My Vampire Queen

A few hours later, I head down to the kitchen, my growling stomach finally breaking me and pushing me to go get something to eat. My mom thankfully had finished cleaning and moved on to her room to probably put together a jigsaw puzzle. The stairs lead to the front door, and a living room on either side of the staircase, one used to be a large dining room, but now it has two couches, a large recliner, and a very large wall-mounted TV. I go to the opposite living room, to my left, this one has one couch, a fireplace, and a much smaller TV.

There’s a large archway that opens to what would’ve used to be the breakfast nook. Now it’s the dining room with a wooden table that seats 6 people, to the left of that, is the kitchen. It’s much bigger than the one in our old apartment, with counters on both sides, but there’s just enough room for someone to walk past as you’re working at one counter. The sink and fridge are on the right wall, a very large window over the sink, and a pantry and stove sit on the left wall. Our old apartment didn’t even have a working stove, now I have one, along with multiple appliances my uncle has but never uses himself.

Going over to the fridge I get out some leftover breakfast sandwiches. I make these about once a month. Some with biscuits as buns, some with pancakes as buns, then either sausage or bacon with eggs and cheese. I grab one without reading what it is, I don’t care, then I grab a few different containers holding different fruits. Opening the foil pack I put the sandwich in. I place it on a plate and then shove it in the microwave after I make myself a fruit salad and grab a soda while I put the fruits away. Gathering everything I head upstairs, bringing up Jay’s stream I eat and half watching it.

Over the next week, I feel my mood decline even more. Even some nights breaking down and crying, something I don’t do, because I had locked my emotions down a long time ago. I never show my emotions, other than anger, but even then I try to lock myself in my room and stew in my anger. If not I’d snap on my mom or Jay.

This wasn’t my temper flaring up though, this is my depression hitting me hard, even to the point where last night I was trying to think of the quickest way to off myself. As fucked as it sounds, I sometimes think I would be better off just doing it. Maybe there’s a hell or a heaven, maybe we get reincarnated. No one knows for sure.

“Emma!” I can just barely hear my uncle call my name from downstairs, he never calls me down so it has to be the things Jay has sent me. As I get out of bed I thank whatever God there is that the package came while my mom is at work. My uncle couldn’t give a shit about it, but my mom is nosey and sometimes will open the packages herself.

Going downstairs I pull my long hair into a low ponytail because it’s thick and crazy, it tends to get in my face and in my way too easily. Downstairs, the radio in the kitchen is going and I can hear my uncle humming, telling me he’s about to eat lunch. But my packages are on the couch with a black envelope, my name and address written on it in white, in the living room to the left, allowing me to grab them and run upstairs without having to speak to anyone. My mood lightens a little as I put the two boxes on my bed pushing the envelope to the side and look for my box cutter.

There was a site-wide sale, 25% off of everything on one website, and then he found a discount code on another, so he said he went a little crazy. Even though I told him not to go crazy, by the weight of the box, he didn’t listen to me at all. Opening one of the boxes with a satisfying swipe of my box cutter I feel my mood lightening, it’s like opening presents for my birthday, even if it’s a month after. Opening the box I take note that it’s from Kill Star, one of the more expensive clothing brands I had picked out. The company has a super gothic-witchy type of clothing, clothing I love but was never really able to buy because my mom is extremely Christian.

The first clear bag I rip open and hold up my first item of clothing. A pair of black leggings, velvet with a burnt pattern of roses and skulls, a corset tied up in the back from ankle to the back of the knees. I fold them up and set them aside to grab the next item, rip that bag open to hold out a shirt. It’s a crew neck top, with a white lacy collar that reminds me of Wednesday Addams, there are two white buttons, and then an embroidered moon on the left breast. It’s very schoolgirl-like, and I love it. The next bag is a set of stockings, if they fit right the thick lace would sit right at mid-thigh, and the rest is almost sheer black. The next item is wrapped in tissue paper, opening it I find two little bat wing hair clips. The last and final thing is also in a bag, the last bag. Ripping it open I find the jacket that I had fallen in love with, the fabric not too thick, not too thin. It’s all black and looks like a cape, the bottom cut unevenly, with a zip up the front, a moon charm zipper, and black fur lining the hood of it.

I hug the jacket to myself for a moment before I unzip it and put it on, fitting just right. I keep it on as I open the second box, this one smaller and pink. This one is full of makeup and lotions, eyeshadow, highlighter, blush, a set of fake lashes and glue, lip balms, and lipsticks. It’s just a box of a little bit of everything I wanted to try from this brand. I sit on my bed, scooting to the middle so I can pull the box of makeup to me and start unwrapping it from the plastic.

Something pokes my thigh and I look down to see the black envelope, I put down the makeup and grab it. It’s probably a part of the clothing box, the black glossiness of the card, the white letter, and the red wax holding the flip closed looks as it belongs with the witchy goth type of stuff. I pull out a cream-colored card, it looks like an old business card, with only a few words on it. Luna Morningstar Tyet.

I frown at it, flip the card over to find it empty, and flip it back. Maybe it’s some type of weird discount code? But then there are no instructions on how to use it. I would have to Google it later. For now, I shove the card back into the envelope and tuck it under my laptop on my desk. My makeup was put up, I kept a few things out to play with and test out, and the clothes were put into my closet for now. I would have to find some reason to wear the stuff, but I rarely ever had a reason to dress up. Maybe I’d just wear them to the store.

About an hour passed, and I finished messing with the makeup and started playing games by myself, ignoring Jay for now, then ignoring my mom when she got home. I was feeling tired, the days of only sleeping four or five hours catching up to me, just in case I set an alarm on my phone for an hour just before I normally go to work. A heaviness set over me quickly, I had to shut down my game and close my laptop before I fell back onto my bed. Something felt wrong, I never felt like this, like my whole body just decided to shut down.

It felt so wrong, my arms went limp, my chest got heavier making it hard to breathe, and panic set in my head. The panic that I was dying some weird death, that I had gotten what I’d been wishing for. It made me think, did I really want to die? I wasn’t sure. It didn’t seem like my lungs and body were giving me a choice as I couldn’t lift my arms to get my phone. I couldn’t move as I eventually struggled to pull in a ragged breath, and then choked on the air. I felt tears slide down my face as my body screamed for air, my head pounding with panic and fear of the unknown. Black spots start dancing in my eyes, I try to take in a breath of air but can’t. I’m dying, and I’m scared of dying.

Something I wished for for so long was happening and I want to take it back.

My vision blacks out, my whole body burns before I just can’t keep hold, everything goes numb, and I fall into blackness.