble backward.
He opened his eyes to see Juju collapsed on the ground. Her tail had sprung out. Beta, in a swift moment of confusion, looked behind him just as Hershey and Matrix grabbed both of his wrists and pulled him forward.
“Get to the ship!” Matrix said, him, Beta, and Hershey spraying every Tenti that crossed their path. It was childish when Beta thought about it—holding a water gun like it was a real gun, spraying water at merpeople—but then he remembered what kind of backwards world he was living in. They rushed to the ship, dodging the desperate grasps to bring them to their knees.
And there it was, right before them: The ship. There was a clearing where it sat. The trees that were once there had been cut down to make space for it, but the trees in front and behind remained to block it from immediate view.
It wasn’t as big as a normal spaceship, and if Beta was an astrophysicist he would probably have known why. But in reality, all he saw was a tubular thing that shined in the pale grey moonlight, and was waiting for them. If it had an engine, then he was content.
“Awesome,” Hershey breathed. “I think I know this model—”
“Stop talking and get inside.” Matrix typed in a code on the little screen embedded on the outside of the ship. It dinged and the doors slid open. Matrix climbed in first, followed by Beta. Hershey was almost in when something grabbed his leg. He let out a short cry as he was pulled down to the ground.
“Dammit,” Matrix said as he rushed to help Hershey. Juju was grabbing his leg angrily.
“I’m sorry JuJu,” Hershey said before slamming his shoe into the crook of her neck. Her grip loosened and Matrix pushed Hershey into the ship, glancing back down at his old Tenti friend. It was in her eyes; it was that one glance she gave him that revealed the truth. JuJu sneered, holding her bloody nose, and spat, “You owe me for that one Stak—” Before the door sealed shut.
“I don’t obey you higher-up pricks just to get kicked in the face!”
JuJu was still talking through the shut door, and Matrix could barely hear her. He was sweating, afraid the others could hear her too.
“Tell Nwoye I did what I was told, Stak! Hey!”
But when he turned around, he realized they were preoccupied.
There were four seats in the contraption, and because of how it took off the ship was more or less on its ‘side’. The chairs were all tilted up, along with the control panel and the screen. Beta grabbed ahold of the back of one of the seats and pulled himself up, collapsing back down into the seat and buckling in. Matrix pulled up next and helped Hershey get up too. “Wow,” Hershey said, mesmerized by the view of the Plato sky from the machine.
“How do you start this thing?” Beta said, already pushing buttons like nobody’s business. His abs hurt from having to lean up to reach the panel. There was a red light on either side of the ship that flashed every few seconds, but he didn’t know if that meant it was on or if it was ready to self-destruct.
In reality, if he had just taken some time to calm himself down, he would’ve realized that the control panel only had about seven buttons that were conveniently all labeled as well. Plato had made a lot of advancements in its lifespan, and they weren’t rocket scientists. Beta wasn’t sure if Hershey and Matrix were ready for the old world.
“Careful!” Matrix smacked Beta on the head, but it was already too late. The door locked and they were pressed to the backs of their seats like glue as the ship launched into the air. Hershey managed to buckle in before he found himself falling out of his chair. “I can’t believe this is happening,” Beta whispered.
After they surpassed the atmosphere, a physical and metaphorical weight was lifted off of them.
And as they sat silently in their seats, they awaited their past…or rather they’re fast approaching future.